Chapter 12: Sharing Isn't Always Caring

Bloodstone

I can't avoid talking to him anymore. I knew eventually I'd have to confront the situation head on. I've never handled conflict well. Maybe that's why I usually avoid it. Except the whole gem thing. That's a good conflict.

Warning in advance; I'm about to get all soul searchy.

Why do I write RPG's? Seriously, tell me why. I hate conflict yet I'm constantly creating strings of them and weaving them together like a spider's web in my mind. I create tons of characters and their tragic backstories. Each has a conflict that they think they can solve through adventure. Then I create conflicts for the adventures themselves. I keep creating completely unrelated ones until I've created an entire universe's worth, then the final step is to shove all these personal and large scale conflicts together and thus my RPG is born.

They're getting darker too. My first one was a fastfood-land adventure, living out my fantasies of gorging myself of Burger King and McDonald's all day. Now evil stepmothers and abusive relationships keep popping up. In my last RPG out of the 100 different characters, 13 had a step parent, 11 were evil, and 8 were stepmothers. I had 6 abusive boyfriends, 4 abusive girlfriends, and 7 cases of child abuse. Most were either depression or anxiety stories as well.

Why am I thinking these things? My life is pretty good, no complaints here.

I mean I guess I would like it if my mom didn't hate me. She rarely speaks to me and when she does it's to scold me. I've never understood our relationship. She's always so nice to my brother but she treats me like I'm trash. My dad and brother make up for it though.

And I'd like to not have to keep my relationship with Pearl a secret. Although I am very happy with her. We've been hanging out almost everyday that I don't have training and we call/facetime each other every night before bed. It sounds so cheesy, but I love hearing her voice. Amber might know now but that doesn't mean I'm ready for everyone to find out. The more people that know the more chances Moonstone finds out. If that happens we're vegetables on a kabob, we're skewered.

Get it, cause kabobs are veggies on a skewer and we'd be screwed?

Moving on from that… I love the summer. I know it's only the fourth day but I can't stop smiling. This is what I live for, being free to do whatever I want. We have plans to meet up almost everyday, and I have plans with Pearl on all the days we aren't training. Amber and, surprisingly, Amy are obviously upset Sapphire can't join us but since I don't know her too well I'm not as affected. I mean, it will be hard if we run into any fights without her guidance but we have to learn how to fight without her.

I'm stalling. I know I'm stalling, I wasted all of yesterday doing nothing because I wasn't ready to talk about it, especially after being outed by Amber for my relationship. I really don't want to talk to Jet.

Oh, I guess I should explain the tension between us.

It started friday when we merged. Apparently when you merge this whole, memory transfer thingy happens. To make a long story short, my brain started being fed his memories, one at a time at a fast speed. It may have been fast but it wasn't instantaneous. I can tell that I haven't seen all of his memories. I know that while his memories invaded my mind mine invaded his. I know he got the Pearl one because he thought something into Fire Black Crystal's mind.

But none of that's the problem, except maybe the Pearl thing. The problem was one particular memory I saw that still scares me.

Actually, 5 memories.

The first took place last Saturday, not quite a week before our merger. He was kissing Jonathan. Jet slept over, as had been the plan.

Then there was a similar situation on Sunday in the morning. They hung out again on Monday, making out before our game of Volleyball. That's where he disappeared to. There was also Wednesday at boy scouts and finally Friday, a text conversation. They planned to meet up tonight and have another sleepover.

At the same time I can tell all of this is breaking him. I knew something was wrong before but I didn't want to pester him. Now I know it's mandatory that we talk.

And I know that he found out about Pearl. And then Amber did yesterday… I need to talk to him about that, make sure he won't tell. I shouldn't have stalled this much already. I'm calling him. He picks up right away, he's just as anxious to talk to me as I am him.

"Hey, Bloodstone," he says.

"Hey. We need to talk, but you know that." I decide to be blunt.

"Yeah. Maybe can we not have this conversation over the phone?"

"Yeah. Meet me at the tree house in 15."

"The tree house? Really?"

"Yes."

"I can't come now, I'm busy."

"Jet…"

"I am a very busy teenager!"

"Jet…"

"Ok, fine. Be there in 20." I understand that to mean he's not home. Otherwise he'd be there in 10.

I guess I should explain the tree house.

When Jet and I were like, 8, we used to hang out in Balrey park all the time. Jet had that little clearing he'd always go to, and we used to hang out there, but then one day we saw some teenagers there and decided to find someplace else. So logically, we put our nerdy skills to work and built a treehouse in the middle of the woods. It's pretty small for us now, but back then it was perfect. We promised never to tell anyone about it, and we've kept that promise to this day. I know he didn't tell Jonathan, at least I can give him credit for that.

He's late by two minutes and I decide not to pry. He looks guilty as heck.

"Hey…" Jet says nervously.

"Do you wanna go first, or should I?"

"You, definitely you."

"Alright, but you're only delaying the inevitable," I warn him. I lean against the wall of the tree house, my head nearly touching the roof.

"I know," he says, resigned.

"So... you know about Pearl."

"Yeah. How did that happen?" I know he'd complain if I didn't have dirt on him.

"Remember when we went to get ice cream, and Pearl was there, and I went to talk to her?"

"Yeah."

"I may have impulsively asked her out."

"Good for you. Honestly, you never take chances. If she made you impulsive then I'll have to approve." He means it.

"She's like, totally perfect for me too. We like all the same things, we're both awesome- the only problem is that Moonstone would totally kill her if she found out."

"Literally or Metaphorically? And what about Amber?" I give him a look. He turns away.

"I'm going to take that in a different context than you probably intended. Amber knows about me and Pearl, and she approves."

"Oh. Good for you."

"Now it's your turn. You and Jonathan? Seriously?"

"Why don't you tell me more about Pearl instead? That sounds like a better topic," he says desperately.

"Stop stalling. Seriously. Why are you being such a jerk? I know you had a thing for Jonathan but he totally rejected you and he was dating Amber and I know you don't like her anymore but seriously she's still our friend and you're a total jerk."

"I know." I see a tear form in his eye. Jet doesn't cry. In fact, I've never seen it happen. Even when he broke his leg when he was little, even when he was bullied. All my life he's taken insults and brushed them right off. That's why, when I see that tear, I know I went too far, but at the same time I'm glad I went there.

"If you know, then why did you do it?" I ask.

"Can I just show you? It'll be easier that way."

"What do you mean?"

"If we merge again I can show you what happened. I don't think I could get through saying it all."

"I've seen more than enough already."

"Then let me tell you, In Fire Black Crystal's head. Then all I have to do is think it."

"You're not going to let me say no, are you." It's not a question.

"I can't tell you, it's too hard."

"Fine. Let's just get this over with." He looks hurt at my blunt words, but at the same time, relieved.

Neither of us are at all good at dancing. In fact, I'm probably the worst dancer in the entire school. But ritualistic chanting and cringey, memeified moves? That I can do.

We go to the (fortunately empty) clearing, that same secret place we've been to before. Neither of us bother putting on music, and we start dancing in circles, randomly chanting and generally being cringey. Neither of us care.

Merging is weird. Difficult, too. Especially when we both have so many weird emotions going on. But having done it once before, it's not quite as hard to merge again.

Fire Black Crystal is strange. I'm a strange being. Given free reign, I'd probably cause a lot of destruction. Like, way too much. And I'd know it, I would know it was too much. I'd do it anyway. Bloodstone blames this on Jet. Jet knows it's not all him. Maybe he can use that to make Bloodstone listen because now, I exist for a purpose, and that purpose is for Jet to help Bloodstone understand.

First lets get two thing straight, no part of me thinks this is right. Jet is ashamed, that Bloodstone can see, but he can't understand why Jet still does this. Jet begins to think, letting it all pour out.

I love him. It's not just a crush and it's not like what I had with Moonstone or anything like what I felt for Amber. I felt it at camp too, stronger than anything I'd ever known before. But then he broke my heart because he was seeing someone. I admired the fact that he told me, that he wasn't willing to cheat. I guess that's gone.

When he came here, to our school, I felt it all again, just as strong, but I pushed it away. I already liked Amber at that point and didn't want to think about him. I never asked if he was still dating that girl, I didn't bother. I didn't want him to break me again. So I fought with you instead. It was easier. But then, when he told me over League of Legends that he was dating Amber, and he talked about their kiss… it hurt. It hurt so much. It wasn't just that Amber had taken the easy way out, or that she was just using him… it was that someone I admired so deeply could see what I saw in someone. And then it hurt more that it wasn't me. That's when he broke my heart the second time.

I didn't want to tell him. He was never going to know. But the feeling consumed me, and after all of this gem stuff, being fearless and confident… it made me impulsive. Like when you asked out Pearl. I'm ashamed to admit it. I know it's wrong, he knows it too. Everytime we meet we say this is the last time, that our plans for later are just to hang out, to prove we can be just friends. It never ends that way. It's only been a week but still… I know that it's a lie, I know we won't be just friends. I think he knows too. I meet him anyway. There's one thing I know he doesn't know. How much it hurts me. How now, my heart breaks everyday. It's cheesy. It's true. It hurts so much. At the beginning he told me we needed to stop and it broke each time. Now he tells me that he'll leave her and we can be together and I tell him no and it breaks.

Why did you tell him no? Just so you can make things worse? So you can hurt Amber more? Make the end that much worse for her? You claim to be her friend! I can't do this, I can't hear it!

I am torn apart.

Jet

"You're disgusting." Bloodstone says to me- and then he sees me. We were thrown apart, but after seeing me he begins to close the distance.

"Jet? Are you ok?" His voice cracks, he's scared.

I'm scaring him. I'm curled up in a ball, shivering , crying, screaming. I can't stop.

"I know!" I say between wails. "I had m-my sh-sh-shot and I-I b-blew it!"

"Stop crying!"

"It's m-my fault! I didn't want to-to hurt her. Th-th-th-that's why I said what I said. I-I said 'no, this is our-our problem and we n-need to end it!' I knew we weren't going to! I just couldn't face the way she'd look at me once she knew what I did! Once they broke up and then she found out about us! She'd put two and two together! I needed to protect myself! I broke my heart! I told him to be with her while he's with me! I told him to break me! I-I… I'm broken." I let out a blood curdling scream at my confession. I could barely admit to myself what I knew to be true. I can't handle the guilt. I know it needs to stop. But I know I'll never have the strength to end it.

I know he'd leave her.

I don't want him to. I don't want him to resent me. I don't want her to know.

I don't want to ruin my life.

Too late, I already have.

"Geez man…" Bloodstone shakes his head. "Your life is seriously messed up. But hey, that's the way of the teenager."

"Thanks a lot!" I say and push him away from me. I struggle to stand. As I try to walk away I reach my arm up to wipe my tears away so I can see, and I realize my sleeve is completely soaked, like I just went swimming. I curse under my breath and breakdown crying again. I want to stop, I'm trying to stop, but it's all too much, admitting to everything. And it's all my fault.

"Look, dude, I won't lie, you messed up…"

"Ya' think?!"

"But, there's a but, but you can't go back in time…"
"How is that supposed to help?!"

"SO now you have some decisions to make. Look, you can't go back so let's think about the future."

"That's the problem, there's no good choice, either way someone loses."

"You have two options, tell Jonathan to break up with Amber or end whatever is going on between you two."

"I've been trying!"

"Then let me aide you. If you don't make a decision and tell me about it in the next 2 weeks I'll tell Amber. Believe me I'll do it."

"Bloodstone!"

"And I'll know if you're lying. Think about your choice."

"Amber's leaving for Empire City next Saturday!"
"Then I guess you only really have 13 days."

"Please don't!"

"I'm trying to help you here."

"I know."

"Then you know I'm right. And I know you'll do the right thing." I nod knowingly.

"I have to go now," I tell him. I don't need to but I can't stand this anymore.

"I understand. I'll see you tomorrow for training?"

"Yeah. Training without Sapphire. That will be hard."

"Yeah." We walk away.

There is no decision to be made. I know what I have to do. And I know that it'll probably be next friday when I make it. Basically the last second.

Next Tuesday, 4 days before Amber leaves:

I knock on his door. I know what I have to do but I'm not ready. I can't wait until Friday. It's not fair to Amber that I've waited this long. We've hung out too many times in the last 9 days. I can't take the guilt or the pain. It has to end. It has to be over now.

I can't do this.

I have to.

"Jet!" As he opens the door to let me in his smile lights up the entire neighborhood. Quickly it fades as he realizes I'm not happy.

"Is something wrong? Does she know?" He asks me, worried.

"When is she coming?" I ask.

"She'll be here in twenty. I can tell her not to if you want."

"No, I'll be quick." It's better really that I have a time constraint. I need to get what I have to say out fast with no hesitations. I step inside and we go to his room. It's second nature by now, I've memorized his house's layout as if it were my own.

"I love you, Jonathan. You know that right?" I ask halfheartedly when he closes the door.

"Yes of course. And you know I love you too, right?" I nod. It may be the first time we've actually said it but neither of us is surprised. It's not the big moment I pictured my first "I love you" to be. It's sad as I know what's next and I think he does too.

"Jonathan… I can't keep doing this anymore."

"What do you mean? Do you need me to break up with Amber?"

"No." He blinks, surprised. "I don't want to hurt her anymore than I already have."

"But… why? Why now?" He looks like he's about to cry.

"I had to make a choice," I say, though I know he won't be satisfied with that answer. Before he can press for information, I say, "If I don't do something, Bloodstone will tell Amber."

"Bloodstone? You told him?"

"No, he found out by accident," I say. I really don't want to explain merging right now…

"Jet, I'll leave her! I swear I'd rather do that! Please, why did you choose this?" He's crying now.

"Because it's wrong. We never should've been together in the first place. I can't do that to her, it's not fair."

"I'll leave her anyway, with or without you. As soon as she gets here I'm ending things,whether we're together or not."

"No, I don't want that. Give it a good shot you two. You make a great couple. Maybe if things don't work out we can grab Burger King some day." I'm crying now too. I don't like crying. The last time I cried before 9 days ago was when I was a baby.

"Please, Jet, don't do this. I love you, not her. The only reason I stayed with her was because you wanted me to." I almost laugh. I think he liked having both of us. I'm not mad though. The rest of what he says is sincere and he's not trying to lie.

"It's not right. You liked her enough to ask her out. You can be there again. Start over with her. Just don't tell her that."

"Please!"

"I'm sorry." I hold him in my arms while he cries, whispering "I love you" and similar things. I tell him the same. I know I made the right choice as painful as it is. He knows I did right too. He just doesn't want to believe it.

"One last time?" He begs and I know that the answer will be yes. My two weeks aren't technically up yet.

"Fine. One last time."

He kisses me, and for a moment, the world melts away. Then I kiss him back. Then again and again.

"I have to go," I say.

"Goodbye," he cries and kisses me one last time. We linger.

"Hey, Jonathan! I thought I'd come surprise you, I got us-" Amber stops in the doorway, and I hurriedly push Jonathan away. She just stands there, shocked looking at us, and my cheeks are bright red. Tears form in her eyes, and the paper bag she was holding drops to the ground. In that instant, three hearts shatter.

Author's note: Ah, cliffhangers. The epitome of great writing (not that this is great writing). Well, what do you think? Did we fool you into actually thinking things would be resolved peacefully? Oh no, noooooo, that would be easy! Stay tuned for the next chapter, To Catch a Cheetah, in which Amber gets very, very mad.

Also, special guest appearance by… (drumroll) a literal corrupted gem cheetah!

Quick reminder, we won't post again until the week after next week because of NaNoWriMo. See you in two weeks!