CPOV
Anastasia had left Seattle yesterday, picked up by a man that I presume was her Dad. I had seen them leave while I was on my morning run with Taylor. The fact that I had completely gone off our usual course was not lost on him.
We had exchanged numbers and spent a little more time talking before I left her hotel room that night. I was happy when she called me once she had arrived home, just like I had asked. Anastasia sounded so tired though, so our conversation was short.
When Taylor had sent me a message to let me know that Anastasia was in my building, I was in the middle of a meeting. All I said to Ros was she was here before rushing from the room. It took me a few seconds to pull my eyes away from her face to look to her now rounded stomach. She didn't look terrified like she once had, she looked determined, protective and strong.
My mind has been everywhere since I had seen Anastasia again, then again, I think it has been everywhere since this whole thing began. I don't regret trying to help my brother, I would do anything for him. With regards to me being a donor now though, that chance is over.
The clinic originally stated that they had enough of my sperm for three tries. That is no longer the case as any that remained, have now been destroyed. I can't take the chance of it going wrong again, although I don't regret that it did. With regards to Kate though, she is the last person who I want to impregnate with my sperm.
I told Elliot what I was going to do, and he supported me fully. Kate, she will find out soon enough.
"Mr Grey, will you be attending dinner with your family today," Taylor asked from my home office door.
"Yes," I told him.
I loved dinner with my family as long as Kate is not there. Unfortunately, today she will be and to say she's going to be upset when I tell her of my decision, angry even, is an understatement. I didn't want Elliot to tell her, it was my decision, so her anger can be aimed at me.
"Make sure the car is ready for a quick getaway," I told him, and he knew I wasn't joking. If she started, I would leave.
"I will do sir," he said before leaving me alone.
I picked my coffee up from my desk, looking at my phone. I had told Anastasia to call me if she needed anything, but it didn't ring. She was going to raise our children on her own to start with, so she's not going to be calling for the slightest thing.
Looking at the photos that lay on my desk, I put my coffee cup down and picked them up. It was my children, growing well by the difference in how much they had grown between each scan.
I had children, two of them and even though they're not here yet, I do feel protective over them. Anastasia is right, I do feel like a parent.
…
Taylor drove me to my parent's house, as I worked on my phone. It took my mind off the afternoon that I knew lay ahead.
Arriving at their home, I got out of the car before making my way inside once Gretchen had answered the door.
"Hello son," my mother said, pulling me into her arms.
We hadn't even gotten out of the hallway, but my mother's hug was welcome.
"Hi mum, are you ok," I asked as we walked down the hall.
"I am, are you."
I nodded before we made our way into the living room where everyone else was sat. No one knew that I had found Anastasia, but they soon would.
"Christian" Mia said, jumping up to hug me, stopping whatever Kate was about to say.
"Hey little sis, how's work."
"Busy as always, just the way I like it" she smiled, retaking her seat.
My little sister the doctor, who would've thought, when all she wanted to do as a teen was shop. She grew up, following in mum's footsteps and has never looked back.
"Christian we have news" Kate finally said, once I had said hello to my family and took a seat.
"What is it Kate," I asked, giving her the attention that she desperately wanted.
"Kate, I told you no" Elliot said, before she continued to speak, ignoring what my brother had to say. That pissed me off and I knew it did Mia too.
"Elliot please," she said, before turning to me. "Elliot and I want to try again, use the rest of your donation."
"Really," I asked, turning to Elliot who was shaking his head.
"Kate, I told you what Christian said. It's time to respect his wishes so leave it."
"It's our only chance Elliot, don't you want to be a father."
"Of course I do, but there are other options. Ones you had been keen to go down in the past."
"I'm sorry Kate, I told Elliot how I felt, and he fully agreed."
"But.. but you wouldn't have to do anything. The donation is still there."
"No, it isn't. I had it destroyed."
"What, why would you do that," she asked, getting to her feet and If I'm not mistaken, there was a stamp of her foot in there too.
"Because it was what I wanted to do, and it was my choice."
"How selfish can you be" she spat at me, as I now stood.
"Don't speak to my brother like that" Elliot said, turning on his wife. "If it wasn't for Christian we wouldn't have even had the chances we had. It didn't work so we find other options."
"I don't want other options, the perfect ones were there, and he took them away. This is all because some bitch got pregnant instead and ran off with his child."
That pissed me off, I was seething even, that she would describe Anastasia that way. Anastasia was kind, she had to be to give me the chance to be a part of their lives.
"Kate if you cannot speak nicely to my children, then I will ask you to leave. You do nothing but belittle my son all the time. If you want to know selfish then I would take a long hard look in the mirror" my mother told her.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her to me. I could feel my mum shaking and I wanted her to calm down.
"I don't care what you call me Kate, I don't care how much you hate me at this moment but don't ever call the mother of my children a bitch."
The room quietened at my words and it was my mum who broke the silence.
"You found her," she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"I have, or she found me," I said, looking into my mum's tear-filled eyes.
Kate had thankfully sat down again, quiet for once.
"Where, how," Mia asked as we all took a seat once more.
"We found the person who had picked her up from the hospital, he was her best friend."
"He," Kate said with such disdain.
"Yes, Kate he."
"Was she with him" my dad asked.
"No, her friend was in Portland and thankfully passed on my information to her. She arrived back in Seattle on Thursday and came to GEH on Friday."
"She has obviously realised how rich you are," Kate said, a smug look on her face as if I had been stuck with a gold digger.
"Kate shut up," Elliot said, losing patience with his wife.
"You obviously spoke to her, what did you decide," my mum asked, smiling to me as if she already knew the answer.
"That I wanted to be a part of their lives," I told her, pulling the scan photos of my children from my pocket and passed them to her.
"Oh my" my mum, said brushing her tears away. I know she was going to say two, but Elliot beat her to it.
"Children, you said children not child" Elliot said, a large smile on his face.
"Yes, two."
"No, that's not fair."
"Life's not fair Kate, my brother knows that," I said, just wanting her to shut up.
"What's her name," Mia asked me, taking the photos from my mum and keeping them far away from Kate.
"Anastasia, Anastasia Steele."
"What, WHAT" Mia shouted, standing to her feet now, and handing me the photos back. "The mother of your children is Anastasia Steele."
"Yes, what's wrong with that. Mia, MIA" I called after her as she ran from the room.
She was back within a minute, an excited look on her face and a book in her hand.
"This is Ana Steele," she said, opening the book before passing it to me. It was opened at the back of the book, so the author's picture was in view.
It was her, my Anastasia, not mine really but... The woman who wrote this book was the same woman who was carrying my children.
I looked up to Mia who was practically bouncing, before looking down to it again. In the photo, she was smiling although it looked like she had been told to pose. This photo was nothing to how beautiful she was in the flesh.
I'm not blind. No matter how much her stomach and our children distracted me, I couldn't deny that the mother of my children was incredibly beautiful. I had been attracted to Anastasia when I had first seen her although Kate embarrassed us both when she opened her mouth. That attraction was still there when I was on my knees before her in the hotel room but anything more than what we are at the moment, co-parents to our growing children, could complicate all that.
"Yes, this is her, although I didn't know she wrote books."
"Oh my god Christian, Ana Steele is one of the best authors there is. Every book she has brought out has hit the number one spot on the New York Times bestsellers list" she gushed before quietening and turning to our mum. "I know why she went through the IVF."
"What! what do you mean."
"Did she not tell you."
"No, we only spoke briefly Friday night and yesterday as she let me know that she was home. Her job nor anything else has been brought up so far."
"It's public knowledge so, you could've found out this by yourself… Ok, you know why I wanted to become a doctor" she asked.
"Yes," I said, looking at Elliot who was watching Kate's retreating form as she left the room.
"Ana Steele wrote her first book when she was eleven years old. It was a book unlike any she has written since, but it was one that has helped so many. Her book was about a child who had cancer and in it, she described every process that child went through in terms a child could understand. No terrifying big words like a doctor would speak, this was her journey, her survival, Ana's. Every hospital in the country has that book and I can only imagine how many children have read it and not been afraid of what lies ahead because it helped them understand the journey they faced too."
"Anastasia, she had cancer as a child."
"Like me," Elliot said quietly as Mia nodded.
"I understand what Dr Greene meant now about us not knowing her story, just like she didn't know ours. Both of the stories are similar in why that procedure was needed."
"What happens now then" Kate spat coming back into the room.
"What do you mean," I asked, not liking her tone at all.
She had obviously not gotten the attention she desperately wanted as we all spoke, so making her dramatic entrance had the focus on her once more.
"Well, you're going to be playing happy families with children that should've been mine. How do you think your brother feels about that, what about me?"
"This has all been about you hasn't it Kate," Mia said before I could, as I stood, knowing this could turn ugly very quickly. "You married my brother knowing full well about his childhood cancer and despite finding other options like you originally discussed, you punish him every day. Elliot has done nothing wrong, he's an amazing man just like Christian, both who tried to do everything for you. You tried the IVF twice and it didn't work, but do you know what, that's on you not him."
"Mia," I said, wrapping my arm around her as I could tell she was getting upset. We may be adopted but we're incredibly close and our little sister will go to war with anyone who upsets either of us.
"No Christian, she needs to be told. You blame him, but I would bet every penny I had that the problem lies with you" she spat at Kate, giving her some of the anger she projects daily at us, back.
"I was tested," Kate said, getting defensively.
"Really because none of us saw any test results."
"I wouldn't show you. Elliot saw them, didn't you."
He was shaking his head, her mouth opening in shock that he wouldn't back up what she said.
"I was at a meeting across town the day you got the results. You told me over the phone, but I never saw the paperwork."
"Elliot, I'm your wife. You're supposed to be on my side."
"I'm tired Kate, I really am. I'm tired of all the arguments, all the bitching. The way you've been recently, I wouldn't be surprised if you told everyone that it was yours and Christians baby and not mine if the IVF would have worked because you certainly show no love to me."
"It would've been his," she said, putting her hand to her mouth when she realised just what she had said.
At those words it wasn't Mia who got to Kate, it was my mother who's slap echoed around the room.
"Get out of my home," she said, gripping the sleeve of Kate's dress and dragging her from the room. "Get out and never come back. I don't want your poison around here. Stay away from my children" mum cried as she pushed her out of the front door and down onto the step.
"And stay away from mine or you will regret it," I told her, about to slam the door when Elliot quickly walked through and passed us all.
"Elliot, El" I called after him, but he got into his car and took off.
"Shit, mum I love you. I will speak to you soon."
I kissed my mother's cheek, ignoring the crying woman on the floor, before running to the car where Taylor took off after my brother.
"Do you know where he would go?" Taylor asked me when we got to the end of my parent's street and either way, Elliot was nowhere to be found.
"My grandparents, the orchard though," I told him, hoping to god I was right.
My grandparent's apple orchard was a place Elliot and I spent a lot of time when we were younger. It was really the only place out of our home that he could go and spend some time outside without running into others for fear of him catching something.
Elliot was eight when he got sick. My big brother, my protector, he was there every day from the moment our parents brought me home. He was the first one who I let touch me, the one who offered me his hand when I was scared and if someone had asked me what I wanted to be like when I grew up, it would be big and strong just like him.
Cancer is cruel, wicked and it doesn't care who it hurts. It robbed my brother of that strength for a little while, but he proved how strong he could be by fighting back. He fought so hard and for being healthy and here now, he paid a terrible price, the chance to become a father. Seeing how Elliot once was and knowing that Anastasia had faced the same fate too, makes you realise how cruel life can be.
"Sir his car is here," Taylor said, parking behind my brothers.
"Stay here, please. If she turns, get rid of her."
I made my way through the apple trees and to the little shed at the bottom. Our grandfather told our grandmother this was essential for the orchard to be here, but I know it's just his little escape and ours too.
I could see the door ajar, I could hear my brothers cries as I approached, growing louder as I opened the door. Elliot was sat on our grandfather's chair, bent over and sobbing into his hands.
"Elliot" I whispered approaching him, but he heard me as I was soon looking into his tear-filled eyes. I pulled him up, so he was standing as he continued to cry in my arms.
I held my brother as he cried, letting all the tears flow that I know he has held in for so long. I never thought a person could be so horrible, but Kate is. She's evil and spoilt. Elliot deserves better, so much better.
"I can't do it, Christian, I can't do it any more. I've had enough" he said as I let him go and he retook his seat.
"I know, you can't keep going on like this. I know you love her."
"Do I, after what she said."
"Ok, love, loved I can't tell you how to feel but you have done everything for that woman and what has she done for you, nothing. You deserve so much Elliot, so much more than she can ever give you."
"I asked dad to start the paperwork."
"What."
"I asked him to start the process, to let her go."
"It's you who needs to be let go, not her. You have been married only a few years and, in that time, you've changed. My happy go lucky brother is being smothered by her anger and her greed."
"I don't think she even wants a child Christian, she wants an accessory to show her friends. Mia was right, and Kate confirmed it herself. She wanted your child, not mine."
"The baby would've been yours no matter what she said."
"And I would've loved it as mine, just as much as I'm going to love being the best uncle to yours. Can I look, at the pictures you shown mum" he asked.
I pulled them from my pocket, handing them to my brother. I was scared this would be too much for him, but he looked at me smiling. "They're beautiful Christian, you're going to have your hands full."
"I know, but I don't mind."
He smiled, before wiping his nose on his sleeve, just like he did as a kid.
"You left a snail trail bro, you know how much mum hated cleaning them," I told him, hearing him laugh for the first time today.
"I've left a few of them recently, although no one has seen them but me."
"Come home with me, stay at Escala for a while. Relax, shoot some pool and drink a lot of beer. Or better yet, we can grab the camping gear and head to the lake. The fourth is in a few days, we can watch the fireworks from there."
"You know the cell reception is shit up there, what if this Anastasia calls."
"I will give Taylor my phone, he can come and find us if we're needed."
"Ok, I can't go back there tonight. She will just ignore everything that has happened, and it will all start up again."
"It will only start again if you let it, besides I think she will be feeling mums slap for a while. I know you have been trying to make her happy but it's time to make you happy now Elliot."
…..
Elliot came back to mine, turning his phone off on the way once he had spoken to our parents to let them know where he was. I drove his car back while Taylor followed behind.
Elliot actually asked Taylor if he could get him a new number, wanting the old one to stay in Seattle when we left.
We were just packing our camping gear into the car when my phone rang. I couldn't hide the smile on my face when I saw who it was.
"Anastasia."
"Hi Christian, am I disturbing you," she asked.
"No, I'm just packing the car to go camping for a few days with my brother."
"Oh, ok" she sighed.
"Is everything ok?" I asked.
"Yes, everything is fine. My doctor has called and asked me to go in on the fifth, so he can check the babies and me over as the last time I saw him, I had a flat stomach. I don't know if any scans will be done as I only had one the day before I came back, but you said you wanted to attend the rest of my appointments."
"I do."
"Whatever she's asking you to do, do it," Elliot said, looking at the torn look on my face.
My brother needed me, but I wanted to be there for Anastasia also.
"What time is your appointment."
"Eleven. Look if you're busy, it's fine."
"No, no, I want to be there, and I will find a way to be there on time somehow. I need to be with my brother also."
"The one you were supposed to be a donor for."
"Yes, everything is just chaos at the moment and I need to get him away."
"I understand, I will let you get back to him. Call me if you can't make the appointment."
"I will be there Anastasia, don't worry. Oh, by the way, my sister is your biggest fan."
"She is."
"Yes, I'm surprised she hasn't asked me for your autograph."
"I'm sure that can be arranged, or she can have my new book if I ever finish it" she laughed.
"I will let you get back to your writing Ana Steele."
"You can call me Ana too if you like, all my friends and family do."
"I'd like that. Goodbye Ana" I said, hearing her goodbye before the call ended.
"I didn't see Mia's book, but I think I need to google this author to see what she looks like if one conversation can bring a smile like that to your face."
"Get the car packed up and stop slacking" I laughed
We finished packing the car up and despite what was happening with my family at the moment, spending those few minutes speaking to Ana, did bring a smile to my face. It stayed there for a while also when we got into the car.
"Alright where are we going," he asked me.
"I thought I would let you decide. I know we said the lake, but we have been camping over most of this state so choose your favourite spot and we will go."
"And if they're full up? it is coming up to the fourth."
"They won't be, choose."
"What did you speak to Anastasia about, that had you worried."
"When we spoke in the hotel, we talked about her future doctor's appointments and that I wanted to be there for them. Thankfully she agreed, and she was calling to let me know she had one on the fifth."
"You're going, aren't you."
"Yes, I want to be there. I will travel there from wherever we end up."
"Kill two birds with one stone then, find somewhere to camp which is on the way to wherever she is."
"Montesano."
He pulled out his new phone, leaving his other one behind. He was going to just change his number but decided to change everything instead.
"If we head towards Lake Sylvia, we can camp somewhere around there."
"The campsites will be busy, we won't get any peace," I told him.
"I don't want peace, I've been quiet long enough. I want some fun" he smiled but I knew what my brother was like, he would need peace and quiet before long.
I sent a message to Andrea, asking her to book us a campsite, cabin, anything around there before we started the car and headed out of the city.
"Tent or cabin," I asked Elliot as we stopped for some gas.
"You had Andrea find us a place" he laughed. "No just turning up."
"And find ourselves in the worst place, no thanks. Do you want to stay in a tent or a cabin?"
"We have the tent and sleeping bags but will need to find a site for bathrooms, cooking, the usual stuff. A cabin will have everything we need, and I suppose we can still use the sleeping bags and pretend its canvas and not wood above our heads."
I called Andrea who immediately picked up.
"Can you book us the cabin please and send the address."
"I will do sir," she said before I ended the call.
…
The cabin was modest but had everything we needed, even Wi-Fi. We came here to relax not work so I have no desire to use that.
"One bedroom, it has a double and bunks."
"Take whatever you want, just not the top bunk" I laughed thinking of the last time he was on a bunk, bouncing on the top before he was soon on the one below.
"Don't worry, I will be safe. I'll take the bunks" he smiled.
…
It was good to get him away and although he seemed to be having fun, I could see the sadness in his eyes. He had his quiet moments like the one he was having now as he sat on the jetty, his feet dangling into the cool water below.
"Beer," I said, approaching him as I sat by his side.
"Thanks, bro."
"Talk to me, Elliot. I know you've been doing a lot of thinking but you're not on your own, talk to me."
"Did you know that Kate turned me down when I first asked her out."
"What."
"Yes, she was out with her friends at a cocktail bar, not far from The Bridge. I had been working on site all day and I know, although I didn't look scruffy, I also didn't look my best. She was sat outside of the bar with her friends, obviously enjoying their night out when I picked up her purse that she dropped. She smiled, thanking me before one of her catty friends said something like she would have to wash her purse now that I had touched it. Kate told her friend to shut up and I asked her if she would like to go for a drink. That's when her friends laughed, and she sat back down, basically dismissing me. She found me about an hour later at The Bridge. She apologised, telling me that she had ditched her friends and asked if that drink was still on offer."
"It must have been a good drink as it wasn't long after you met, that you asked her to marry you."
"Did I though."
"What do you mean," I asked him.
"I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking things."
"El, you've never done that in your life. Talk to me, what's on our mind."
"That night in The Bridge, the day I met Kate, it was like she knew who I was, a Grey anyway. I don't know how maybe one of her friends told her. One did seem familiar like I had seen her on the job so maybe my company did some work for her before. When I introduced myself as Elliot Grey, for a second her face dropped as if she was disappointed that I was not you. I brushed it aside back then, thinking I had imagined it as the rest of the night went well and I made sure she got back home safely. She knew everything about my cancer, knew my chance of fathering a child was nil but she said it didn't bother her. She obviously had other plans, you."
"I'm sorry Elliot, I had no idea. She knows I don't like her, I've made it obvious often enough."
"I know. Getting pregnant with your sperm, I have no doubt now that is what she wanted. Has that been her plan all along? Yes, I would've classed the baby as my own but would've she, the answer to that is no. All these little niggling things that I have pushed aside over the years, all the times I have wanted to say something but haven't for fear of upsetting her. Yes, I did ask her to marry me, I was happy that I had found someone who wanted to be with me, love me, despite what happened in my childhood and I thought she was the one. I asked Kate to marry me, the one whose purse I picked up, I suppose even the one who was in the bar that night. The Kate I married is a different woman altogether. It's all lies Christian; our whole relationship has been one big lie."
"I wish I could do something."
"You have, I'm here and although I've been a miserable bastard while we've been here, it's given me time, space to think and clear my head. I'm going to get dad to serve her with the papers. It's time for me to make the decisions about what happens in our marriage and I am, I want out."
"What will she get," I asked him.
"Not a lot. One million for each year we have been married unless she's the cause of the breakdown. I think we can all agree that she is the cause and she can't blame the lack of children on me as she knew the circumstances beforehand. She can have the house and everything in it. My car is at yours, so she can't touch that, anything else I want, I will go in and get it. She can't stop me as the house is in my name and not hers. I would kick her out, but I don't have any good memories there any more, the bad ones have eclipsed them all."
"If you need me to do anything, let me know."
"I will. I'm going to call dad."
I watched Elliot walk towards the cabin before pulling my phone out of my pocket, looking at the picture that I had there. I had taken a photo of the now crumpled scans and saved them as my lock and home screens. My very tiny babies were there, shown bigger when I unlock my phone. I could get a signal here, unlike our usual camping spot so it seemed pointless to leave my phone with Taylor.
I opened Ana's contact details before closing it and then opening it once more. Pressing call, I waited for her to answer.
"Hello," she said, her voice such a welcome sound.
"Am I disturbing you?" I asked.
"Didn't I ask you that very same thing, just a few days ago" she laughed.
"I suppose you did. How are you and the babies?"
"We're fine, enjoying a cup of tea out on the porch."
"You have a porch," I asked. "Do you have a swing as well."
"I do, although it gives me motion sickness at the moment if I use it, so I will stick to my sturdy chair."
"What was that," I asked, hearing a noise in the background before Ana's laughter joined it.
"A duck has just landed on my pond."
"You have a duck pond," I asked.
I knew her home was away from the town a bit as I had checked when I was on my way home from the hotel. Without looking at a map though, I wasn't sure where.
"I have a pond; the ducks just like to come and say hello."
"It sounds like a fun place to live."
"It is, very quiet. A perfect place for a writer who needs the quiet to work….How's your brother."
"Resolved, I think. The peace and quiet has given him a lot of time to think."
"I hope he will be ok."
"Me too Ana."
"Where did you end up," she asked.
"On the opposite side of Silvia lake from the major campgrounds."
"That's not far from here."
"I know. Elliot suggested coming this way, so I will be here on time for your appointment."
"If you have no plans for tomorrow, you're both welcome to come here. My dad, José and a few friends are coming over for a barbecue. I don't know if it will be as peaceful as where you are, but there will be plenty of food, beer and fireworks if anyone is sober enough by then to light them."
"We wouldn't be imposing," I asked.
"I wouldn't ask if you were."
"I will speak to Elliot, find out what he wants to do. If I don't see you tomorrow, I will see you in two days."
"You will. Call me and let me know what you decide" she said before we ended the call.
I walked back to the cabin, hearing my brother talking inside. He was speaking to dad, although he turned to me when I entered the room.
"No dad, I'm not bothered when you serve her with them, only that you do…. No, it's in my car, which is at Christian's… ok, love you both and I will speak to you soon."
"Mum was there," I asked, taking a seat at the table.
"Yes, I wanted them both to hear what I was going to do. They support me fully like I knew they would."
"We all do Elliot. No matter what you decide to do, we will always support you."
"I know Christian. Can you get Gail or whoever is at Escala to go to my car? The keys are in the guest room. My photo box is in there. If she does get into the parking garage, she can destroy my car but not them."
"I will," I told him, sending a message to Gail to do just that.
We made our way back outside, enjoying the afternoon sun. We didn't speak about what would happen in the future, we just talked about now.
"So, I get to meet the mother of your children," he said, smiling when I ended my call to Ana.
"Yes, and her father and her best friend," I said, sounding terrified which just made him laugh.
"You sound like you're being sent to the gallows" he laughed. "You're going to meet the father of the woman you impregnated."
"God, that sounds terrible" I laughed. "He will probably hate me."
"Christian, he wouldn't hate you. Yes, she's pregnant with your children but it's not like you had some one-night stand and knocked her up."
"I suppose not" I smiled, thinking of my children.
"You gave all of us a gift Christian. Whether son, daughter, niece, nephew or grandchild, those children will be in our lives forever and I can't think of a more beautiful gift than that."
Thank you for reading and thank you to all of those who review. Over three hundred in just four chapters, you completely blow my mind.
I know Ana wasn't in this chapter much, but Elliot needed his brother more.
Ana and Christian will both have their say next chapter and for those who wanted them to kiss when he was on his knees in the hotel room, give them time.
Until next time, which should be over the weekend, take care.
Caroline.