Everyone makes mistakes at times

Two weeks whiz by; I am at a loss for words. The other students are accepting me for who they assume I am. Who I pretend to be, what will they do once the ice melts? Will they shove me away? I can never tell. The questions that I inquire only confuse me to breaking point. My only fear is my curse, a gruesome existence bottling up these feelings until this ache swallows me whole.

Fuji has avoided me since our previous conversation and I cannot blame him for it. It must be painful to hear that aloud and not just in his head. Partially I said that so I could hear something similar. Learn from me Syuusuke, learn from me and bring me back to reality

"Shin-chan!" A red headed boy sang loudly as he came barreling down the stairs. My eyes widen tremendously, Oh please god no. Do not tackle me I have enough bruises. He stops on the last step and I sigh in relief.

"Yes Kikumaru?" My question seems to cause a memory lapse. His head is tilt somewhat to the side; he looks dumbfounded. It is almost cute especially with the way his hair curls up and how he says, "nya", he looks just like a cat. Those blue eyes say a million things to me. "I'm sorry…" The words leave my lips out of habit.

"Don't mind, don't mind!" His voice is loud and reassuring, a sound that I do not expect to come from this childish boy. My lips gradually curl into a smile that refuses to disappear. Around him, I cannot simply imagine anyone frowning upon his innocence.

"So, umm…" He smiles at my failed attempt to start a conversation. Do not worry; just say what is on your mind Yami. That is what I tell myself but I cannot simply do such a thing. It may sound uncomplicated but I am too afraid of saying something foolish at least around him. Why is it that when I want to be a friend I cannot speak up and when I do not I say exactly what I think the person needs to hear? Putting that aside I turn my head before asking about his hobbies.

"My hobbies are brushing my teeth and touring pet shops, how about you Shin-chan?" His reply is bright.

"Mine are listening to music, reading, and drawing." My answer is simple. Far simpler then I had anticipated. With that, I throw my fears down the drain and start all over with poise. Before the next set of words leave my lips, I apprehend that he has run off to greet Oishi. How he makes it through each day with that short-attention span almost amazes me. My smile soon fades into something hollow and very recognizable, a frown that fits perfectly. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn my head to the side. No one is there so I look in the other direction to find Fuji standing there with the same eye closed smile. We both wait for the other to talk but we are both too stubborn. Stubborn about what is the question we both ask ourselves.

"Fujiko! Shin-chan!" Eiji whines as he drapes his arms over us. Neither of us answers but he seems to take it the wrong way and runs back to Oishi. Wait, what exactly did he think? Maybe he finally just lost it and did not think we are a couple, he just simply went spastic on me. Then again that makes no sense whatsoever so I must assume that I will hear a few rumors later on.

"Yami-chan, do you have time?" Fuji asks as his eyelids flicker open to reveal shockingly severe cerulean eyes that seem to pierce my very soul. Without thinking, I nod and somehow feel manipulated. I now know how people feel when I manipulate them, un-opinionated. Fuji takes a deep breath before continuing. "You were right before but then I thought about it and came to a conclusion." I raise an eyebrow and my hopes as he says this.

"And your conclusion is?" The question seems to stun him shortly. He looks me in the eye and touches my essence. To avoid his gaze I shut my eyes to glare mentally.

"You also wear a mask, a mask that hides your inner thoughts and pushes others away. Is it that you don't trust us or that you're scared of what people will think of you?" At this point, I do not know what to believe anymore. Somehow, he knows a little more than I want him to. Suddenly I feel heat rise to my cheeks, this cannot be happening. Yami I order you to stop blushing! Please?

"Umm… Are you hungry?" I ask trying to change the subject. The color stays to stain my face a rich color of red, my plea was not answered but my hope still burned brightly. Syuusuke did in fact learn from me but I failed to see that there was a flaw in my logic. I thought that if I pretended to be confident everything would fall into place but that was wrong. To have confidence means I must build it up and then find the courage to trust and believe in myself and in others too. My mistake was simple yet still too complicated for me to comprehend.

"Which is it?" Fuji chose to be difficult and disrupt my train of thought. Thank you very much Fuji Syuusuke, I can finally spread my wings again. Just like when I was five and did not have a care in the world and there was not very much weight on my shoulders…

"I was afraid and because of that I could not bring myself to trust. I don't even think I trusted myself…" The truth came pouring out and tears formed only to be shooed away. My voice did not crack but my body shook. That fact scared me to the point of sorrow pouring down my cheeks. Well at least now, I know how it feels to cry again. Even if I fail to make a sound, I feel pain in the back of my throat, which alone could keep me entertained for hours.

"Was, trusted? Could you maybe clarify that?" The mulish idiot, can he not see that I am not in the mood for talking anymore? Once in a million years…the world spins out of control and time stops altogether. My mother once believed those words. What she had really meant was that the world is chaotic and stops for no one. That I should not linger in one place, too long or let hindrances depress me.

Suddenly I feel a tight squeeze from behind, and I do not bother to look behind me. Instead, I embrace the love, it is warm and it feels like a shelter I never had. I could feel a warm drop of liquid fall on my neck; I guess the person heard me. After a long pause of silence, I wondered if I was speaking aloud or in thought, the words slipped out anyway.

"Was I that pathetic that you need to hug me?" I said this and gasped, at least I know the answer to my question. The unknown shadow behind me stayed silent, had I made the true person that cared mad at me? Looking down I blush a rose red, I notice the nails and jump slightly. The nails said Eiji in a bright white, the background was of pure onyx and the thumbs had small cats on them; this shadow defined as Eiji.

"We really have to do something about your confidence Shinji-kun. Don't you believe in your self at all?" My eyes widen, when did Momo get here? Well I now know it is true that I do not pay attention to my surroundings. The only thing missing at this point is my would-be self. With that, I smile rather cheekily just to defy what I truly want and need. With no expectations, there will be no problem but still without just that, nothing can change. My mistakes and a never-ending sea of tears bring a final decision in which changes the balance to zero.