Take the Fight out of the Kid
Chapter Ten
'I had wanted to say that my song was far too painful to sing.'- Anne Rice
Our eyes are no longer locked and I'm looking him over again: his nails are crazy florescent colors, almost like their glowing in the semi-darkness of my room, the seam of his lips is hard to see, but I can tell that the seam is black, meaning that the inside of his mouth is likely black and only one thing could cause that with him still being alive; ND- Nightmare Delirium. A fairly new drug that gives people great psychedelic hallucinations, unfortunately there is a one in twenty probability that those hallucinations will be targeted at your worst fears. It is highly addictive though, and once you start, well… most people don't stop and live.
My eyes are starting to water and I'm feeling my chest start to constrict, my hearts beating too quickly and my chest just keeps feeling tighter and tighter, not giving me enough room for it to beat the way my body needs it to.
"Roxas… is that-"
"Hey! Your hair is even redder then he said it'd be! Oh my god I love it!" he hops up with a smile as he claps his hands together. My eyes go wide when I see that his tongue really has turned black- an unfortunate side effect for people who are so addicted to ND that getting off of it could be fatal. He gets up and wobbles over, I don't want him to touch me, I feel like my skin is crawling just looking at him, his finger nails changing colors as he starts moving again and I see the earrings in his right ear and I don't want to believe it's him, but those eyes, their capturing me and I want to cry.
The boy I love, the boy I left to protect him, didn't he get my letter? Didn't he go get an education? If he walked away from the fight with his brother WHY IS HE IN A BOGGLE?
"I have to go. I'm sorry." I dodge his grasp and rush out of the room, tears are blurring my vision and I feel an arm around my waist and I'm being pushed against the wall beside the bathroom before being dragged inside, it's not Luxord, just because this person is shorter, and more lithe. My body's shaking as I feel my heart breaking in my chest because there is no escaping the harsh, dreaded fact: that is Roxas, and he is addicted to ND, a drug I've most likely been providing money for over the past seven years.
"Axel, what the hell are you doing?" I open my eyes long enough to see Saïx is the one pushing me against the bathroom wall now. "Why the hell aren't you in that fucking room?"
"Its-its him… oh god, he's alive, he's here. What-what are you making me do?"
"I don't care if Gandhi is in that room, you either get in there or you pay half a million gold coins to buy out of it!" half a million, oh god, half a million fucking gold coins! How long has it taken me to send that much… half a year, no, only three months. God, three months of what I've sent him and he's dropped it all on one night with me- and he doesn't know who the fuck I am.
"Saïx, I-I cant! It's him! How am I supposed to go in there and-"
"You have three options Axel: go back in that room and do your job, pay the half million gold coins upfront, or I can get you out of it. Take your pick." he knows I'd rather have a drug-smelling client then him in my bed, but it's Roxas, how am I supposed to do that with him and not have him know who I am?
My chest is hurting so much, where the hell is Luxord, isn't he supposed to be on my side? This is the final straw that's going to break me, his is the client that is going to finally make me loose my mind if he doesn't remember who I am, then I'm not going to be able to keep holding my head up, once Sora leaves I'll finally be the shell Xemnas has always been praying for.
My mind registers a sucking sensation on my neck and I instantly know that it's Saïx, I'm debating on just letting him continue, but if I do that then I'll be his personal bitch for three months and that in itself sounds like hell.
"Get off me!" I push him back and storm out of the bathroom, crossing the hall I only notice slightly that Sora and Riku are coming up the stairs.
"Axel! Hey, how's your night go-" his voice is cut off as I slam my bedroom door shut behind me, causing Roxas on my bed to jump slightly since he's back to looking at the pictures.
"Oh, hi there again… you know, the pictures on their website doesn't do you justice. It's probably a year old… I was worried you wouldn't be able to pound me the way I want you to." his voice sounds almost distorted as he gets up and stumbles over towards me and I have to clench my jaw to not correct his grammar. "Your hair is so red. Other red heads just have orange hair… but your hair. It's like a fire. And your eyes, their just the right shade of Shamrock." I feel horrible looking at him like this, he mustn't remember me at all- or he's acting like he doesn't.
"Roxas, do you have any idea who your talking to?"
"No, but for the rest of the night I'm going to call you Axel."
"But Roxas, I am Axel."
"See? That's the kind of acting I'm paying for." my throat is starting to feel tight and I don't want to do this, if he's forgotten me and is happy with life then I should leave, I should go take up Saïx on his offer and not have to do this… but I cant because my will is weak, and I'm hoping that if I stay, he'll remember soon.
"No, Roxas… I was born Axel O'Riley! It's not fake, it's me!" I grab his chin gently and he whimpers a bit out of fear as he cringes away from me slightly.
"Don't lie. Axel's gone, the real Axel left!" his fists reach forward and he grabs the fairly loose front to my shirt and pushes me towards the bed. "Axel left me for some glorious job and your not him!"
"Then how do you explain the picture Roxas? How do you explain the fact that I know your name and I wasn't told! I know your favorite color when you were eight and I know your favorite food is Chocolate cake with whipping cream and strawberries! How can you explain all of that?" he pushes me down onto the bed and straddles my waist so I'd have to roughly push him off of me- something that can easily get me in trouble.
"Nothing you cant learn from social networking sites or guess on."
"You think a normal people can guess that your favorite color when you were eight was deep lavender?" he reaches up and grabs the front of my shirt; he looks nothing the same to who he was when I knew him, my hopes of him getting a good education and a good job have fallen out from under me. I think I'd even prefer him dead over what I see in front of me now.
"Shut up Axel… I don't want to fight anymore. I didn't mean to make you mad, I promise. Don't-don't be mad Axel." he's gone from sadistic to crying in a second and I'm shocked as he lets go of my shirt and wipes a tear away from his eye before leaning down. He presses a tentative kiss to my lips and curls up into a ball on my chest as he starts begging for my forgiveness.
It should be the other way around, I should be begging and pleading with him to be forgiven. If I hadn't left- if this hadn't been better, I should have been stronger, I could have shot animals for dinner and food. I could have done so much but I didn't. I thought that it'd be better to give him money and the opportunity for education, but I just gave him the means to fall. I was a rock for so many other people and not for him.
"Please Axel… don't be mad at me… don't go." he presses another kiss to my lips and I think I'm going to break down and cry as he starts to pull my shirt up over my head. His fingers are as cold as ice on my skin and I cant help but flinch as he draws random patterns on my stomach before he's attaching his mouth to my neck and leaving a wet open mouthed kiss over my pulse point.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I cant believe I just had to do that, I cant even move I'm so pissed and upset with myself. I've wrecked him, not in the sense that most whores would say, I allowed him to turn into a masochistic, drug addict. The tears just wont stop and I'm surprised that he's not waking up since I'm basically shaking the whole bed as I cry. I just don't know what I did wrong, I could handle it when I thought he was dead- that had been hard but doable… but in my eyes this is a state worse then death. He lives to the next high and goes to whores for pleasure, forcing them all to take my name and begging their forgiveness.
I look over through my arms and stare at Roxas, he's sprawled out much like when he was a child, his face isn't relaxed though and his mouth is slightly open with a light snore, allowing me to see that his tongue is indeed black.
ND- Nightmare Delirium: a drug that can be smoked, snorted, injected and ingested. Effects the drug has: it will allow the person to experience psychedelic hallucinations with a one in twenty chance that it'll attack worst fears, nails will glow and change colors. And withdrawing from the drug can be so harsh on the body that in most cases that have gone extreme- the kind of extreme where a tongue turns black -the person rarely makes it out alive. Withdraw Symptoms: Horrid stabs of pain all over the body, emotional swings and stress, nails return to normal color, shakes, fever, long periods of sleep, low energy and high energy swings, strong alcohol cravings, the next drug they taste they'll be addicted to it. Overall it's horrible.
This much about ND is known to me because Vexen has made sure I am educated in all aspects, and even though I'm eighteen and know more then most he's still got more to cram down my throat- I actually have a lesson today that I'm going to skip for talking to Roxas and trying to get it through his head that I am who I am.
"Axel… Xemnas wants to see you downstairs." I look over at Luxord and shake my head, tears are still coming freely out of my eyes and I refuse to let him see me broken. "I don't think you're getting an option, I've been told to drag you down by your hair if I have to."
"Then start pulling! Because I'm not leaving this room unless it's to rip his heart out!" I'm bawling my head off now, my nose is probably red and even though I'm crying and hiding my face Xemnas has already seen what he wants. It's no secret to us that he has cameras and microphones hidden in our rooms. Mine are under the bed, in the top north corner of the room and behind my door.
"Axel, don't make me drag you down like you're a child having a hissy-fit. Seven years you've been fine, never once have you really given up your hope… so what is so important about right now, what the hell has you of all people: the Flurry of Dancing Flames, crying?" he's walked around to my side of the bed and is holding a pair of my pants out for me to take.
"It's him Luxord! What's been the point of the last seven years of my life! I did this so he could take the money and better himself, get off of Hastings street and go someplace! What the hell is the point of living, if all it gets me is him laying here next to me, high off ND and not even knowing who I am! I don't think he knows that I'm actually Axel and not just another normal whore who he's given that name to!" I'm pointing to him now and I'm about to break down into another bout of tears if my tears ducts even have more to give.
Luxord stops me by grabbing my face and pulling me off the bed so I'm standing in front of him, he's glaring and for a moment I think he's going to hit me. "Then don't let him fucking win. The microphones and cameras are off Axel, say whatever the hell you want to say, but don't let him beat you! Everyone else is done, they don't make it passed the first year! But look at you, look! You've made it to seven years of this hell, and you've still got fight, I know it's in there somewhere Axel. I've watched you, I've studied you- I wrote a fucking world-wide-famous BOOK on your will power and determination! don't make my next book be how you fell because of one year, one stupid worthless year that cant be changed. make your past worth something and FIGHT!" he's shaken me a few times now, and he does it once more so his point sinks in but he lets me go and I sit back down on the edge of the bed.
"Now, get dressed, clean your face, and go show Xemnas that he doesn't own you. Tell him it's not Roxas, tell him whatever you want. Make up a story about Unicorns and rainbows for all I care, but DON'T give up. Because as soon as you give up, you'll be giving him the golden trophy and he'll take, EVERYTHING from you again." Luxord tosses the pans onto my lap and storms towards the bedroom door. "I'll make up an excuse for you, you'll have half an hour at most. Get a shower and get ready, because I want to see that cocky kid who walked into this fucking Boggle and owned it. Show me Axel, not the Flurry of Dancing Flames." as he closes the door behind him I can see that he's giving me a bit of a smile and I take a deep breath before standing up and moving into the bathroom.
I step right into the private shower stall and turn the hot water on, not really caring that it's almost as hot as it can possibly go. I've gotten used to my skin being burned red and rubbed raw. I hate touching other people to the point that I doubt I'd ever seek out being cuddled.
I shiver in the hot water as the sensation of Roxas' cold fingers brushing down my skin makes me want to freeze and scrub my body until I cant feel anything. Just thinking of him as a kid and how he looks now, I want to break down again, but Luxords right- as he mostly is. I cannot let Xemnas win, I've still got fight left in me.
Once I'm out of the shower I brush my hair out and shake my head so the thick red locks can dry before I tie them back into a low ponytail at the nape of my neck. With just a towel around my waist I walk out into the room, noticing right away that the bed's empty and unmade, Roxas is sitting on the window sill and he's smoking something that's giving off a rainbow colored smoke.
"I'd hate to inform you Roxas… but we don't allow drugs on the estate."
"You mean Boggle?"
"Yeah, that." Roxas shrugs his shoulders, put it out on my pristine white window sill and tosses the remaining half cigarette outside to get eaten by the weather or picked up by one of the Wolves.
"So, red… what's on the agenda for today? I bought you for the week, so spill it. Whoa!" Roxas falls forwards and I reach out to catch him.
"So, you still aren't straight in the morning?"
"Dude, I've never been straight. I'm gayer then a piñata filled with pink sparkles being cracked open with a bejeweled cane." one of his eyes looks lazy as he uses the arm I've caught him with to steady himself as he stands up straight.
"I have to go down and talk with the Grimm. I'll be back up in a little bit, you can have a shower if you want, then we can do whatever you want to." I'm kind of surprised he's awake this early, but don't question it as I turn away from him. It hurts seeing him still not recognize me, indicating what I thought were periodic hallucinations are all the time hallucinations… so he's living in an alternate reality of his own, good to know.
I walk down the hallway and see Sora come bouncing out of his room. "Axel! Answer my question right now! What was up with you last night? You completely blew me off and I just wanted to say hi! Explain yourself!"
"There's nothing to explain Sora. Go back to Riku, I've got a client in my room and Xemnas waiting, I'm not having a good morning."
"But Riku's talking with Xemnas right now, why does he want to see you too?"
"I don't know, I'm not there yet." I raise my hand and set it down on the top of his head, ruffling his hair a bit. "I'll see you in a bit Sora."
The rest of the walk there isn't eventful, just my feet falling from step to step and my eyes roving over the walls I've seen a million times before. I raise my hand to knock on the door but it's wrenched open, almost quickly enough to pull it off it's hinges and a hand darts out, grabbing the bright green T-shirt that says 'Kiss me I'm Irish' and pulls me into the room before letting me go so I stumble into Xemnas' desk.
"The fuck's yer problem ya son of a half troll- rat eatin' hob-goblin!" I turn on whoever it is to punch them but freeze when I see Mr. Skellington, my first boss standing there with a fairly smug look on his face.
"Wow… is that any kind of language to use towards the man who's going to reply to your SOS?" his voice is almost a purr and I feel like I'm going to get sick, the guy's gotta be at least sixty, and that is just so wrong. "My son has been looking for someone to fool around with, and I figured, 'why not? I know the Grimm, should be easy' and you can imagine my reaction when I hear that you are the most sought after Kicker here."
"Did your face look like it normally does, or like it did when you killed Mr. Omashi?" I'm standing straighter and give a bit of a smirk, I don't know why, but seeing Mr. Skellington standing here like he's going to get something out of me had brought my will to fight back, and I will get what I want, the plan is running through my head again and I know I can get out if I try.
"How dare you!" he raises his hand to smack and since Luxord doesn't catch it in time I stop the hand myself and twist his arm a bit as I lower my arm- still grasping his wrist -back to my side.
"How dare I what? Speak the truth? I don't care what you want, or what your angle is, I don't care if you're the last face on this earth that can save me. I'm tired of being sold, and I'm tired of this shit."
"Axel, need I remind you that if you do not cooperate with my orders I'll-"
"What? Roxas has been dead for seven years! I've been doing all of this for nothing! And you know the worst part? I've known for four years! You know that night I killed the Reaper, he told me everything, about the fight, about how Ventus killed Roxas. And I have to admit, having the fucking balls to allow Ventus into my room is fucking gutsy on your part. But I'm done with it!" I let Mr. Skellington go and turn to Xemnas, noticing right away as Saïx moves in from the side of the room.
"You've decided this have you Axel? That you wont listen anymore?"
"What's the point? If I listen what more can you take away from me? What more is there to rip out from under me to try and push me so far down that it'll take years to crawl out again? You've killed Zexion, you've killed Demyx, you've killed Xion! Who's left Xemnas, who the fuck is left that you can take away from me?" the smirk on his face is telling me something, and then I realize what's wrong with the picture 'But Riku's talking with Xemnas right now, why does he want to see you too' the words Sora said coming back to me, but he's not here.
"Don't forget Axel… one person you still care about is still within my reach. Are you sure- absolutely sure, that you'll risk his freedom for you simply rebelling again?" he leans forward and as his elbow comes down on the desk Lexaeus walks in with a struggling Riku in his hands, the overall mountain-like size of the man being too hard for any normal sized person to deal with.
His amber eyes are daring me I know it, but I also know to not call his bluff. "So what're you going to do? Lock me up in the basement for swearing and threatening to leave? We both know I cant anyways. All I'm saying, is I shouldn't have to let this… cretin, buy me like I'm some kind of sex toy." Xemnas opens his mouth to object but I continue. "Because we both know I'm a god."
My fake ego is back and it has a vengeance now, both he and I know that I make too much money for him to actually sell me, and as far as I know it's against his rules to let someone else use me when the first customer has spent half a million gold coins on me for a week. "So, get him to take a number, put him down in that pretty black book of yours, and I'm going to go walk my dogs."
"Are you telling me what to do again Axel?"
"No, I'm telling you what you've already planned on doing. That's why you brought me down here isn't it? You don't want to tell him to take a number yourself and figure I can do it myself? Please Xemnas, we both know I'm inside your dead."
"As I am in yours I hope."
"Of course you are." it's a lie, but whatever, I make a living on lying… so why not spin more of my perfect web? "Sorry to disappoint Skellington, Xemnas knows my schedule, get him to tell you my next free day. I'm off to live a little."
I didn't let Xemnas call me back as I walked out, Luxord and Riku both behind me as I walked back up the stairs, Riku was silent and Luxord was playing with his cards again.
"Is my room still secure Luxord?"
"Should be until noon, why?" I grabbed Riku's hand and pulled him so his face was close to mine, because of our limp hair it shielded most of our faces.
"Grab Sora and come into my room for a minute… I need to talk to you about something, now push me away for the cameras." Riku did as I said and I stumbled back into a wall, Luxord stabilizing me. "Damn, I've wanted to do that for a while gramps… how about you and Sora come over to my room so we can all talk, I'm sure I'll be bored with Mr. Stoner-pants." it hurt calling Roxas that, but a plan is hatching in my head and I need them in on it.
Three minutes later and we're all sitting around my room, Roxas is in the bathroom and I've hidden the personal photo's again since Roxas must have taken them out.
"Alright Axel, spill it, because you're starting to worry me." Sora does in fact look worried, so I wont make him wait.
"You remember that boy I told you about, the boy who's the reason why I'm here?"
"Yeah, I still think you're really cool for doing that."
"Don't be, it backfired in my face and he's in the bathroom now. The point is, I have a plan and it's a damn fucking good one too. I've been planning to run away for a while, and Riku…" I stop so I'm looking at him directly, having his full attention "If you promise me to kidnap Roxas outside of this house, I'll get Sora out. You'll never have to worry about Xemnas coming after him again. You can go off the map or just get to a place where he cant get to you."
"Axel, Xemnas is everywhere… how the hell can you change that."
"Well first off, my wonderful little grandpa; Xemnas' claws only stretch as far as BC's border. And secondly, I've already got a house waiting for me outside the country." I catch Luxord's eyes go wide and turn in his direction. "I can do this without you Luxord, but it'll be a shit load easier if you're with me on this." I look around the room at the three sets of eyes, all looking at me like I'm crazy.
"Axel, you've finally done it. You've gone crazy." Sora looks like he's about to cry and I let out a sigh before sitting back and fiddling with my earrings. Sora starts mumbling something to Riku but to be honest I don't care; they can think I'm as crazy as they want, the point is I can do it, if I have to kill people to get me and Sora out I'll do it.
"Where is this house you supposedly have?" Riku's voice breaks the slight murmur catches my attention and I cant help but smirk as I look back over at him. Luxord is leaning forward intently, a serious look on his face that I know means he'll stick with me.
"Ireland. You don't need a license there to get a job, you don't need to get a job if you don't want. Hunting is still a good means of living and where my house is, it's right on the border so we'd be able to go into the cities if we want or stay 'out back' if we choose."
"Axel, Ireland… you really have gone crazy, you told me yourself that you left when you were seven. Because it sucked."
"No, the conditions for me leaving sucked, and leaving in general sucked. I had to leave because my family was killed and someone had to take care of me. So I was forced to make my way here to BC to find my aunt. Lived with her until I was ten, lived with Roxas for a year on our own, then I came here. Ireland is still my ideal. This sounds like it's coming from a kid I know… but I've been dying to smell those rolling hills and feel real grass under my feet again. British Columbia pales in comparison to Ireland. The greenery, the rivers and water, the overall feel of the place. I'll go there on my own if I have to, but I don't want to go back alone." Sora looks whisked away but Riku looks skeptical while Luxord looks like nirvana has just turned into a plate of cold raw fish he's supposed to eat.
"You're nuts Axel. There is no getting away from Xemnas."
"Yes there is! I'll kill him if I have to but I'm getting away from him!" eyes go wide and I realize that I've said it just slightly too loud. "You, Riku… have the means to save the person I care about most in the world, and I have the means, to make sure that the person you care about the most never gets hunted down like a criminal. What are your options if you don't want to find yourself dead one morning and Sora back here on twenty-four hour watch to make sure he doesn't do what Demyx did?" I know I'm probably glaring, but it's all true and they know it. No one can argue that people who buy us don't live long.
"Axel… tell me your plan and I'll consider not ratting you out and helping." I turn to Luxord and give him a bit of a smile, he can probably tell I am serious about killing Xemnas and doesn't want to be in my path to him.
"Well… I thought you'd never ask."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Wow… you've actually thought everything out, even if it goes wrong. The only thing I don't know is; how are you going to kill Xemnas?"
"My plan right now isn't to kill him, that'll only happen if he hunts us. Right now my plan is just escape." I pull both my legs up in front of me on the chair and look around the room, seeing that the bathroom door is still firmly locked and I guess Roxas is just snorting or smoking some more ND since he's been in there a while and I'm starting to hear giggles.
"Fine, I'll do it. Do you want blueprints or anything?" I shake my head and take a deep breath as Riku and Sora nod their heads too. I have a group of people, and they trust me again. It feels so good to have people who trust me, even if it's just a little bit.
"Alright, I'll see you guys tomorrow, I don't really know what Roxas wants to do today, but I have to go and let Lumier and Cerberus off their leashes and give them some food."
"I can do that if you want… don't you have to jog Roxas' memory?" Sora is kind at heart, but I really should be feeding the dogs on my own. Riku looks really guilty, he has since I mentioned that Roxas is in the bathroom and he just grabbs Sora's hand and starts fiddling with the long digits.
"Nah, I've got it. I'm going to give them free reign today… besides, I doubt Roxas will be seeing anything but his fictionary 'Axel' for a while since he's snorting in the bathroom right now." Sora and Riku both wince as Luxord sighs and stand up to do deal with 'the problem' as I stand up to go get Lumier and Cerberus. "I'll see you guys later." I wave at them before heading out of my room.
Both Lumier and Cerberus are just lying around outside their dog house, neither of them looking overly excited since it's cold and they both hate being stuck outside over night.
"Hey boys… look who brought you a treat?" I hold out two bones I swiped from the kitchen on my way down and they both perk up right away, they dash over and sit down on the cold ground, neither of their butts actually touching the ground. "What do we do?" right away Lumier plants his butt to the cold grass and I hand him his bone while Cerberus continued to be stubborn. "Cerberus, sit." Lumier's gone back to the doghouse by now so I hide Cerberus' behind my back. "Down." he grumbles a bit and lies down, his eyes never leaving the hand that's behind my back.
"Good boy Cerberus." I pull the bone out from behind my back and he takes it, walking back to the doghouse right away and laying down beside Lumier.
Most of the Leeches and Wolves here at the Boggle said it couldn't be done, that I couldn't have a Great Dane and a German Shepherd in the same doghouse, that I couldn't give them both food and have them in close proximity to one another, and that I certainly couldn't touch two powerful and vicious animals while they had food in their possession.
Yet there they are, laying shoulder to shoulder in their dog house, eating their bones. I'm about two feet away and neither of them care, I crouch down in front of them and pet their heads a few times before reaching into the doghouse and start to undo their leashes. Several of the Leeches and Wolves have even tried to reach into their doghouse, but they can never get within the twenty foot radius without Lumier and Cerberus attacking.
"Alright, have a good days boys… and don't, attack." Lumier and Cerberus both look at me and I give them a smile before getting up so I can go try and deal with Roxas and not cry my eyes out anymore.
AN:
Me: I'm sorry that this is so odd… the next chapter is going to get more into what Axel and Roxas will be doing and how the drug is affecting Roxas and not just what Axel knows the drug does.
Roxas: you made me a drug addict… what was wrong with your first idea that I was going to be a college student doing what Axel wanted me to do?
Me: there is no story in that Roxas, it's too… happy for an angst story.
Axel: but it would have made my darling Roxie like me more.
Roxas: and another thing! Why the hell is my tongue black? Could you not come up with a better side effect?
Me: I wanted something odd in there. And I just wants Angels and Demons, I go the idea from one of the scenes in that movie, so sorry.
Sora: thank you for reading and we'd all love to hear what you think! Drop us a line at that magical little review button! Click it! Click it now! Please click it? Common I'm begging you! Thanks again for reading and have a good day, be Crazy and Laugh out Loud as much as you want!