Take the Fight from the Kid
Chapter 11
'Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be Alcohol or morphine or idealism.'- Carl Gustav Jung
Even though when I left the room he was in the shower, I cant help but feel that when I step into that room that my heart will be ripped out and shattered into thousands of glass shards. I haven't been this emotionally weak in years, and I don't remember how to deal with it.
I cried the first night I had to spend here because of Roxas, because I was praying that he'd get anything good out of life… that he'd be alright on his own and safe without me there to watch out for him. And now all I can think of is walking into that room and finding him completely stoned, not knowing who I am and rejecting me for who I am to pretend I'm me- if that makes any sense.
"Come here for a moment, Flurry of Dancing Flames." I let a sigh out of my mouth and roll my shoulders a bit as I turn towards the door that Xemnas' voice came ringing out of the room from.
"What do you want jack-ass?"
"Oh… the language hurts Axel… I was just going to ask you what you wanted sent to your room for dinner tonight? Anything you think your client… what's his name again?"
"Ventus. And I'd like Chicken Cordon Blue."
"Would you're client like the-"
"No, but it's what you'll bring him. Now if you don't mind I have to entertain him so this god-awful week can be over as soon as possible." I stuff my hands into my jean pockets but as I turn I notice that Saïx is barring the door so I cant leave. "Unless there is something else you want to talk about, of course."
"Yes there is, so how about you sit down and we talk." I'm a little nervous that he's figured out that I no longer have his tracking devices hidden in my car aside from where I want it, or that neither Lumier and Cerberus have their implants implanted. I sit down with a huff and cross my arms over my chest, slouching down so he can see as little of me as possible.
"What would you like to talk about, Xemnas?" Xemnas' eyes are drilling into what he can see of my form and I just stare at him, watching his piercing amber eyes roam before they lock with mine and we're just staring at each other now. I have nothing to say to him about our current situation and I don't even care if he knows that's not Ventus up in my room.
"So, if that is Ventus up there, where has all your money been going? Wouldn't it have been put into your accounts?"
"No, because I sent the checks you gave me right to Roxas, they're probably sitting in the overstuffed mailbox, or the people in charge of it have just decided to start throwing the envelopes out. I don't really care, I'm curious as to why you care though. Do I need to know something I don't?"
"No… not that I'm aware of, I just want to know how your doing. These discussions were routine when you first came here. For your mental health… so how have you been feeling?"
"You haven't tried to play psychologist in almost five years Xemnas. What's so special about now, when I could be with a client? Aren't you the one who's always vehement on me being with the client when their paying for my time- sex or not." he folds his hands in front of him on the desk and Saïx moves so he's in the corner of the room behind Xemnas' right so he's just in my peripheral.
"Ever think I just want to be a better boss for you?" I cant help but scoff, my chest contracting so much it's hurting as I burst into full out laughter in the seat.
Xemnas' office always smells like lavender, and he smells the most like lavender, he brushes his teeth with a vanilla flavored toothpaste too- I'd rather not go into how I know that tidbit of information though. The way he carries himself is stupid and mighty, something that makes me want to make him number nine on my Canadian death list.
"Xemnas, we both know you don't want to be nice to me. So just spill it before I get a stitch." I pull my right leg up onto the chair and let out a sigh as I stop laughing.
"Axel, I want you know that from this point forward security in the building will be on a slight standstill, Vexen messed up with a bit of the wiring in his lab and our power is out." I nod my head a few times, wondering why he tried using a round about way to tell me that.
"Alright. I'll be upstairs with my client, or wherever else he wants to be." I get up with a shrug and leave the room before he or Saïx can stop me.
The power is out, this could be great. The last time Vexen messed up with the power it was out for a month! My room's probably the darkest right now because of all the black, and Roxas has to be out of the shower by now. If I can manage to piss him off enough to make him leave, then that means Riku will be able to follow him. I can learn the Wolves and Leeches patterns tonight and tomorrow night, and then the plan can be executed in three days time!
"Luxord! Do you know where my- oh, hi there… do you know where the blonde guy-"
"We're going out. There's no power here and that blonde guy is pissing me off." Roxas walks passed me, grabbing my arm and starting to drag me back down the stairs and towards the front of the house. He's stumbling and I'm worried about him leading me anywhere.
"Uh… are you sure? The blonde guy will have to come."
"What? Why?" we stop on the landing and I help hold him up by setting one of my arms above him and wrap the other around his waist so his shaky legs don't have to work as hard.
"Because, he's my Wolf. It's required that he follow me around both on the estate and off."
"Ha!… estate. Now that is funny, this is a prison a really big, shiny, music filled prison." I raise an eyebrow but let it slide since he just finished snorting what was most likely ND. "H-hey, how about we-we go to this totally awesome club. Its-it's the best place."
It hurts so much, because he's here in my arms, and to me, he doesn't sound stoned, I'm sure it's just me- because I don't want to hear him stoned. But just looking at him I can tell he's worse then shit faced. I don't want to go wherever he wants to lead me, but it's killing me to know that he's here and not dead, that he's suffering and I helped cause it.
"C'mon… I wanna fucking dance!" Roxas reaches up and grips my hair in tight fists so harshly I'm about to protest before he crashes his mouth onto mine. The kiss should make me happy, I've wanted to kiss him for years- I've wanted to see his face for years -but the kiss is rough and to be frank because of Nightmare Delirium his mouth tastes odd, half way between spoiled and black licorice- a candy I don't have much fancy for to begin with.
He releases the kiss and starts to stumble down the stairs again, the darkness isn't helping him though and he starts to fall. I wrap my arm around his waist and steady him again and he wraps his arms around my torso because he still must be feeling like he's falling.
"Ah! Save me!" his face is buried in my chest and he's literally clawing at my back so I set him down a little so his feet are on the stairs again. "Has-has the world stopped spinning?"
"No, it still spins, but it's back to the same old speed."
"The world doesn't spin, what are you talking about?"
"Don't tell me you think the world is flat too." he pushes away from my chest and I subtly stop him from falling again before he stumbles down the rest of the stairs.
"I do not like being… insu-insul- poked fun at, Axel! You know that." I do know, I just don't want to stop. Poking fun at him might be the only thing that is going to get me to the actual point of saving him and getting him off the stupid drug.
It should be his choice, I know, withdrawing could kill him I know, but the drug can kill him even more painfully because his body could literally start melting away and chunks of flesh could come off… it can be hell.
"I apologize, where do you want to go dancing?"
"I want to go to Death House! I love it there!" I let out a sigh and nod my head figuring that I was just going to have a really rough day.
Death House is a club that never closed it's doors, never has a last call for drinks and never stops playing rave music and always has people dancing and practically having sex on the dance floor- some people even did, that night the whole place turned into an orgy.
"Alright. I'll take you there." I follow him down the rest of the stairs, steadying him as he sways too far to one side or the other.
"Axel… are you sure you should-"
"Never mind Luxord. Get him into the car, I'll be there in a minute I just have to get something." I don't have to get a damn thing, but I have to check on Lumier and Cerberus, and maybe beg the gods I don't believe in that today will be better then I'm thinking it will be.
"No, you're coming. I'm not being left alone with this brat again." Luxord grabs the back of my shirt collar and starts pulling me towards the front door and letting me go once I'm right behind Roxas.
"Fine, but I'm taking my car." Luxord just scoffs from behind me and as Roxas fumbles to get the front door open I notice that my car isn't in it's parking spot. "Wait, where is my-"
"Xemnas sent it in to get that lift job you wanted… he said a foot's good enough. doesn't want you wasting money on more."
"But it's my car! I wanted the two feet and that cage added!"
"Yeah well, you don't need a cage, unless your planning on killing someone else with your car." I let out a bit of a growl and grab Roxas' wrist, pulling him towards the Bentley since now I don't know if the assholes working on my car are looking for the tracker- though I've put it back in it's proper place.
"Hey… where are we going?"
"To Death House… isn't that were you want to go?"
"Oh yeah! I love that place! Lets go get SMASHED!" I don't think it's possible for him to get smashed, but I shrug my head in agreement and slide into the back seat of the Bentley after Roxas.
"When we're in the club I want you to lavish me in affection!" he raises his arms over his head and falls down so his head is in my lap and he's looking up at me with a bright smile. "I don't want you to let me go Axel."
"Alright… I wont."
"Your not just saying that, are you?" I raise my left hand and set it on his head, allowing my fingers to trail through his dirty blonde hair and I shake my head.
"I mean it. I wont let you go again." tears want to spill over as my fingers run through his hair and he closes his eyes. They still don't look open and clear but I don't expect them to.
"That's what I always hoped Axel would say." he lets out a contented sigh and I want to beg him to believe that I am me, but I just cant… it's impossible for me to ask him to forgive me.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
We're dancing in the club, about five hundred others are here too and Roxas is making it hard to keep up with, he's doing what I normally do and just dancing around, grinding with anyone and sticking his tongue into other's mouths like it's a life source for him.
I grab his hips and pull him back towards me, spinning him around so our fronts are grinding, hating the fact that he's seeking pleasure from others when I'm here. The few drinks he's said I have are starting to take effect and my mind is starting to get a little foggy as I grab a fist full of his hair and press a dominating kiss to his lips as I grind our pelvises together.
I want so badly to just sit him down and tell him 'It's me, I am Axel O'Riley. I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for leaving… but I cant take it and I miss you.' but I cant. I can feel his fingers curling into my shirt and I make sure that his body is flushed with mine as I start to work our way off the dance floor.
My feet are really moving on their own and by the time I'm pushing Roxas against the wall my mind is probably completely gone. Somewhere deep down I feel like I cant possibly be doing this with him because I'm drunk and he's high.
"Hey… can I get some of the blonde action-" I cut the guy off with a quick punch to his gut and go back to kissing Roxas, I'm not even sure where the guy came from. I feel Roxas' hands at the buttons on my shirt and by the time he's gotten through three I'm pulling away and moving, though I'm not sure where to.
Before I know it we're falling over onto a bed and his hands are on my belt, trying to get passed the buckle. His biting his lip and I try and take the plump lip but he's biting too harshly.
"Axel, we have to leave." the door is thrown open and I'm turning to see Luxord standing in the doorway to the room, Roxas is still working on getting my pants off and I'm not really sure what's happening anymore and just turn back to Roxas, not caring if Luxord stays or goes.
Pleasure shoots through me as Roxas reaches into my pants while I start to leave a hickey just under his right jawbone and I start to take his clothes off.
"Axel! we're not getting a choice here!" I'm pulled away and I'm not even sure if Roxas is grabbed too or not since the harsh movement has made the room spin and I'm loosing my vision.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Axel, wake up." my leg is kicked and before I know it I'm on my feet, leaning against a wall as I try and see who kicked me.
"The fuck? Where am I?" I cant remember what happened last night at all and Luxord looks pissed as he's standing at the entrance of the basement with his arms crossed over his chest, is that where I am? The basement, why am I here? Shit, my car! The tracker!
"Luxord! What happened?"
"Your stupid mutts attacked Vexen when he went out to get some supplies for the electric box. He's still stuck in his car." Luxord walks over and grabs my shoulder. "I'm getting a cup of fucking coffee into you and your getting them off him. Xemnas is furious because their attacking anyone that gets close."
The words don't really make sense, but the sound of coffee isn't really something I want right now since I don't know how I went from Death House with Roxas to the basement with Luxord.
I'm brought from the basement and Luxord pushes me down into one of the chairs before slamming a large mug of coffee in front of me. I hate coffee and I can hear Lumier and Cerberus barking outside and know that if I don't get out there soon Xemnas is going to have his gun in hand and trained on them.
"I don't want fucking coffee. I'll just go get them now. But, where did Roxas go?"
"Xemnas had him sent off when I brought the two of you back. That was about an hour ago. He had me bring you down to the basement to lock you up for letting your dogs roam free, gave me the order two minutes ago to get you outside so you could call them off. But he's pissed as Hades, so drink up and get out there."
"I don't like fucking coffee. I'm not that drunk." Luxord lets out a sigh and holds out his two hands.
"How many fingers am I holding up Axel?" I stare at the digits, trying to see through the double vision and count them.
"I don't give a shit how many fingers your holding up Luxord! I have to go get Lumier and Cerberus off before Xemnas kills them!" I move to stand up but his hand comes down on my shoulder like a ton of bricks and I'm pushed back down. "Fuck off Luxord!" I bat at his hand on my shoulder but it's vanished from it's perch and he's in a totally different place.
"Axel, drink the fucking coffee, so you can call your dogs off without having them attack you too."
With a scowl I fist the handle of the coffee mug and start chugging. It's burning my mouth and throat, I'm pretty sure I wont be able to taste for the next few weeks. But the cup is finished and as I stand up Luxord doesn't bother to stop me.
Coffee doesn't help me sober up, but it gives my body another smell then alcohol for Lumier and Cerberus. I stumble a few times and shake my head a bit, I cant think of a time I've been this drunk aside from being in my room after a particularly rough client, but I hadn't tried to move then let alone walk.
The doors open up before me and it's at this moment that I notice Wolves and Leeches are lining the walls and their the ones who opened the door for me. The sound hits me and I almost cringe it's so loud.
Lumier and Cerberus are on the front and back end of Vexens' car, barking and snarling. "H-how long have they been like this?"
"About four hours. Every time he moves they switch positions." already the barking is starting to give me a headache and I want to yell at them to stop, but I just take a deep breath and sigh it out as I walk down the front steps of the mansion.
"Lumier, Cerberus… down." I haven't yet raised my voice, hoping that they'll just snap out of it, but their barking has easily drowned me out. Both are still snarling and growling and I clench my teeth together a bit. "Off!" the barking stops right away and as I raise my eyes I see them both looking at me, ears perked and tails starting to wag. Lumier's un-cropped ears are perked and Cerberus' satellite-dish ears are trained in my direction.
"Come." I point to the ground at my feet, glad that I can still stand straight enough to know it's in front of me, they both come over, trying to lick my hand that I'm pointing with before I pull it away.
"Sit and stay." they obey the command and I can tell that they know I'm at least not right, they might even know I'm mad at them for being so stupid in keeping someone as worthless as Vexen trapped.
"Axel… how dare you let them off the leash! Are you trying to have them killed? Is that what you want? Because I have my gun right here, I'd be willing to do that if you no longer want to take care of them."
"No, I still want them. But you know Vexen, he's a pussy, pisses them off then cant take it. They're not at fault for him being an ass Xemnas." I turn to go back into the mansion so I can sleep off my afternoon hangover by nightfall but Xemnas stops me.
"No, they don't. but you do! What the hell is going through your mind right now?"
"You're yelling, and it's hurting my head. It was a stupid mistake on his part. I've let them off the leash a bunch of times before this and nothing has happened. And I will continue to do so in the future." I push passed him and motion with my hand for Lumier and Cerberus to follow, not really bothering as Xemnas keeps talking since my only concern right now is feeding Lumier and Cerberus and then sleeping myself.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I'm standing on a street corner, looking down at my hand and I can see through it, not something I really like but can deal with. Cars are moving and as I look up I see the old Gas Town that used to thrive in Vancouver at night in 2012, back before the world went to ruins because someone got a big fat head and thought they could be Prime Minister by killing the current one and destroying all forms of government.
Lights are moving so quickly that I cant really see the individual cars as they drive by, and as I look up I see that a building- the one I lived in with Roxas -is lighting up different colors like purple, turquoise, red and blue. I can move my head but all I see are streaks of light, no matter how slowly I try and move.
At the end of the street is the remnants of what Gas Town was known for: a steam clock. It was a fairly large grandfather lock that looked like a miniature, grey Big Ben from London. I wonder if Big Ben is still even there, I've heard nothing of it since I left, or the Great Wall of China. Shit, I don't even know if the Pyramids are still there for heavens sakes. Vexen has taught me so much about world history, and I know if none of it is still there.
"Roxas! Roxas, hold up!" I turn my head once I hear the familiar voice and see Roxas walking towards me, his hands in his pocket and his eyes more dilated then ever as he walks among the crowd I have only managed to dream of being part of. I see Riku behind him and as I watch the silver haired boy catch Roxas' shoulder I want to push him away and steal Roxas for myself.
"What the fuck do you want?" Roxas turns to Riku and I freeze, seeing that he seems to be steady on his feet despite his high appearance, but maybe he's just been high so long he knows how to deal with it. "Axel!" he lunges and my eyes go wide as he smashes his mouth against Riku's.
"N-no, I'm not Axel. But I can take you to him. Listen… you have to come with me, and I can take you right to him."
"No, Axel died, you're my Axel… aren't you the one that always stays with me?"
"No, but I can take you to him- to the real Axel." Roxas presses another kiss to Riku's lips and pulls the silver haired boy closer. "R-Roxas… common, I'll take you to him."
"No, stay… don't leave me again! Please! Please don't leave me again Axel!"
"Then come with me Roxas… come with me and we'll never be separated." he sets his hand on Roxas' hips and I want to rip his arms off and throw him into a burning fire it's pissing me off so much. But I restrain my fairly transparent body and just watch the scene flow by as it will.
"But I'm scared… what if I disappear with you? I'm not ready to die."
"You wont, I promise. I'll keep you safe. But we have to go, we have to meet him tonight in Abbotsford."
Shit! It's the night of the fucking breakout. And I'm Dreaming! Damn, how do I get out of a dream? Where do I go to get out of the fucking dream? I look away from the two as Riku starts to lead Roxas towards his car and I frantically look around for something sharp to poke myself with so I can wake up.
"Shit! Fuck it Axel! Back to your body!" I start to run, I heard that if your dreaming of the real world and can find your body that you'll wake up. But this might not be the real world. I've never actually seen Gas Town to populated at night without copious amounts of drug dealers and hookers.
I am running through cars and people, buildings and trees, all just trying to find the stupid fucking mansion. I take the same turn but as I run the road runs out and I'm just running through the random forest, calling out to Roxas, Sora, Lumier and Cerberus. I just want to find my way back. My hearts beating so quickly I think I might hyperventilate and pass out soon.
I've been here before a few times, in dreams where I'm always running, trying to find Roxas nine times out of ten as I travel through an older Vancouver that is filled with cars and normal people who had jobs and worked from nine to five.
I don't remember turning, but I rush out of the trees and I'm in the middle of a high class restaurant, people are laughing and dining around me and I can still see through myself. I get a cold shiver as a waiter passes through me and he shutters too. I want to keep running, but I have a feeling I'm supposed to be here for some reason, if this is happening in real time and this is some sort of vision of what's going on when I should be escaping, it must be important.
"Yes, Roxas has been taken care of, he'll never seek out Axel again." the clothes the people are wearing have suddenly changed to old fashioned tuxedos instead of the newer ones the people had been wearing with thinner lapels and brightly colored edges and hems.
"How can you be sure. Because I swear if I see him outside my building again I'll kill him myself." my eyes train on a group of people sitting at a small table in the back corner. Xemnas, Saïx, Xigbar, Marluxia- who is the new Reaper by the way -Some black haired dreadlock man with piercing blue eyes. This has to be something out of my mind, but I never dream of them… what the hell is going on, I don't even know the dreadlock guy!
"Because, he's drinking himself into a stupor, dropped out of school and he's already getting hooked onto drugs." it's the dreadlock guy that's talking and I cant help but glare at him as I walk over, obviously he's the one who's done whatever to Roxas that has made him the way he is.
"That isn't much comfort, how can we be sure, Xaldin?" Xemnas is addressing dreadlock-guy so I'm guessing the name Xemnas used belongs to him. Saïx crosses his arms over his chest while Xigbar and Marluxia start whispering about something.
"I only told him Axel is dead two weeks ago. He's dropped out of school and is close to drinking himself out of his apartment. And thanks to the money Axel keeps sending, he'll have ample amounts of funding that will keep him spiraling down." Xaldin sounds so happy and I want to rip his throat out, I actually reach out to strangle him, but my hands slip through his form.
"You bastard! You did this to him!" I try and punch him but again my fist just passes through his head and all he does is change his position and fix how his dreadlocks are falling behind him.
"And how are you coming along with the plans Xigbar?" Xemnas turns to the old Reaper and I turn my eyes on him, glaring. I don't know how my mind is coming up with all of this, or how I'm still dreaming when I know I'm dreaming. I don't want to be locked away in a dream where Roxas wont be alright. In all my dreams I've dreamt about him he's been fine, normal and the way I left him. He's been smart and he's been clean.
BUT THIS ISNT IT! Why cant I have a good reality for once! Are my dreams so far fetched that they will never become the truth? Why have I been targeted by the hells of the world and why has Roxas been dragged into it! Is this some kind of divine repentance for killing that family? For not saving Lilly? If only I knew why my life is being dragged down for!
"My side of the plans are coming along great. Jenn is talking nonstop about Axel and is pretty close to making me crack though, I don't think we'll be able to wait much longer until she wants to come see him. It's been hell having her as my next apprentice by the way… she does nothing but talk and it's extremely boring."
"So you cant hold her off until her thirteenth birthday?"
"As if! I'll hold her off until then. I'm just suggesting that you get her checked out by a mental hospital after. She thinks she's in love with the guy, it's fucked."
"Yeah well, we both know she's not the sharpest tack… but how are things going with keeping the other kids lined up to my doors."
"Fine. Most of them are stupid… but some employers are starting to not care about licenses anymore. Their giving A class license holders C class jobs, a C class license cant get an A class job- yet. I have a feeling I'm part of a dying profession though."
"Please, just get Mr. Wise to pass a new law… it's not that hard." I cant take it anymore. I want to kill them all and I cant, I cant even make any of these guys, shiver. I want so badly to just walk away, so I no longer have to listen to what they are saying about Roxas, and about me, I'm even upset about a few of the things their saying about Jenn. But my feet wont move, it's like I'm glued to the spot and the glue has been dried for days.
"Common brain… wake up, wake up."
"I think I'm going to introduce Roxas to Nightmare Delirium next… if he gets hooked on that he'll go crazy thinking about Axel."
"But will he think Axel is still alive?"
"Nah, he'll probably see anyone as Axel. It causes hallucinations you know." Xaldin gives the table a smirk and my feet finally let me go. I'm about to cry, to just break down into a puddle of tears. My pride wont let me cry in front of them, even if they cant see me and this is just a dream though. I take off running, no longer caring where I end up. All I want is Roxas, I just want to see him, to hear his voice… to make it all better in my head and in reality. I don't want to think of Roxas and see a weak blonde boy who's addicted to ND. I want to see the strong willed love of my life again, I don't care if he's still got a few problems- everyone has fucking problems. I just want him, no matter how I get him.
AN:
Me: I think the next chapter is going to be a lot of Axel in his dream.
Axel: tell them about the other thing! Tell them, tell them… if you don't, I will!
Me: alright, geez. It's is very plausible that I'll start switching between Roxas and Axel's POV's in future chapters of this fic, mainly because I want to get some of Roxas' deep emotions into the fic.
Sora: that'd be cool! Do I get my POV choice?
Me: no, sorry Sora.
Demyx: I still haven't been able to ask you yet but… WHY DID YOU KILL US?
ME: oh my… uh, this is a little awkward… your going to hate my answer, I know it. But ugh. I didn't want Axel to have to worry about so many friends. Xion was already planned to die because I wanted to put Lilly back into the fic. And then Zexion died saving you and all Demyx- because Xemnas was a jack ass. And you just couldn't live without him. I know it was shallow of me, but I'm just so sorry that I had to kill you! I love you, really Dem-Dem… I just didn't see another way to get all four of you out of the Boggle.
Demyx: but you didn't even cry when you wrote about it! It was like an honorable-fucking-mention!
Me: I didn't want to write about it because I didn't want to die! I teared up a bit writing about Xions death… but I don't like her as much as I like you.
Demyx: do you expect me to forgive you? ):
Me: no…. I don't deserve your forgiveness Demyx. I'm sorry :'(
Demyx: no! don't cry… oh shit, I'm sorry… I'll get tissues! Just please… don't cry, I'm not mad! It's just a fic… I understand… oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
Axel: Your horrible Demy… she's bawling her eyes out.
Roxas: no she's not, she's smiling now… she wanted this to happen.
Me: oh never! ;D
Sora: thank you for reading and please review! We all love to hear what you have to say. Criticism is welcomed but flames aren't nice! (I believe there is a fine line between the two) have a good day or night and make as much of a mess as you want!