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"As much as I love when you come to visit me, I'm going to need you to stop bringing my homework with you." Chelsea says as she sees me put her homework on her side table.
Laughing, I take my seat in a car next to her bed. "You'll get over it." She rolls her eyes at me. "Anyway how are you feeling today?"
"Better than yesterday. I want to get out of this bed and out of this damn hospital." She sounds frustrated. I guess I would be to if I were on bed rest.
"You will be out next week and then you can see Carmen!" I try to cheer her up a little.
"Yea I know. I really miss her." Her eyes are brimmed with tears, but before they can fall she quickly wipes them away. "Oh so Glen brought over the tape of yesterday's game. What was up with you Spencer? Just by looking at you, I could tell that something wasn't right." Ok so one, Chelsea is great at avoiding things. If she doesn't want to talk about something, usually her feelings, she will easily change the subject. And two, how the hell did she know that something was wrong through a video?
"I just had an off game." I shrug.
"Spencer…" She says in that tone. You know that 'I'm not falling for your bullshit' tone.
"Ok well my mom is really taking me being a lesbian harder than I thought. That day I was already upset about something that happened with Ashley, and when I looked in the stands right before the game started only to see my dad sitting alone, I just couldn't handle it."
"Paula might not like it, but she will have to get over it because it's just who you are. She will come around eventually, Spence."
I scoff. "Yea right! The reason why she wasn't at the game was because she was meeting with some monkey looking guy who thought he could 'change my ways'" I say using air quotes.
"She didn't!" She looks at me in shock.
"Oh but she did. Thank goodness my dad got there in time to save me." My smile quickly fades. "But Chels, he kicked my mom out and it's my fault. I feel like I am ruining their marriage and destroying our family."
"Spencer, come here." She moves over on her bed and winces as she does so. I move over and sit on the edge of the bed. "Look at me." I look at her and her face is completely serious. This is rare for Chelsea. "None of that is your fault. Your dad saw that your mom couldn't handle who you were so he is giving her some time to realize what she is doing to you. She will come around, I promise." I hug her gently and she pats my back. I needed to hear that. Walking around with that guilt was not pleasant. "I'm sure Ashley told you the same thing so you didn't really need to hear it again, but I hate seeing you so upset about something you have no control of."
"Actually she doesn't know about anything that happened last night." I say as I pull back from the hug.
"And why not?"
"I just didn't have time or the right moment I guess." She sighs. "After my dad kicked my mom out, he left. I didn't want to be alone so I went looking for Ashley. When I found her she was drunk at Sherri's party, so I took her to my house for the night. This morning we were having a good time, we made up, cooked breakfast together, watched a few movies, and then I took her home right before I came here because she had a practice session with Ivy." I say all in one breath.
"What was your argument about?"
"What argument?" I say playing dumb.
"You said that you made up, so…." She trails and motions her hand for me to continue.
"I may have taken out all of my anger out on her after we lost the game."
"Why?" I roll my eyes. Chelsea always makes me talk about things that she knows I don't want to talk about.
"Because she was trying to figure out why I was ignoring her and I wouldn't tell her. And before you ask, I was ignoring her because I was upset about her telling Madison I didn't mean anything to her." I tell her.
"Why didn't you just tell her that instead of ignoring her and making the situation worse?"
"Chelsea you know how I am when it comes to talking to people about my feelings, I don't."
"I know and if you want your relationship with Ashley to work, you will have to start being more open with her. Spencer keeping your emotions inside all of the time is not good. Ashley is going to want to help you if she thinks something's wrong with you and you have to let her." Why does she have to be right all of the time? "I'm guessing that you just let all of your emotions build up and then you took your anger out on her because she was being persistent when she was trying to figure out why you were mad at her. Am I right?"
"That's freaky. I don't know how you did that, but that's really freaky." I say as I stand up and start pacing the floor. "Chels, I want to be like an open book with Ashley, but I am honestly afraid. I don't want to get hurt by her. When we first started talking, she said she didn't do relationships and that just hooking with random girls was easier for her." I stop pacing and take a seat in the chair next to bed. "I want to know that I actually mean something to her and that I'm not just some other girl to her." I look over at Chelsea. "Now how do I tell her that without completely ruining our relationship?"
"Maybe you can show her instead of telling her." I give her a confused look. "I mean there must be a reason why she liked randomly hooking up with girls. Maybe she feels the same way you do. She's afraid to give all of herself to you because she wants to know that you are in this for real. And I know you haven't told her because once again, you aren't exactly open with your feelings."
Once again, I am shut down by the wise words of Chelsea Lewis.
My phone vibrates just as I go to reply. 'Only 2 hours until I get to see your beautiful face again.'
I smile and send her a text.
"Tell Ashley I said hi." Chelsea teases from her bed. She can probably tell that it's Ashley by the huge smile on my face, but I don't care.
"Well since you like teasing me I am leaving." I stand up and walk to the door then pretend like I will just walk out but Chelsea's voice stops me.
"I was kidding Spence!" She says weakly. I think she is about to pass out soon. "I really like seeing you happy."
"I know but I have to go get ready for my date tonight and you need to get some rest." I walk over to her and kiss her forehead.
"A date?"
"Yup Ashley's picking me up at seven and I have no idea where we are going."
"And I bet that's bugging you."
"You have no idea."
Sometime later I find myself standing in my closet wrapped in my towel. I have no idea what to wear. I remember she said to dress casually, like I would if I were going to a coffee shop. I don't go to coffee shops! I let out a frustrated sigh as I leave the closet and flop down on my bed. Getting dressed should not be this hard.
"Hey Spence I…oh sorry." I tighten the towel around me a little more. "Sorry I didn't know you would still be getting dressed. I heard your shower running a while ago so I thought you'd be dressed by now." Glen says from my door.
"Yea I should be dressed she's going to be here in about forty five minutes; I just can't find anything to wear."
"What's the occasion?" He comes and walks through my closet.
"I have a date with Ashley but I don't know where we are going. All I know is that I have to dress casually, like I would if I were going to a coffee shop." I repeat yet again.
He doesn't reply, Glen just flips through my clothes and five minutes later he comes out holding a light blue V-neck and a black mini skirt.
"Ok wear that with some flats, a little make up, and put your hair down and add some light curls." I just stare at him with my mouth open. "Spencer chop chop, you don't have that much time and you still have a lot of work to do."
After he left my room and closed the door, I am still standing there dumbfounded. What the hell just happened?
Glancing at my alarm clock, I realize that I have no time to stand around because I only have a half hour to get ready.
As I start applying my makeup, I hear the doorbell go off. Shit I am running late. I quickly finish off my makeup, throw my shoes on and grab my bag. I practically run down the stairs only to see Ashley sitting on the couch across from my dad. Oh no, why couldn't Glen answer the door?
"Hey Ashley, are you ready to go? Good come on!" I grab her arm and start towards the door.
"Spencer wait!" So close, my hand is right on the door knob. I turn around and my dad is standing up next to the couch he was sitting on with his arms folded across his chest.
"Yes dad?" My innocence comes in to play.
"I was talking to Ashley. I would like to know the girl that my daughter is dating if you don't mind." But what if I do?
"Ugh fine, but I don't like this." I pout and begin walking towards the couches again.
"Oh wait" Ashley stops me by pulling on my hand. "I bought these for you. I thought you'd like them." She holds up a bouquet of flowers and I swear my heart melts.
I didn't even notice that she had anything in her hand. Come to think of it, I was in such a rush to get her from talking to my dad that I did not even get to get a good look at her at all. Using this as my chance, I notice that she has on tight jeans and green top that hugs her abs perfectly. I unconsciously lick my lips as my eyes rake over her body.
Then I realize that she is still holding the flowers out and probably thinks I don't like them by my lack of response.
"Thank you so much, I love them!" I take the flowers and wrap her up in a hug. It's been about four hours since I saw her last but I've missed her so much. I've missed her touch, her smell, her smile, just her presence.
I guess the hug lasted a bit too long because my dad had to clear his throat to get us to stop.
"Sorry, I'm just going to go put these in some water." I start to walk away but then I stop and look at my dad. "Don't scare her away please. I don't want her to run off scared. I actually like her, a lot." I look over at Ashley and she is giving me a big smile. I really want to kiss her right now. That's another thing I miss, her lips. I settle for what I can get and give her a kiss on her cheek. "I'll be back."
After finding a vase and setting the flowers down in my room, I return to the living room to find my dad and Ashley laughing. I wonder what's so funny.
"Ok well I think we should get going. You know we can't be late to…where are we going?" I ask Ashley. She looks at me and smiles.
"Well it was nice to meet you Mr. Carlin, formally this time. I'm sorry that our first meeting wasn't this pleasant." I cannot believe that my girlfriend is the one that just said that. Is this the same Ashley or does she have a twin sister that I never knew about?
"It was nice meeting you too Ashley. You are welcome to come back anytime." My dad's friendly smile makes me smile.
As soon as we are seated in Ashley's hot ass car. I'm really bad with cars so I have no idea what kind it is. All I can tell you is that it is a small black shiny two seat car.
"I love your car!"
"I knew you would. It's how I get all of the hot chicks." She winks at me. I scoff and open the car door. "Spence I'm kidding. You're the only hot chick I want."
"You're lucky that I really want to know what you have planned for tonight because I would have been out of this car." I pout and cross my arms over my chest, pretending to still be angry.
"What do I have to do to make you not mad at me?" I look at her and shrug. "Well how about this?" Suddenly she's leaning closer to me and her lips are on mine before I can even object, not that I would have. I finally get smart enough to stop thinking and to start responding. Her lips are so warm, soft, and addicting. After kissing her, I never want to kiss anyone else.
"Are you still mad?" Ashley's raspy voice breaks me from my Ashley spell.
"Took you long enough." I smile. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to do that?" I ask as she pulls out of my driveway.
"I'm sorry babe, I wanted to kiss you as soon as I saw you but I didn't think it would be right to kiss you in front of your dad." Aww she is so considerate. "I really like your dad by the way. So far he seems a lot nicer than your mom."
"Yea he's great. Sometimes I wonder why he is even with her. He deserves better." I mumble and look out the window. I would rather not think about Paula tonight.
"Well I'm glad that he and your mom found each other." My head snap towards Ashley. Why would she say that? I mean she knows about the devil's spawn Paula. "I know you think I'm crazy but if they hadn't met then you wouldn't be here." Taking one of her hands off of the wheel, she grabs my hand and laces her fingers with mine. I smile at the gesture.
"Thank you." I say after a few minutes.
"For what?" She puts the car in park and looks over at me.
"For being you." A blush makes its way across her face and to me it's the cutest thing ever. I lean over and give her a peck on her lips and then I hop out of the car. I look around but I have never been in this area so everything looks so unfamiliar to me. "Where are we Ash?" I feel her hand slip in to mine.
"This is Java." Blank stare. "It's a coffee shop."
"You want to get coffee?" Why couldn't she just tell me that before? What's the big deal about going to a coffee shop?
She laughs and shakes her head. "You're so cute, come on." I follow her lead as she pulls me into the direction of the Java, the coffee shop. I still don't know why we had to come here for coffee. Starbucks is right down the street from me!
We walk into Java. The inside is dark and it is pretty crowded in here. There is a small stage with a microphone where all of the chairs are facing. Ashley walks me to a table near the back, in a dark corner with not many other tables around.
The place is nice, but I am still unsure as to why we are here. Maybe they have like the world's best coffee or something. A server comes up to us and we order some of their great coffee.
More people fill in the empty tables and the server returns with our coffees. Ok here it goes, I am about to drink the world's best coffee.
I take a sip. Ok what the hell this tastes like regular coffee.
"Ash why-" I am cut off by someone speaking through the microphone. I look towards the voice and notice a guy that seems to be about my age standing on stage talking through the microphone.
"I'm glad to see everyone here for one of our Thursday Poetry Nights. For those of you that have never been here before. Our poetry nights are not like other places. Here we choose from the crowd. There is no pre-scheduled list of performers. If you have something to say, you are more than welcome to come up on stage. Now that that's over with, let's begin. Do I have any takers?" A girl in the front row volunteers to start the show.
I turn my attention to Ashley. I can't believe we are here. I've always wanted to go to a live poetry night somewhere, but I've never told anyone that so I have no idea how she knows that.
"Ashley how…how'd you know?" My eyes are starting to get a bit misty. Her bringing me here is a small gesture but it means so much.
She shrugs. "I don't know. I know how much you like to write poems and just your thoughts. I thought you might enjoy this place."
I stand up from my seat and go towards her. Wrapping her up in my arms I whisper in her ear "Thank you. I lo…I'm really happy you brought me here." I kiss her cheek then go back to my seat.
I'm praying silently to myself; I really hope she didn't catch that slip up.
The clapping around me makes me realize that there are more people here. When I'm with Ashley I always get lost. She makes it feel like it's only us here. I put my hand over hers and squeeze it. I don't plan on letting go until I have to.
The enthralling poets capture my interest and I feel as though I am hypnotized. I hang on to their every word, feeling their emotions. Halfway through the show I had silent tears rolling down my face. Ashley wiped them away whenever she saw them and I had to tell her more than once that I was fine, I just really enjoyed the poets.
A few performances and coffees later, I was in a happier mood and still holding on to Ashley's hand. There were less emotional poems and more comical ones.
The host came back on stage and I was ready for more even though we've been here for close to two hours.
"How is everyone doing?" Everyone claps including me which meant I had to let go of Ashley's hand. "I'm glad everyone has been enjoying themselves. Unfortunately our time is running out and we only have time for one more performer. Is there one last brave sole in the audience tonight?" He pauses and waits for someone to walk up there or to say something. I look around and see everyone else looking around. My gaze stops on Ashley. My amazing girlfriend, and although I've only had one girlfriend, I'm pretty sure she is the best girlfriend ever. She has to be. No other girl or person for that matter can make me feel beautiful, wanted, sexy, appreciated, happy, and just alive. In the time that I've known her she has done all of that for me and I feel like I've given her nothing in return. And it's time that I take Chelsea's advice. I need to show her how I feel, how she makes me feel. "There's not one person in here that needs to get something off their chest at all?" And there's my cue.
"I do!" I yell and get out of my seat. I don't bother looking at Ashley because I am sure that she is confused right now, and I don't want anything to hold me back from my sudden braveness. Walking up the steps to the stage, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. There is no backing out now. By the time I reach the microphone, the host is already off the stage so it's just me, the mic, and this bright light shining on me. Looking out into the crowd really makes me nauseous so I settle on the one thing that is making this all possible, Ashley. My eyes find hers even through the darkness of the club. "I wrote this for my wonderful girlfriend who has made me happier than I ever remember." I wink at Ashley and she blushes. Reciting the poem in my head that I've somehow memorized over the past few days, I take a deep breath and begin to pour my heart out.
"You are always on my mind,
But I try to leave those thoughts behind.
I'm so happy that I met you.
It's a blessing, but a curse too.
It all started with a simple hi.
And after each conversation, I never wanted to say bye.
It was like you put me under your spell.
You pulled me in, and I nearly fell.
Every day my feelings grew.
Somehow I kept it inside, and no one had a clue.
I really wanted to let you know.
But I was afraid to put my heart up for show.
Our chats ended in the wee hours of the morning.
In all of that time, I spent longing.
I wanted to call you mine.
Each time I saw your eyes shine.
Finally the day is here
I can hold your hand without a care.
Without you I'm hopeless and blue
But now my dreams are coming true."
My eyes never left Ashley. She gave me the strength to stand up here and express my feelings for her. "Thank you" I whisper into the microphone and before I leave the stage I hear the applause of entire audience. A blush finds my cheeks and I walk faster towards Ashley. When I get there I am lifted off of my feet and held in Ashley's arms.
"That was unbelievable. I-I don't even know what to say. I'm actually speechless." Her lips roam all over my face. She finally puts me down on my feet.
"So I'm guessing you liked it?" I laugh and grab my bag. Putting my hand in hers we leave the coffee shop.
"Liked it? That's far from an understatement. I loved it! It made me feel so…so…I don't even know how to describe it." Who knew that this would be the reaction I would get? I surely didn't.
"Well it was written specifically for you so I'm glad you loved it." I giggle and get into her hot ass car.
"There's only one way to show you how I feel." My face is gently caressed and pulled into hers. My lips meet hers in one of the most passionate kisses I have ever experienced to this day. I have no choice but to moan into the kiss. Our tongues meet and slowly dance in our mouths. Even at this angle, there are not enough words in the dictionary to describe this kiss.
"Wow that's a great way to end a good night." I say as she starts driving.
"Who said the night is ending?" Ashley smirks at me.
"Oh so there's more? I guess you are just full of surprises then."
About twenty minutes later, we are coming close to the school. Why are we here? Instead of working my brain into over drive, I decide to just see what she has planned. I have learned my lesson last time.
She drives past the school and parks near the playground. She gets out of the car and once again I am following her lead. I notice that she is walking straight to the oak tree, the same oak tree where we had our first full in person conversation.
There is a picnic basic on a blanket right under that famous tree. I stop dead in my tracks when I see this. The surprises really never end with her.
"I hope you like picnics." She smiles nervously and takes a seat on the blanket. I sit on the other side of the picnic basket and grin at her.
"I do. When I was little, I remember going to the pier with my family every weekend during the summer. We would have a picnic, fly kites, then get ice cream. I always looked forward to the summers just for those weekends." I smile as the memory clouds my mind.
"I wish I had memories like that to reminisce on." Ashley says sadly. "At least one of us didn't have a completely fucked up childhood." She laughs bitterly.
"I'm sorry Ash."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault at all." She looks up at star lit sky.
"I know but I hate that you had to go through all of that. I wish I could have been there for you." I tell her sincerely.
"Well you are here now and that's all that matters, right?" I nod and give her a small smile.
She puts a sandwich and some chips on our plates and we begin to eat as we look out into the dark night.
"I still can't believe you stood up in front of that entire crowd and just shared your heart with me. I don't think I will ever get over that." Ashley breaks the silence. "What made you do it? I would have thought you'd be too shy to do anything like that. You aren't one for expressing your feelings like that." She laughs and I laugh with her. I sit up and look at her seriously.
"I did it because you have been nothing less than great to me and I wanted you to know how I felt. I wanted you to know that I'm like a different person with you, like I'm a new me, or the real me." I have to do this now. It's now or never. "I wanted you to know that…" I swallow hard. "That I love you." Her eyes widen in surprise. "I do Ashley and I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you so much Ashley and it scares me because I've never been in love before. I don't know how this works or what I'm supposed to do. The only thing that I know for sure is that I love you."
It's silent. She hasn't said anything at all. What if she runs? What if I've scared her off?
"I'm afraid." I look at her. I don't think I've ever heard her voice so small and vulnerable. "I-I've built up these walls to protect myself from everyone." She picks at the grass around the blanket. "I've always had people come in and out of my life. No one has ever stayed long enough to show me that they actually truly cared. Before I was a cheerleader, I was a loner. I had no one. I had no one to turn to when I wanted to talk. I had no one to go to when I just wanted to hang out and have fun. I was always alone with no one to turn to or depend on. My mom was always gone and my father has always put his work before his family. Before Aiden, the only friend I had was the chef that taught me how to cook and like many of my nannies, he was gone after a while. Aiden was the only person to come in my life and stay. But there's still this part of me that's saying that he will leave any day now. That I'm not worth it." She roughly wipes some fallen tears on her cheeks. I am one tear away from running over to her and hugging the life out of her, but I know that she needs to finish. This has obviously been bugging her for a while. "I joined the cheerleading squad because I thought that I would be less lonely and I would find some friends that will actually stay. I would finally have people I could turn to when I wanted to talk or people that actually wanted to be around me. That's how I met Aiden. I was the new cheerleader and he was the star of the boys' basketball team. We started dating and we realized that we were really wrong for each other and better off as friends. One day I told him about my interest in girls and he went with me to a gay club, which was the same night I found out about his male obsession." She chuckles. "Anyway we came up with the plan to keep up the front as a happy popular couple because it was much easier that way. I wasn't ready to give up the friends and popularity to go back to being the loner who had no one." My arms are around her and she cries softly into my shoulder.
"Ashley I didn't know you felt that way. I'm so sorry." I kiss her forehead and rub her back.
"I just thought I should tell you why it was so hard for me to come out. You shared a piece of you, so it was only right that I did too."
"Ashley you are so worth it." She looks at me disbelievingly. "I'm so happy that you were able to trust me enough to tell me this. I wish I could change the past or find some way to show you just how worth it you are. I love you Ashley and I am not going anywhere. I will stick around to prove to you that there are still people in this world that care for you."
"That's why I told you." She sniffs and continues. "You always seem to be there when I need you. You always seem to want to make me happy. I've never had anyone in my life do that. Aiden is just my friend, but he has never stood up in front of anyone just to show me how much I meant to him. And I love you for that. Even though, I know that sharing your personal writings is not something you normally do, you did it for me. You proved to me how much you care and that you would conquer your own fears and insecurities just to show me."
She just said she loved me. I don't even know what to say or what to do. I didn't expect her to say it back, but she did and I couldn't be happier.
"I wouldn't have been able to do that if you weren't there. As soon as I got on that stage I felt like throwing up but then I saw your face and I just…starting talking." I run my fingers slowly up and down her arm. "When I realized where we were and why we were there…something hit me. Something inside me said, I don't think I could love this girl any more than I do now." I pause. "But then I realized that after you let me in and after you were able to show me this other side of you, I love you so much more now." It feels so good to get this off of my chest, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
"I'm happy that we met. I never thought that a cheesy line would lead me such an amazing person." I laugh thinking about the stupid line that started all of this. 'LAbabe4u: On a scale from Lindsey Lohan to Ellen DeGeneres, how gay do you think you are?' She sits up from my arms and looks at me. "I love you Spencer."
"I love you too Ashley."
I lean forward and gently press my lips against hers. Now this kiss is the most passionate, blissful, powerful, most amazing kiss I have ever had.
So this is the end. I will post an epilogue. Thank you for reading the story, I hope you all enjoyed it.
Reviews are more than welcome.