She had slept past the time she was supposed to sleep. She knew that as Bethany started tugging at her arm, trying to pull her off the bunk. "Are you going to sleep all day!" It seemed like a feasible thing to do, sleep all day. "You know we have to pay Bartrand today and start packing for the Deep Roads!" Oh, yeah… that was today. She sighed as she opened her bright blue eyes to stare at her sister.

"I hardly think accosting me in my sleep will make me more likely to bring you to the Deep Roads…" She just stared at her as she saw Bethany bristle at her comment. It was true though, she wasn't going to take her sister with her. Her mother had already captured her and begged her not to take Bethany. It was unfair of Hawke to take Bethany like she had taken Carver with her so many years ago.

"You always do what mother says! Don't you ever think on your own! I'm old enough to handle myself, and you know my magic is stronger than Anders."

She had thought about leaving Anders behind as well. She sighed and rolled over, turning her back to her sister. "If I always did what mother said, she wouldn't have to nag me like she does… and anyways I don't feel comfortable leaving her with just our Uncle."

That seemed to make Bethany edge off. She huffed and stomped out of the room. Hawke took the time to stretch before sliding out of bed and into her clothes. She had a headache from the night before, she didn't have a good tolerance for liquor but she always somehow seemed to be in a contest with Varric. It was foolish but it entertained her. She at least applauded herself that Fenris seemed to fit smoothly into the party as long as she kept him away from the mages. There wouldn't be a table between them during he Deep Roads though. She could see the way he mistrusted them, and hated him… but she didn't blame him after what the Magister did to him. She held the opposite view point of him, but it was good to have differing view points. It allowed her to see the larger implications behind actions and decisions. There was always someone there to keep her in check, always someone there to teach her… but it left room for people to get offended when she spoke against their wishes. She couldn't help it, but there seemed to be too many toes she was stepping on lately.

She at least waited for Bethany to cool down before leaving. Her sister was the more sensible with money. All Hawke did was spend it or lose it when it was in her possession. "Are you ready to go? I didn't realize robes took that much effort to put on." She was sitting on the floor stretching as she looked to the side at her sister who was fixing her hair in the broken mirror.

"Don't be bitter because you chopped all your hair off. I still think you look better with long hair."

Hawke brushed off her comment and jumped up as he sister started to walk to the door, walking with her to go meet Batrand in High town. Her eyes drifted to where Fenris stayed as they walked past his manor. Bethany wasn't without notice and chuckled lightly. "You have an odd fascination with that elf… and I think he has one with you."

"You're looking far too much into things, I assure you. I look at all our friend's houses as we pass."

"But not with such puppy dog eyes." Bethany was teasing her now , she knew it. They always had these banters back and forth, but for once she wished Bethany believed what she was saying. Perhaps she did, but she doubted Fenris held anything for her. "Could you imagine if you ended up with him? Mother would die! I know she wants to marry you off to some noble after we get the estate back, which is all but guaranteed." Bethany went on prattling about how the will they had found back in the estate confirmed her suspicions, how the Viscount would have to turn the Amelle estate over to Hawke. She didn't really care, High town meant nothing to her but that estate seemed to mean everything to her mother since she got back.

"I'll just buy it when I get back from this expedition… I should have enough."

"It's rightfully ours though."

"I'd rather not fight over it. If I pay for it we still get it without any hassle."

They dropped off the money to Bartrand. Varric had finally convinced him that she was necessary after showing the maps that Hawke had gotten from Anders. That had taken some dirty work that she hadn't enjoyed. She first saw Vengeance that night, and it still made her shiver to think of his eyes. Ever since then she had always been two steps ahead of Anders, always out of his reach. He had said they were the same person that he couldn't separate Vengeance from him, and that had severed all interested she had in him.

They all stood and listened to the plans being run over. She was only allowed to take three others with her. Varric was a must for the Deep Roads, and Anders had signed himself up saying that she wasn't to be without a healer in her party… she couldn't fault him that logic. She felt Merril was too fragile to go into the Deep Roads with her, and Aveline had too much to take care of with the guard. A guard captain couldn't take a two week vacation, not in Kirkwall. Isabella or Fenris was left. She didn't know what would kill her sooner: the battles between Fenris and Anders or the banter of Isabella and Varric. She figured Anders pissing on her leg was a lot better than the bawdy comments of Isabella and Varric, either option left her craving for the Darkspawn to eat her however.

"I need to go by Fenris' and see if he is okay with going on the expedition.. I'd rather have a warrior with us than three rogues. Maker knows one of us is enough." Varric chuckled at her and wished her good luck, while her sister gave her a questioning look. "Bethany tell Mother that I'll be to dinner."

She turned to walk to Fenris' manor waving goodbye as she walked off. She felt guilty always leaving Bethany, but looking at her reminded her so much of Carver, another one she couldn't save. Her head was swirling with melancholy thoughts as she got to his manor. She knew knocking was pointless, he never answered the door and he always left it unlocked like he was inviting trouble. She walked in, feeling ever like the intruder. She walked up the stairs to his room where a fire was burning lowly. It was dark in there but he wasn't sleeping. He was sitting in one of the arm chairs before the fire. He casually glanced up at her with those mossy green eyes.

"Hello, Hawke, and what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"He seemed to have been in deep thought, brooding as he always did but his face seemed to warm a little at her presence.

"I would prefer if you came with me on the Deep Roads expedition tomorrow." She leaned her arm on the chair, looking into the fire rather than at his face. She always felt flustered when her eyes locked with his.

"If that is what you want, then I will go." He was reaching for a bottle of wine, pouring her a glass before he poured himself one.

"Anders will be coming." She let her eyes shift to look at him, gauging his reaction. He prickled, tensed up a little but he didn't look up from the wine as he poured it. He pushed her glass towards her before leaning back to drink his.

"I don't understand why you bring that abomination with you wherever you go. He is dangerous and uncontrollable."

"He is a gifted healer, and a friend." She heard him snort at that. It was true, Anders wasn't a friend. He was Anders, the one who precariously positioned himself between friend and lover, who would leap over that boundary she set at even the slightest look from her.

"He wants you, Hawke. I can see it in the way he looks at you."

"and what about in the way you look at me? What does that mean?" He smirked at her to give a slight chuckle. He hadn't thought she caught him looking, but he forgot how observant she was, how on guard she always was. Sometimes he forgot how cunning she was until she was before an enemy. The way she could talk her way out of any situation, the way she tricked even the smartest of foes to become her friends. He wondered if she had used that trickery on him.

"You are too clever for your own good… When are we supposed to leave tomorrow?" She gave him the details, and he committed them to memory. They sat in silence for awhile, splitting the bottle of sweet wine between them. It was a peaceful night for a night before a hazardous trip into the Deep Roads.

She shifted her weight to look at him as he was staring at the fire place. "So you know about my past, but I know nothing about you."

He looked up at her to give her a small smile. "You want to know about my past, Hawke? Are you this intimate with every friend of yours?"

She blushed slightly. "The others are more forth-coming about themselves."

He laughed at her. She had a completely different personality when she was without everyone around her. He truly wondered if she was this easy-going with everyone, if she made house calls to Anders, or Varric, or Aveline.

"I don't truly have anything to tell you sadly. I don't remember anything before I got my markings." The bottle was almost empty, and he wasn't drunk enough to start telling his history to this woman, but it seemed easier to talk to her than it had been with anyone else before. She made everything seem so easy with the way she solved problems without bloodshed, the way she tricked those trying to trick her, and she had such a kind heart even to those dirty mages. He hated her for it, how sociable she was, and how easy she made everything seem. "He used to make me pour this for his guest. He said my appearance intimidated them."

"I can't imagine why you put them off." She gave this coy smile at him that made his heart race, made him forge t the hate that seethed from him remembering Danarius.

"None of his guests were like you."

"It seems you have lived a hard life…"

"I'd rather not speak of it."

"Are you certain? I'm willing to listen."

"To my whining? Very charitable of you."

They lapsed into silence again as she debated if she should leave. She felt she was overstaying her welcome.

"I've wanted to leave my past behind me, but it won't stay there. Tell me… have you never wanted to return to Ferelden?"

"I have no home left to return to. I've started a life here."

"You leave it behind so easily?"

"No… not truly. There are things that will always haunt me… but I have made Kirkwell my home for now."

"I'm sorry for prying. It just seems so familiar." He seemed to be aligning himself with her stories. She was someone torn away from her past, but at least she remembered it. He wondered if he wanted to remember, all her could recall was her face when she said that one name, Carver. Did he really want to remember at the cost of having such sorrows?

"What about you, Fenris? Do you plan staying here? It sounds to me like you wish to stay here.."

"I could see myself doing that… for the right reasons. I cannot leave a wolf at my back however, Danarius will return. I should thank you again for fighting off the hunters. Had I known Anso would have found me a woman so capable I would have asked him sooner."

"Maybe I should be thanking Anso." They both chuckled.

"Maybe you should. Perhaps I'll practice my flattery for your next visit. With any luck I'll become better at it."

She felt her face get hot at his words. She wasn't used to him turning his charm on her, it usually was just her making the quips. "I will see you tomorrow then." He had that smirk on his face again, she guessed he could see the effect of his flirting on her. She took her leave then walking back to her home feeling a little tipsy.