April couldn't remember when she had felt as horrible as she felt now. She felt like a rag that had been twisted and wrung until it hung limp and stretched — every one of her nerves felt like an unraveling piece of yarn, and her head ached as if someone had cracked her across the temples with a rock. She sank back into the armchair, pulling the blanket closer around her body, and drew her knees up against her chest.

Casey appeared beside her, gripping a mug tightly, as if afraid he would drop it. "Hey, April," he said a little awkwardly. "Splinter made this tea. It smells like somebody boiled ink, but it's probably real good for ya."

April smiled slightly, and accepted the mug. "Thanks, Casey," she said, grateful for the gesture from both her ex-boyfriend and from the mutant rat. "I really appreciate you coming to the rescue."

He smiled bashfully and scratched the back of his neck.

She drank the tea gingerly — Casey wasn't wrong about how it smelled, and it was painfully bitter — while her eyes moved to the Turtles. They were gathered in a tight little ring around the couch, with Don's three brothers talking quietly around him. Raph was gesturing angrily at nothing in particular, probably demanding that they fight someone, while Leo had his arms crossed over his chest and was staring sternly at his angry brother. Mikey was busy fluffing the cushion behind Don's head and chattering about something.

She couldn't see Don's face — he was facing away from her — and it was a relief. Every time she saw his face, the memories came flooding back — of his face as Racer had raped him, of his exhausted, empty expression as he had been dragged in front of Sarkis….

… of his eyes as he had gasped and quivered against her.

She flinched and pressed her face against her folded arm, the tea in her other hand almost forgotten. Don's heartbroken eyes filled her mind as she remembered how he had looked after she had mated with him. After she had hurt him. She would never forget how he had looked at her.

"April?" Casey said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," April said, her voice muffled by her arm.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" Casey said, his brows knitting. "The Dragons — they didn't hurt you none, did they? I didn't get a good look at you before we left… I can get the first aid kit."

"No, Casey," April said, looking up quickly. "Don — he made sure none of them — hurt me."

It was mostly true — Don had saved her from being raped, and the Dragons hadn't bothered to hit her. Still, she slid her arms under the blanket, hiding the yellowish-green bruises that their rough hands had left on her pale skin when they had physically restrained her. There wasn't any point in upsetting Casey with them; he and Raph had already beaten almost every Purple Dragon in that particular building.

Relief crossed his face, and thankfully he didn't ask how Don had done that when he was practically paralyzed. April quickly swallowed another mouthful of bitter tea to keep from having to answer any more questions. Even though Leo had clearly figured out what had been done to Don, she was not going to tell anyone else what had happened until he wanted her to.

She bowed her head and stared down at the black tea, swishing it around in the cup. Once again, she suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of what she had done to Don out of fear — and even more ashamed as she felt a warm, sensual throb in her lower abdomen at the memory of Don inside her. Disgust with herself swelled in her chest. No matter how unwilling she had been to do it, even though she had been threatened into it, her body remembered nothing but the pleasure she had felt.

She felt dirty, and not just from the dust and sweat that still clung to her skin. She huddled back in the chair and lost herself in her thoughts of the last few days. Everything had started off so normally — a movie night, a meeting with Don — and it had all twisted into a nightmare that had left her nerves fractured and fragile as broken glass.

With trembling hands, she set down the mug of tea. She was aware that she needed sleep — she had dozed off before, but not for very long, and her body and mind had been subjected to massive strain during their captivity. Now it was all catching up to her — all the fatigue, the emotional stress, everything she hadn't allowed herself to feel during her captivity.

"Are you okay, April?" Leo's voice broke through her thoughts.

She looked up sharply, momentarily confused. Casey was gone — he was in the kitchen, filling up the coffeemaker — and Leo was sitting directly in front of her, his eyes full of concern.

"Sorry, Leo," she said softly. "I was just… thinking."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "I understand. This must have been pretty traumatic."

She shook her head. "You should be focusing on Don. He's the one who — who —"

"I know," he said quietly. "Raph does too. Master Splinter figured it out too. I'll… tell Mikey later, when Don is asleep."

April had already known that Leo had figured out what had happened to Don — she had seen him examine his brother in the Battle Shell, after all. But she wasn't sure how Raph had found out. It didn't sound, however, like either of them had learned of what had happened between her and Don. Yet. Her fingers tightened around the mug. Sooner or later, Leo would have to know… but she wasn't sure if she should tell him, or leave that up to Don… assuming he even wanted to talk about it, which he probably didn't.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I wasn't able to stop them. I tried, but…"

"It's not your fault," Leo said.

April closed her eyes. She wasn't so sure.

Leo hesitated for a moment, before saying softly, "April, I — I know what they did to Don — but did they — did they do anything to you?"

April shook her head, a lock of red hair falling loose against her cheek. "No," she said quietly. "They — they tried to. But Don distracted them, and they — Racer raped him instead." She felt a lump rising in her throat, squeezing tears up into her eyes. "He wouldn't let them hurt me — no matter what — and they just wouldn't stop hurting him — and I — then I…"

"It's not your fault," Leo repeated, placing his hands on her shoulders.

April's head ducked down as she struggled to swallow the tears that were rising to blur her vision. She wished she could believe that Leo was saying, but guilt was welling up inside her as she thought of all Don had suffered — and how he had endured it all to keep her safe. Now he was back with his family, safe again, but she knew he would likely never be the same after what he had gone through.

And she also knew that he probably didn't want to see her.

"I should go," she said thickly, rising to her feet. "I — I should probably notify the police that I'm alive and safe. Then I'll call someone to fix my windows and door, assuming someone hasn't robbed me blind."

"April—" Leo began.

"It's fine," she said, trying to smile. "I — I need to get some rest anyway, and take a shower. I'll call you guys later."

His hand tightened on her shoulder. "You shouldn't go, April," he said quietly.

"I have to," she said softly.

April let the blanket slip from her shoulders, and began to walk from the lair, her arms tightly wrapped around herself. She was still barefoot and dressed only a ragged T-shirt and shorts, but perhaps Mikey would be able to drop her off at her store, or she could try to flag down a taxi to take her home… either way, she didn't feel like she belonged in this place any longer…

"April."

The soft, steady voice pierced the quiet of the lair more effectively than a shout would have. Don's voice. She had thought that he had fallen asleep, or at least was so wrapped up in his brothers that he wouldn't pay attention to what was happening with her. But he had been listening to everything she said.

She turned slowly around, seeing Don's head raised from the pillow. His dark eyes were looking back at her.

"I can't—" she said faintly.

"April… please," Don whispered. His arm reached out toward her, hand open, beseeching her to come back.

Those two words tore at her heart, leaving her breathless. The last time he had spoken them, she had been kissing and caressing him in that miserable cell, both of them desperate and afraid. She hadn't been able to do what he wanted then, but she couldn't deny him now.

She could feel tears trickling from her eyes as she slowly came toward him, almost unwillingly, and clasped her hand in his. He was watching her with those wide dark eyes, and the guilt and pain swelled in her again at how he was looking at her — that undercurrent of pain and sadness, at war with something softer and brighter.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry…"

He squeezed her hand gently, pulling her down to sit beside him on the couch. The world became a hazy blur as the tears finally overwhelmed her, and she crumpled forward against Don's welcoming shoulder, clutching at him like a drowning woman clinging to a life preserver. She felt his fingers at her eyes, softly wiping away the tears, and other three-fingered hands touched her shoulder and back as his brothers closed around them.