Author Notes: Sorry for the hold up. I've been working and engulfed in another play through of the game.
Chapter 16: A Few Rounds
He felt like ripping her heart out when he thought about her smirk. He felt like punching Anders in his face at how oblivious he was that he was standing next to a cruel statue, and he felt like punching him for the fact that he had taken his place. Hawke had made it known how replaceable he was, so why should he stay here? He didn't want to follow this woman around anymore, that would destroy him… but he promised he would protect her. He felt like punching himself for that, making a promise to that witch.
At least the Hanged Man seemed the same. It smelled the same at least, like despair, piss and alcohol. He saw Varric sitting with Merrill. He wondered why it was only those two, and where that pirate was. He wondered if Aveline was on guard duty, but it was late for that. Varric seemed to perk up as he approached the table, and Merrill seemed to smile like he never left. It seemed odd to have such a small party here, after all the ones he had been to.
"Well look whose back! We thought you had left forever." He was curious about that, of course they had talked about his leaving but he wondered what Hawke had told the dwarf that she took everywhere with her. Fenris had always told her that he was a bad confidant that he probably wrote it all down in his little book. Hawke had laughed at him and told him he was paranoid.
"Well, why wouldn't we? That's what Hawke said after all." Merrill nodded, proud of herself for her remembering Hawke's assertion.
"Shh, Daisy she didn't mean that." Varric motioned for him to sit down and he did so in the chair opposite of them. "So what have you been up to, broody?"
"Chasing ghosts. Nothing truly substantial. I thoughtHawke could help me but she seems to be engulfed in other things." They had ordered drinks, and he had the idea he was going to get pretty hung tonight and live up to the name of the place. Maybe he'd even rent a room and just sleep here.
"She is pretty busy, but she does tasks for us when we ask her to. I am sure you could get her assistance." Merrill was as oblivious as always, maybe she didn't realize the affection he held for Hawke, or the fact he didn't want her help now that she was with that abomination.
"Yes, I'm sure. Right between playing noble and house." He took a deep drink of his ale. It tasted like piss, but it was better than having a clear head. "What has she been doing anyways? You always follow her around, Varric."
He nearly coughed on his drink. Secrets, he held all her secrets. What was Anders then? Just a toy? Fenris used to be all of these things to her, her keeper of secrets, her confidant she would say and her lover. He grit his teeth slightly before taking another drink to eye the dwarf closely. "Here and there, you know Hawke. She has her hand in everything. I am guessing you saw her tonight before you came here by how broodier you seem." Varric played it off, taking a drink after deflecting the question.
A couple more drinks and Fenris assumed he could get what Hawke had been doing out of Varric, he was a chatty drunk after all. "Yes I saw her, all dolled up with Anders on her arm going to some function."
Varric laughed. "I never see her like that. It must have been quite the sight. Let me guess, red tonight? She seemed fiery during the day." Varric took another swill. Fenris hated Varric for the simple fact he might well drink him under the table before he got any information out of him that he wanted. "I assume Aveline went with Donnic then. Hawke insists Aveline goes with her to all these functions and Aveline hates her for it." That explained why Aveline wasn't here, that much was at least covered. "I'm sure they will show up later after the party and cause chaos here. Hawke doesn't like to go to bed after these things; says it gives her nightmares."
He didn't know if he wanted to be here when she showed up. He didn't truly want to see her. "A lot of things give her nightmares these days." Merrill was talking again with her sweet voice that seemed to poke at the inner hate he was harboring. "I don't think she sleeps like she used to after.. well.. after that day."
"What happened?" Merrill had zoned out, thinking on something else or possessed by what she said. Varric just looked down into his drink before shifting uncomfortably.
"It isn't truly our place to say… Hawke has changed a lot since you were gone because of certain events… No one calls her Hawke anymore except us, she's the Champion of Kirkwall now." He took a deep gulp of his drink, letting Fenris sit in anticipation of all the things that had gone on since he left. "After you left she was on the trail of some killer… and her mother went missing. The guy had been cutting women up to make this perfect woman… and he had killed her mother and used her head as the finishing piece. She killed him by herself, and her mother had died because his magic was gone. She carried the corpse all the way from that foundry to the Chantry… She didn't say a word for weeks." Fenris sat there transfixed, he hadn't even of thought that Leandra would be gone. She seemed so resilient and like she would be a perpetual motion behind Hawke's gears. "After that she seemed suicidal. She took riskier jobs that she wouldn't take before, and she was here almost every night after she finally started venturing out. We made Anders go on every mission incase… well.. you know." Merrill was playing with her fingers nervously as Varric stared off at the door. "Isabella left because Hawke tried to get her to turn a relic over to the Qunari… Isabella actually knocked Hawke out… and when Hawke awoke the Arishok was waging war on the city. She ended up killing him in one-on-one combat. She had insisted that was how it was going to go. She didn't get there quick enough, and the Viscount died. That's why everything is a mess, Meredith took over. She's been holding Bethany over Hawke's head."
"I… I didn't even…" It seemed sobering to him to think that all this had happened when she was away. She had lived a lifetime in this year while he had just wandered. He could even picture this mad woman throwing herself in front of the Arishok. He could imagine her standing there refusing to allow him to kill another.
"Yeah.. we all are…We're surprised she is still alive. The Arishok broke two of her ribs, she punctured a lung…" He rattled off her injuries and how she had survived. Was she even alive or was Anders keeping her alive? He couldn't imagine someone going through all of this and surviving.
"I think she wants to destroy this city like the Arishok. She thinks it's corrupt and beyond salvation."
"Daisy, I doubt she wants to do that…"
No, that was exactly what she wanted to do. It was just like Hawke. She wanted to get rid of those that tried to control her, she wanted to out Meredith for using her sister against her. She wanted to end the corruption and abuse because of how the system had let her mother's killer go unpunished to the point where he had gotten her mother. She wanted revenge for the fact she had to kill the Arishok because these people had trapped him. She was cold because she was calculating every step she took as she danced around these politicians. She was hard because what had occurred had broken her emotionally and physically. He always wondered what it would take to get Hawke to break, he guess he was just told about it. Her mother's death had been the nail in the coffin of the already teetering on cruel Hawke. He had remembered how that slaver Danzig had begged for his life before Hawke, and how she had laughed and said sure, before she stabbed him through the chest. He had respected her for the fact she had killed a slaver, but there was something that unnerved him about that experience, how he had started to see her unravel before his eyes. He had chalked it off to her hating slavers, she had been a slave to those smugglers he had learned, but her hate was a vicious thing. It was completely engulfing like his, but she had larger fish to fry than he did. He was after one man, she was after the whole system it seemed.
He sighed as he finished his drink, he was about to call it a night when he felt cold air on his back. He turned his head to see that bird of prey walk in. She was decked in all black as was customary to her assassin charms but now some of her clothing was accented with crimson trim. Her bodice was different than he remembered. It was lower cut, and it seemed to lace like the one she was wearing tonight did. It was long sleeve, covering every inch of her skin except for the bit of chest and neck she allowed to be seen. She had come here with Aveline by her side, and a red hood up to leave her face in shadows. Her hair was still long and in curls, but looser than they had been before. She was a vision as she flashed a smile at Aveline, giving some inside joke that he couldn't hear over the crowd here tonight. Anders wasn't with her that gave him some delight as she walked over to the clicking of her high-heeled boots on the wood. He still debated running but it was too late as she had already caught him, swooped down to captivate him. Was this how the hare felt when the hawk came upon them? Was their fear squashed beneath some awe towards the hunter?
He could feel his face redden as she put her hands on his shoulders, leaning down to speak into his ear. He could smell the familiar lavender scent of her skin and it made him stiffen as he remembered their intimate encounter. "I knew I would find you here, you are so predictable." She said it in such a tone that it was almost intimate, but it wasn't. There was a mocking in her voice as she whispered that to him to brush past him and take the seat next to him. It was a torment being next to her, and she showed no sign that it was to her. He hated her.
"So how was your party, Hawke?" Varric was the first one to talk, he always was the conversation starter. Hawke smirked as she turned to take her drink from the barmaid that seemed to know exactly what she wanted.
"It was standard fair. They all kissed my ass and said how grateful they were to be alive… how barbaric the Qunari were, and how afraid they were that the mages were going to rebel…" She took a drink before she continued her little rant. "Oh, Champion.. . What should we do? And did you know I have a son your age?" She laughed at her own imitation before setting her drink down. Her laugh was so hollow to him now, and he could see the bitterness in her face at having to play their games. "If I get one more proposal I should just take it to shut them up!"
They all laughed at that except Fenris, he just made himself seem thirsty as the drinks seemed to keep coming. "I doubt Anders would like that, Hawke… and you as a noble's wife? I think Hightown would implode."
Hawke smiled. Fenris recoiled slightly. Anders. It always came down to Anders. Were they living together? Is that why he was there tonight in her mansion? "The world would turn upside and the darkspawn would become civilized! I know. I won't do it, I don't want another Blight."
The night passed uneventfully. He watched her, the way she would glance at him out of the corner of her eye, the way she laughed dryly and spoke only when spoken to. He didn't even know if this was Hawke. He wanted to reach out and touch her and see if she was an ethereal entity, some vision to haunt him but he dare not move an inch closer to her. He remembered her touch well enough from when she came in. She was a hot blooded creature, she had to be real if not reserved.
She said her goodbyes, making everything as personal as she always did. She knew why they would follow her even if she meant to take the city down; it was because she was their Hawke. She was this woman that always made time for them, made time for everyone, she always made even the people she hated feel so special. She just gave him a brief goodbye, but she ran her fingers across his shoulder as she passed him on her way out. He stared as she left, he always did enjoy following her. He tried to seem as inconspicuous as possible as he got up and left five minutes later, the others seemed to know he only came to see if Hawke would appear. Maybe Merrill was right, maybe he did look at her with puppy eyes… He didn't want to admit it to them but he did love this destructive woman.
She was waiting for him in the clearing ahead. She looked like some shade as she stood in the clearing with the moon shining down on her. She looked at him with a wicked smirk on her face before running off. Was he supposed to chase her? Why was she running, what was going through her mind? He chased her though, like the wolf he was, he followed her down the alleyways and around the corners before he came to a dead end. He felt his heart drop as he looked around for her to see only the shadows cast by the moonlight. He remembered this alley though, where had she led him? He looked up at the familiar balcony where he once snuck in on Hawke. He remembered how she just sat by the fire and looked at him dully, like she had expected him hours before.
"So predictable." He heard the words a second too late. He felt a small knife as she pressed it against the front of his throat as her other arm wrapped around his hips. He could feel her warm, the press of her body against his. "but yet you don't flinch, maybe I am predictable." She stepped away from him in a smooth movement and he just turned and looked at her, she hadn't backed up as much as he thought. She looked up at him slightly, her lips almost touching his. He wanted to wipe that smirk off her face. "Did you miss me, Wolf?" She was stepping back slightly and he was following her, it was like she had a collar tight around his neck and she was pulling his leash. "What did you do while you were gone, Wolf?" Why was she calling him that?
"I am no wolf."
"You look like one to me… the way you hunt… the way you search for a pack… You want to seem like a lone wolf but you yearn to run with others. You saw my pack and wanted to join. You want me to lead you, Fenris, you are submissive by nature." He was scowling at her, and she could see she loved every second of it.