AN: This chapter is a hot mess. It's all over the place thematically, but it gets the job done.
Chapter 6.
Rin got the day off on Sunday, which was a blessing after a week of hard training. She felt wrung out, her chakra barely more than a low simmer. her skin was still irritated where Sanbi's chakra had burned like steam.
To distract herself – and to indulge her friend – she went round to Kurenai's place and knocked on the door bright and early. Kakashi had left the house a little bit before her, off to his mystery training again, so there was no reason for her to stick around the apartment all day.
Kurenai's mom was warm and kind and pleasant and all-too-familiar when she opened the door, with her soft civilian hands and lack of scars – too much like Rin's father had been, before – before everything. Before his kind eyes had turned distant and sad. Rin swallowed past the lump in her throat to smile and nod and exchange all the expected pleasantries, and hoped like hell that the aching longing in her chest wasn't visible on her face.
Kurenai's parents were divorced, and she lived with her civilian mom over the weekends. They had a nice little apartment, the walls painted in warm, mellow colors and two big, soft looking sofas taking up most of the space in the living room. It was much nicer than Kurenai's father's apartment, which had an air of being too empty and too shinobi-esque to ever deserve the moniker 'cozy'.
Kurenai was sitting at the table, her eyes closed as she practiced her hand seals. A rose hovered in the air before her, just a little bit too opaque to seem real. Something loosened in Rin's chest upon seeing it.
"How pretty," Rin said softly. "Hi, Kurenai."
Kurenai looked up in surprise. Her concentration broke and the rose faded out of existence. "Rin! You came!" She beamed, and for a moment it was just like old times.
"How have you been? Did you and your dad find a new house yet?" Kurenai asked once Rin had settled down at the table. Her mom brought them drinks.
"No, no such luck." Rin said. She hated lying to her friends.
Kurenai sighed. "Who would've thought houses were so badly maintained in Konoha? It's ridiculous."
"Gas leaks are difficult. They have to do redo all of the wiring. Or piping? Whatever gas comes from," Rin smiled apologetically.
"It's a good thing you're never going to be a repairman, Rin-chan. Seriously though? The state should be re-housing you guys. This isn't right."
Rin shrugged helplessly. The official Minato-approved story of a gas leak setting them out of their house came with red tape over their front doors and, gratifyingly, her father being forced to move into a hotel room until the 'leaky gas pipes' were fixed. Kakashi had looked particularly evil when her father's situation had been explained to her, so she suspected he had had a hand in uprooting the man. The thought of her father being put out of his house wasn't actually all that comforting, when it came down to it. The house she had grown up in, the house she still loved, stood empty as a constant reminder of her father's rejection. At least walking past it would be easier with the knowledge that he wasn't inside to watch her as she went by.
"I'm sorry," Kurenai said again. "If it wasn't for my dad, you could totally stay with me. Just imagine the pillow forts we could build. And we could practice genjutsu together in the evenings. Did I show you the books my father got me?"
Rin smiled, genuinely grateful. Rin wasn't sure whether Kurenai's father actually didn't want her to stay in the house or whether Minato had given him an excuse not to let her move in, but she didn't really care either way. It would have been impossible to keep her secret while living with people not in the know. At least with Kakashi, she never had to pretend. That didn't make the offer any less meaningful, though. Kurenai was a good friend. Accepting her offer, however, would be tantamount lying to her.. Well, lying even more.
Rin hated lying.
"Staying with Kakashi isn't so bad. He's a great friend," she said. A truth for every lie. Perhaps that would feel better.
Kurenai gave her a slightly skeptical look. "I suppose you would know better than I do. I only remember what he was like from before… Well, you know."
Rin looked down at her cup. The tea was a very nice shade of caramel brown, just the way she liked it. Obito had liked it light and sugary. Kakashi preferred green tea. "I know. Please don't worry about me. I'll be just fine."
"I hope you're right. I was worried when you came back last month, you know. You were so quiet," Kurenai leveled her with a wary look. "And you still won't tell me what happened."
"You know I can't. I'm not allowed."
"I know, I just – I'm your friend, and I want to help you. And because I don't know, I keep imagining…" Kurenai looked away. "I keep imagining the worst, you know? With everyone being so secretive, and you staying in the hospital for so long…"
Rin's stomach dropped. "I wasn't in the hospital for that long," she said quickly. Only a week, according to official records. In reality, of course, it had been closer to a month.
Kurenai gave her an uneasy look. "You don't have to lie to me. I can keep a secret. Asuma said he heard his dad talking about you. That you were in the hospital for much longer."
Rin could feel the color drained from her face. "He… Overheard that?"
"Nothing else, I promise!" Kurenai said quickly. "He just hears things, since his dad's the Sandaime and all. Just that you were there for longer than you said you were. Rin-chan, I don't really understand why you lied to us about it, but whatever it is… If you just tell me perhaps I can help."
Her friends had been talking about her hospitalization. They had speculated and thought and analyzed… What if they had reached the truth?
No.
No, speculation alone wouldn't allow them to draw that conclusion. But then what did Kurenai think happened?
"I was just injured. It was nothing special."
"I thought perhaps someone had captured you, you know –" Kurenai said simultaneously.
They stopped and looked at each other for a moment. Kurenai couldn't mean – oh. It suddenly dawned on Rin.
"You thought… Someone tortured me?" Rin repeated slowly.
Kurenai flushed red. "It's– It's not unheard of. And you were so different when you came back. And you stayed in the hospital for so long. I guess I didn't know what to think. I'm sorry, Rin-chan."
Rin let out a long breath. "No, don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry. I promise you that's not what happened." She reached out and grabbed one of Kurenai's hands in her own. "I wasn't tortured. I just… It's hard to explain. But everyone is helping me. And I'm already more like I used to be, aren't I?" She smiled to emphasize her final point and hope they didn't tremble at the edges, like her heart. Would Kurenai be this kind, if she knew the truth?
Kurenai held her gaze as if to read her. "You are more like yourself…" She said slowly, and then smiled back. "I'm glad it wasn't… You know. I'm not sure what I would have done if it was. It happened to my uncle, and he still can't sleep through the night."
"I'm glad too," Rin said, and then thought she should never have pressed the point at all. If she had just left Kurenai to her speculation… But no. That wasn't fair on her friend. Omitting the truth was at least somewhat better than lying outright, and Rin had her belly full of lying.
"Thank you, though. For asking whether I'm okay, I mean," she added.
Kurenai smiled and surprised Rin by standing up and drawing her into a hug. "You're my friend," she said, a little shy. "Of course I asked."
They sipped their tea in silence. If it wasn't for that, they could have been too ordinary teenagers spending a few hours together.
Rin tapped her fingers on the table. "Kurenai? How did you decide you wanted to specialize in genjutsu?"
Kurenai blinked in surprise. "Oh. I have good chakra control but I'm not very good at close combat, so genjutsu suits me perfectly. Why?"
Because I need to get better at killing people, Rin thought, not without a hint of irony. "Because I've been thinking about my offensive capabilities. I want to become a stronger fighter, not just a healer," she said.
Kurenai's surprise didn't let up. "Oh. Are you thinking about trying genjutsu?"
"I might. I have good chakra control as well."
"Yeah, but with your reserves you could also go for ninjutsu," Kurenai suggested. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I think you have a lot more chakra now than you used to. I bet it's from training with Kakashi and the Yondaime," she smiled.
Rin's expression froze. "I... You noticed that?"
"You're not exactly hiding it," Kurenai said, looking amused. "Are you sure you're not trying to become the next Tsunade-hime?"
Rin huffed out a laugh, even as she tried to gather her chakra towards herself, wrapping it around her being like one would a cloak. It was slow to respond. "I'm sure. I don't think I want healing to be my main specialty anymore," she added, trying to make it sound as cheerful as she could.
Kurenai frowned. "I thought you loved healing."
"I do. I did. I don't know, I just want to explore what I'm capable of," Rin improvised. She wanted to heal more than anything, but she had to be realistic as well: her new status meant she would be far more effective at dealing damage than healing it. At least if she could learn to fight like Minato and Kakashi and Kushina, she could really protect them. Not just look on from afar.
Of course it would also make it easier for the village to use her. She pushed that thought away.
"Well, we can always go and practice genjutsu together sometime. I can teach you some of the basics, if you like, so we can see if you have an affinity for it," Kurenai said uncertainly. "I'm sure my teacher wouldn't mind."
Rin's smile became more genuine. Perhaps if she could think of fighting and hurting enemies as protecting her friends in a different way, she could at least accept its necessity – and perhaps even gain some kind of satisfaction in becoming skillful at it.
Of course, that was just theory. The battlefield would have to prove whether it held true.
Kakashi and Rin spent that evening at Minato and Kushina's place for dinner (take-out, of course), an old team tradition that had refused to die after they became chunin. Not that they had tried to let it – it was one of Rin's favorite days of the week. It was startlingly easy to slip back and be her old self around them, so it wasn't long before they were all happily eating and chatting away.
Or well, most of them anyway. Kakashi seemed rather distracted.
"So Kakashi, have you given any thought to your birthday yet?" Minato said, around a mouthful of noodles. Thick broth dribbled down his chin and made a valiant attempt at escaping to the safety of his lap before Kushina caught it with a napkin.
Kakashi looked like he had just swallowed a goat. He blinked at them. "Birthday? Wait, is it September?"
Rin almost choked on her noodles.
Minato placed his chopsticks down with something like concern written on his face. "Are you not feeling well, Kakashi-kun?" He squinted."Or is this just a strategy to avoid answering the question?" He added, speaking with the benefit of eight years worth of Kakashi-experience.
Kakashi sunk back into his chair, looking a little ruffled. Rin couldn't tell which of Minato's comments had hit the mark, but one of them had.
"Oh please, like he would bother lying when he could just speak the truth," Kushina said. "You really lost track of the days, huh Kakashi?"
"Well. Hmm. That's not very punctual of you, Kakashi," Minato said, apparently satisfied. He picked up his chopsticks again and dug back into the ramen, but not before giving his student a gleaming blue look. "You haven't answered the question though."
"I haven't thought about my birthday yet," Kakashi deadpanned. "I was a little bit too busy thinking about the war."
"Oh sure, sure – I bet you didn't give any thought whatsoever to the kind of gifts you might get," Minato said innocently.
"I didn't give it thought," Kakashi grumbled, arms crossed over his chest, but he ruined the picture by throwing a quick, curious glance at his teacher.
Rin ducked her head to hide her smile. "You have been awfully busy lately," she piped up. "That must be why you forgot the day."
Kakashi shot her a look that was at least slightly grateful. "Yeah. I've been training."
"Oh?" Minato hummed.
"Aren't you always? What's so special about this training?" Kushina said, filling her bowl with a second serving.
Kakashi's eye widened a little. It was almost imperceptible, but Rin recognized that look. He was hiding something. "I'm just trying to improve," he said. "Same as always."
Minato raised one eyebrow.
"That's great, Kakashi," Rin said, coming to his rescue. "Are you still working on your taijutsu technique?" Something nice and innocuous, unlikely to cause concern.
Kakashi's scowl lightened. He held her gaze for a moment before looking down at his bowl and stirring his noodles around awkwardly. "Yeah, sure."
Yep, he was definitely hiding something.
"Man, I haven't had a proper party in ages. This would be the perfect opportunity!" Kushina sighed. "Although I wouldn't be allowed to drink anyway, with the baby and all."
"Never mind that the party would be for a fourteen-year-old," Kakashi murmured.
"Still, we should at least have presents," Kushina mused, who seemed determined to ignore his comments.
"I'm not sure you should discuss presents without the birthday boy present."
"Oi, don't get cheeky!"
"What? It's common sense."
"Why, you little –"
In hindsight, Rin thought as she and Minato exchanged a long-suffering look, it really shouldn't have come as a surprise that even something as simple as a birthday party could derail the conversation. She tuned out the bickering, and finally started to make some proper progress on her meal.
xXx
Later that evening, after they had gone home, Rin found Kakashi on their small balcony. He'd moved his stool there so he could drape his arm over the balustrade. With the wind ruffling his hair, he made a rather elegant picture. The only thing out of place was the jagged scar running across his eye, the skin looking pinched and painful on his otherwise smooth face.
"There you are. Are… Are you okay?" Rin asked, careful to announce her presence with a knock on the door post first.
He startled. "Oh. Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
Rin frowned. She hesitated for a moment, but then worry overtook shyness and she sat down next to him on the cold stone, facing the apartment. "Is it... Is it something I did?"
He practically whiplashed himself in his hurry to look at her. "No! Of course not. Why would you think that?"
Rin's cheeks burned. Because I've invaded your house. Because I'm not the same as I used to be. Because I almost made you kill me. "Sorry. I shouldn't assume."
He made an irritated noise in the back of his throat. "No, I'm sorry. I haven't… I'm not around a lot lately. I should be. You still have nightmares."
He didn't meet her eyes, which Rin was grateful for; she was pretty certain her face had gone bright red. She had completely misinterpreted his silences. He wasn't wary of her, he was still worried about her. And why wouldn't he be? He'd never shown any sign of judging her for any of what happened. If anything, he was more likely to judge himself for it. Despite her shame, her heart seemed to grow two sizes for him. "You have nightmares too," she finally said.
She had discovered this in her second week during her stay, when she'd woken up in the middle of the night to find him already seated at the dinner table with a haunted look in his eye. He never said what it was about, but she could guess. There were plenty of options for his sleeping mind to choose from.
He shrugged. "I'm used to them. You're not."
"I'm not sure it's possible to grow used to nightmares."
He sniffed and looked out across the village. He never talked about his feelings and she didn't really expect him to now, so she was surprised when he said, "It's the whole birthday thing. It's just awkward."
"Oh." That... Wasn't anywhere near as dark as she had expected. "Well."
The tips of Kakashi's ears had gone red again. "I just don't want Kushina to turn it into a thing, you know? With a party, or lots of gifts. Who would she even invite?" He made an angry gesture with his hand. "It would just be the four of us, right? Or, with my luck, Gai would show up."
Rin couldn't help herself. The corners of her mouth turned up into a smile. "Gai?"
"Oh, don't look at me like that. He's been following me around. It's not my fault."
Rin snorted, and started to giggle. "Why?" Gai was a nice boy, but he was so completely different from Kakashi that imagining them together made her head hurt.
"He's gotten it into his head that we're rivals now," Kakashi said, pronouncing the word rivals as he would cockroaches.
That didn't exactly help with Rin's laughing fit. Obito would have loved this.
"Oh, har har, very funny."
"I just – your face –"
He scowled. Rin made a valiant attempt to school her face.
"So are you two training together, now?"
"Yes," he sighed. "If nothing else, he's... Motivating."
Rin thought of green spandex and enthusiastic shouting." That's one way to put it."
Kakashi scratched the side of his face. "About Kushina, though… Do you think she would actually organize something?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. She's not really one to do things against people's wills."
"She got Minato sensei to shave that mustache off, that one time."
"She did the world a favor."
"True."
"If she does, though, we can just… I don't know. Sneak off and have an unbirthday party," Rin improvised.
"A what now?" Kakashi grinned.
"It's something I've read about. We just leave and go to the library, or something. Somewhere quiet, with no people. Somewhere Kushina wouldn't be caught dead."
"Hah," Kakashi narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "Convenient."
Rin grinned. "Deal?"
Kakashi smiled back, the edges of his eyes crinkling cheerfully. " Deal. Although Kushina won't be happy. She never passes up a chance to celebrate something."
"I don't know. I feel like she's the type to appreciate a good escape attempt."
"You have a point."
They smiled together, and it occurred to Rin just what a wonderful evening this had turned out to be. She wouldn't have thought it was possible, a few weeks ago.
Still smiling, she looked up at the sky. The stars were starting to come out. "Hey, Kakashi?"
"Hmm?"
"... Thanks for sticking with me."
"You never have to ask."
The Land of Steam was quite a lovely place to visit, under ordinary circumstances. Its mountains were wreathed in clouds and the valleys were lush and green. It had the added benefit of having a great many hot springs, many of them communal, which Jiraiya had always dreamt of visiting some day.
Of course, there wasn't a lot of time or opportunity for sightseeing. For one thing, he was wearing a disguise so all the lovely ladies of Steam wouldn't be able to see his usual handsome face anyway, and secondly –
Well, the kid had given him an assignment. And when Minato asked for something, Jiraiya would damn well do his best to make it happen.
His frogs and Minato's ANBU had reported movement in one of the larger merchant towns of Steam. Fortunately, the merchant town was at a significant distance from the country's only shinobi village which, despite having been trampled by one of Kumo's jinchuuriki a year ago just before the truce, was still to be looked out for. They wouldn't like interference from any shinobi village, no matter that Konoha hadn't been the architect of their current misery.
Fortunately, their weakened state meant they wouldn't be sending shinobi out as far as the merchant village – which was probably exactly why Kiri and Iwa had chosen it as a meeting ground. That didn't mean it was easy to actually spot their agents in a village completely overflowing with people.
Jiraiya wasn't the only one who had chosen to disguise himself.
No, detecting the enemy agents would require a little bit more subtlety. Fortunately, Jiraiya had plenty of that when it really came to it. This wasn't Rain Country, where every inch of the land was policed and monitored – this was a land designed for civilians, where shinobi operated without the support of a Daimyo and therefore had little reason to protect anyone without being paid to do it.
Which meant the only people who stood a chance of detecting Jiraiya, as he sat down on one of the roof tops and started to gather nature chakra towards himself, were the Iwa and Kiri shinobi. And it wasn't damn likely they were nature sages themselves.
Jiraiya smiled to himself even as the nature chakra warped his features and distorted his sight. Being in Sage mode was not unlike turning the lights on in your apartment at night and finally being able to see where you dropped your keys before you left. It gave the world clarity.
For example, it made it abundantly clear he wasn't the only Sannin in town. Jiraiya snorted and then scowled. Really? He hadn't seen any advertising for gambling establishments, which could only mean…
He growled underneath his breath and let the nature chakra he had gathered slip through his fingers. He waited until his features had normalized again before dropping down the rooftop into a dark alley. As he paced through the streets in search of his target, disgruntlement slowly began to make way for excitement. Could she really be back in action? Had Minato sent her as well? Surely not...
No, she hadn't.
Jiraiya ended up finding Tsunade by following the most raucous cheering in the vicinity. The place was probably an illegal gambling den, badly disguised as a rather seedy bar. And there, at one of the tables, sat a deceptively young girl with blonde pigtails and a vicious grin on her face.
Oh, honestly, Jiraiya thought, and grinned. She'd figured out another trick with that seal of hers.
He went over to the table and dropped down on one of the empty chairs. It looked to be a game of luck, and Tsunade was about one particularly nervous little man away from winning. Which meant... "I'm all in on red," Jiraiya grinned, and threw his wallet onto the table.
The other customers made a range of admiring noises, but the little girl narrowed her eyes at him instead, as if she could look straight through his disguise. Hell, maybe she could.
Jiraiya's lazy grin didn't drop. He would get hell for this, probably, but it would be worth it.
The dealer turned the cards and said, after throwing a nervous glance at Tsunade, "Red wins."
"What?!" Tsunade slammed her hands on the table as if she had quite forgotten the relative size and cuteness of her current disguise, and glared at Jiraiya as he gathered his winnings.
Jiraiya just gave her a roaring laugh and winked. "What's a kid going to do with all this money, anyway?"
Her chakra reached out carefully, almost timidly, to touch his – and then her eyes widened briefly before turning into an even deeper scowl. The little girl she was pretending to be quite literally flipped the table and, ignoring the astonished (impressed) expressions of the onlookers, strode out of the bar.
Jiraiya grinned at the other gamblers as he collected his winnings. "That's it for me boys, thank you," he said, and quickly followed her out of the building.
Tsunade led him to an alley much like the one he had used earlier and changed back into her usual form as easy as breathing, her features shifting and growing until she was once again a grown woman. "What the hell are you doing here?" She hissed at him.
"It's good to see you too, Tsunade!" Jiraiya said jovially, and just barely resisted the urge to pick her up and hug her. He could survive stealing her money, but he probably wouldn't survive that. Speaking of… "Here, you can have what I just won. Not like I need it, and you're a long way from home." He raised one eyebrow.
"That's rich, coming from you. When did you get back from Ame?"
"A while back. I would have sent a letter but it's not like you left an address."
"And you did? I seem to remember you just disappeared for several months," she bit back.
"Can we not make it about Ame for once, please? I'll back off, I'm sorry," Jiraiya held up his hands. "I'm just surprised to see you here. I thought you were elsewhere."
Tsunade deflated a little. "Where would I go? The world is a mess, and you don't want to know what Grass Country looks like right now. I thought I'd go here, since it's been pretty much left alone since last year. But then I find you."
"You mean you haven't noticed anything odd around here?"
Tsunade frowned. "No. Should I have?"
Jiraiya sighed. He supposed that would have been too easy. "Where's your pupil? Suzume-something?"
"Shizune. She's in our hotel. It's safe to talk there."
"Good, then let's go there. I have a lot to tell you."
The hotel room was rather more luxurious than the three by three box Jiraiya was renting. Advantages of being a rich clan kid, Jiraiya thought. Tsunade and her pupil shared a room, sure, but they also had room service, a bathroom with a huge tub, a minibar and two queen-sized beds.
Shizune was lounging on one of them when they entered the room, all lanky teenager, and shot up. "Tsunade-sama! You can't just bring gentlemen callers in here!" She cried out, bright red.
Jiraiya grinned again.
Tsunade snorted and whacked him on the back of the head. "He's not my gentleman caller, thank you very much. Drop the disguise already, Jiraiya."
Jiraiya reluctantly did so. "Hey kid, long time no see," he told Shizune, who turned an even brighter red out of embarrassment at her mistake.
"Go and get something to eat downstairs," Tsunade told the girl, waving her off.
Once they were alone again, she sat down on one of the beds. "So? What's so urgent?"
Jiraiya explained the situation. "So if you've seen anyone you suspect might be a shinobi in disguise, you have to tell me. This could be of vital importance to us," he added.
Tsunade frowned and looked away. "I've been here for long enough, you'd think I'd notice... Either my senses have dulled or you're looking in the wrong place. Unless they're hiring civilians to do their dirty work these days."
Jiraiya sighed. "That would be the day. So either it's not here or they're just hiding it well. I'll have to stay here for longer than I planned."
"You're not staying with us. I'm not going to help you. I'm just here to gamble."
Jiraiya sat back, equally disappointed and unsurprised. "Really, Tsunade? What about Konoha?"
She looked away. "I'm not going back to Konoha."
"Not even if we need you?" It was a low-blow and Jiraiya knew it, but it still hurt to see her flinch.
"You don't need me. I'm useless the way I am right now," she bit out. "And anyway, it's not like your track record is so great. The only reason you're taking orders from Konoha again is because your student became Hokage, isn't it?"
Jiraiya flinched. "I would have taken the same orders from sensei."
"Would you, though? Are you sure you're not just blinded by your affection for this boy? It's still war, even if you claim it's to protect Konoha," Tsunade said, and leaned forward to cradle her head in her hands as if nursing a hangover. Maybe she was.
Jiraiya stood up as heat rushed to his face. "Dammit, Tsunade! I get it – I dropped the ball with you and Orochimaru. I know. That's exactly why I'm trying so hard right now. And if you're not going to help me, I'll just take care of things myself. Just know we could damn well use you back home, so don't you dare tell me you're useless!"
For a moment, he could see straight through the towering walls she had built up around her mind – could see the grieving, scared woman she still was, and regretted his words immediately. But there was no taking them back now that he had said them. They hung in the air between them, useless.
Jiraiya dropped his arms. "Fine. I get it. But if you ever change your mind, know that Konoha will still embrace you. That's the kind of guy Minato is."
He turned and, with a heavy heart, made for the door. He wouldn't be getting any help from this quarter.
Author's note.
I wasn't really planning to throw Tsunade in here at all, she just snuck up on me! Anyway, there was a lot of talking in this chapter so hopefully you'll get some more action next time. Let me know what you think, and whether you think Tsunade will help Jiraiya out in the end.
I might take a break on updating next week to finish up an essay.