Date : 14.05.18
Title : Memory In My Heart
Author : ElaineDex
Chapter : 6 of ?
Rating : M
Pairings : Bucky/OC
Warnings : Some Sexual Content, Romance, Angst, Maybe Some Strong Language.
Spoilers and A/N: Possible references to The Winter Soldier, Civil War, Black Panther (I have not seen Black Panther or Infinity War, nor do I claim to be an expert on The Avengers so please forgive any discrepancies. I am working off of things I have read and movies and trailers that I have seen. Thank you.
Disclaimer : I do not own anything to do with the Marvel franchise. This plot and any O/C's are mine.
Summary : (AU) Can a memory from Bucky's time as The Winter Soldier save him from having to live that kind of life again or will the darkness consume him and lead him to kill everyone he now holds dear?
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"This is amazing," Bucky told Molly as he literally shovelled another mouthful of eggs into his mouth before biting off a piece of buttered toast and despite her reply of, "It's just eggs," she felt an immense sense of happiness that he was enjoying the breakfast she had made for him.
She poured two cups of freshly brewed coffee and carried them to the table, sitting opposite him, unable to help smiling when he put down his knife and fork with a satisfied sigh.
"I can't remember the last time I ate something so good," he said, reaching for his coffee and Molly grinned.
"Stop it…my head won't fit through the doorway soon."
Bucky smiled before his expression grew serious again.
"I need to thank you…for everything…" he began, but Molly shook her head.
"It's the least I could do," she replied, looking down, focussing on the dark liquid in her cup as she went on, "I was a part of something that caused you pain…and suffering…and I'm not proud of that…"
She took a breath and met Bucky's eyes.
"It wasn't what I signed up for. They recruited me fresh out of Uni and I had no idea what I was walking into, and by the time I did there was no getting out. They made that pretty clear…."
"I knew you were trying to help…I don't blame you for anything…" Bucky said, his voice soft and Molly's heart constricted.
"It took years before I could get into a position to do anything useful for you, but eventually I managed to get to a point where they trusted me with the machine and I figured out ways to dial it down. I think that's why you remembered Steve…"
"Thank you…" Bucky said, but Molly shook her head again.
"There's nothing to thank me for," she told him, "I did what I could to try and make things better, but it wasn't enough."
Unbidden, tears pooled in her eyes and Bucky reached across the table with his own hand and covered hers.
"What you did broke the cycle. It made a huge difference to me…" he said and when Molly looked at him uncertainly he gave her fingers a gentle squeeze.
She sniffed and took a sip of her coffee, her fingers feeling cold when Bucky removed his hand to pick up his own cup. They were quiet for a moment until Molly remembered Steve's request.
"I need to show you something in the barn," she told Bucky, who raised an eyebrow and she elaborated, "Something Steve has left for you…us…if needs be."
They finished their coffee and after putting something on their feet, Molly led the way to the barn where she showed Bucky the hidden weapons and he checked them over one by one, nodding approvingly of Steve's choices.
"We should keep something in the house…just in case…" he said and Molly shivered at the thought of people coming for them and grabbing the edges of the long cardigan she'd pulled on over her vest top and pyjama bottoms, she wrapped it around herself as though it would protect her.
Noticing her action, Bucky said, "You ever used a gun?"
She shook her head and he picked up a hand gun and handed it to her. She took it gingerly and looked it over, biting her bottom lip as he said, "We should get some target practice in soon."
"Okay," she replied, not overly keen, but realising the necessity of it in their current situation.
Bucky took the gun from her then and returned it to its place before glancing around the barn and spotting something covered with a dust sheet, he crossed to it and pulled the cover off, a low chuckle escaping him and Molly came to stand by his side to see what he had uncovered.
"Well I'll be damned," he said, shaking his head with a smile as they both looked at the vintage motor bike that sat before them.
Bucky glanced at Molly to find her looking at him quizzically and he pointed to the bike.
"Steve used to go on about wanting one of these when we were young, but he was never big enough…" he shook his head as memories of his childhood assaulted his mind and he crouched down more to hide his face from Molly than to examine the bike in greater detail.
"Do you think it runs?" Molly asked and Bucky reached out, touching the bike as though it would give him answers.
"Maybe," he eventually replied, "It looks in pretty good shape for its age…" he trailed off as he realised the same could probably be said for him too physically; his mind though…that was a whole different ball game.
"There were some keys hanging in the kitchen," Molly said, "I'll go see if any of them look like they could be for it…"
Bucky nodded, watching her for a moment as she left the barn before looking back at the bike. It felt strange to not be fighting or chasing some target and for a moment he felt a flash of something akin to guilt, but he closed he eyes and swallowed it down.
After a few moments he opened his eyes again and glancing around he saw some work gloves laying on the tool bench and he crossed to it and pulled them on and combined with the long sleeve jersey shirt he wore, they covered his metal arm and hand nicely.
He moved back to the bike just as Molly returned and she handed him a couple of keys.
"They looked like the only ones that might fit," she informed him as he took them and choosing one, he sat astride the bike and inserted it into the ignition. It fit, but the bike wouldn't turn over.
Bucky frowned, but Molly was too busy thinking how good he looked in his tight jeans and jersey shirt, sat atop the bike, to be disappointed.
"You mind if I tinker about with it some?" he asked of her, his voice bringing her out of her thoughts and she shook her head.
"Of course not….you can do whatever you want to…" she replied, then jokingly added, "…you're not under my command now, you're not my soldier any more."
Her smile faded when she saw the look on his face and she cursed herself for saying something so stupid.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to bring back…" she stopped as he interrupted her.
"No…it's not that…it's just the…" he paused and sighed a little, feelings that he somehow knew had been there for some time rising to the surface and he wasn't sure what to do with them. "Not being your soldier…" he continued, trying to choose his words carefully, "…I think you and I will always have a link…a connection…." he shook his head, knowing he wasn't explaining himself very well.
Molly's heart was pounding nonetheless.
"And that's bad…right?" she all but whispered, but Bucky took a step closer and shook his head again.
"No. Molly, if you hadn't done what you did, we'd both still be in there… I knew I could trust you from the moment you came close enough for me to see you. You're the one person I remember the most and that's because of the way you were with me. It meant something to me…still does…"
Molly blushed and Bucky smiled, the urge to touch her…to feel the curls of her hair against his skin…almost too tempting to resist and just when he would have reached for her, something rustled beneath the covering that had been on the bike and Molly let out a yelp and jumped backwards as a rat scampered past them.
Bucky chuckled as Molly began to back out of the barn.
"I'll let you get on with your tinkering…" she said, the breathlessness in her voice not all down to the appearance of Mister Rat.
"Alright…" Bucky grinned as Molly practically ran from the barn.
OoO
Bucky had lost himself fettling with Steve's bike all afternoon, only pausing the couple of times Molly had brought him a coffee or a bottle of water from the house and it was only when the daylight began to fade did he make his way inside to be greeted by the delicious aroma of something cooking.
"I was just going to come and fetch you…" Molly told him as he entered the kitchen and he felt a little more of the ice around his heart melt at her appearance. She had on a frilly apron over her pyjama bottoms and vest top and she'd somehow piled her hair up onto her head, but most of it was escaping at all angles. "Dinner is almost ready…"
"Molly, you didn't have to…" Bucky tried to protest but she threw him a look which made him grin and he said, "I'll go wash up…"
When he reappeared a few minutes later, she dished up and as they sat at the table she asked, "Did you fix it?"
"Not yet," Bucky replied, eyeing the meal she had prepared, "But I think I know what the problem is. I'd like to get it running for Steve, as a thanks, you know?"
Molly nodded and smiled at him, watching as he began to eat and although she knew that all of this was only temporary she suddenly longed for it to be her reality.
"This tastes great!" Bucky enthused and as she opened her mouth to reply he butted in, teasing her with, "And don't say 'it's just chicken'…"
Molly blushed and picked at her own food, glad he was enjoying it, but she had something on her mind. Whilst he had been outside, she had remembered about the red book that she had taken from the lab and she wanted him to know about it and so, when they had finished eating and had put the plates to one side, she pulled the book from where she had hidden it behind the toaster and placed it on the table top between them.
Bucky stared at it and she hated the look that entered his eyes.
"Why's that here?" he asked, trying to keep his voice level, knowing that she had put herself at even greater risk by taking it.
"I grabbed it when we were escaping…I thought it would be better if we had it…" she paused and pushed the book closer to him, "…I think you should decide what to do with it. Burn it perhaps?" Molly replied, watching as Bucky touched the leather cover with his metal fingertips. He'd seen it in so many different hands and trusted none of them, none except Molly's. He knew that she wouldn't use the book for her own gains…wouldn't turn him back into the deadly assassin that Hydra had created.
"Have you read it?" he asked, not meeting her eyes and Molly wished he would.
"Not in depth," she replied truthfully.
Bucky took a moment before suddenly pushing the book back her way.
"See if there is anything in it that might help get rid of the Hydra crap from my head and if there isn't, then we'll burn it."
Molly nodded and impulsively reached out to rest her hand over his metal one and finally Bucky lifted his eyes to meet hers.
"We'll find a way to free you from all of this," she told him and Bucky sighed, turning his metal hand beneath hers so that he could gently close the fingers around hers.
"I just want it to stop…" he said, the look on his face more than Molly could bear and she stood and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Bucky closed his eyes as her warmth surrounded him. He nestled his face against her abdomen, wrapping his arms around her waist, the contact more than he'd shared with any other human being in the longest time and he was shocked to discover just how much he'd missed it.
He sighed again, more softly this time as a bone weary tiredness swept over him, and even though he was mentally exhausted he knew that he would fight on for his freedom and for his future and all it could entail.
His arms tightened around Molly almost instinctively, the sound of her heartbeat reassuring him that for now at least they were safe.
End of Chapter 6