Date : 23.05.18
Title : Memory In My Heart
Author : ElaineDex
Chapter : 7 of ?
Rating : M
Pairings : Bucky/OC
Warnings : Some Sexual Content, Romance, Angst, Maybe Some Strong Language.
Spoilers and A/N: Possible references to The Winter Soldier, Civil War, Black Panther (I have not seen Black Panther or Infinity War, nor do I claim to be an expert on The Avengers so please forgive any discrepancies. I am working off of things I have read and movies and trailers that I have seen. Thank you.
Disclaimer : I do not own anything to do with the Marvel franchise. This plot and any O/C's are mine.
Summary : (AU) Can a memory from Bucky's time as The Winter Soldier save him from having to live that kind of life again or will the darkness consume him and lead him to kill everyone he now holds dear?
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Day two at Steve's farm dawned bright and sunny and after breakfast, Bucky insisted he show Molly how to handle a gun and though she still wasn't keen she followed his instruction to the letter and after quite a few attempts eventually managed to hit a couple of the targets he had set up, trying hard not to be affected by the way he stood right behind her as he showed her how to get her balance right, patting her hip when her aim was true.
When they returned to the house Bucky hid one or two of the weapons Steve had left for them in strategic places, just in case, and though Molly prayed they wouldn't need them, she paid attention to where he put them and listened carefully as he told her how to fire each of them.
That afternoon, Bucky worked on Steve's bike again and Molly took a look at the red book, trying to work out if anything was significant.
That evening, after they had eaten, they sat together in the lounge and Molly pulled the book from behind a cushion on the sofa.
"I took a look at this earlier," she told Bucky, who raised an eyebrow at her, but said nothing and after a moment, Molly continued, "The words they use…to activate the Soldier…I was wondering if they mean anything to you…"
"I'm not sure…" Bucky began, sounding uncertain and Molly scooted closer to the end of the sofa, nearest to the chair he sat on.
"Furnace…for example…" she said, "…that could maybe be something to do with your arm…"
Bucky glanced down at his metal forearm and hand and flexed his fingers as she went on, "Benign…that could be when you've been in cryostasis…" He nodded and she added, "…the numbers though…seventeen…what could that be for?"
"I was born in 1917…" Bucky replied and Molly looked up at him. She had of course known that he was born well before World War Two, but to hear him actually speak of the year he entered the world was a sobering realisation.
"You look good…for an old man…" she offered and Bucky smiled.
"Thanks…"
He eyed her for a moment, watching as the now familiar tinge made her cheeks pink whenever she said something that she thought was embarrassing. He liked it…
After a moment or two he asked, "Will I age normally now?"
"Yes…every minute that you're out of cryo your cells are returning to normal…and ageing as they should," Molly replied and Bucky nodded.
"I'm glad…being immortal isn't all it's cracked up to be…" he said and Molly closed the red book and set it aside.
"It must have felt strange to see things changing each time you were sent out, especially if there were long breaks in between missions," Molly said, referring to his earlier days as the Winter Soldier.
"I noticed the cars mostly…machinery…weapon advancement…" Bucky replied, adding, "…and clothes…"
"Fashion has a lot to answer for," Molly commented and Bucky smiled, but it was a smile tinged with sadness and she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to continue talking about stuff like that.
She was about to try to steer the conversation into more neutral territory when he said, "Now that I have more time to think, I'm starting to remember more…about my past…my family and friends…" He looked at her and she tilted her head to one side in what she hoped was an encouraging gesture.
It seemed to work because he went on, "I was the eldest of four. I'd like to know what happened to my family."
"We can find that out for you…" Molly replied, "…but not yet. It's not a good idea to use the internet even if Steve had it out here. They'll be monitoring for anything like that, any clues they can lay their hands on as to where you might go. They'll be on high alert for any searches about things relating to your past whether they be online or not."
Bucky nodded. He wasn't totally sure what the internet was; he had an idea, but unlike so many things in this modern day world he was definitely a man out of time.
"I feel so…out of touch…" he admitted, and lifting his own arm he indicated to Steve's lounge, "…all this…it's not what I'm used to."
"I know…but you'll adjust and learn and before you know it everything will be all too familiar," Molly replied, hoping to make him feel better.
"I dunno," Bucky replied, looking uncertain, "…what if I can't adjust or can't fit in?"
"You'll find your place," Molly said, "It'll just take time."
Bucky sighed and Molly thought he looked tired and standing she said, "Want some cocoa?"
Bucky couldn't help the unexpected laugh that escaped him and Molly blushed, "I know…not very you is it, one week you're a hard as nails, all dressed in leather…and now you're having early nights and drinking hot cocoa before bed…"
Bucky stood and rested his hand on her shoulder and Molly bit her bottom lip as he replied, "It's not that…it's just, my mom used to make dad cocoa every night and he hated the stuff but never had the heart to tell her…."
"Ah…" Molly replied, looking down and before Bucky could stop himself he reached out and placed his fingertips beneath her chin, tilted her head back up so that she had to look at him again.
"I'd love some," he said and Molly smiled, finding herself becoming lost in his eyes and she swayed a little closer to him as she murmured, "Okay…"
Bucky wanted to kiss Molly so badly, but even though he could tell that she would be receptive he wasn't sure it was a good idea that they become involved that way. He liked her…liked her a lot…that wasn't the issue; what was the issue was him. He couldn't trust his own mind.He was dangerous and they were in a dangerous situation and this wasn't the time or the place to let his guard down.
Making a decision that left disappointment in Molly's eyes as well as in his own gut, he took a step back and moved his fingers away from her chin.
"I'll just go make sure everywhere is locked up."
Molly nodded, trying hard not to feel rejected and clearing her throat, she headed for the kitchen and poured milk into a pan as quickly as possible, keeping her back to Bucky when he joined her.
"Moll…." he said softly after a few moments of silence where he'd realised that she was purposely avoiding looking at him as she stirred the pan of milk on the stove.
"Mmm?" she replied, still keeping her back to him, her heart panging in her chest at the way he shortened her name.
Bucky debated what to say. He was not used to this. It had been a LONG time since he'd had any meaningful dealings with a woman…with anyone for that matter.
"I want you to know…" he tried, but paused again when he felt the right words wouldn't come.
Molly pushed down her feelings and half-turned to look at him.
"It's okay…I understand…we shouldn't complicate things and it's not the right time or place or…anything really…you need to concentrate on yourself…" she said, turning back to the milk as she realised that she was rambling a little and Bucky stepped closer, so close that she could feel the heat from his chest through the material of her shirt and she closed her eyes when he bent and rested his forehead against the back of her head.
After a few moments of quiet, he whispered, "I don't want to hurt you…and as I am now, I think there's a good chance I might…"
Opening her eyes, Molly slowly moved the pan off the heat and turned to face him and as he lifted his head to look at her, she cupped his face between her hands.
"You're a good man James Barnes," she told him softly and when Bucky went to shake his head, she held his face a little tighter, "You are! Don't forget who you were before HYDRA; you can be that man again."
After a moment or two digesting what she'd said, Bucky smiled, just a little.
"No-one's called me James in a loooong time."
He liked the way his name sounded when she said it.
Molly smiled and released his face, her fingertips caressing his jaw before she removed her touch completely.
"I'd like to call you James…if you don't mind?"
"I don't mind…" Bucky murmured as she turned to pour the milk into their waiting cups. He didn't mind at all, in fact it made him feel all the more human.
Mixing the cocoa into the milk, she handed him his cup and they headed to bed, bidding one another goodnight on the landing before retreating to their separate rooms where both wished they were still with the other.
OoO
It was sometime around 2 am when Molly awoke sharply to the sound of Bucky crying out as though he were in agony. Throwing back the covers she stumbled from her bedroom and along the landing to his room, the screams emanating from behind his door sounding reminiscent to those that she had heard from him whenever he'd been having the mind wiping treatment. Her heart pounding from the shock of being awoken so abruptly to such sounds, she took a breath and opened the door, stepping inside to find the room in darkness aside from a thin sliver of moonlight where the curtains didn't quite meet in the middle and it was because of this that she was just about able to make out Bucky's shape on the bed.
She went to step closer, but jumped when he cried out again and as he moved she saw that the covers were low on his hips but twisted around his legs and it looked as though he were fighting to be free.
Another cry was more than Molly could bear and she rushed to the side of the bed, leaning down as she reached out to try to still him.
"James…" she said softly, "…you're having a nightmare…"
She was just about to touch his face when his metal arm shot out and gripped her around the throat and Molly let out a strangled gasp as she suddenly found herself lifted and flipped and without quite knowing how, ended up flat on her back on the bed with Bucky looming over her, his metal fingertips slowly squeezing her neck.
"James!" she gasped out, "It's me…Molly…wake up!"
She grappled with his arm before trying to reach up to touch his face and she was just about to lift a leg to try and wedge a foot against his hip, lights popping in front of her eyes, when suddenly she could breathe again and as she gulped in air, Bucky used his metal arm to hold his weight off of her, though he didn't move from over her.
"Molly?" he said, sounding both confused and horrified at the same time. "What the hell? What did I do? Are you hurt?"
She shook her head, the anguish in his eyes more than she could bear.
"You were having a bad dream…" she managed to croak, her voice getting stronger as she continued, "…I'm alright…" she lifted a hand and cupped his face, "…are you OK?"
"Me?!" Bucky asked a little could have killed her. He closed his eyes as he tried to get a grip on reality, the nightmare that had been about HYDRA still circling around his head.
Shifting all of his weight onto his metal arm, he lifted his own fingers to her neck and caressed her skin.
"I'm sorry…" he told her, opening his eyes to look down at her and Molly ran her thumb over his stubble-roughened cheek before moving her hand into the hair at the back of his head.
"Go back to sleep…" she murmured softly in response, gently guiding him to lay his head against her shoulder and he shifted on the bed, half lying at her side whilst still partially covering her and despite knowing that they shouldn't tempt fate neither were willing to move.
Bucky closed his eyes again and breathed in the scent of Molly's shampoo, letting her presence soothe his fractured mind as he felt himself drifting again.
Sleep didn't come quite so easily for Molly for as she lay holding Bucky, she couldn't help but worry for him and hope that they truly would find a way to free him and she decided that tomorrow she would make more effort to study the red book and try to find some clues inside it.
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"Tell me you have something…" the Government official said to a cowering room of people and when they only continued to avoid his gaze by typing furiously on the computers before them, he slammed his fist down upon the closest surface.
"They can't have disappeared off of the face of the damn planet. FIND THEM!"
End of Chapter 7