Chapter 24: Art
She had remembered every excruciating second of what Danarius had done to her. She had refused to cry out but her tears betrayed her. She had remembered the taste of the leather from the gag he placed in her mouth, he had said it was because others had bitten their tongues off. She had remembered the feel of the metal chains digging into her skin as she lay sprawled on some makeshift table of stone. She felt like she was a sacrifice to the old gods rather than some test subject.
She hadn't passed out even though every nerve in her body screamed out in agony. WShe hadn't passed out even though the stone alter looked like a massacre had occurred. Well maybe that was a lie, there were hazy spots that she couldn't remember about having the lyrium poured into her skin, or all the incisions Danarius made.
It wasn't so much the hot lyrium being poured into her blood, it was the deep cuts that had to be made that bothered her the most, the way he would use a sharp little blade like he was sculpting into her skin. Her nerves seemed to die quickly when the lyrium touched them. Fenris had said that he had felt hypersensitive, but she just felt like a porcelain doll filled with fire. She burned hot with rage and lyrium.
Variana had convinced him to not cover her whole body in lyrium like her brother's, Danarius had talked to her the whole time when he saw she wasn't going to scream or pass out. Perhaps it was his way of torturing her when he saw the pain wasn't doing enough. Danarius had agreed with her concept that even a Magister shouldn't marry a woman covered in markings too close to the Dalish blood markings. So he had taken his time to perfect what he was going to do before they went to Tevinter. He said he had big plans for his artwork.
He had traced her family crest into her back, she knew the intricate markings of the Amell Crest that she had taken to calling the Hawke crest since she took over the estate. It seemed like a sick joke as he carved around her sides to have the bird's wings overlap her ribs. The only thing he said was truly necessary was her arm. He wasn't going to do both of them as Variana had the right of it, she needed to seem somewhat normal. It was hard to cover so much skin that woman left bare. The way he made it seem was that it was just some tattoo, and not a highly addictive substance in her blood. She had to admit that his cutting into her fingers was the worst part of it. She couldn't even move her fingers away from him as her body was too broken to even move. All she had was her mind and her eyes that she trained on this moment. She would remember it just so that she knew exactly why she hated him as she tore his heart out.
She was uncontrollably shaking by the end of it, and he seemed pleased by his new pet for the simple fact she hadn't passed out. It showed how strong she was. Variana seemed worried at this, that Hawke would remember everything but Danarius promised that when she closed her eyes it would all spill away from her. Who knew? Perhaps she didn't even recall anything right now. She had been dragged back to her cell where she was thrown to the floor. She guessed they didn't feel the need to chain her since she was so wounded. She resolved herself to stay awake and she did…though she would fake sleep when she heard them come in.
She could tell they thought she had no recollection, and she allowed this to occur. She allowed Variana to rub ice on her new markings while Danarius would talk about how they found her this way out on the Wounded Coast. They were going back to Tevinter and they were taking her with them since she was unable to fend for herself. They had planned their voyage for as soon as she could walk, so she allowed them to think she was weaker than she was to delay.
They had given her a black robe to wear. It was tight fitting with a slit up both sides of the dress to show her legs. The cloth burned against her skin, she felt like this was just another torture device given to her by Danarius. They had at least given her her boots back though they had tried to pawn them off as Variana's. Danarius told her to wear her hood when they left, because he didn't know exactly who her enemies were but they were horrible if they would do this to her. It was hard to contain herself on that one, but she nodded like a fool. She was even complacent as he put a tight gauntlet on her lyrium laced arm. It hurt at first, but the slowing of the blood seemed to pacify her pain slightly. She wouldn't have been that stupid of a fawn to believe that, even if they did think she was born yesterday. It wasn't hard to play stupid, that she didn't know anything. She just had to give big doe eyes at them when they asked her questions, and act like she loved Danarius for saving her from dying on the Coast.
It was enough to make her gag.
She had thought about attacking him while he went to visit her in the "room" he had made for her, if the same cell she was chained to before counted as that. It was impossible though as he had too many guards around this cave. They weren't loyal as her friends were, but they did outnumber her even if their loyalty was only to the coins Danarius paid them, so she had to buy her time. She knew that if no one showed up for her that her last chance would be when they went into Kirkwall to catch that ship to Tevinter. If that didn't work she would die trying to kill him, she wasn't going to be a slave. She would have laughed as she thought back to how she had told Anders she was no one's property, but she was in too much pain to laugh.