Date : 06.09.18
Title : Memory In My Heart
Author : ElaineDex
Chapter : 12 of ?
Rating : M
Pairings : Bucky/OC
Warnings : Some Sexual Content, Romance, Angst, Maybe Some Strong Language.
Spoilersand A/N: Possible references to The Winter Soldier, Civil War, Black Panther (I have not seen Black Panther or Infinity War, nor do I claim to be an expert on The Avengers so please forgive any discrepancies. I am working off of things I have read and movies and trailers that I have seen. Thank you.
Disclaimer : I do not own anything to do with the Marvel franchise. This plot and any O/C's are mine.
Summary : (AU) Can a memory from Bucky's time as The Winter Soldier save him from having to live that kind of life again or will the darkness consume him and lead him to kill everyone he now holds dear?
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Wakanda was like nothing Molly had ever seen before. It was vast, she'd discovered that much as the plane had flown over mile after mile after mile of what looked to be uninhabited land before even getting close to reaching the city.
The distraction out of the window had been welcome as Bucky appeared to still be avoiding her, using his time instead to speak with Shuri, their heads bent together as though they discussed something secret or personal.
Molly tried not to feel anything other than glad and grateful. They were safe and Bucky was going to get the help he needed, but why was he being this way with her? She sighed softly and focussed on the view again, her eyes widening as they flew over what looked like a palace…a very grand palace…and she blinked. What kind of kingdom was this exactly?
The plane landed and to her surprise, Bucky helped her off but just as she was about to ask him if they could speak, he promptly disappeared to go and speak to T'Challa and Molly watched as the two men greeted one another almost cautiously before speaking and eventually shaking hands. She was then introduced to the King and there was an awkward moment where she wasn't sure if she was supposed to shake his hand or curtsey and so she did a bit of both, which T'Challa seemed to find amusing and told her that she was welcome in his home.
As Steve and Sam were led away by the King, Bucky and Molly were shown to the lab where they waited for Shuri to reappear and as they were given refreshments, Bucky had no option but to face her.
"Are you alright?" he asked and she gave him a look to which he responded, "Sorry…"
"I just don't understand why you're being so…" Molly began, waving a hand in the air, "…is it because I took the pie? I didn't realise…I'm sorry…Joanie, she seemed so genuine…."
Bucky frowned. "Pie?" he asked, then remembered that Steve had said Molly had been drugged. "No…" he went on, "…Moll, this is my fault…I should never have let my guard down…never let myself get distracted…"
Molly looked down at that feeling like obviously he blamed her for being said distraction…
"You're not safe as long as you're around me…" he told her and she looked at him again and shook her head.
"But I feel safest when I'm with you…"
"Molly…I'm sorry, but…" Bucky was interrupted as Shuri entered the lab, smiling warmly at the both of them but it took Molly and Bucky a moment before they looked away from one another and to her, but if she noticed, Shuri didn't say, merely continued on, "I trust the refreshments were to your liking….Molly…I would like if you would see one of our Doctors again before you are taken to your accommodations..." she looked at Bucky then, "…you, my friend, will remain here with me…"
Bucky nodded and went to stand, but Molly reached out and caught his metal hand with her own and he looked back at her, then said to Shuri, "Can you give us a minute?"
"Of course…" Shuri replied, making herself scarce by moving across the lab and seemingly busying herself with something.
Returning to his sitting position, Bucky twisted to face Molly again, but his eyes remained on her fingers where they lay against the silver of his.
"What were you going to say?" she asked quietly, fearing that she already knew and he sighed softly.
"I'm no good for you Molly…you deserve better than me…you deserve to be safe…to have a normal life…"
"Shouldn't that be for me to decide?" she asked and eventually he glanced upwards, cursing when he saw how her eyes were brimming with tears.
He gave her a sorrowful look, determined that this was how it needed to be between them now, but Molly shook her head.
"Is it really what you want?" she asked, one tear escaping to run down her cheek, but she ignored it, forcing herself to keep her eyes on his
"I can't be the man you need Molly, the man I want to be for you…not like this…." he said, unable to resist reaching out any longer to gently brush away her tears with his thumb.
"You already are the man I need….why aren't you hearing me?" she asked, getting angry with not just him, but herself too. She didn't want to make a scene or a fuss, but she also didn't want to let him go. How could she after everything?
"I'll wait….I'll wait for you…" she told him, her heart breaking as he lowered his head and she reached out to put her fingers beneath his chin, tipping his head back up.
"Tell me its not what you want," she demanded, "tell me that you feel nothing for me…that…"
He cut her off, his voice rumbling loudly across the lab.
"I almost killed you!"
"I don't care!" she shouted back and they stared at one another for a moment before Bucky shook his head again.
"But I do…" he told her and Molly's tears fell more freely as he stood. "Nothing will change my mind Molly…I'm sorry…look after yourself okay?"
He stood before her for a moment as though expecting an answer, but she couldn't move. She felt frozen and she stared ahead blankly, feeling the exact moment he slipped away from her even as his metal fingers let go of hers and he walked away and toward Shuri.
5 Weeks Later
Time held little meaning for Molly since Bucky had ended things and had begun his treatment with Shuri. She had asked Steve if she could just go home or be taken somewhere else, but both he and T'Challa had refused her request straight away, telling her that Wakanda was the safest place for her.
She pined for Bucky and longed for something to do, some way to show her thanks for the wonderful apartment she had been given amongst the modern living spaces that some of the Wakandans enjoyed, but was told that because of security they could not let her assist. She felt hopeless and useless and very lonely and as she took herself on the walk that she took most days around the huge palace gardens, she was unaware that she was being watched from one of the windows high above.
"I worry for her…can we not give her something to occupy her mind? She offers daily to assist in the lab…her input could be helpful with Sergeant Barnes' treatment…" Shuri told her brother and T'Challa looked at his sister before glancing back down at the small woman from America, watching as she seemed to wander aimlessly about.
He sighed, weighing things up.
"How is our guest doing?" he asked and Shuri folded her arms.
"It is a slow process and just when I think we are gaining some ground, something seems to block his mind and he closes up again…it is frustrating and I fear it will take longer than I initially thought."
T'Challa nodded, wondering if he let the woman…Molly…help, it might speed things up and free up some of his sister's time.
"Very well…" he said, "…she can assist, but only to help Sergeant Barnes…not with anything else…"
"Yes brother," Shuri beamed and T'Challa gave her a look and shook his head as she scampered off, calling over her shoulder, "I will go and tell Molly now…."
T'Challa raised a hand and looked back out of the window to way beyond where the American stood, looking far into the distance, a niggling feeling in his gut that things would change for his people…and not necessarily for the better.
oOoOoOoOo
Molly was overjoyed when Shuri approached her in the gardens, informing her that T'Challa had given his permission for her to help with Bucky's treatment. She wasn't sure how Bucky would have felt, but since he was receiving the treatment whilst he was in a lightened cryogenic sleep, he wouldn't even know that she was there.
As Molly and Shuri walked to the lab, Molly asked, "Have you tried anything with the trigger words?"
Shuri frowned. "Trigger words?"
"Yes, the words that are spoken to activate the Soldier…." Molly replied and Shuri shook her head.
"I think Miss Molly, that my brother should have let you assist much sooner…."
3 Weeks Later
Working with the trigger words had indeed proved helpful, moving Bucky's progress along greatly and though it had only been 8 weeks since they'd started, Shuri and Molly were confident that things were definitely moving in the right direction.
One afternoon, Shuri was running some tests whilst Bucky underwent a mind scan and Molly was watching and feeling decidedly under the weather. She leaned against the table and blew out a breath.
"Why don't you take some rest, hmm?" Shuri asked, glancing up from her work. "You have been in here every day without breaks."
"I'm okay…" Molly replied, glancing over to where Bucky lay motionless save for the flickering of his eyes beneath his lids.
Shuri sighed and with a small smile said, "He is not going anywhere…."
Molly looked back at her and blushed a little.
"I know, I just…" she shook her head, "…okay, maybe I'll go have a lie down, I feel…" she trailed off as somehow the world seemed to tilt and even though she felt herself falling, she couldn't stop herself and for a moment everything went black and when she next opened her eyes, one of the other scientists was leaning over her and alarms were going off left, right and centre from the machines that were hooked up to Bucky.
"What happened?" she murmured, trying to sit up, taking the hand the scientist offered as Shuri called over.
"You fainted Miss Molly…and as you did so, Sergeant Barnes here went into some kind of reactive meltdown…"
Molly frowned, but found the action made her head ache and just when she was about to get up, the doctor whom she had seen when she and Bucky had first arrived in Wakanda entered the lab and she looked up at him as he crouched by her side and after a brief assessment he called for a wheelchair and told her in no uncertain terms that she was going with him to the clinic and despite Molly's protests, he would brook no argument.
An hour or so later she sat looking out of a window in the clinic, her head spinning for an entirely different reason.
She was pregnant.
How could she not have known? How had she not thought that being intimate with Bucky would result in this? She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, resting a hand over her still relatively flat stomach. She was happy, but worried what Bucky might say…if she ever got the chance to tell him.
For the first time she didn't want to return to the lab to see him and so, when the doctor finally let her go, she headed to her apartment and opened all the widows and the balcony doors of the bedroom before lying on the bed. It was a fine day in Wakanda, the sun bright with a slight warm breeze and as she drifted into sleep, she couldn't help but wonder what the future might now hold for the three of them.
End of Chapter 12