Date : 13.09.18

Title : Memory In My Heart

Author : ElaineDex

Chapter : 13 of ?

Rating : M

Pairings : Bucky/OC

Warnings : Some Sexual Content, Romance, Angst, Maybe Some Strong Language.

Spoilers and A/N: Possible references to The Winter Soldier, Civil War, Black Panther (I have not seen Black Panther or Infinity War, nor do I claim to be an expert on The Avengers so please forgive any discrepancies. I am working off of things I have read and movies and trailers that I have seen. Thank you.

Disclaimer : I do not own anything to do with the Marvel franchise. This plot and any O/C's are mine.

Summary : (AU) Can a memory from Bucky's time as The Winter Soldier save him from having to live that kind of life again or will the darkness consume him and lead him to kill everyone he now holds dear?

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No-one knew it, but when Bucky was brought into the lighter cryogenic sleep state, he was fully aware of what was going on around him. He couldn't speak or move, but his mind and brain could react. Shuri would probably have freaked if she knew he could feel and hear everything they did to him, but he didn't mind…anything he felt reminded him that he was alive and that he was still fighting to be him again. James Buchanan Barnes.

James.

Only his parents had used his given name when they had spoken to him, until recently that was and he felt his heart clench as he thought about Molly.

They'd been around eight weeks into things when he'd heard her voice in the lab and despite himself, he couldn't help but smile internally. He'd known she wouldn't do as he'd asked, but a part of him…a huge part…was glad. She wasn't giving up on him and that meant something to him…as did she. He'd had a lot of time to think and though he stood by his words; the fact that he was dangerous for her to be around, he couldn't deny that he missed her and he vowed that if this worked, if he got his mind back, then he would ask Molly to be with him…if that was what she still wanted.

The day she'd fainted in the lab had almost sent his heart rate into orbit and unable to move, his emotions had shown on the machines he was hooked up to. He'd waited anxiously to find out if she was alright after the doctor had taken her away to the clinic, but she hadn't returned that day and didn't for around a week, by which time he was going out of his mind with worry and not concentrating on his treatment.

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Shuri looked up and smiled as Molly walked in one bright early morning.

"You look better…" she commented as they hugged. The two were becoming friends now and she knew of Molly's condition and had supported her decision to stay out of the lab for a time.

"I am glad you are back though," Shuri added as they broke apart, "Sergeant Barnes is not reacting well…he…it is strange…" she trailed off as she thought about the coincidence in Molly's absence and Bucky's decline in progress, wondering if there could be something in it.

"Well, I'm back now so he'd better shape himself…" Molly joked, looking down at Bucky as he lay still.

She had needed time to herself after finding out she was going to have his baby; which seemed ironic really given that she'd cried out not to be alone not too long ago. The time had done her good though and she seemed to have managed to put everything into perspective and each time Shuri had visited with her, she'd commented on how much calmer Molly seemed.

And somehow she was.

Shuri smiled and said, "Shall we start?"

"Absolutely."

FOUR MONTHS LATER

"I think it would be best if I wasn't here when you wake him," Molly said, looking from Bucky to where Shuri stood on the opposite side of the lab table that he lay upon. "He…he probably wouldn't want me here and I don't want it to affect the results…"

Shuri reached out across Bucky and took Molly's hand.

"You could watch from up there…" and she pointed up to an observation level above the lab floor. "We can make the glass one sided so he will not see you."

Molly took a breath and covered her belly with her free hand. She was six months along now and though she was keeping a brave face on, she wished that Bucky was awake and that they could talk and decide what to do…she needed him and she missed him so badly.

"Alright…." she replied, squeezing Shuri's hand before releasing it and looking down at Bucky she gently touched her fingertips to his cheek. "Please let this work…" she whispered, leaning down to kiss the spot where her fingertips had touched. Looking at Shuri as she straightened she then turned away and headed up to the observation room, seeing the moment one of the scientists made the glass one way when a light lit on her side which meant it was activated and taking a breath, she waited.

As Shuri prepared to wake him fully, Bucky tried to hold onto the feeling of Molly's touch, her kiss to his cheek filling him with not just want and need, but hope too. Hope that this could be the day his life truly began again.

Slowly he began to feel the numbness leaving his limbs and they tingled as his body was brought back and eventually he felt able to move and blinking he opened his eyes, squinting at the brightness of the lab lights.

"Welcome back Sergeant….Bucky…" Shuri said with a smile, remembering that he had told her to call him that even though she still referred to him as Sergeant Barnes to everyone else.

"Hey…" he managed, his voice hoarse and croaky and he turned his head, taking in the lab and trying not to glance up to where he knew Molly was watching. He was aching to see her again; merely hearing her was no longer enough.

"We've woken you to try something…" Shuri began, "…you've been in a lightened cryogenic state for six months now and…"

"Six months!" Bucky replied, genuinely surprised. He knew he'd been aware of things…most things and had thought he'd kept a pretty good job at keeping track of time, but, he was shocked to hear it had been six months.

"Yes…" Shuri replied. "You have been responding well to treatment and we…I…think it is time that we see how your mind is working whilst you are fully awake."

"Okay…" Bucky replied, curious.

He was helped into a sitting position and given some water to sip and for a few minutes they merely monitored him until they were sure he was stable and then Shuri picked up a clipboard from a nearby desk.

"I'm going to read something to you…and we'll see how you respond…if I see that you are becoming agitated shall we say, then I will stop, alright?" she said and Bucky nodded, frowning when she asked, "Do you trust me Bucky?"

"Of course…" he replied and she nodded and looking back down at the clipboard, she began..

"Zhelaniye…Rzhavyy…Semnadtsat…"

Bucky's body tensed as Shuri spoke words that he had hoped never to hear again, but somehow he didn't feel the same…he felt almost detached from them and he nodded when Shuri glanced at him and so she went on….

"Rassvet…Pech…"

Up on the observation level, Molly held her breath, watching Bucky for any sign that the trigger words were having an effect upon him and all seemed to be going well until Shuri said, "Devyat…" which was 'nine', and then he seemed to become restless.

Bucky shook his head, feeling himself beginning to burn inside, his emotions becoming angry and irrational and Shuri put the clip board down as he bit out, "Stop!"

"Of course…" she told him, moving to his side, resting a hand upon his shoulder as his breathing slowly began to return to normal and when he eventually raised his eyes to look at her, she smiled softly at him. "There is progress yes? I believe your reactions to those words came much sooner in the past."

Bucky nodded, disappointment lodging itself in his heart despite Shuri's positiveness.

Sensing his mood, she said, "Bucky….you have come far and yes, we still have some work to do, but I still believe that this will work and that you will have your mind back…" she smiled at him and he offered her the best smile he could muster in return and up in the observation room, Molly wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Come now…" Shuri went on, "…let's run through some memory tests and see if your past is any clearer…"

Bucky nodded and with the help of two other scientists he was put into a wheelchair and Shuri took him to another part of the lab and it was at that point that Molly took the opportunity to sneak out. She needed some air; the disappointment that they had not quite managed to crack the code on Bucky's trapped mind weighing heavily upon her.

Later, Shuri caught up with her and asked her if she would like to take a walk. Molly agreed and they strolled out beyond the palace gardens and toward the more rural part of the Kingdom. As they walked Molly asked, "How is he? What happened after I left?"

Shuri sighed a little and replied, "Sergeant Barnes is frustrated…but…his memories are beginning to come back to him. He recalled moments from his childhood and events that were close to his capture by HYDRA in 1944…he also…" she trailed off and Molly looked at her and after a moment, Shuri went on, "…he also recalled some of the things that were done to him back then, horrible things…experiments…tests….torture…"

Molly looked away as tears clouded Shuri's image and they paused halfway up a hill as they were, Molly wrapping her arms about herself even as Shuri placed a slim arm about her shoulders.

"I should have gotten him out sooner…" Molly said, feeling sick with the thought of the pain Bucky was in. "I should have done more…stopped what they were doing to him…."

"How could you?" Shuri asked, "What could you have done on your own against people such as those?"

Molly shook her head, tears blinding her.

"I should have done something!" she cried and Shuri tightened her hold upon her.

"They would have killed you, you know this…" she said, then added, "…please, Miss Molly…do not distress yourself this way…the baby…" she trailed off as Molly took a hiccuping breath and seemingly tried to calm herself and when she was more composed, Shuri pointed to the top of the hill.

"Think you can make it there?" she asked and Molly nodded and together they slowly headed to the top where some large boulders provided seating and when they were settled, Molly looked out and was amazed to see in the distance what looked like a village of huts.

"What is that?" she asked and Shuri smiled.

"That is where some of our people reside…those who prefer the old ways…the traditional ways. You may visit with them some time if you wish…"

Molly looked away from Shuri and back toward the huts.

"Thank you…I might just do that…"

They fell into silence for a few moments before quietly, Molly inquired, "Did he ask about me?" already knowing the answer when it took Shuri too long to answer. "It's alright…I didn't think he would, but I…." she stopped as Shuri interrupted.

"But you hoped he would."

Molly nodded.

"Give him time…" Shuri said and Molly ran a hand over her ever growing belly, a sigh escaping her. She supposed that time was all she had, but then why did she get the feeling it was running out?

End of Chapter 13