Date : 18.09.18
Title : Memory In My Heart
Author : ElaineDex
Chapter : 14 of ?
Rating : M
Pairings : Bucky/OC
Warnings : Some Sexual Content, Romance, Angst, Maybe Some Strong Language.
Spoilers and A/N: Possible references to The Winter Soldier, Civil War, Black Panther (I have not seen Black Panther or Infinity War, nor do I claim to be an expert on The Avengers so please forgive any discrepancies. I am working off of things I have read and movies and trailers that I have seen. Thank you.
Disclaimer : I do not own anything to do with the Marvel franchise. This plot and any O/C's are mine.
Summary : (AU) Can a memory from Bucky's time as The Winter Soldier save him from having to live that kind of life again or will the darkness consume him and lead him to kill everyone he now holds dear?
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TWO MONTHS LATER
Bucky opened his eyes and looked around the lab, eventually focussing on Shuri who smiled brightly at him.
"Good morning Bucky," she said, pressing one or two buttons on the machine at his side. "How are you feeling?"
He grunted a little, his eyes glancing around again and Shuri sighed softly. She had a feeling that she knew who he was looking for, but stubborn as he was, she knew he would not ask, just as Molly had stopped coming to the lab around a month ago, instead spending her time at the old village, preparing a hut of her own and helping to teach some of the children English and to those who were interested, a little bit of basic science. Shuri knew that Molly hadn't given up on Bucky; knew by the way her eyes filled with hope each time she visited her with a report of his progress, only to see the light fade when she was told that there was no change.
"How does your shoulder feel?" Shuri asked, turning her thoughts back to the matter at hand. Yesterday they had removed the metal arm that the US Government had fitted when they had taken Bucky from Wakanda; Shuri wondering if perhaps the nerves that were connected to the arm were also somehow interfering with the workings of his mind.
Bucky rolled his shoulder and angled his head from side to side, flexing the muscles and sinews.
"Feels alright," he replied, mustering a smile and Shuri couldn't help but touch a hand to his face.
"I know you might not feel like it, but you have come so far and I am certain that we are getting somewhere now," she told him and he nodded, sighing deeply.
"Rest for a moment, hmmm? Drink some water and we will try the trigger word experiment once again."
Bucky closed his eyes and tried to summon some inner strength from somewhere. Despite the fact that he'd spent the best part of eight months in cryogenic sleep, albeit a lightened one, he felt bone weary and even though he didn't look it, he felt every bit the hundred year old that he was.
"I just want this to be over…" he told Shuri, feeling lower than he had in many a long year, "…I miss…." he swallowed hard and looked away and it was Shuri's turn to sigh again.
"I understand…" she said, squeezing his good shoulder, "…but this will all be worth it, you will see."
Bucky raised his eyes and they met Shuri's and under her confident gaze, he eventually nodded and slowly reached for the glass of water she offered him.
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It now took Molly much longer to make the walk from the apartment building to the old village than it had done when Shuri had first shown her the way; her pregnancy only a few weeks away from being full term and slowing her down.
She had found such peace since she'd begun to spend time with the 'old ones' and some of the youngsters who lived in the valley had taken a liking to her. Even some of the women who were her own age had taken her under there wing, showing her how to dress traditionally and allowing her to have one of the unused huts to make a home.
"Your man will eventually join you here, yes?" one of the women had asked one day and Molly had smiled as best she could and nodded, the ability to speak abandoning her as she tried not to cry at their kindness and at the thought that Bucky may never see the village or the hut she was trying to turn into a home, or even their baby for that matter.
She stopped helping in the lab at that point, unable to bear seeing him and not speak with him or touch him or tell him how much she still wanted and needed him. It was too much and she wasn't strong enough, not now, not when she needed to be strong for the baby too.
Eventually she reached her hut and put the few things she had carried from the apartment inside…it was just some blankets and pillows and some pencils and note pads for the children…and as she stepped back out into the morning sun, a strange shiver of nervous excitement made its way up and down her spine and she cradled her 'bump' protectively.
"Just another day…" she murmured softly, smiling as she caught sight of some of the children heading her way.
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"Again!" Bucky demanded as Shuri finished reading all of the trigger words for the fourth time without them seemingly having any effect upon him.
"Bucky, I think…." she began, but he cut her off, an excitement in his eyes that she had never seen before. "Again! Please…Shuri…I have to be sure…."
Shuri nodded and once again began to repeat the dreaded words, watching Bucky closely as he stayed perfectly still, not a muscle twitching as she went through every single word again without effect.
"It's worked!" Bucky said, sounding incredulous and Shuri smiled fondly.
"You needn't sound so surprised…" she commented teasingly and he held a hand up in apology, but she waved it away. "We will need to keep monitoring you for a while, but I think that it is high time we let you get out of this lab."
Bucky looked at her as though he was trying to gauge how serious she was and she felt so bad for him. He was clearly so used to being told what he could and couldn't do…
"I can show you where you can stay if you'd like…" she said, adding, "…I don't think you need to sleep here any longer…we have apartments…"
Bucky tried to take in what she was saying, tried to let it sink in that he was finally free of HYDRA, but he couldn't think straight and he wouldn't, not until he saw the woman who had helped his freedom become a reality.
"Where's Molly?" he asked, interrupting Shuri as she was explaining how part of Wakanda was old and part more modernised.
"Molly….she…." she began, but Bucky said, "I need to see her Shuri…is she still here?"
Shuri nodded and taking a breath said, "Let me get you something better to wear and I will take you to her."
"Thank you," Bucky replied, watching as she headed away and he looked down at the white vest and lab pants that he wore, grateful when Shuri returned shortly after with some sweat pants and a T-shirt. She left him to change and returned when he was ready, passing him a pair of boots which he slipped on and she helped him to tie the laces when she realised at the same time as he that he couldn't do it yet one handed.
"This'll take a bit of getting used to…" he said, embarrassment highlighting his cheek bones and Shuri smiled at him reassuringly.
"Perhaps you should eat something first…before we head out…" she said, wanting to make sure that he was truly ready, but Bucky gave her a look which clearly said that all he was interested in right then, was seeing Molly.
"Come then…" she said, leading him from the lab and as they walked through a myriad of corridors and hallways, Bucky was surprised at how no-one seemed concerned by his presence. Something else that would take some getting used to.
As they passed through the palace gardens, he did actually pause to take in some of the scenery and breathe in the air, closing his eyes and tipping his face toward the sun for a few moments and Shuri watched him, hoping that he would make a full recovery, but his past had been a traumatic one and even though he had control of his mind back it was like a double edged sword because now, all of his suppressed memories could and most likely would return and crowd in on him. She just hoped he was still strong enough to not let them destroy him.
As Bucky followed Shuri out into a more rural area he asked her, "Do you think that Molly will want to talk to me?"
Shuri looked at him as they began to crest the same hill where she and Molly had sat some weeks previously.
"I think you must judge that for yourself…" she began, but upon seeing the look of uncertainty that crossed his face, she added, "…but if I had to hazard a guess, I would say yes."
Bucky let out a relieved breath and nodded, looking forward as they reached the top of the hill they had been climbing, his breath catching again as he took in the village below.
"This is beautiful…" he told Shuri, who beamed proudly.
"It is….they live the old ways here. It is a calming, peaceful place. You will be welcomed."
Bucky shook his head, his eyes growing hot with emotion.
"I can never repay you for what you've done for me…" he told her and Shuri reached out to rub his arm.
"Seeing you free is payment enough," she replied and after a moment, she gave him an encouraging nudge and nodded to the valley below. "Miss Molly is down there," she told him and Bucky swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and after a nod of further encouragement from Shuri, he headed down toward the village.
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"Alright that's enough work for today," Molly said to the children who were gathered around her, eager to learn anything she was willing to teach them, but the same mixture of nerves and excitement that she'd felt first thing that morning was still making her feel on edge now and she couldn't concentrate. As the children began to clamber up off of the ground before her, she managed to get up from the log she had been sitting on, arching her spine to ease out the kinks, her belly protruding as she stretched.
Suddenly the noisy children grew quiet and Molly frowned and opening her eyes she turned to see what they were looking at, a gasp escaping her as the most beautiful sight greeted her.
"James!"
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Bucky had been able to observe Molly with the children for a little while before they had begun to move. She looked happy…healthy…her auburn hair had grown from how he remembered it and now it tumbled in even wilder curls around her breasts and back and he had watched as the sun caught it. Her hair had always captured his attention….
Jeez, but how he wanted to take her in his arms and ask her to forgive him, to ask her if she still wanted him, if she would….
His thoughts trailed off as she stood and turned side on to where he was and he watched as she arched her back and even without the aid of the sun making the long pale dress she wore almost transparent he could see the perfect 'bump' of her belly sticking out and for a moment he had to brace himself against the tree he was hiding behind, dipping his head as he fought for breath.
For a split second, the thought that she was with someone else now flitted through his mind and a surge of jealousy almost sent his mind spiralling, but he clung onto his equilibrium much as he clung one-handed to the tree before him, his brain telling him what he should have already known. They had been apart for around eight months and her belly was too big for the baby not to be his…
A baby….a kid…his kid….
He shook his head and composed himself. He stepped out from behind the tree and walked closer, the children falling silent as they spotted him and when Molly turned to see him, he felt like his heart would burst with need as she all but whispered his name.
End of Chapter 14