Date : 02.10.18
Title : Memory In My Heart
Author : ElaineDex
Chapter : 15 of ?
Rating : M
Pairings : Bucky/OC
Warnings : Some Sexual Content, Romance, Angst, Maybe Some Strong Language.
Spoilers and A/N: Possible references to The Winter Soldier, Civil War, Black Panther (I have not seen Black Panther or Infinity War, nor do I claim to be an expert on The Avengers so please forgive any discrepancies. I am working off of things I have read and movies and trailers that I have seen. Thank you.
Disclaimer : I do not own anything to do with the Marvel franchise. This plot and any O/C's are mine.
Summary : (AU) Can a memory from Bucky's time as The Winter Soldier save him from having to live that kind of life again or will the darkness consume him and lead him to kill everyone he now holds dear?
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Molly took a step toward Bucky, then another and another until she was all but running…if you could call a pregnant waddle a run…toward him and her action awoke him from his stunned immobility and he too began to stride toward her until finally they met and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her as close as her belly would allow.
"Oh God…James…." Molly cried, throwing her arms about his neck, squeezing him as tightly as she could without crushing both him and their unborn child.
"It's good to see you Moll…" Bucky said, his voice hoarse, "….so good…" He buried his face in the crook of her neck and Molly felt tears building in her eyes, her heart aching with so many different emotions. She held him, felt him trembling as much as she and wondered how to ask all the questions she had; wondered how to tell him how much she loved him still.
"Can you forgive me?" Bucky asked, his voice muffled against her hair as he nuzzled at her and Molly swallowed, hardly daring to breathe, let alone hope….
She pulled back enough to see him, moving her hands to cup his face and when he raised his eyes to hers she asked, "For what? You have done nothing wrong…"
"I ended things…left you alone and letting you think that you weren't what I wanted…what I needed…what I need…" he shook his head, "…if I'd known…" he ran his hand around from her waist to cradle the side of her belly and it was Molly's turn to shake her head and covering his hand with hers she said, "If you'd known your decision would have had to have been the same. I understand…it's alright…" she smiled softly and added, "…I didn't at the time, but I do now."
Bucky took a shaky breath and looking at her belly asked, "How long?"
"Just a few weeks left. I hoped…" she paused as her voice wobbled with emotion, "….I hoped that you could be with me, that you'd be here…be free before…." she met his eyes again and asked, "Has it worked? Shuri's trials with the trigger words?"
Bucky nodded, moving his hand from her belly to cup her cheek, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that in a few short weeks he would become a father.
"I know you helped..." he said, his eyes meeting hers again and he smiled at the shock on her face. "Sometimes I was more awake than Shuri realised and I heard almost everything…"
Molly opened her mouth but no sound came out, her cheeks blushing as she recalled some of the conversations she had had with Shuri and all probably within earshot of Bucky.
"It's alright…" he assured her, wanting to kiss her so badly, "…hearing your voice kept me going. Knowing that you hadn't given up on me despite me all but telling you to meant a lot to me. Molly, you mean a lot to me…"
Molly looked up at him and could no longer hold the words in, her heart refusing to hold back any longer.
"I love you….I always have….I would never give up on you…."
Bucky released the breath he'd been holding in a rush and bent his head to hers, his lips brushing hers as he told her, "I love you too Moll…will you….will you be with me? Will you let me make an honest woman of you?"
Molly couldn't help the emotional giggle that escaped her at his words, old fashioned as they were and she drew back to look at him, about to tease him when she saw the seriousness of his expression and hers sobered as she searched his eyes.
"My momma would never forgive me if I got a girl into trouble and didn't do the right thing by her…." he said and Molly blinked.
"But you….we…" she stuttered, "…is that really what you want? I don't expect…"
"I love you…I love that you're about to give me what I haven't had for so long…a family. My family, you, me and junior here…" Bucky caressed her belly again and then looked at her, waiting for her answer.
Molly thought her heart would burst with happiness and slowly she began to nod, the movement becoming faster as Bucky began to smile and as he hugged her to him she cried, "Yes! Yes I'll let you make an honest woman of me…."
OoOoOo
The wedding had been a simple affair; one of the village elders officiated and Shuri and T'Challa were witnesses along with some of the villagers and their children. Molly had worn wild flowers in her hair and a plain white dress and as they had exchanged vows, Bucky had told her that he had never seen anyone more beautiful than she.
Her wedding ring had been provided by T'Challa and despite his assurances that it could be his gift to them, Bucky had insisted that he do something in way of payment. He still had pride and he wanted to feel like he had gotten Molly the ring and so he and the King had agreed that Bucky would manage a small farm not too far from the old village. It would be his and Molly's home and they would work the land and contribute in whatever way they were needed. It had also been agreed that this arrangement would only start once Molly had given birth. Shuri had insisted that Bucky have time to regain his strength and be able to be by Molly's side as her time grew closer.
T'Challa had not objected and for that Bucky was grateful, if not a bit suspicious, though he tried to tell himself that he was just being over cautious…hard not to be he supposed in light of everything he had been through.
The farm house, more like a cabin since it was made mostly of wood and thatch, needed work and so the first week after they were married they spent their days there, sprucing it up and their nights in the apartment that Molly had been given and it was sometime into their second week as a married couple that Bucky's nightmares began.
At first they were not enough to wake him or Molly, but as time went on he became more restless, waking first himself up in a cold sweat and then as his restlessness became more violent, he woke Molly, his arm and clenched fist pounding into the mattress where she had lain only moments before as he fought some faceless enemy….
The next morning they had gone to see Shuri and she had suggested that they continue on with therapy; Bucky had also suggested that he sleep elsewhere, at least until the baby was born…he didn't want to hurt Molly or their baby and though Molly wanted to object, having gotten used to their nightly routine of making slow, lingering, love before falling asleep wrapped around one another, she could see that this time, he was right and so they made sure that one of the huts near to the farm was ready for him to use, Bucky insisting that he wouldn't stay in the house until Molly was with him.
The first morning that Bucky woke there he found the children of the village peering at him and as he stepped outside wearing a red tartan sarong and blue sling around his shoulder, Shuri was waiting for him. She smiled at him as he approached.
"Good morning Sergeant Barnes," she said and he gave her a look and said, "Bucky…" It was like a routine with them now….almost like a private joke.
"How are you feeling?" Shuri asked.
"Good…" Bucky replied, realising that he did feel that way despite another restless night, then he added, "…thank you…."
Shuri smiled again and reached out to pat his flat stomach. "Come…..much more for you to learn…"
As she moved away, Bucky remained staring out at the water that stretched before him, before he turned to follow Shuri and as they headed toward the more populated area where her lab was situated he asked, "What do you think could be causing the nightmares?"
"You had another one last night?" she asked and when he nodded, she went on, "Probably your suppressed memories. Talking with a therapist might help…"
"You really think that might be all it will take?" Bucky asked, hopeful.
"Perhaps…but do not underestimate how much time it might take. Someone such as yourself, with all you have been through…it could take a long time to crack even the surface of what troubles your mind. Patience must be your key."
Bucky nodded, taking in what she said and he looked over at her as she added, "Also, you must speak with Molly too. Tell her about the dreams. You mustn't bottle things up and keep things from her….she knows of your past, do not be afraid to talk to her about it, even the…" she paused before adding, "…even the darker times."
Bucky took a breath. Yes Molly knew who he had been, what he had done….but to go into detail…
He looked away from the more modern buildings that they approached and back toward the lush green fields, wishing that he was 'normal', that he could be the Bucky he had once been.
Sensing his melancholy, Shuri touched his shoulder to bring his gaze back to her.
"Bucky, I will help you as much as I can, please, do not worry. All will be well…all is well is it not? You have your mind back, a wife now and a child on the way, that is more than you would once ever have believed you could have, no?"
Bucky smiled at the mention of Molly and the baby and he nodded, "Yes…yes it is…you're right, I have a lot to be thankful for, I know that…."
Shuri squeezed his arm and released it as they neared the entrance to the lab and as they stepped inside Bucky said, "Oh, I keep meaning to ask…." Shuri looked at him expectantly and he went on, "Is there any way I can contact Steve?"
"I will speak with my brother…" Shuri replied and as Bucky nodded his thanks, they headed for the lab.
Once Bucky was settled with another member of her team, Shuri went to speak to T'Challa about Bucky's request, but did not expect the response that she received.
"No…." her brother answered, "…that is, there is a way for Steve Rogers to be contacted, but at the moment I do not believe it is a good time for Sergeant Barnes to speak with his old friend."
"But why not?" Shuri asked, only to receive one of her brother's 'do not press me' looks.
"Just believe me when I say it is in his best interests that he not speak with him just yet. He will see him soon enough."
Shuri frowned, but knew it was no good to try and get more from T'Challa when he was in this frame of mind.
"What will I tell him then?" she asked and T'Challa sighed.
"Tell him that Steve Rogers will contact him when the time is right."
Frowning again, Shuri scowled, but turned to leave.
OoO
That evening as Molly and Bucky ate dinner at the apartment, Bucky mulled over what Shuri had said.
"What did T'Challa mean, Steve will contact me when the time is right?"
Molly watched as Bucky stewed over the response he'd gotten to his question about contacting Steve. She rubbed her belly absently, a nagging ache having irritated her for most of the day.
"I don't know…" she replied softly, reaching out to rub his forearm where it lay on the table, "…maybe Steve is laying low. When I spoke to him last he did say that it might be a while before he could get in touch again…"
"Did you tell him about the baby?" Bucky asked, for some reason feeling a little bothered by the fact that his best friend might have found out about his baby before he did and felt unnecessary relief flood him as Molly shook her head.
"No…I wanted you to be able to do that," she smiled at him and he looked sheepishly back at her, feeling almost like she could read his thoughts, but in this case he knew it was a good thing. Wasn't that how it was supposed to be with someone who cared about you?
"I don't doubt that Steve has a lot on his plate," Bucky said, "I just…I just want him to know, about me, about us, the baby…"
"I know…." Molly replied, standing, her intention to go to him, "…and you will get to tell him, it'll…..oh….." she paused and winced as pain radiated around her belly and she bent, her hands gripping the edge of the table as all her breath seemed to leave her.
Bucky was up out of his seat and by her side in an instant, his hand resting on her back.
"Moll?" he asked, concern lacing his tone.
"I think…" she replied when she had recovered enough to speak, "…I think baby Barnes is ready to meet us…"
"Shit…." Bucky replied and Molly couldn't help but laugh at the look of pure fear that crossed her husband's handsome face.
End of Chapter 15