Chapter 29:

She had curled up to him like a kitten. He would have thought she would purr as he ran his fingers through her hair, but she just collapsed like putty and slept so soundly he thought her comatose. He couldn't truly sleep; afraid he might touch one of her markings by accident. He had just lain awake while she lay motionless next to him.

Was this the only time Hawke was capable of being peaceful, when she slept? She did always seem to be fighting; fighting for attention, fighting for justice, fighting for love… It could be any of them. He would love to see her put down her sword now that his was down. They could start a life like Hawke had said. He was done running; he would wait until she was done fighting. She had already said she was tired of it, done with it… He would be besides her whatever she needed to stop the fighting. Perhaps one day they could have a normal life with a house in some distant land where no one would call on them to fight their battles. It was idealistic but he would love nothing more than that. He hated to dream, all his ideal situations had been destroyed one way or another, but being with Hawke allowed him hope. It allowed all of their friends hope for peace, or money, or justice…

He watched the sun rise through her balcony shutters, and he felt her shift away from the sunlight, and consequentially away from him. She sighed softly in her half-sleep, and he took the moment to slide his legs over the side of the bed, stretching his legs out to just sit there, looking back at her. He wouldn't dare getting up or leaving, she had made it quite clear how much that had upset her when he did it the last time, even though his intentions were more than noble. He still couldn't believe that everything he had ever searched for seemed to fall into Hawke's lap.. peace, love, a home… Danarius. He scoured for a year to find the man, and Danarius appeared when he was back with Hawke in a few days time. It hadn't ended the way he wanted at all, but he had to admit he figured it would have occurred. Hawke brought destruction and chaos to her, so why wouldn't Danarius appear?

He rubbed his eyes to brush his hair back from his face with a sigh. He would give anything to turn the time back and not reappear, he wanted nothing more than to be with her now, but if he hadn't of shown, Hawke would be whole still.

Immersed in his thoughts he didn't feel her move. Her bosom was pressed against his bare back as her arms drapped around his neck, her nails lightly brushing his chest. Her hair was mussy, still wrecked from her sleep, and it tickled his shoulders as her lips kissed just below his ear. He shivered to look out of the corner of his eye at her.

"I guess you remember me…"He chuckled, his voice husky in this early morning. It hurt to touch him with her arm but she ignored the pain, she had a high threshold still.

She ran her tongue up his ear slowly before answering, giving a smirk when he closed his eyes. "I believe you are Fenris… The hair is a dead giveaway… unless you are some other white haired elf with lyrium marking. I do have to admit I am enjoying this shirtlessness."

He turned his face to hers, his eyes looking down at her chest a second before meeting her eyes. "As am I."

"Is this what you always wear to bed? Your pants and nothing else?" She left her lips temptingly close to his as she talked to him. He smirked at her, and she laughed. "Oooh… How very modest of you to keep pants on in my presence then.."

"You are quite devilish. I thought it would take you longer than a night's rest to recover. Why are you up anyways? I don't think Anders would approve of you moving so quickly."

She rolled her eyes to sit back wrapping her legs around his waist. His hands ran down her thighs to rest just above her knees. "I don't truly listen to Anders' advice. He is well enough as a doctor but I know my limits…"

"I think you pushed past your limits." He cracked his neck slightly as he talked, looking ahead to the balcony rather than to her.

"Yes, well… it is time to show Kirkwall that I am not dead." He turned his body to look at her, narrowing his eyes.

"You hadn't slept in over a week… you were tortured and now you are in extreme pain and you are going to traipse around Kirkwall like nothing occurred?"

She smirked at him, that cunning woman named Hawke was sitting before him, Marian was gone again. "I wouldn't quite say trampsing around Kirkwall… I never traipse anywhere… I am going to visit Aveline today, that is all and the others of course…"

"How convenient, what you are truly doing is showing Meredith you are alive. What are you really plotting, Hawke?"

She seemed to become more joyous at his question. "No one ever asks me that… I plan to overthrow Meredith. Her rule has been bloody to the mages. She holds Bethany over my head and makes me her lap dog. So that is why I have been hanging out with nobles, to garner their votes." She leaned closer to him, a smile across her face where that smirk once was. "It's actually working, though my family is tainted by magic." There was a bit of venom when she said tainted, and it didn't miss his ears. He couldn't tell if that was a jab at him, or something else. He had to admit he was wrong about Bethany, she was sweet and nice… but he still didn't feel comfortable saying that magic wasn't a taint. Hawke's life would have been so much easier and filled with less pain if Bethany had been born a normal human.

"I don't think they will be keen on you when they find out that you have an interest in me… An escaped slave that happens to be an elf.."

She giggled at him, truly giggled. He stared in shock at her while she laid back to laugh a little bit before collecting herself. "That's the best part… I truly don't care if I become Viscount… I would hate to be Viscount.. Me? Ruling a city? No, I just want Meredith gone… plus it will be quite a shock to the nobles that one of their own loves an elven slave."

"So you want to bring Kirkwall down? That's what I'm getting. You want to shake everything up for your own amusement."

Her face scrunched in dislike at his words. "No. I am not cruel. I just want Meredith gone. I want the nobles to stop offering me their sons as sacrifices. I just truly want to protect Bethany. I would tear down this city for her." She untwined herself from him to get out of bed, brokering no more discussion. "You wouldn't understand… You sacrificed yourself for Variana's freedom. You might have forgotten, but you once did what I would do for Bethany."

He blinked at her. 'What are you talking about?"

"Variana talked to me when I was captured. Perhaps she hadn't talked to another woman in awhile, or she knew I was close to you." Hawke shrugged as she looked through her wardrobe. "She told me all about how you fought to prove yourself to Danarius so that your mother and she could get their freedom. So technically, you wanted your markings…"

He watched, struck by what she had just said. Variana had said something similar at the docks but he didn't quite put two and two together. He shook his head , looking back to her as she took that outfit out she had said was what signified her as the champion. "I don't believe that."

"Variana wasn't that horrible… She had a soul, she just wanted to survive. Danarius made her second in command after you killed Hadriana." She threw the clothes onto the bed as she walked into the adjoining bathroom. "I would have taken that deal if it was that or prostitution."

He clenched his fists in his lap, looking down as he processed all of what Hawke said. How could this all of happened and he not know about any of it? How had he been so full of hatred to Variana when he knew nothing about her life? Sure, she had betrayed him… If he had sacrificed himself for her freedom, then why was she so unappreciative? All he had wanted was freedom, but it seemed they were two separate entities. Variana wanted comfort, not freedom.

Hawke walked back out of the bathroom in that robe he had seen her wear the morning he had come to ask her help. She went to the door, opened it and called to Orana for bathwater, making sure to tell Orana to make it cold. She peeked back in at Fenris, her gaze meeting his with concern written all over her face. "I am sorry if what I said upset you… I just figured you should know."

Fenris shook his head and swallowed the lump of hatred in his throat. He choked out his words before composing himself. "No you're right… I should have known… I would have killed her if not for you in my arms.."

Hawke frowned at him disapprovingly in the same way she had looked at him after he had killed Hadriana. "I am glad you didn't. Do you want breakfast? Bodhan can make you something?"

He wanted to leave and go hide in his mansion the way he always did when things were eating at him; the solitude helped clear his mind, and his mansion looked the way his mind felt sometimes… a wreck. He didn't want to leave, however, because he wanted to stay by her side today. He wanted to be the protector he said he would be to her. He was done running.

"Yeah… I guess." He stood up to slip his clothes back on.

"It will be much more interesting than sitting here while I bathe." She was smiling at him again. He slid his gauntlets back on to kiss his cheek as he walked past her to go down to the kitchen.

"If you need me just call."

"I know…" She touched his back lightly before turning and walking back into her room.

He watched her for a moment before leaving the doorway to go downstairs. He had always wondered about her, but now that he knew her plans he was less than happy about her desire to do anything for Bethany. If it came down to it, he'd do anything for Hawke, so he understood the feelings; he just wished she didn't put herself in such danger.