Disclaimer: I own nothing of Code Geass, nor of Guilty Gear, nor to a lesser extent, BlazBlue. I do own this story, and all the inspirations along with it. And of course, the brain where the ideas came from.
A jumble of papers fell on the table before him. Suzaku silently sneaked a glance from his work at Nina, before staring helplessly at the paperwork she had placed down.
"Double time people! I know I should've had this finished last week while we were getting our preparations done, but now is not the time to dwell on the past! We should continue to work on the here and now!" Milly was shouting at the end of the long table. Rivalz picked up her cheer, followed half-enthusiastically by a few of the other members.
"Suzaku!" He nearly tumbled from his seat, instead allowing the pen in his hand to clatter from the ground. "No staring off into the distance!"
"H-hai! I'm sorry, " he quipped, nearly biting his tongue when he realized he'd just reverted to his native tongue. A giggle from across him made him glare at their source – towards Kallen Kouzuki who was stapling papers nonstop.
"You have to forgive him, Ms. Ashford," she remarked, when the attention of some of the members turned to Suzaku. "He's still feeling kind of depressed for his friend. You're depressed, you're depressed aren't you?" she asked in a sing-song voice.
"Kallen..." he shook his head, giving her a soft, crooked smile, "Why should I be depressed?" he shifted in his seat and grabbed another set of papers from his growing pile. "He's as fine as a milkshake. Which is saying much, considering it's Lelouch."
"Yes, well, that won't stop certain people from insulting the nearly dead, eh, Suzaku?" all heads swiveled towards the sudden, baritone voice, to see their absentee member's head, poking in through the double-doors to the clubroom.
"Lelouch!" "Lulu!" "That was fast!"
Suzaku nearly jumped over the table towards Lelouch while a gaggle of concerned members stood up from their seats to gather around the returned Lelouch Lamperouge, who acknowledged their chorus of greetings with a smile. He looked just the same as ever, with no bandage nor recovery charms seen on his person. He adjusted his glasses, addressing Suzaku first, "Now, Poster Boy, I didn't come here just to steal your thunder for oh so brief a second, no, because I have far more important things to do than swim in the praise of my peers, for we all know being in and surviving a near-death accident certainly doesn't beat a summons by an Order representative, who's waiting in the Guidance Room."
"Huh?" Suzaku gaped. He was just getting over the fact that his friend seemed unchanged, but he couldn't really tell; there was something he couldn't get right when he looked at the typical sneering expression on Lelouch's face, the glint of his glasses and the casual, biting tone of his voice. Perhaps it was because he'd just walked out of his hospital bed?
"You have been summoned to the Guidance room," Lelouch enunciated, gesturing dramatically to the door. "Something about you being the Poster Boy and whatnot."
"Did you say a representative from the Order was there?" said one of them, for silence had fallen on the clubroom. Indeed, Lelouch had been temporarily forgotten after he'd given the announcement.
"But," he blabbered, his heart doing many skips in his breast. "Wh-why would they need me...?"
"Well, obviously because you – AND Ms. Kouzuki, are you here, yes there, you've also been called – have just recently killed a Gear, low-class though it might be, and the Order is interested in bright young men and women like you. Potentials, I should say."
"HAAH?" It was Kallen's turn to gape. Suzaku shared a quick glance with her, and found himself trying to stifle a twinge of unwarranted jealousy. Then he turned to Lelouch, who had patted him on the shoulder. "Go, Suzaku," he commanded with a smile. He added to Kallen, "and you too Kouzuki. As students of Ashford, you shan't disappoint us, right?"
Nodding dumbly, the two of them exited out of the room, one Poster Boy's thoughts a dead whirl, the other's in abject shock. One of the club members was already pulling out a cellphone. There would be a reckoning in IdolWatch tonight, with the addition of a new Idol.
"Hmm. So glad to see you're looking well, Lelouch. And the rest of you, go back, you've still got work to do. Now, 'Lulu', are you sure you're alright?" she asked after the crowd dispersed, Shirley strangely lingering for the longest before being last to settle back into her seat. Milly tilted her head, trying to decide if she should pull the old "Pile every loose work on Lelouch while he's in a good mood" or not.
"What would make you say I wasn't, Milly?" sighed Lelouch, who was already moving away towards the pantry in the corner.
"Well, you are up and about earlier than expected, I thought you'd be due within two days, unless they discovered some miracle ars or gave you super drugs in the interim, then I'm not sure what to think, if you'll pardon me saying. I mean, it is good news that you recovered..." she trailed off, when Lelouch had instantly turned his body around to give her a full stare. They had a staring match, which Milly could not find a reason for, though she could tell that Lelouch was giving her a piercing, searching stare over the rim of his square glasses.
It was Lelouch who blinked first, shaking a packet of sugar while casting a slight freezing ars on it. "Now don't you worry, Milly. I'll take on Lelouch and Kouzuki's work in addition to mine's, so you don't have to decide for yourself. I'm fine, everything is as it should be."
)()()()()()()()(
Like hell!
He'd woken to find himself fully functional, his senses unhindered by the numerous ars they'd put on him and the drugs they'd put into his system, his mind free to move, and recollect.
To remember, and never forget.
Never again.
Everything seemed different now, as if that figurative veil the woman had mentioned had been lifted, and he was finally able to see the pure bright sun as it should be.
He had found truth when he wasn't looking for it, and it rewarded him with more questions than answers.
He stared at his hands, unblemished, looking every bit as human as he was supposed to be.
I am?
Who am I?
Lelouch vi Britannia.
Perhaps it was another illusion set upon him by a brain that thought itself different, but he seemed to move better now, sliding through the corridors with gentle ease, and his senses were picking up more, like the sound of a distant cricket ball rushing through the air, or the smell of chiffon cake from the cafeteria many floors below.
"Lelouch, it's time to go."
He found himself in one of the clubroom's balconies, staring into the orange glow of the sunset.
He closed a mouth he'd found open, and turned to look at Shirley, who was still arranging papers, at Kallen, who was stabbing a knife through some boxes viciously, at Milly who was pointing this way, to Rivalz who was nodding along vigorously, then to Nina, who had her back turned, and at Suzaku, who was staring at him with a frank, open expression.
Suzaku, Poster Boy.
His favorite phrase: "Kill all evil."
And that included his perceived nemesis, Gears.
He looked away, the innocent mask his friend was putting over the Knight that grew like a butterfly inside was more unbearable than ever.
Answers, he needed them.
Though she asked him to provide her with one, he would demand more from her.
One day, he felt her in the Preserve, but how he was able to, he couldn't explain.
It was instinctive, perhaps a damnable byproduct of his newfound existence. He knew she was now in the Preserve. He knew she was constantly moving through the city. It was like a tracking ars, but more. A scent, or a feeling that was unmistakable. He knew it was her.
He found her sitting outside a small cafe, wearing a joke tophat and a tasseled gown of ivory. Her peculiar green hair was tucked into the hat, and she was looking every bit the madwoman he saw her as.
"Welcome, gypsy, to this sacred meeting."
"I ask for answers." His eyes pleaded, for the first time the barriers of pride had broken. "I-I have no answer to give."
She was silent like an oracle, and just as incomprehensible.
"Who am I?"
"Still you pester me with that question? Shall I punish you now?"
"No, I- I acknowledge that I am Lelouch, a prince of Britannia. I acknowledge the memories, and the help you gave to free them.
"B-but the other, I am at a loss. For to acknowledge that would mean-"
"It is nothing more than casting off a shell, or a piece of carapace, or old shriveled skin, whichever way you want it. We are always quick to adapt, despite a long and bitter illusion. You have seen reality yourself, how you shattered my one favorite sleeping place in this forgotten land, so the least you could do is know what you are. Acknowledge that, boy, and then we can move on."
He stared into his hands, which had looked so much like monstrous, corpse-like claws, but were now normal, unblemished, unchanged.
He took a deep breath, removing the glasses from his face. He placed them on the table, before sitting down to fix his determined gaze on her. She tilted her head.
"Good. It is good to see you safe and sound, little one.
"Be warned that I may tell lies, or half-truths, or lies so well-worded and fanciful they may seem like truths, but the first step in any relationship is trust, one thing you absolutely have to give me. Is that understood?"
"How did I change back? I'd expected to be killed when I lost myself back then."
"I did not break the illusion on your body, young Gear, only the one on your mind. The memories you gained allowed your mind to reassert itself through your body for that instant. I'd imagine the exhaustion you felt allowed the illusion to revert, and it is only through a complete dispelling that your body can freely shift between the two forms. I can unlock the bonds on your body, but only after your answer."
"What if my answer would be that I don't want to be a Gear? It's a wretched existence."
"Only because your fragmented human ego still perceives it as such. You only see and hear about the weak-minded ones breaking free from their chains, only to find themselves lost, without a guiding hand to lead them to the right way. They let their powers control them, rampaging foolishly in the places where humans have power. That is why they are quickly destroyed, but if they had half the brains they should have, they might have fled and hid, like me. But biologically, that is impossible for them to do for the desire to kill is an insurmountable instinct, unless they are rareties like you or I, or if they had help..."
"For that matter, what are you? Are you a Gear, too?"
At her look, he added, "Only because it is the first time I've ever heard of a free-willed Gear. Someone who looks human, I might add."
She seemed to hesitate, sliding her gaze off to the side for but an instant, "A Gear - yes, that is what I am. Since I was made, my function has been to destroy seals. That is what I can do for us, and that is what I shall do to yours. That is all I have to say."
There, she admitted it. Lelouch found himself relaxing, for the first time since he'd woken.
"I only look human for the same reason you do, young one. It is inconvenient to have to walk around the world in a body unsuited for delicacy and refinement. But a human body and a Gear's, although sharing similar genetic blueprints, are vastly different in general biology. We are attuned to magic differently than they, among other things. It is but one thing I shall teach you later, young Gear, if you give me a good answer. "
"Lelouch."
"...what?"
"My name. Would you please stop referring to me as a 'young one'? I do have a name."
"Your human name." she quirked a half-amused eyebrow.
"It's mine, and it affords an identity to me."
"You would protect a false identity?"
"It is the first thing I have, woman." A defiant glint entered his eyes. In response, she lifted the cup before her to her face, breathing in the cooling steam before letting placing it back on the table.
"You will have to stand by your new, other name when it comes to you. It is in the nature of us Gears that we cannot choose our own names, nor are they assigned to us. It is hard-wired, to put it in another way, into our system. We know what it is, when we become Gear. And so, you shall no longer bother with 'Lelouch', except when it suits you. You will find out why later. Perhaps that is the only time you will finally cast off those ridiculous human trappings."
"So what's your name?"
"I have never had a human name." she laid both hands on her lap. "But the name that is mine, 'that is my own', is-" His ears rang at the end of her sentence.
"Pardon?" She said it again.
"C.C.?"
"You, boy, are daft. And deaf. It is bad, either way. Again, it's-"
"I only hear it as C.C.,"
"Ah, whatever," she said dismissively, waving her hands irritably at him. "'C.C.' it is, for you then. It would be a good disguise.
"Now that that vexing thing's done, we may continue."
A dozen questions flitted into his mind, each of them he dismissed outright as unnecessary at this point. He looked down at his body, marvelling how well the "illusion" seemed to work, a master's ars at play.
"How...?" he began, and looked back up into C.C.'s eyes. He did not know how to word it. How was he born, how was he made, how came he into the dread, wretched legacy, how could one Prince of Britannia be a Gear in disguise, what were the circumstances that necessitated it, was his life but a joke, a sham, a product of another's-
"Even I cannot say," replied C.C., knowing what he wanted to ask. She leaned in, putting her chin on her palm. "For a Gear to give birth to life is a wonderful, cherished thing, but there are far more twisted ways to achieve this state – especially on those who are still human. It is sad how something monstrous could ever have been once and wholly human.
"But it would be useless to object, for after all, that why and how the first Gears were made, from what I heard."
"I don't understand."
"There are many different types of Gears, that is true. Their types are linked to how they came about. I can – to an extent – identify a Gear through the signature they emit. Do you remember the purple rune-circle you saw on your feet? The more defined it is, the more of a Gear you are. The more Gear cells you have, the more powerful you can become." She had put her finger on the cup, running it along the circle of the rim. "The Pures- I don't think there are many left in this world. Mayhap they have gone into hiding, for they had the most potential to be free-minded. If there were any in service, their status would've been found out immediately, and they would be shipped off to the Order's laboratories for study."
Lelouch grimaced as C.C. made a crooked grin.
"The Pures are Gears with a full-blown legacy, born of a Gear mother and a Gear father. They are dangerous, Lelouch, when they are roused. If ever you survive this confrontation, then you must be careful meeting them. Then you have the half-breeds, though that is but a misnomer, born of any combination of pure Gear and pure human. I pity the human girl who has to bear a Gear child, I can only imagine the pain in her uterus as the baby is formed... I digress. Half-breeds have any number of combination of blood status, and they look the most human among us, even in their Gear state.
"Are you a Pure then?" she leaned back in the chair, now eyeing him with distaste. "Is it in your nature, young child, to be oblivious to death? You are still walking my fine line."
"Sorry."
"...And then, we have the Artificials." she continued, now tilting her head at him. "It is a long and painful process to take a human and alter his body in many ways to become a Gear. But it can be done, and Gaia has shown how it can be perfected through, unsurprisingly, starting the process on a child, the younger the better, for their bodies are still developing, see, and as such are more malleable as a result. That is one of the reasons why their organization earns much hatred, for to hoist a cruel fate on a human child is a demon's work."
Lelouch felt cold, oh so very cold as his title, biting at his tongue, his heart and the very pits of his gut. He found himself breathing heavily now, for though no memories came into his head, a sinking feeling from his body told him that something was true. It was truly demon's work, and he wondered how a child might have felt, when they were singled out, marched into some place he imagined with unknown devices and cold, unfeeling eyes as they "began their work". And to imagine if the child was Nunnally, oh how that would be a grand injustice, a work only the darkest demons of the Underworld could accomplish...
"Lelouch..." A cold hand touched his, and he shivered, zoning back into the little cafe. He stared fearfully into her eyes, not wanting to find repulsion or pity there, and he was glad to find none, nothing but an indifferent assessment of him as he nearly broke down.
"That was foolish," he remarked self-deprecatingly, shaking his head. She did not answer.
"You've heard enough for tonight," she said after a long pause. "You must think by yourself, good Prince. You will know when I need you to come attend to me. Do not be foolish." She stood and left.
It was incomprehensible to the youth, while he glanced about and really looked at each person's face, to see something like and yet unlike.
He wanted to shout: Yes, here I am, a lost Prince of the Empire, we, the castaway prince and princess of Britannia!
And also, I am a Gear. Make of that what you will.
Whenever he stared at Nunnally's form, behind transparent glass or through the barrier of a quarantine ars, he saw in her hesitant, but sincere smile what he had lost, and what he must never lose. He so did not wish to see her cry.
The last question he had ever asked as Lelouch vi Britannia would be answered, he would make sure of that. But somehow, he knew that would only come in a time that was yet to come, after great loss and much woe, on a day when he would be free to lay all of his questions at his father's feet and utter that universal word: "Why?"
Clutching an old news frame snatched from the newspad that Nina brought every morning to the clubroom, he walked through the Preserve once more, after some time had passed on the day when she made herself known.
She had her back to him, seated in another secluded eatery on the far side of the Preserve. Her long, green hair was unbound, having cascaded primly down the entirey of her back. A tray of sandwiches lay on the table next to her.
She did not turn when he loudly slammed the frame on the table.
"You are suitably as rude and ill-mannered as any human child, little Gear. Do you have your answer for me?"
He sat down, waiting for her to turn. The eatery had an unpleasant view of the ruins just outside the Preserve's wards, where radiation was still a major concern and only Order guardsmen dared to enter. As far as he remembered, that was not the fault of a Gear, but of something older and far more sinister.
"You have a cheeky way of saying no, Lelouch. What do you have to ask now?" She now looked at him, adjusting herself to face the table fully. With a slight jolt of shock, he saw she was wearing the glasses he had forgotten. He watched as she daintily picked up one of the sandwiches from the tray, nibbling on an edge delicately.
"Are you the one mentioned in this report, C.C.?"
"Tell me what it is. Don't assume that I am up-to-date on the noisome events of this 'Preserve'." She turned her head, refusing to look at the frame.
He slid the frame further on the table, right next to the tray. His fingers traced along lines he had marked with ars. "'Mid-level slaughters twenty, pursued into hiding by His Majesty's finest'. Was this you?"
"My, my, you have to rein in that rudeness when you speak to your superiors," she remarked loftily, putting the sandwich back, barely eaten. "So you think I am no better than your wayward brethren, is that it?"
"No, I only say thus because you are the only known free-minded Gear currently in the Preserve, and I know only free-minded Gears are able to stop their rampage and be cunning enough to survive and hide. Barring myself, obviously, but I can assure both of us that I have yet to go on a murderous spree."
"And what if I was responsible?" she asked, her golden-yellow pupils glinting through the stolen glasses. "Would you think any less of me? Would you think any less of the Gears?"
"Yes, to both. Whatever I am, I know I cannot kill without reason, for it is through reason that I am what I am." He closed his eyes, focusing the image in his mind on Nunnally.
"Hmph," C.C. Snorted, tossing her hair about her. "A wastrel of a child, clinging to an unworthy innocence. You will learn, soon enough. But that shall not be my concern. If you cannot ask another question without being sure of something, then I shall swear," she stated, her finger tracing a small seal on the air, "on the life that is left to me, that I have yet to kill in over many years."
He narrowed his eyes, peering at her expression that revealed nothing of her thoughts, at a gaze that hid much but would brook no breach.
"Fine," he breathed out, "How then is this possible? Where did this Gear go then, if he has not been slain already? It would truly be an amazing feat, to control his 'waywardness' as you say, and becoming as civil and controlled as you and I. Or is that rarety truly as you claim it is?"
"...Do you know the story of that group of Gears Gaia used to assault Pendragon? They were mindless too, but it was an astronomical impossibility to herd that many unstable Gears towards a goal. And we are not so easily coerced by any ars that control the mind, nor are we easily sealed, save by other Gears. Do you understand yet?"
"So you're saying...that Gaia is composed of free-minded Gears?"
"I would call you an idiot, but I remember you are but a child. No. Listen well. There are ways to control us, but it would be easier for a group like Gaia to lead Gears to accomplish an end if they were shown mercy and understanding first. Yes, there are free-minded Gears, but it is almost never at the behest of rationality, because they think with the bloodlust in their bodies, and until it is satisfied, they can never know true docility. Gaia has the resources, and the allies to convince Gears to come to them, to band together in a like-minded unit under their orders, and that is how sometimes these Gears disappear 'successfully'."
"They had outside help."
"Yes, and Gaia is not the only one willing. There are other groups, perhaps like-minded independent bands of Gears waiting for a chance to make a decisive strike. A suicidal strike, yes, but any idealistic young one would jump at the chance to cause as many chaos as it could before expiring. Your mid-level must have been helped, because alone he could not hide from the Order. Hmm, but judging by what you said, its disappearance was widely disseminated. Either Gaia's slipping up or the Order's grown smarter. Interesting."
There was a bundle of nuts on a smaller saucer on the table. C.C. took a handful and popped one in her mouth. After a few tentative chews, she snatched a tissue to spit it back out.
"Revolting. Is there not a single place in this Preserve that has decent food to eat?"
Lelouch cleared his throat, his hands crossed before him.
"What must I do?"
She took her leave, her mood fouled by the food, ordering him to decide when next they would meet. He boarded an express train for the Order office near Shinjuku where he'd promised Suzaku to meet.
"What should I do, Lelouch? I mean it's still early and all to be accepting this kind of thing, I mean an apprenticeship while still a year away from graduating here! I am excited, but isn't the Order going too fast? I'd hoped to file a proper application a year from now, but now that-"
"Suzaku," he stopped his friend of but three years. His first memory of the youth had been in a forgotten airport, and he had no idea how to approach him now that something in him had rejected some memories. "Wasn't this your dream? Don't tell me you forgot all those years of training, the sleepness nights and the early mornings? This is a great opportunity."
Suzaku blinked, a smile gradually growing on his mouth as he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah...thanks, Lelouch. I guess I needed someone to spell it out for me or something." His friend took a deep breath. "I mean, you're right. I mustn't neglect a chance when it comes freely like this. But this means I probably will be starting pre-training next year, so I won't be able to come to the Academy much."
"You're worrying about that?" said Lelouch, shaking his head dramatically. "Doesn't this absolve you of your responsibilities to Milly? You'd be honorably dismissed of course, barring any weird things she'll come up with..."
"I thought Milly was graduating this year?"
"I don't think she'll actually be leaving, Suzaku." Lelouch waggled a finger. "On some pretense, she'll beg her grandfather to allow her to 'oversee' things. Guess this means I won't have to fight my way out of the President appointment..."
Days passed, and Suzaku's worries were lost in the tides of his worry. He thought he saw one thing clearly in the murkiness of his indecision, something that shone brightest for him. He worried what it might entail to reach for that thing, and brooded on the alternatives.
It was a gray, downcast afternoon, with the streets wet with drying rain that he saw her again, quite by accident, when he passed by a certain pizza parlor. The woman was outside next to a pile of those foods they served here, and she was stretching serenely on her seat.
He hesitated for a second, before making up his mind and approaching.
"Ah, so the immature Gear comes to lay his answers on my doorstep. Come in, come in~~" she tittered in an uncharacteristic manner, waving grandiosely to a seat. Lelouch thought she sounded drunk.
"So." She nibbled on another slice of the greasy mess, ripping off a sticky wad of cheese with one swift stroke of her head. "To what decision have you finally reached on this auspicious day? You remember this would be your last chance? Ask away, ask away, for I shall hear the answer from you."
"I admit," he replied after looking around to make sure no one else was close. "that I still have my questions. But at this point, it would be foolish to delve into matters that I do not have a clear grasp on. Do you get me?"
"Were I in any other mood, I would strike you, child! But as it is..." she devoured the last vestiges of the slice in one chomp. "You mean to say you want further proof."
He nodded stiffly, placing his hands squarely on the table.
"Further, physical, tangible proof of what you are." C.C. burped, making the sound refined and discreet. His nose scrunched up at the pervading smell of the grease.
"You are extremely self-destructive, Lelouch. You remind me of the story of the alchemist who, when he was but newly graduated from the academy, immediately requested an atelier for himself. You have a darker shade of ambition." She wiped her hands on the tissue. "Is that why I spared you? I have no time to wonder.
"Very well. For the sake of hearing your answer, I shall free you from your illusion. Be prepared, Prince Lelouch. Do not disappoint me."
AN: Vivian wrote some parts of the second section, on a whim. Also, my ankle is recovering, which might mean lesser rate of updates.
Edit: Lelouch was told a maximum of three lies this chapter, a minimum of one half-truth, and maybe one roundabout truth.
Merlin Out.