It was a slow day at the office for Dr. Martin Haugenschnauzer, MD. It was 11:30 AM and he'd only seen three patients in his clinic so far, and not one of them was interesting. He figured that he would take his lunch break early if no one else came in in the next ten minutes. Unfortunately for him, a fax came in seven minutes later notifying him of a patient that was to arrive for a physical exam in twenty minutes. Dr. Haugenschnauzer cursed his rotten luck and set up the exam room. According to the fax, he was to do some basic blood work and a drug test in addition to the physical. The most interesting part, in the good doctor's own opinion, was that the patient was not to know that he was performing a drug test on him. Dr. Haugenschnauzer loved secrets and special missions of any kind almost as much as he loved trickery and subterfuge. The patient's name was something in kanji that he couldn't quite figure out due to his being unacquainted with the national language (he had requested that all of his paperwork be sent to him in English or German), so he paged his assistant Maru to help him. She told him what it said through her barely concealed excitement.

"Kyle Hite-Atari?" he asked, having not quite registered the rush of phonemes that emitted from her mouth.

"Kai Hiwatari, former captain of the Bladebreakers and G-Revolutions!" she repeated.

"Kirk Higgins-Audley?"

"Kai Hiwatari! Please can you get his signature for me?"

Dr. Haugenschnauzer was not amused by the made-up name his assistant kept repeating to him. "Here, here, spell it out," he slid the sheet and a pen over to where Maru was searching out the window for the upcoming patient. She scribbled something illegible with her left hand over the paper without dropping her gaze at the parking lot below. The doctor could barely make it out, but it seemed to him to say 'KA HMATARI,' something which looked similar to a name he'd been seeing in his magazines recently. Suddenly, there was a loud knock at his door. Without bothering to wait for an answer, the receptionist popped his head in.

"Kai Hiwatari is here, sir," he whispered.

"Who?"

"Your patient sir, the one whose files you're holding right now."

"Oh. Send him in," he commanded, propping his feet up on the examination table and then taking them down two seconds later when his patient walked in (apparently he had been standing behind the receptionist the whole time). He shot up to his feet and stuck out his hand in greeting. "Hello, I am Dr. Martin Haugenschnauzer. According to your file, it says today you'll just be getting a physical and some blood work done?" he paused for confirmation, and received a shrug. "Alright, if you'll just hop up onto the examination table then, we can get started." He was tall enough that he didn't have to jump. Dr. Haugenschnauzer made a note of it on his legal pad. "And if you don't mind, how do you say your name?"

The boy mumbled something incoherent and foreign. "Alright, Kyheewateree, first I'm going to test your fine motor skills, just to make sure you don't have something or other there," the doctor said, tearing off a sheet of paper from his legal pad, "just print your name up top, then sign it underneath. Beneath that, I want you to draw five shapes, the first one with three sides, the next with four, and increasing by one each time." It was a feeble cover to get his autograph, but after his patient finished the task, he noticed something strange. The letters were really shaky, and the lines of the polygons were about as far from straight as the good doctor's husband. He set aside the paper. "Next I'm going to test your reflexes." He removed his rubber hammer and went tapping away. The reflexes were satisfactory as expected, but he also noticed a general over-reactivity in his patient as well. Whenever he spoke or tapped him, he would flinch and close his eyes. He made a note on his pad: Heightened sensitivity?

He moved on to eyes and ears. There was a sheen of sweat on the boy's forehead even though it was certainly below room temperature in the room, and he found it difficult to actually examine his eyes and ears due to the fact that Kyheewateree kept moving around. Perspiration and agitation, mild. Warm skin. He grabbed the blood pressure cuff from the counter and the stethoscope from around his neck and followed the procedure. Tachycardia and BP 140/90. He sat back and looked at his patient. Pale skin. Looks like withdrawal. "We're going to draw some of your blood now. Which arm do you want us to use?" The patient held out his left arm, shaking unsteadily. Dr. Haugenschnauzer quickly disinfected the area, applied the tourniquet further up on his arm, and inserted the needle into his largest vein. His patient, who initially was looking at the process, turned away upon seeing the blood rushing out, turning a bit pale at the sight. The doctor drew a few samples of blood before extracting the needle and bandaging up the area. "The results will be back in a few hours. Meanwhile, I need you to pee in a cup."

Dr. Haugenschnauzer stared down at the results of the tests he held in his hands. His patient from earlier - the one with the weird name - had a myriad of issues, it seemed, and possibly some without a medical basis. The blood test revealed borderline anemia and vitamin B12 deficiency, but the drug test just horrified the doctor. Not only were the expected alcohol metabolites ethyl glucuronide and ethyl sulfate found, but he tested positive for THC, amphetamines, nicotine, and benzodiazepines. Checking his file, it was certain that he was never prescribed any medication except hydrocodone/acetaminophen after his release from the Osaka Trauma Center with a concussion and fractured ribs. Strangely though, evidence of hydrocodone usage wasn't found in his drug test at all. He carefully entered the results into the computer, putting in his recommendation to see the patient again. Then, he composed a fax back to the 'Mr. Stanley H. Dickinson' who initiated the correspondence about his patient. I genuinely interpret these heretoforth reviewed health examinations to reveal a dependence on certain illegal substances that is both physical and psychological in nature, and must - What's a better word for ask? - implore you to arrange another set appointment on behalf of your ward. I have conections with various specialists to which I can refer him.

He reviewed his letter for errors (correcting 'conections' and changing 'dependence' to what he believed was the more correct 'dependance'), attached the appropriate documentation of his tests, then sent it off to his client. Pulling out his notepad, he drew a map. Antabuse, Crossroads Center, Dr. Marilyn Rosado MD, Metal City General Hospital 4 dtox. This kid probably had a lot of stuff to work through, and Dr. Haugenschnauzer knew from experience how difficult it was while under the influence. He himself had come out to his former wife while under the influence of pot at a Lady Gaga concert, and that - well, now that he thought about it, was relatively peaceful, as they had both been baked at the time. But the months that followed were brutal.

Twenty minutes later, Dr. Haugenschnauzer received a reply to his fax.

Dr. Haugenschnauzer,

I thank you for your review of my colleague. The results were as expected, but I admit there is no grim satisfaction in knowing so. I shall arrange for Kai to attend once again on the 5th of March, and I expect him to be fully compliant and cooperative with your prescribed treatment plan. I once again thank you for your time and commitment, and look forward to seeing you at the BBA March Mania Commencement Banquet.

Regards,

Stanley Harper Dickinson

Ok, this one was a bit different. I initially wanted it to just be some comic relief, but I'm not sure if it worked out. Also I wanted to flip up the perspective a bit. I'm not sure if I'll do it again, though. Maybe in a later chapter. Anyway, thank you for reading all this way if you have and also thanks to those who have given me feedback so far, I really appreciate it.