He woke up a few hours later, still covered in the blanket April had pulled over him before she had left. For a moment he lay there, thinking dreamily of her green eyes as she had bent over him, and the lingering kiss she had pressed on his mouth before slipping away.
He knew from past experience that she would return late that afternoon, around dinnertime. Her pregnancy was still early enough that a baggy T-shirt could hide her belly effectively, so she usually was able to work out in the open in her shop. Raph often dropped in to keep an eye on her, which Don was profoundly grateful for — even though the Purple Dragons hadn't returned to cause any more trouble, he didn't like the idea of April being exposed and unguarded. Not after what had happened.
The lair was still dark when he emerged, and made his way down into the bathroom. His brothers were in their rooms, but he could see light shining from Leo's room, and could hear Raph snoring loudly in his hammock.
As he stepped into the shower, he glanced up at the long-handled brush hanging from the circular curtain rod. It felt like a lifetime ago that his brothers had found him scrubbing himself with it until blood trickled down his legs. He didn't know when it had happened, but the feeling had faded with time. It still flickered in the back of his mind during his darker moments, but somehow the discovery of April's pregnancy, and his obsession with discovering if the baby was all right, had eclipsed it.
He stood under the rush of hot water for a while, humming softly as he scrubbed the sweat and musk from his body. In the distance he could hear his brothers — Mikey was rattling around in the kitchen, and he could hear Raph yelling something. As soon as he had dried himself, he slipped on his belt and knotted it tightly, then slipped his pads over his elbows and knees.
His heart was hammering against his ribs as he walked back out into the lair. He had made the decision the day before — he was going to take back another piece of his life today.
Master Splinter was there already, speaking to Leo. Raph threw a few punches at Mikey, even as the orange-masked Turtle twisted and bobbed out of the way of his brother's fists. Don couldn't tell what they were squabbling about, but he could hear Mikey yelping out, "—too slow and always missing me. You need practice, bro!"
But as Don stepped down into the light, they all looked toward him. Even Raph stopped, gripping the tails of Mikey's mask with one hand and holding the other out in a fist.
"Donnie!" Leo called out. "We were going to let you sleep in."
"I think I slept enough," Don said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I need to get some practice in. I've been neglecting it for days."
"It is good that you are feeling well today, my son," Splinter said warmly.
"Yes, Master Splinter," Don said, turning towards his father. He squared his shoulders, and took a deep breath. "And I'm — I think it's time for me to do some fight training today."
Splinter's dark eyes narrowed, and he slowly stepped forward, examining Don's face, as if studying a painting whose meaning he wasn't yet sure of. Don hoped he didn't look as nervous as he felt, as he tried to compose his features into a mask of confidence.
"Yes," Splinter said at last. "If you truly believe you are ready."
"I do, Master," Don said.
"But you must remember," Splinter added firmly, "that there is no shame if you find that you are not. If memories begin to overwhelm you, you must stop immediately." His eyes softened. "I would not have you struggle through pain and fear in order to prove your strength, my son."
"I understand, Master," Don said, clutching his bo.
A strong hand clamped down on his shoulder. "You can do this, bro," Raph said in a low voice. "We got your back."
Don glanced back gratefully at his brother, but for a moment he remembered Raph's face as it had been when he had last tried to spar with his brothers — how horrified Raph had been, and how hurt he had looked as Don had torn away. He had overheard Raph telling April about it, just before she had come in to speak to him, but he hadn't known how to tell his brother that it wasn't his fault. And then he had kissed April, and… his thoughts had been more on that than on Raph's feelings.
So as he turned to face Raph, his bo already held out in front of him, he watched his scarlet-masked brother's face. Raph looked grimly determined, but there was unease in his eyes again. Hesitance. He didn't want to do this, and Don suspected he was thinking of the same tumultuous moments when he had fled from his brothers.
"Raph," Don said quietly. "If I start… remembering, it's not your fault."
Raph grunted, and twirled his sai. He didn't look convinced.
Don struck out at him with the end of his bo, and Raph easily sprang away, pushing the staff back with the prongs of his sai. Don pressed forward quickly, the bo twirling easily in his hands as he struck again and again, driving Raph a few steps back as his brother defended himself. Only defended himself. Don felt a spurt of frustration as he saw that Raph wasn't trying to strike at him — he was just blocking Don's moves, keeping his distance.
As he swung towards Raph's shoulder, he heard Splinter call out, "Fight, Raphael! Donatello cannot train if you do not participate!"
Raph's eyes flickered uncertainly between his father and his brother, and his hands gripped his sai more tightly. Swiftly he lashed out at Don, and Don whirled his bo up to strike Raph's wrist. The sai nearly went flying from Raph's hand, and his brother took another step back as he regathered himself.
Don felt a spurt of exhilaration as Raph struck out at him again, and he blocked the blow. Just then, Raph kicked at him — a high, sharp kick that he had to lean backwards to avoid — and Don swept his bo upward to catch behind Raph's knee, forcing it upwards, wrenching his legs apart and throwing him off-balance. With his weight thrown back on one leg, Raph staggered backwards and crashed back on his shell, his sai falling from his hand.
Don didn't hesitate — he sprang forward and landed over Raph's chest, his bo across his sprawled brother's throat. Raph looked surprised at how he had gotten there, almost as surprised as Don felt — he was rustier than Raph had been, and his brother was a stronger fighter even at the best of times. But Raph looked too startled to have let him win.
"Well done, Donatello," Splinter said.
Don raised his bo and rose from his crouch over Raphael, then held out his hand to help his brother to his feet. Raph grunted as he rolled forward onto his knees, and picked up the fallen sai from his sides. Then he took Don's hand and let his brother draw him up, looking both embarrassed and proud.
And suddenly Mikey and Leo were at his sides, their faces alight as they congratulated him. Don smiled at them as their strong hands settled on his shell and shoulders, assuring him that he had lost none of his strength or skill in the past few months.
And for a moment, Don felt as though the bonds between himself and his brothers were drawing them closer, binding them tighter, drawing them together until they were almost like one living being. He could feel all their personalities interlocking like an intricate puzzle — Raph's passion, Leo's strength, Mikey's playfulness — so that no one of them could stand alone. The other three needed him as much as he needed them. Their hearts, their minds, all were woven together.
His hand gripped Leo's bicep and Raph's wrist as they clustered close to him, silently thanking them for staying with him. Never letting him give up. He hadn't realized how much he needed them as a part of him until he had lost those bonds — or at least had felt them stretch until his brothers were no longer within his reach. He had never felt lonely before in his life — not until the rape had torn him away from them.
But those wounds had started to heal the night they had found him crouched in the shower, scrubbing himself raw. Telling them everything had ripped away the festering in his soul, and let them support him, comfort him, hold him up until he could stand alongside them. He hadn't even been aware that he was healing little by little, but he could feel it now. Scarred, but stronger.
"You done good, Donnie," Mikey said, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "But beating up Raph's one thing. Fighting me's totally different."
"It looks like you ain't lost nothin', Don," Raph said, slipping his sai back into his belt.
The warm glow of their presence stayed with Don as the four of them moved through their exercises, under Splinter's watchful gaze. Somehow knocking Raph on his shell had given him a little spurt of confidence that showed itself in the swiftness of his moves, the sweep of his bo as he ran through drills with Leo. The leader gave him a few pointers on his form, but seemed as pleased as Mikey and Raph to see Don back to normal - or at the very least, closer to it.
When they finally finished, bowing to their master, Don felt strangely exhilarated. He slipped his bo onto his back, and headed for his lab, where the bulky shape of the ultrasound had been left beside his computer. He had left the place in a mess of half-eaten Chinese food cartons, left-out tools and masses of wire and circuit boards, which swamped his worktable like coils of thin snakes.
He almost didn't hear Leo until his brother was standing directly behind him. His face was solemn, almost grave.
"How do you feel, Donnie?" he said quietly.
Don glanced down at his hands. "Better than before. Being with April… being supported by you guys… it's really helped."
"We're always here for you, bro," Leo said, resting his hand on Don's shoulder.
"I know," Don said, smiling a little. He remembered vividly how Leo had cared for him in the aftermath of his rape, and had supported him as they had left the flooded bathroom.
He slid onto his chair and began swiftly writing short lines of text on a piece of paper. Leo turned his head curiously, looking down at the list. "What are you working on?" he asked.
"Something I'm planning for April," Don said. "I might need your help with it."