Mr. McMuscles takes centre stage on the first Fisticuffs episode of August to call Evillak out for the final confrontation. He even loops a clip of Pat asking, "Why are you such a coward, Evillak?"
Suddenly, Ric Flair, the ancient Babylonian necromancer and herald of Evillak, arrives to announce his master having acquired a host body using the remaining essence of Rage to power the spell. He explains that Evillak will have taken over his host in just four weeks, conveniently just in time for the next PPV. Evillak challenges the mortals to choose their champions to test their might against Ric Flair and his three horrid experiments: Hot Dog Man, Suckles J. Fuckles and Big the Cat.
With the power of Evillak, the Zaibatsu forces are easily bested, rendering the entire previous arc pointless. Mr. McMuscles leaves the company in his wife's hands while he leads his team on a vision quest to unlock their full potential with assistance from the wise hermit, Geoff Thew. He teaches the Zaibatsu to harness a special power known only as "stands".
SummerSlam opens with Evillak's faction of demonic minions and corrupted heroes facing off with the rest of the ZWF roster. Mr. McMuscles delivers an epic speech to his team and says, "If we're gonna win this battle, there can be no more secrets between us." He rips off his suit to reveal the wrestling attire of The Punishment beneath. Additionally, Mrs. McMuscles, previously sent away by her husbando for her own protection, proves herself the best waifu by returning with a matching costume under the name "Pun-Pun Kill-Chan". She leads the Zaibatsu Best Girl Brigade and attends ringside and stops anyone from interfering by shooting people with her Red 9.
The final match, naturally, is the climax with the now swole Zaibatsu entering the ring to face Evillak's faction. Ric Flair reveals the new host of Evillak: Reptile. Reptillak takes his Kahn seat overlooking the match and reveals that his champions have also unlocked the power of stands. Please note, I've never actually watched JoJo, so I'm probably misrepresenting the concept of stands but fuck it.
Each warrior summons his stand and they pair off to do battle. Mr. McMuscles unleashes his stand, Papa Roach, allowing him to "cut [his] life in two pieces", becoming two separate entities: Mr. McMuscles and Punishment. Ric Flair harnesses the power of fellow dark lord, Ozzy Osbourne, to attack with vicious bites that inflict various status effects.
Pat's stand, Maniac Agenda, (represented as Pat as Raiden) sends him into a maniacal state of insanity with a red aura. Suckles wields the power of Crush 40, which is a larger, more muscular version of his upper body designed to crush his enemies.
El Woolio wields Mick Gordon, who carries a jukebox that plays hype music to empower its user. Big's stand is Ted Poley, which is a massive version of his pet frog with the power to make people slow and tired, because obviously, right?
Uncenable's stand is Hatsune Miku, which grants him the ability to produce holograms of himself, as well as to control the digital space. Hot Dog Man's stand is Fred Durst, harnessing the power of the chocolate starfish and the hot dog-flavoured water.
Mr. McMuscles and The Punishment fight in perfect synchronicity against Ric Flair, performing a variety of tag moves that would have easily reduced Flair's 3000 year old bones to dust, were it not for the black magic Evillak performed to grant him power. Ozzy manages to bite into Punishment's head to inflict poison, but Punishment was trained as a skeleton warrior, making him immune to toxic. Mr. McMuscles lifts Punishment with one hand and Punishment curls up into a ball. Mr. McMuscles throws Punishment like a baseball, showcasing their ultimate tag move: The Skeleton Ball. The move blasts through Ozzy and strikes Flair, stripping him of his magical protection and reducing him to dust.
Suckles is repeatedly dodged by Pat, who performs a taunt, which leaves Suckles in the butthurt state. He attempts to crush Pat with his stand's massive arm, only for Pat to enter Maniac Mode and block the strike with both hands. He then throws Suckles' arm off of him, grabs it and swings him into the air. He follows up with some air teleports, dodge cancels and a just evade before finishing Suckles with a parry into dive kick, forcing Suckles all the way back to the ground and through the announce table, splitting him wide open.
Mick Gordon plays Orchid's theme, augmenting Woolie's speed. He easily outmanoeuvres Big and keeps moving despite the latter's attempts to put him to sleep. He gets in close and switches to Shadow Jago's theme, allowing him to harness the remaining essence of Rage and become a Shadow Lord. With his ultimate killer instinct unleashed like Necali in V-Trigger, Big is soon eviscerated with an ultra.
Uncenable's hologram doubles give Hot Dog Man and Fred Durst some trouble, despite the sheer amount of chocolate starfishes and hot dog-flavoured water balls they throw at him. Hot Dog Man slips on the water around the area and falls flat on his face. Uncenable pulls off a ridiculous Naruto-esque tactic of sending a hologram to perform a body slam from the top rope, while secretly hiding inside said hologram to confuse Hot Dog Man and get in a devastating blow.
With all of his minions defeated, Reptillak stands before the four warriors and challenges them, revealing the dark truth: that Evillak is actually a mere stand with the power of possession. The stand user controlling the demon is... David Cage. Does this make any sense? Does this match up at all with what was previously established? Does this feel like anything other than a cheap twist that is impossible for the audience to predict? The answer to these questions is: welcome to Cage's world, bitch.
Cage unleashes his ultimate power, The Caged Mind, which is his method of subliminally brainwashing people into believing his work is genius and worshipping him as a god. The Zaibatsu heroes are brought to their knees, slowly succumbing to Cage's incredible power, when suddenly, Mrs. McMuscles activates the titantron, playing the love theme from Omikron.
The remembrance of the dark times, snaps our heroes out of their funk and grants them to strength of will to resist Cage's power and rise to their feet. Cage then attempts to kill them with force lightning, only for them to no-sell it harder than Konami no-sells criticism. Backed into a literal corner of the ring, Cage resorts to his final gambit: having Evillak transform Reptile's body into that of the real Evillak. Cage buys his stand time to do this by unveiling the portfolios of childhood pictures he has of the heroes, stunlocking them until the transformation is complete.
That done, Cage declares, "I will enjoy seeing your emotions play out with more polys in my next game. But for now, your must face... EVILLAAAAAAK!" He then flees to the backstage area. Uncenable tells the others to go while he holds off Evillak, promising Reptile's tag partner, Pat, that he will save his friend. The other three chase Cage down to Mr. McMuscles' office, where he transforms the room into a creepy sex dungeon with Fembaz strapped to a gurney for the sake of "art".
Cage's power only grows as more people around the world fall under his influence and believe he has talent as a game designer. With this power, he transforms the three heroes into Omikron PD officers and disables their stands. He prepares to beat them into submission, only for the three to throw off the shitty ginger wigs he put on them and go to town on him. With a left hook from Pat, a double axe-handle from Woolie and an uppercut from Mr. McMuscles, David Cage is finally defeated.
Back in the ring, Uncenable takes advantage of Evillak's weakened power from its master's defeat to rip its soul from Reptile's body and save him. Evillak makes one final attempt to destroy Uncenable, only for it to be destroyed by a bolt of lightning from Zubaz as he enters from the crowd. And as we all know, any crime can be forgiven, even if the person doesn't deserve it, making Zubaz one of the boys. Anime was a mistake.
With the world saved, each hero receives his own ending reward.
Mr. and Mrs. McMuscles take a leave of absence from the company to go on vacation. Legends of a duo of skeleton warriors destroying street gangs across the nation become widespread. Zach is left in charge for the duration, almost tanking the company by investing heavily in kickstarter litterboxes.
Pat and Reptile compete for the tag team championship now that the Dreadators no longer hold the titles. They face off in the end with Cranky and Plague. The outcome is a tale to be told another day.
Hitomi J-Cup offers to cut her hair and have a threesome with Woolie and Fembaz, but he turns them down to play Mahvel.
Uncenable comes under investigation for the murder of Warren earlier in the year. However, the police are unable to find Uncenable as he simply shakes his hand and disappears from view. He drops the Uncenable identity and forges a new one by facing down a horde of screeching harpies known only as fangirls. He later "debuts" in the ZWF under the name Liam-senpai.
Zubaz invites other superstars around for tea, which they accept happily. Eventually, Pat gets sick of this shit and puts Baz through a table, declaring how bullshit the whole scenario is.
Max moves on to start up a new division of the ZWF - the Yo! Wrestling brand - intended to train a new generation of upcoming superstars such as Doctor Doom, Unruly and Steve. This leads to a strengthening of the tag division with Unruly allying with Woolie to honour their mutual friend Jerry as the New Way Dreadators, and Benny joining Zach as the team Mass Hysteria.
Takahata begins a film career when Mahvel Entertainment hires him to replace Tom Hiddleston once he retires from playing Loki. The subsequent Thor movies receive four out of five stars.
Bunnyhop remains Bunnyhop.