She's a lot smaller and frailer than the Skull Knight had been expecting for someone so loud. She's also quite stubborn, having managed to live this long despite the setbacks given to her. Since the day she was born, the world has been trying to kill her.
"She's not very good at dying, though—so why don't we give her a hand?"
Flora's words were initially confusing, if a bit ominous. She certainly meant well, though, from the way she advised him to prepare for his encounter with the child. Where her future lies, even Flora does not know.
"It's all up to her."
The most he and Flora can do is give her a small push, so he decides to borrow her for the time being. He's certain her parents won't mind.
"It's one less mouth they'll have to feed for a while." Such is the way of those who live in villages where food is especially scarce. It's probably why he doesn't hear her calling out for her parents. "How unfortunate."
She keeps crying and crying until she finally passes out. She doesn't wake up until dawn, when Skull Night drops her into a river. She reacts exactly how he expects her to react, sputtering and screaming before going silent at the sight of him.
"Clean yourself up," he tells her. He would prefer it if she no longer reeked of blood.
She continues staring at him, not bothering to give him a response. It's only when he turns his back to her that she finally starts moving. He hears water splashing and a few sounds of disgust coming from her. Despite having narrowly escaped death, the child can still find it in her to show her displeasure out of being covered in blood.
"How quaint." Skull Knight doesn't expect this behavior to last—it never does.
…
…
Casca gags a few times as she watches the blood and grime on her skin and clothes turn the water around her into a murky shade of red. It grosses her out with how much grime she had collected during the past few days and she can only hope that the blood will wash out from her clothes…
It takes her more than an hour to wash out the blood from her clothes and another thirty minutes to scrub off the remaining blood on her skin and hair. It's a lot harder without any soap and it takes her a good fifteen minutes to realize that this is as good as it's going to get when she can't get rid of the smell.
I've took too many things for granted…
A part of her regrets ever going days without showering in her past life—depression and executive dysfunction be damned. At least she had the choice of being clean unlike now, where she can go more than a week without bathing. Having a choice makes so much of a difference that it's almost ridiculous.
Fucking hell, I miss soap…
She also misses having her privacy, because good fucking luck finding that here! Skull Knight is right there, just watching her every movement as she leaves the water. She looks him right in the eye (or what she thinks might be his eyes) as she hangs up her clothes to dry, acting as though she totally isn't naked (when she is). She lasts a total of five minutes before crouching down into a small ball out of embarrassment.
Can this get any worse?
Growl.
Casca nearly swears out loud at that moment. She resists the urge she has to hit herself for even thinking that as she tries to ignore her growling stomach. It's a lot harder this time around, when everything fucking hurts. She's cold, wet, hungry, and scared—she's just so fucking scared…
Because I'm Casca now…
And Casca has everything to fear with her future.
Do I really have a future?
She laughs hollowly, not knowing how else to react to that thought. She laughs and she laughs and she laughs. Tears splash down her face as her laughter grows more and more forced. Soon, she's crying again—because it still isn't fair.
It's not fucking fair!
"Have you given up?" The Skull Knight startles her silent with how close his voice. That's when she notices how close he has gotten.
"Ahh…" a small squeak escapes her mouth as she stares up at the Skull Knight. It's alarming to see that someone so huge can exist. It just makes her feel even smaller than she already is…
"Do you truly wish to die?" he asks her, sounding far too ominous for comfort.
Die?
I died once…
But she didn't stay dead.
I should have…
Had she stayed dead, she wouldn't have to deal with this bitch of a world as Casca. She wouldn't have to worry about her future—because the dead have no future. One has to be alive to have a future.
So why am I still alive?
If she wanted to die, then she wouldn't have fought so hard to stay alive. She would have died yesterday at the hands of those monsters. That would have been the end of her short, pathetic life…but she's still alive.
I'm still alive.
Despite her fear and anger towards the world, she's still alive…because she wants to stay alive. Against all odds, she's still alive—and she'll be damned if she lets herself die so easily.
Not after all that you've been through…
The memories she has of a late friend from her past life remind her of her resolve to stay alive. No matter how difficult things got or how pointless life seemed, she made her decision to not make the same, irreversible choice her friend made during a fit of despair.
You never know how much your life matters to others until it's too late…
Even though she has no one as Casca, she still has her memories. She has so many precious memories of the life she left behind…
That's all I need.
That's all she really needs to help her work up the courage to stand up and answer Skull Knight's question.
"I-I don't…w-w-want to die." Casca finds herself crying again—she just can't help it. That's when the Skull Knight removes his cape and lets it fall over her small frame. The fabric is surprisingly soft to the touch despite its tattered appearance and smells faintly of herbs. It's not anything that Casca would expect from Skull Knight.
"Then our paths were meant to cross," so says the Skull Knight. "Saving you was no mistake."
Casca has little room to ask any questions before the Skull Knight drops a leather bag at her feet. Curiosity easily gets the best of her and she kneels down to investigate the contents of the bag. Her mouth is practically salivating when she finds that the bag contains strips of dry meat. She has to force herself to stay calm when she grabs a strip. She nibbles at the end, ignoring every thought she has that screams at her to eat as much as she can. It's been so long since she's had meat and the last thing she wants to do is throw up.
She closes the bag and stands up, holding it out for the Skull Knight to take back. He shakes his head.
"It was never mine to begin with," he tells her. "It's all yours."
Casca stares at him for a moment…then she charges forward and wraps her arms around his leg in a somewhat awkward embrace.
"Thank you, Mr. Skull Knight!" she exclaims, actually sounding happy for once.
The Skull Knight gives her no response and just stares at her, finding this encounter of theirs to be most peculiar.
"Most peculiar indeed…" he thinks.
But not unwanted by any means.
…
…
Casca clings to the Skull Knight like a duckling following its mother. She never strays far from his side, preferring to be as cautious as possible. She asks him many questions to pass the time—about his likes and dislikes. She receives no answers from him as he chooses to remain silent. She doesn't let it bother her, though. Instead, she continues asking him questions until he finally answers one.
"Do you think that there's any hope for me?" It's not a question that a child would normally ask, and it shows with how much older she suddenly appears.
The Skull Knight finds himself staring at her as he carefully considers his words. A minute passes before he gives his response. "Tell me…what kind of future it is that you seek?"
"I…" she begins, pausing for a moment to think. "I…want a future where the people I cherish can live. I won't always be alone, so I want to make sure that doesn't change when I meet those people…"
The Skull Knight isn't surprised to hear her so casually exclude her family from that future. If anything, it's to be expected. He knows not of her life in that village, but he can tell that she is an unwanted child. The fact that no one is searching for her right now is telling of how little she matters to the people whose blood she shares. "Then…it all depends on how hard you work for that future."
She has lived this long defying fate…and she will certainly live her life continuing that trend. Wherever the future takes her, it's all up to her. It's as Flora has told him—the most they can do is give her a hand.
So he watches over her during the next few days, helping her make a fire when she has issues starting one on her own. She takes his words of knowledge to heart and the next time she tries to start a fire, she does so without any issues. She uses his cape to stay warm during the evenings and while she sleeps. She washes it in the river afterwards, saying it's the least she can do in return.
At some point, he finds himself cutting her hair when her thick, black locks managed to get tangled on a branch. It's a wonder how she's managed with such an unruly mess for so long without any issues…
"Long hair is not suitable for combat," he tells her, not knowing what else to say to her. He isn't sure if she wants to keep her hair long like most girls her age would, but the way she thanks him after he's done tell him how little she actually cared about its long length.
If anything, she prefers her hair this way, with how the ends just brush the tops of her shoulders.
"So what else isn't suitable for combat?" she asks him later that evening, looking far too eager than a child her age should be.
…
More than two weeks have passed by the time the Skull Knight decides that it's time they part ways. Casca is hesitant at first, still so wary at the thought of ever leaving his side. He eases her nerves with a parting gift—an anklet that Flora had woven out of hemp and decorated with beads made out of lapis.
"It should keep you safe for the time being." It won't guarantee her survival, but it should help nonetheless. "Now…it's time for you to return to your village."
"Do I…Do I have to?" Casca frowns.
"I cannot stay here any longer," he tells her. "So yes, you have to."
"Fine." She pouts quite childishly, looking her actual age for once as they start making their way out of the forest. She still stays close to his side, until the very end when they finally leave the forest. When the Skull Knight shows no sign of following her, Casca stops and dashes back to his side to give his leg one last embrace.
After that, she leaves his side and returns to her village. As soon as she is out of sight, the Skull Knight goes back into the forest. His job is done for the time being, as there is not much else he can do. As he goes deeper and deeper into the forest, he finds himself hoping that the child will at least makes it to adulthood.
"May our paths cross again."
…
…
When Casca returns to her village, she finds that there is nothing left of it. All that remains is burnt ashes of many people's homes—of which includes hers. When she finds her family, she isn't at all surprised that they don't act that differently when they see she's alive. Instead, she asks what happened and finds that there had been a raid on the village in her absence.
"That's right." She had almost forgotten that this poor, farming village was often a target for raids. "It's so close to the border…"
And yet, despite that fact, this is the first time her village has been raided—during her lifetime at the least. It's strange, but she doesn't think much about it, though. It doesn't really matter to her because she honestly doesn't give a damn about this place. She doesn't plan on staying here her entire life—not if she wants to have a future worth living for.
Her time with Skull Knight has given her enough hope for the future, despite its risks. After all, it's all up to her if she wants to avoid her canon counterpart's fate.
"I won't let that happen." Not in this lifetime or ever.
…
Casca goes about living her life as normally as she can…which is difficult when she has to help rebuild her own village. She sees her first dead body about a day into this, barely having much time to even react before a couple of boys start throwing rocks at her. She doesn't know why they're throwing rocks at her, but she throws them right back at them. They leave her alone after that.
"Good riddance." She huffs angrily before kneeling down to scavenge the dead body for anything useful. She gags a few times at the rancid smell coming from the corpse. There are so many things that she could've gone her life without ever knowing—the way a corpse smells is one of them.
She finds absolutely nothing of value on the corpse and proceeds to go fetch the closest adult to help bring the body over to the nearest open grave. Without any warning whatsoever, she finds herself getting kicked in the stomach. She doubles over and then falls to the ground in pain. She heaves violently, the meager remains of her breakfast soon covering the ground right next to her face.
Tears flood her eyes, effectively blurring her vision as she looks up at the adult who had kicked her. She wants to ask him why—why did he do that to her? Just what did she do to deserve that?
Instead, she just heaves again as the tears roll down her cheeks. When she looks up again, her eyes widen in shock. What she sees on the adult's face is disgust and hatred—all of which is directed at her. He spits on her afterwards and then takes his leave to go attend to the corpse she had found.
Did I do something wrong?
She chokes back a sob and wipes her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She picks herself up and takes a moment to brush off the dirt on her clothes. When she comes across the next corpse in her path, she avoids scavenging it altogether. Instead, she flips the corpse onto its back and then goes off to find another adult. She takes care to avoid crossing paths with a couple of children who are fighting over scraps and keeps her guard up when she walks up to an adult. He's not the same person who had kicked her, but she is still wary nonetheless.
The adult doesn't hurt her like the previous adult, but for about a minute or so, he just stares at her. He says nothing to her, his expression devoid of any particular emotion. When he finally leaves her side to go get the body she found, relief washes over her.
What…was that about?
Her heart is pounding so hard within her chest, the anxiety slowly eating away at her mind. She exhales shakily, feeling somewhat lightheaded.
At least he didn't hurt me…
A part of her wants to feel thankful for that, but another part of her wonders if what had happened was actually any better.
I don't know…
Casca tries not to think too much about it as she helps move some debris. She isn't strong by any means to do much, but she does so anyways after being told by her oldest brother to not be such a burden. The physical labor leaves her body sore and unable to keep much within her stomach due to overexertion. She is still so frail and physically unfit, but Casca knows that there isn't much she can do about that unless she fixes it herself. This is the best she can do for the time being—at least until she figures out a way to train in secret.
As the days slowly go by, Casca begins to notice that something is…off. It all starts with the way her family acts around her. She's used to being considered a burden, but this behavior of theirs—it isn't anything like she's used to. When they think she isn't paying attention, they start to whisper behind her back. She can't understand what it is that they are saying, but from the way they would often look in her direction, there's no doubt that they're talking about her.
A few times, she catches her older sisters gossiping with other girls their age. Once—only once—does she manage to overhear their conversation. She doesn't mean to, but the damage has already been done.
"I always knew that there was something wrong with her."
"The signs were all there when she was born after a raid."
"It's strange that she's still alive. After all, children like her aren't meant to live."
"Only someone so cursed can live while others die in their place."
"Why else was she able to avoid the raid while the rest of us were suffering?"
"She should have died like the other children who were born after the raid."
What has been heard cannot be unheard.
I'm a curse?
It is on this day that Casca learns of the unfortunate turn that her life has now taken. Once a scapegoat has been decided on by the others, there's not much that can be done about it.
So this is my life now…
Casca doesn't know what to think of this…so she laughs. She laughs and she laughs and she laughs. Her laughter sounds so hollow, but no one dares to give the cursed child the benefit of the doubt. Instead, those who are within her vicinity disperse and leave her all alone. Her laughter only grows louder after that.
Then, when she realizes how alone she is for a second time, she starts to cry.
…
…
…
A/N So like, yeah, Casica has it pretty rough since the world of Berserk does have it in for her—after all, she isn't exactly supposed to exist as an SI. She's an anomaly that the world is trying to reject, but she's still here…and she refuses to go down so easily.
Skull Knight and Flora aren't exactly aware of the situation regarding her status of a self-insert. They just know that she has the potential to change the future that's ahead of her. How—it really is up to her. So Casica has a lot on her plate and she's still only like five years old.
Many thanks to AngstArbitually (Shaded Cat) for helping me out with this chapter, as it's thanks to him that there was an early Skull Knight encounter with Casica. He's also the one who suggested the anklet with lapis beads that Flora would've made for Casica. Really, Flora and Skull Knight are just giving Casica a bit of a nudge so that she isn't completely hopeless about her own future.
That doesn't mean Casica will have it any easier. She still has to get through the next six to seven years of her life before she meets up with Griffith. I can tell you know—it's gonna be rough and when the time comes that she has to leave her village, she will NOT be sad to leave that shithole whatsoever. She is definitely quite different from my other SI/SIOCs, since Casica really does have no one. Even QSS!Naruto has Teuchi and his daughter, but Casica?
All she had was Skull Knight and now that he's gone, she's all alone.
Anyways, thank you guys so much for taking the time to review and give this fic a chance! I'm honestly looking forward to seeing how this fic develops! So I'm gonna try to at least get one update in every month for this fic. Do understand if I can't stick to that goal…
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Until next time, everyone! KD out! XD