Hikaru

Right after I walked away, I heard Gilbert screaming at the top of his lungs, yelling for me to go back or else I'd regret it. I didn't turn around but the truth was that I was already regretting it. I knew Ludwig was back there. I knew he was watching us. I just didn't know what I wanted to do about it.

My hand instantly went up to the necklace from Ludwig and I started crying. Antonio said that relationships might end but feelings didn't, and he was right about it. My feelings were still the same from the first day I met Ludwig and they were never going to change.

I loved his stout features that were complemented with his pushed back blonde hair and his light blue eyes. I loved his voice that made me want to talk to him just to hear his German accent and the way it sounded so foreign. I loved how he was able to put up with Feliciano's hyper activeness, Gilbert's boasts of being awesome, and the bizarre ways of his friends. I loved his flaws most of all because that was something that made him Ludwig.

"I don't want to talk, Gilbert," I called out when I heard footsteps following me.

"But I do," said Sadik's voice.

I looked up to see Sadik grinning at me.

"Were you expecting that albino, or his younger brother? Your ex, Ludwig?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what to expect anymore."

Sadik laughed and put an arm around me. "Well you can start expecting me from now on because I personally think I make much more preferable company."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I took his arm off my shoulders but he just wrapped it around my waist.

"It means," he said, "that I can do better than that Beilschmidt boy. That's the truth. I can do way better than him." Suddenly, he pulled me into him and pressed his lips against mine, tugging at them as if he were teasing me into kissing him back. Sadik looked at me when he stopped. "You know, you're supposed to kiss someone back if they kiss you."

"That's correct," I said, "but only if it's a kiss that's wanted."

"You didn't enjoy it?"

"I didn't know what to feel," I corrected him. I broke away from him and hugged myself. "I don't know, Sadik. I just…feel so confused right now…and I can't go around kissing guys. It feels wrong."

"But you and Ludwig broke up," he pointed out. "You said that yourself."
"I did. It's just that re—" Antonio's words repeated themselves in my head: relationships might end, but feelings don't. How could I explain that to Sadik? That I still had feelings for Ludwig when I said the exact opposite? "It's just that it's…everything's really…unclear."

Sadik pulled me into him again but he just hugged me this time. "Then let me make it clearer for you," he said. "I'll take you to the carnival this weekend and show you a good time. Then you can tell me how you feel. How does that sound?"

I stared at him for a while and looked away as I nodded. He gave me another kiss but his lips lingered on mine until I returned the kiss.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow then?" Sadik asked once I broke away.

"Yeah, I'll see you then," I said.

He kissed me once more and then ran off down the street. I stood in the same place, trying to get myself out of my head. Sadik's kiss, compared to the many ones I've shared with Ludwig, wasn't…enjoyable because I kept seeing Ludwig's face in my head. Almost for a second, I thought it was Ludwig that I was kissing but once I realized it wasn't, I got confused again. I wanted to cry, to yell at Sadik, or scream for Ludwig but I couldn't. I didn't know why, but I just couldn't.

After I went home, I took a shower, dried myself, and went inside my room. Once I got dressed, I threw myself in my bed and pulled my blanket over my head after I turned off the light. I hugged myself and realized that I was still wearing my necklace. In the dark, I fingered it and thought nothing but of Ludwig.

"What am I doing?" I whispered as I felt tears starting to roll down my cheeks.

A Note from your Author:

I realized that I would've probably finished this earlier if I hadn't been planning for a party for my graphic design teacher who is going to Ohio p(´⌒｀｡q) But I had to since I'm the one who suggested it so yeah… But in the end, I actually finished it…at midnight…so sorry if it's crappy (#／。＼#) However, on the other hand, I am so excited for finals now! (Have you ever heard someone say that? It's so weird, even if it's written…) Want to know why? BECAUSE I GET TO DO A PRESENTATION ON A COUNTRY FOR HISTORY! Yeah! I couldn't get Germany, though. Or Italy. Or any of the main Hetalia characters. It really sucks because my teacher said that we couldn't do any of the countries we know a lot about so she gave most of us third-world countries. I, on the other hand, got Latvia! YEAH! I'm totally adding pictures of the Hetalia Latvia on my presentation (like I did for a couple other projects) and at the end of the slide show, I'm putting this gif on it that has a guy from some other anime (I can't remember which one though) spinning around on a chair, saying, "I Regret Nothing" because I really do regret nothing I have ever done in that class. Seriously. I've tripped sitting down in a desk and flipped myself over almost into a trash can, I've yelled out loud during a lecture because we were going over the Treaty of Versailles because Germany was blamed for the whole World War I (if you want to know the whole story, check out my commentary in my story "The Great War"), and spazzed out a whole lot during my first hour. Ah, good times…（￣～￣; ）

Anyways, back to the story. I LOVE you guys for reading this! ＾▽＾ If you guys have any suggestions or plots or crap that you want to see in this story, comment below or send me a message and I'll fit it in! I was asked to do a carnival and have Ryuto and Lily go on a date so I shall do that in my next chapter! I just hope it turns out well. By the way, Hikaru, what the hell are you doing? Sorry. Rhetorical question. As I have mentioned before, I finished this at midnight so I have no idea or crap whatsoever that's going on. I seriously had to reread it over again to get an idea of what was going through my mind when I finished this chapter. Thanks for reading and enjoy! (┌・。・)┌