CHAPTER 7

It was taking some time to get everything in order with his little side project. He wanted to make sure he got it right, so occasionally would draw up something on a notepad to help give him an idea of how to build what he wanted, then flushed it. If some agent wanted to dig through the sewers let them.

It wasn't that either thing was really that difficult to make, but more he wanted to get it right. Chuck had no illusions that Casey, Sarah and whoever was in charge were going to be pissed when it was done. There was pretty much no chance they wouldn't be. Part of him was questioning whether he'd even end up using either device, but he at least wanted to know he had them. He wanted to be able to push back, even a little.

Of course that meant more awkwardness when Ellie invited Sarah over not just for dinner, but game night, which included her telling stories he was positive were all lies and him bringing up how Bryce Larkin was the person he most hated. Of course that had only grown the past month, but it was an obvious answer even to Ellie and Devon. The only person who would be above him was someone whose name he didn't even know, and may well have died long ago. Of course Chuck wouldn't tell anyone he'd taken to calling the G-Man Joe Chill back when he was in his Batman phase, and the name had stuck in his mind.

Of course when he asked about Bryce afterward she told him they were partners but not really friends. Though he desperately wanted to believe that was true a little voice in the back of his head told him that was another lie.

Watching her walk to her car and drive away, it felt like something was chomping away inside him. She'd even tried to play it off like he could just ask her about herself and she'd tell him, but he knew damn well she'd never tell him. As far as he knew not a single thing about her was real. She'd admitted her name wasn't real. Another lie for the pile, that voice in the back of his head told him. Why do you even trust her?

With a groan he turned and made his way back to his room, spending the night soldering under his blankets. He was going to need a new blanket when this was done. It had more burn marks than a narcoleptic smoker's carpet.

He was half asleep when morning came and he found Carina waiting in the courtyard and stumbled into a briefing with each agent's boss. He was almost surprised he didn't flash on them, but he still didn't have any consistent way to flash. Sometimes it's a name, a face, even a scar. He half expects to flash from a smell or touching something.

It was surprising when he returned to the Nerd Herd hours later to find Sarah pulling Carina away to speak away from Jeff and Lester. When she invited herself over to help maintain their cover, Chuck found himself staring at her through the movie, watching as she picked the olives off her pizza, cementing for him the first real thing he knew about her. He still wasn't sure eyes could be that enrapturing, and hair was easy enough to dye, but she definitely didn't like olives.

He wasn't sure why she was trying to stay away from Carina, or rather keep him away from Carina, not until he went for a late night service call to the DEA agent's hotel room. As much as her disrobing had made him uncomfortable, he imagined Sarah was more worried about her telling him Bryce was her boyfriend. He was pretty sure he was right when he told her the next day and he found himself on the receiving end of an "It's complicated." Weren't spies supposed to be good liars?

Another lie for the pile, he thought between the chomps in his ear. Or maybe it wasn't chomping, maybe it was his brain bouncing around in his skull. Maybe that was why he made a crack about her and Bryce breaking into the bedroom while they went around Alahi's mansion. Maybe if not for that he would have known better than to point Carina to the fire extinguisher.

But then he might not have been annoyed enough with everyone to go off plan and stumble as they ran on the beach. He might not have thought to grab a rock and stuff it in his pocket, dumping the diamond in his pocket and tucking the rock into the pouch.

He wasn't very surprised when they argued over who should take the diamond. Though he could have just given Carina the bag and told Sarah he had the diamond afterword, he was raw about her lies. So made it seem like he was doing it to spite her, and maybe he was. He wanted to make her sweat. And yet again he found himself oddly not surprised when Carina summoned some kind of remote control underwater jet ski and sped away with what she thought was the diamond.

A petty part of him felt good seeing Sarah so annoyed while another felt pretty darn great about his decision to switch the diamond with a rock. At least until Sarah started chastising him in the car when Casey came to rescue them. "I have to be able to trust you on a mission Chuck, no matter how you're feeling about me personally!"

Were her shoulders bare? His hand in his jacket pocket, he exclaimed, "How am I supposed to know Carina has a remote control jet ski? It's not usually an option in real life!"

She was topless, putting a white shirt over a beige bra or something. "Our orders were to bring the diamond IN, Chuck."

"What is she going to do with it?" Chuck asked, glancing toward the sea. "Is she going to sell it?"

"Nah she's a gamer," Casey assured. "She'll give it to her bosses and move up the DEA's covert ranks."

Was-Sarah was changing. "What are you doing?"

"I can't believe I have to work my stupid hot dog shift," she groused, laying back to pull on her skirt. "If I call in sick again I'll get canned!"

"They didn't buy out the Winerlicious?" Chuck muttered to himself.

When Sarah's phone rang she answered it with a "What" that made it clear who was on the other end. "Well you left us to die." Casey went about tracking it as Chuck watched them with a smirk. "You're burning a bridge, Carina and the CIA will have your ass for this."

"No they won't," Chuck said.

"What?" Sarah said turning to him, watching Chuck's hand come up between the seats holding the diamond between his fingers. "You have the diamond?"

"What?" Carina yelled, pulling open the pouch to find a smooth stone. "Oh, you dirty son of a-"

Sarah hung up with a laugh. Part of her wanted to punch him, another wanted to slap him in the back of the head, and another just wanted to grab his cheeks and kiss him. Instead she snatched the diamond from him.

Casey snickered. "Nice one, Bartowski. Might want start watching your back though. Don't know if Carina's going to take this lying down. Though I'm sure she'd try if you ask."

Chuck saw Sarah roll her eyes in the mirror, finishing up her buttons until Casey raised it but kept quiet.

In her room an hour later Carina was packing when she spotted an SUV skidding to a stop at the valet before Alahi and his muscle started inside. With a groan she grabbed her gun and phone, sending a message to Sarah.

Chuck was sat at the Nerd Herd desk when Sarah came striding through the doors with purpose. Quickly sitting up he watched her come to the desk, swirling her hand as she waved to Casey. It was clearly some kind of signal, because suddenly he abandoned the path he was taking around the store and headed for the doors.

Chuck glanced at Lester before moving to the opposite side of the desk, putting as much distance between them as he could. Once Sarah was at the desk she explained, "You have to stay here until I get back. If we're not back in time then you need to drive home and stay there. No detours, understood?"

"What's happening?"

Sarah hesitated, but leaned in slightly. "Carina sent an SOS. Alahi's at her hotel."

"We have to go save her."

Sarah smiled hearing the need in his voice. It was almost desperate. "We will. Casey and I will. Which is why we need you to stay here and stay safe, Chuck."

"Sarah I can help."

"You're helping by staying here," she assured, sounding like a mother placating her child. She even had the little pat on his hand down. "Can you do that?"

She didn't seem to notice how tightly Chuck was gripping the desk as he nodded. "No detours."

"Thank you," she said walking away from the desk the moment the words left his mouth.

Lester watched her stride out of the store and slid his chair over to Chuck with a sly smirk. "Someone have a headache?"

"You if you don't get away from me," Chuck seethed.

Lester's eyes widened, swiftly kicking off the floor to slide away.

Chuck stormed around the desk and made his way to the doors, standing in them as he watched Sarah and Casey get into her Porsche and speed away. The minute the car was out of sight he could see the pair rushing into a hotel lobby as dozens of soldiers fired on them. He could see the bullets ripping through Carina's stomach, two through Casey's neck as he fired on them, and one to Sarah's heart as she tried to get to cover.

Then they got worse. He'd been handsy with Sarah when she and Carina were playing his ditzy sisters. Why wouldn't he just capture them, force himself on them. People like that were garbage, so why wouldn't he be the worst of the worst? And he'd had Carina this whole time.

Suddenly he was back on the pier trying to give Morgan CPR. He was useless again. Could the Piranha help? Not from here. He could get into the camera systems if he had some kind of way in, but he'd have to have some in to the hotel's intranet. He suddenly wished he had been using his time to make some kind of USB relay to give them, but realized they wouldn't take it. They would turn down his help, because he was still just the loser to them.

Clocking out of the Buy More, he drove him as quickly as he could, pushing out the awful possibilities flooding his mind. It felt like the apartment shook as much as he was when he stormed inside, making his way to his room and pulling his box under his covers again. Whatever doubts he had about this didn't matter now. He was going to prove to them he wasn't completely useless. While Chuck Bartowski might just be some nobody failure, the Piranha could help people, and he was still alive inside Chuck, he just had to stay hidden, so Chuck was going to paint him gold and let them think him a pet.

He almost burned himself when he heard a sudden knock on his window, but quickly moved his finger away from the soldering iron and shut it off, holding one hand over it to keep the blanket from folding into it as he poked his head out of them. Looking across his room he saw the lock flip open on his window before it opened and Sarah climbed through it, freezing as she found him sat on his bed with his blanket over him, his hands between his legs with a guilty expression.

Eyes wide she asked, "Should I come back?"

Chuck swiftly pulled the soldering iron out from beneath the blanket and laughed sheepishly. "Just some night soldering."

Sarah's brow rose, giving a slight nod. "Why?"

"Side project," he said with a laugh, yanking the iron's plug out of the wall and setting it aside, letting the blankets fall over what he was working on. Sarah glanced at the bed while he got out of it and suddenly wrapped his arms around her. "Thank god you're okay."

Sarah's surprise eased when he quickly leapt back, chuckling at his nervous expression. "Thank you for your concern, Chuck, but everything was fine. Carina practically handled it herself."

"Good, good," he nodded, pocketing his hands. "I was, um, well, obviously I was worried."

A smile took her lips as she nodded. "I could tell."

His eyes downcast, Chuck's jaw shifted. "I'm sorry I couldn't help."

His distraught tone surprised her, so she stepped forward shaking her head. "Chuck it's-"

"I won't let it happen again," he said raising his gaze to her, his eyes as firm as his voice.

It took a moment for her to shake her head, frowning. "Chuck you did help. You got us the diamond so even if things went wrong Alahi wouldn't have it, and you stayed safe so Casey and I didn't have to worry about you."

She knew right away that only made things worse, but Chuck only let his jaw tighten and nodded, his gaze falling again. "Did you come here just to let me know you're okay?"

The hopeful note in his voice gave more depth to her frown. "Mission debrief," she said, not wanting to tell him no.

Chuck nodded. "Give me a minute?"

Sarah went to nod, but he still hadn't looked up. "The call comes in five at Casey's."

She'd turned to head for the window when she heard Chuck speak. "Sarah."

Turning back she found him looking at her with a slight smile that failed to hide the somberness touching his eyes. "Yes, Chuck?"

"Carina wasn't lying, was she?"

Sarah debated her answer for what felt like minutes. She could deny it, but she could tell he knew already. It was obvious he all but knew, the problem was she still didn't want to answer. It was as if some part of her wished it wasn't true.

Her silence was enough of an answer, though she was surprised to see his smile grow a bit, though not much. "It makes sense. Bryce always got the best girls. Of course he'd get the best of the best."

Chuck quickly turned back to the bed, pulling out the soldering iron and putting it under the blanket to pack his side project away. The agent in her knew she should stay and try to find out what he was making, but she left through the window, fighting the slight shake in her hand.

Beckman and Graham told them loss of the diamond all but assured Alahi's network would crumble, but both agents noticed Chuck was quiet. And not just quiet for Chuck, quiet for them. He'd barely made a noise, even as Carina met them in the courtyard near sunset.

As much as Carina annoyed her, Sarah would miss her. She could be a bitch, but she was still Sarah's only friend. At least until Chuck, which is why she had to fight off showing how much Carina's barb about her cover being boring made her bristle. Instead she glanced to him saying, "Well you know, we have our adventures."

"Right," Carina said with a placating nod which made Chuck wonder if agents were taught to act like mothers, or if all mothers were secretly government agents.

When Sarah moved to leave she turned to Chuck. "Dinner tonight, so we can talk?"

Surprised but pleased, he nodded. "Pizza?"

"Sounds good."

While she left Chuck felt a silent cheer go off in the back of his head. He was going to show her he at least knew one real thing about her she couldn't deny. And it was something he found out on his own.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Carina asked from directly behind him, "Sure you don't want to come back to my hotel room?"

"Um, uh, as flattered and… intimidated as I am by your proposition," Chuck began, hoping she didn't take proposition as an implication of anything even though he was pretty sure it was what she was asking, "why me?"

Carina swayed her head slightly. "Well, you're sorta cute-ish." He knew the bite on her lip was supposed to be coquettish, draw his attention to her lips, but he didn't feel much of a pull toward them. At least no more than any other woman. "But, um, the real reason is… I love taking what Sarah wants."

"Wh-What me? No." He gave a single shake of his head, "Sarah-Sarah doesn't want me."

"Yeah, she probably doesn't even know it herself yet," Carina said pressing a hand to his shoulder, "but I do."

Turning to watch yet another beautiful spy leave, chuck mused that was probably something most people would be happy with, yet the thing that made him smile was the idea that maybe Carina wasn't lying again.

Sarah was on her bed finishing up a report when the knock came, and she hurried over to open it and find Chuck standing there with a pizza box and bag in hand.

"Hey," he said quietly, hoping he wasn't disturbing her despite them having planned this. Her smile warmed him, like a wave washing away more sand from the beach of doubt in his mind. Setting the bag on the table near the door he reached down and opened the pizza box to present what felt like his greatest achievement in the past month if not longer. "Vegetarian, no olives. It's the only thing I know about you that's true."

And suddenly the way she smiled at him while leaning her head against the door she held open felt like his greatest achievement. Closing the box he concluded, "You don't like olives."

"Thank you." She looked at Chuck and couldn't hide her smile if she wanted to. She felt at once lucky and awful, but mostly lucky to have him in her life. Not just as an asset, or even as a friend, just… him. "Come in."

"Thank you." He waited a moment for her to close the door and make her way to the bed before he started. "Look I'm sorry about the beach. I know it all worked out but you thought it was real and it upset you so I'm sorry. You're right though that I shouldn't let my feelings affect the mission. It's all just…"

She sat at the foot of her bed, watching him sit in front of her and set the pizza down before looking to her, taking a second to think over his words.

"It's a lot, sometimes. Especially when it comes to Bryce. He's… hard to deal with." He winced slightly and sighed, meeting her eyes. "I'm so sorry to mention him so much. I'm sure this is probably so hard for you. It must be so hard to lose a partner, but a boyfriend, someone you care about, who must have meant the world to you? I'm so sorry."

Sarah kept her face even, though it helped that she couldn't decide if she wanted to smile or frown. Chuck was being so sincere and considerate it was touching, but she couldn't help but question what he was saying. Not his sincerity, but if Bryce mattered even half as much as Chuck seemed to think he did.

She cared for him, maybe even could have loved him, but he didn't mean the world to her. Sarah doubted anyone meant that much to her. When Bryce died it didn't feel like her world died with him. It just hurt that he'd betrayed her. She'd wanted him to be the one person she really trusted, who she could show her true self to, and yet in all their time together she hadn't shown him and he didn't seem to care. She had been sure he cared for her, but not enough to want to know her beyond the agent. If he ever loved her then Bryce loved Mrs. Anderson, not Sarah Walker.

Even if her parents died she wasn't sure it would ruin her world. She'd been separated from them both for so long and their relationships were so strained. She'd be heartbroken, but not ruined. Even the baby she'd saved and sang to wouldn't ruin her. She'd be devastated and disappointed she had failed to protect her, but she doubted it would break her.

"I just…" Chuck sighed, deciding to stop making this about Bryce, or at least mentioning him. He was jealous, or rather envious, of Bryce. He had been with her, the girl he wished he could be with. The girl who made him think for half a day that maybe his life wasn't pile of misery he had to constantly dig himself out of, that maybe the nerd couldn't just get a girl, but he could get THE girl.

"I just wish I knew something real about you," said Chuck. "Can you just tell me one true thing?"

Sarah tried to keep her expression stoic, but felt her stomach twist into itself. She had to close her eyes to break his gaze.

"Just one. Like-like where'd you grow up?" She'd managed to compose herself enough to look at him as he continued. "Or if that's to much-I get it, I get it, if that's too much then what's your name? What's your real name?"

He stared at her, pleading with her for anything, some morsel he could cling to and know that Carina wasn't lying. That he hadn't been wrong during their date. But she didn't speak.

"Middle name?" He said softly, pleading. "What's your middle name? Can't you just tell me…"

He gaze kept his and he wanted so badly to be able to see something there, but her face was stoic. Not stony and rejecting, just stoic. She wasn't going to tell him. She was never going to tell him. And really, why should he expect differently. Who was he?

He looked to the side, motioning to the pizza as he turned to her pulling in his lips as he resolved himself to accepting it. "I'm gonna go and go get the napkins."

Sarah kept herself facing forward as he walked to the door for the bag he set down earlier and suddenly found her voice. "It's Lisa," she said, part of her hoping he could hear it since she didn't whisper that, but did whisper as she continued, "my middle name is Lisa."

Though part of her felt like that was a lot, another knew it was pathetically little. Maybe Bryce wasn't the problem after all. She wanted someone to open up to and here had what she wanted, but still couldn't do it. She would get herself though it by telling herself it was because he was her asset, because he wasn't an agent, because he could be tortured and give up the information, because he was just a civilian, but each was a lie and none were the problem.

Watching him return with the bag, she let out a breath. "Chuck." The hope in his eyes as he looked to her stung, especially knowing it would die in his eye as she asked, "What are you making in your room?"

She was right about his expression, but he managed to keep his smile plastered on his face as he opened the box for her. "I'm an engineer. I don't have a degree, but I was only a few credits short. I like making stuff sometimes. Little gadgets I build and break down just to prove to myself I can still do it or to try and prove an idea."

Sarah didn't believe much past the first two sentences, but knew better than to say as much. "Why keep it secret?"

"Because I'd rather not have Casey see it while he goes through the camera feeds in my room and decide he has to remind me that I'm wasting my time or I don't really know what I'm doing since I don't have my degree, or whatever jab he'd try to get in."

"Chuck," she said taking a slice, "that's a pretty bad lie."

He snickered, taking his own slice and setting the box aside. "I know, but it's the best I got right now. It wasn't all a lie though. I do make stuff and keep it secret. I don't want Ellie to think I'm trying to invent something or that I'm going to hide away in my room working on stuff all the time like my dad. Sometimes it's an idea I have, other times it's just because I'm worried I'm going to forget how to do it. It's like a gun, I guess."

"A gun?" She asked quietly, still chewing.

Swallowing the bite her took, Chuck nodded. "You have to keep it cleaned and polished, right? Well, Herding isn't exactly the best way to keep the ol' engineering guns polished." At that he raised his arms and flexed them as if he were Hulk Hogan, only with none of the muscle.

Thankfully Sarah put a hand over her mouth and laughed, keeping him from feeling too stupid. It was worth looking stupid to hear her laugh and see her smile.

His smile grew solemn after she took another bite and shook her head. "I know it's not something you guys like. I'm honestly surprised you haven't just gone through my room for it, or if you or Casey have that you haven't just demanded I tell you what it is, but it's just something I need to do. With the way everything is right now… I just need it. I swear it's not something that's going to hurt anyone." Maybe Casey, but she didn't need to know that, and it wouldn't hurt bad. "It's probably not whatever you're worried it is. It's not like I'm making a ray gun or something."

"I doubt you'd be hiding that if you were."

"So what do you think I'm making?"

Taking a moment to chew over her food and thoughts she swallowed and shrugged. "I don't know. Casey thinks it's something to try and get away from us, but I know you won't run and leave Ellie."

"At least one of you know me."

Even fighting it the smile still came to Sarah's lips. "I was thinking some way to clone or redirect your GPS, but that might just be from today. I kept expecting to turn a corner at the hotel and find you there hoping you could help."

Chuck shook his head. "You said yourself I can't help you."

"I never said that, Chuck." Her voice was firm, a bit upset. "I said the opposite."

"I know, but I didn't really help. Doing nothing isn't helping. It's just staying out of the way."

"Putting my mind at ease is helping, Chuck."

"Not enough," he said taking a big bite of his pizza.

"You could be not helping at all," she said reaching out to place a hand over his on his knee. "You could be awful, but you're not. You're constantly helping us, and not just by staying out of the way. In fact I'm not sure you're capable of that if you're within fifty yards of us."

"More like eighty," he mumbled between chews. "Football field is my absolute limit."

Sarah smirked. "I'll try to remember that."

Downing the mouthful of pizza, Chuck shrugged. "I just… I hated watching you and Casey leave on your own, Sarah. It was like I…" He shook his head. "I just need to do something more, and I think the things I'm making will help me. So please, don't ask me to stop."

Sarah examined him and decided if she couldn't bring herself to open up to him she would at least give him this. He deserved more and this felt like the least she could do. "Just promise me it won't hurt you?"

Chuck waved a hand over his chest. "Cross my heart."

AN:

This chapter also had my first major rewrite as I wrote out a whole bit with him calling Sarah and telling her where Carina and Alahi's men were by accessing the cameras, but then realized it was a stretch and by not having it I got something more.

Chuck's almost desperate need to help the people he cares about is a major driving force for him here, and is what will push him almost as much as how protective he can be, both of which are things he has in canon but are amplified here by Morgan's death. It's also why he's maybe a bit grimmer in his view of thing, and paired with his spiraling leads to him quickly thinking the worst when he's left behind.

Of note in Chuck's daymare about them getting killed in the hotel lobby, Sarah gets one shot to the heart like Morgan did. It's little things like that and the agents as mothers line that I never plan but always feel a little mental click whenever I put them in.