Here with me
Chapter 3: Getting closer
Crowley spoke carefully, 'You're saying I…'
'Yes, Fergus. As much as you think you don't deserve it…', Bobby noticed the other flinching, but went on, '… you are here for your own merits. You belong. What I'm trying to do is to convince you to stay'.
Now the ex-demon just looked ahead, confusion taking him completely.
'What does not make sense, in this?', Bobby asked.
'So many things I don't even know where to start', Crowley shook his head slowly, as if trying to put some order in his thoughts, 'If I… well, deserve to be in Heaven, it means I did enough to be… forgiven'.
'It seems so'.
'I can… kind of understand it. If the angels need souls that can produce happiness, I guess after all I went through, having my humanity back and doing nice gestures – that I didn't regret even if they ended up causing my demise – made me a potential source of joy'.
Bobby nodded in agreement.
'However…', Crowley joined his hands on the pillow on his lap, 'Why do I have a host? Is that part of the recovering plan? The most difficult brats get a wise guide to ease them in before they get their piece of paradise?'
'No, there's no such a thing as a recovering plan. It's that…', Bobby hesitated, looking for the words, 'This is some… well, unique situation'.
'You and me?'
'Yeah'.
Crowley raised both brows and separated his hands to have the palms up, in the typical gesture of showing he was not following, 'What I find unique is that you're spending your time with me as if you didn't have anything else more important to do'.
He spoke and pouted, realizing the commentary was too derogatory about himself, even for his standards.
Bobby squinted, 'Do you think I should be with someone else, Fergus?'
The question took him off-guard, and Crowley started babbling, 'Shouldn't I? You had a wife who died in unfortunate circumstances. She comes to mind when I think of someone with whom you would be happy spending eternity', Crowley gulped and looked away in discomfort at Bobby's unwavering gaze, 'I'm sure you and her would be Employees of Every Month in the happiness-making industry'.
There was silence for some moments.
When Crowley gathered the courage to look at Bobby, he met that same intense look.
'When I first arrived here, it got some time to get used to this new existence', Bobby spoke firmly, 'I re-read my favorite magazines and novels. I visited long-forgotten places. I revisited moments with the boys and Rufus. I relived my most successful hunts', his voice softened, 'And I, obviously, spent a lot of time with Karen'.
Crowley nodded.
'However, I knew those were not the real people. They were what my memory of them told the angel-machine that they would do and say to make me happy', Bobby sighed, 'And, as you said, rebellious me couldn't be all right with that. Even when something kind of new happened, it felt wrong'.
Crowley leaned towards, following the tale eagerly.
'The angels must have felt it, and they came to…', Bobby scoffed, 'Investigate, if you know what I mean'.
Crowley knew.
Demons could invade bodies and find out what the meatsuits knew and felt; they didn't need torture methods to use in humans when they required information, once a quick possession solved anything. Angels, on the contrary, needed authorization to take over, what forced them to develop some very efficient brain-hacking tools.
'They took a while ransacking my head – well, my soul – and ended up saying I should visit Karen in her Heaven', Bobby sighed, 'I went. It was nice to see her. We chatted, we worked some chores around our old house together… but it was awkward'.
'The angels knew it would be, didn't they?'
'Of course those dicks knew', Bobby made a face, 'It was like visiting an old friend with whom you shared a roof: you still like each other, but you remember the old grudges and after so much time you have built separate lives. Living together again felt fake, to say the least'.
'So, the angels wanted you to see by yourself that you already had the best of the worlds', Crowley pondered.
'Yeah', Bobby shook his head, 'And then came the hard times. I needed to find a way to be happy. Not just for Heaven's sake, but because the existence here can turn into a nightmare if you don't find motivation'.
There was silence.
Bobby seemed expectant.
Crowley suddenly realized what the man had said, 'You're trying to say I am your motivation?'
'Well…', Bobby tried to contain a smile, 'I asked the angels if there was any part of my memories they had blocked, and that I needed free access to all if they wanted me to think things over', the smile appeared, 'They agreed, I remembered our times together and then I got… creative'.
'You pervert!', Crowley grinned and his eyes shone, 'You fantasized about the King of Hell in Heaven?!'
'That's kind of the point', Bobby leaned forward, 'I fantasized about you', his gaze turned heated, 'As a witty demon. As the business-oriented King of the Crossroads. As the powerful King of Hell. As the Scottish tailor who feared what the neighbors would say if they knew what he was really doing with the beardy hunter…'
Crowley was in awe, 'That's some powerful fanfiction'.
'Don't judge. It's my Heaven. I could have you any way I fancied'.
'Far from me judging', Crowley smiled, 'I'm glad you let your imagination run free'.
'I had the best source of inspiration'.
Oh, that smile, 'You're making it difficult not to fall for you, love'.
'That's good. It means I'm not reading the signs wrong', Bobby reached out with a palm up, between them.
Crowley looked at the hand, studying it.
Bobby just waited, blue eyes set on darker ones.
'Is this you trying to seal a deal with me?'
'If I were to seal a deal with you, I'd prefer the way we did it the first time'.
'I wonder if it would work, here'.
'Wanna find out?'
'Whoa, tiger', Crowley leaned back a bit, keeping a distance from the offered hand, 'Just let's see if I got everything right to this point, shall we?'
'As you wish', Bobby recoiled the hand and sat against the back of the sofa, getting comfortable, 'Hit me'.
'Your mission as my host is to help me feel at home…'
'Yes'.
'…so I can stay peacefully in Heaven forever'.
'Something like that'.
Bobby said that and didn't add anything else.
Crowley got annoyed, 'Well, care to elaborate further?'
'The angels are all for classified information, so I can't strictly tell you everything, yet', the human tilted his head, 'But I'm not forbidden to answer yes or no to whatever you ask, so…', he shrugged, 'I'm trusting your interrogation skills on that one'.
Crowley scoffed, 'Oh, darling, I think Heaven is not a place where I can use those skills'.
'I meant making the right questions, idjit', Bobby smirked, 'Not that I mind if we give a nasty show to some angel who decides to check on us'.
At that Crowley grinned again, 'Now we're talking!'
And, as if that us-against-them attitude broke the last wall inside him, he was the one resting a hand on the sofa, palm up, between them.
Bobby didn't miss the gesture, as expected, and leaned back to his previous position, settling his palm against the ex-demon's.
The contact felt warm, nice and familiar.
'Honestly, Robert', Crowley spoke almost hesitantly, 'This is good – erase that, it has been thrilling to be with you again – but do you think I should wish to stay here? In bloody Heaven? Being me who I am?'
'It's not fair you ask that of me'.
'Why is that?'
'Because I've missed you so much I didn't know what to do of it. Why do you think I fantasized all kinds of scenarios for us? Every time I visited our best memories together I would have this bitter-sweet feeling…', he caressed the palm under his hand with his fingertips, 'I wanted the the real deal here with me, and I got it because even the angels could see how much I need the real you, and not some projected image…'
Bobby stopped speaking and made a face as if he had just revealed too much.
Crowley looked at the joined hands and spoke as if the realization was finally dawning, 'So, that's why you said you were my ticket…', his eyes lifted to Bobby's, 'You don't want me here as a guest…'
It was the human turn to be nervous, and he gulped down, nodding.
'Dear, Robert', Crowley pressed his eyes close with his free hand, dealing with the emotion from sudden understanding, 'Until now I thought you just wanted to get me into your bed, and now this'.
'Sure I want to get you in my bed. I wouldn't have wished it so big if I didn't have plans for us', Crowley chuckled and Bobby scooted closer and entwined their fingers, 'We never talked things over. It was not our style', he shrugged, 'But I think we had something more than just sex, and I intend on having that, too, here'.
Crowley lowered his hand and opened his mouth, but no words came out.
This time he had to free both of his hands to dry some inconvenient tears, 'Oh, bollocks'.
'Yeah, good emotions get the best of us, here', Bobby's hand rested on the small of Crowley's back, 'It helps if you talk about it'.
The dark-haired man nodded, 'I was having a hard time thinking about you wanting to fuck me in Heaven, and now you speak as if… I don't even know what was that'.
'I speak as if we had something genuine going on, down there?', Bobby frowned at the other's raised brow, then understood, 'I mean on Earth', he rolled his eyes, 'And I'm the pervert'.
'You can't condemn me for having a hard time – no pun intended – understanding what's going on. Last thing I knew I was dying in front of Lucifer in an alternate universe, and then I wake up in Heaven – Bobby Singer's Heaven – and he is saying he missed me so much the angels brought me here. It's quite unexpected'.
'Have you considered…', Bobby scooted even closer, his knee touching Crowley's, now, '…that the whole point is that you still think you don't deserve any of this?'
Their eyes met and their closeness startled Crowley, who hadn't realized until then that Bobby had been moving to be all around him.
'For all that is damned, Robert!', he dried his cheeks with the back of his hand and sighed, 'I don't think I'm ready for this chit chat'.
'You're right', Bobby nodded, 'It's too much'.
'You bet'.
'We must go slower'.
'That would be appreciated'.
'I'll just stay here and look at you, ok?'
'You've been looking since I arrived', Crowley somewhat recovered from the emotional moment, 'You've been staring, in fact. Quite rude, if I can say it'.
'You never gave me a chance to do it, before', Bobby nudged the other man's shoulder playfully, 'Besides, what's some innocent staring to one who used to flirt and throw creepy innuendo around all the time?'
Crowley smirked, 'Jealous?'
'It kind of disconcerted me. I kept thinking to myself what kind of creature was you, cocky and sassy and getting kicks from sexualizing people in public, and then in private just downright tender'.
'How do you dare?!'
'The lady doth protest too much'.
'I was never tender!'
'Now you sounded like a Monty Python character', Bobby laughed, 'It's just a flesh wound', he scrunched his noise, 'Tis but a scratch', he rubbed his nose against Crowley's, still mimicking him, 'I was never tender!'.
Crowley grinned, touched by the playful gestures, 'I can't believe you're finding it funny'.
I want you in my Heaven', Bobby smiled sweetly, 'It means I find you all kinds of fun'.
'So it seems', Crowley sighed again, letting go of some tension.
That approach was nice: holding hands, a soft hand on his back, a knee rubbing on his, blue eyes hovering.
'Feeling better?'
'Adjusting', he took a good look around, 'This is not exactly my territory. I don't even know what I can or can't do. I foresee a bumpy ride'.
'We're going to find out together', Bobby caressed his back, 'But you're right. It may be hard, sometimes'.
Crowley scoffed, letting go the opportunity to comment on Bobby's cheeky grin g at using the word hard, 'Of course I am right'.
'Maybe I should change my strategy to make you feel at home quicker', Bobby frowned in thought, 'I still have Plans B and C. I should go for them'.
'You mean Plan B was not for Bobby's Bearhug? Because it worked', the former demon chuckled, 'Now you got me wondering what was plan A…'
'It was for AM – the Latin root for lover and friend'.
'What?'
'They're related words, you know? Originally, there was no different names for the kind of love you had for a lover and a friend – both were meant to be forever, based and trust and closeness and co-dependency', Bobby's blue eyes locked onto Crowley's greenish ones, 'I wanted you to wake up in the bed, with me holding you, so you would feel what you meant to me'.
Crowley's jaw fell and didn't show signs it would be back in place any soon.
'What? You thought I just wanted to paw you?', Bobby smirked, 'This is Heaven. I have the purest of intensions'.
Those giddy words helped Crowley to somewhat recover, and he was back to babbling, 'I don't mind your paws on me, darling. You can keep that. Feels nice to be petted, and I surely could use the attention. However, my home, per se, was Hell, so-', Crowley interrupted himself and raised a brow in doubt, 'I keep mentioning Hell. Isn't it forbidden to mention Hell, here?'
'You may mention anything you want, as long as it doesn't make you suffer. The angel machine works on feelings'.
'I see'.
'You seem suddenly insecure'.
'Not at all', he did a fake nonchalant shrug and resumed the ranting, 'My modus operandi may have an influence on me, still, and I can't state much things a priori, but-'
'Fergus?'
'Yes?'
'You're going all Latin on me. I don't personally mind it, but it sounds like you've decided to put on a businessman façade'.
'When you use Latin it was romantic, but when I use it's not good?'
'Fergus…'
'I was a businessman. One of the best'.
'Sure. But what do you think we're negotiating, here?'
A light shaking took the room.
'Hey', Bobby caressed the hand in his, 'Be careful with the self-defense mechanisms'.
The shaking subsided and Crowley glared at the walls, 'Bollocks. It's like having someone opening your brain and broadcasting every embarrassing thought that is there'.
'It's more like having a celestial machine that can see through what you are now – a soul – and channeling it to your surroundings, so you can be aware of what is going on'.
Crowley looked around wary, as if expecting to see a physical bond between him and the room.
'What do you say…', Bobby lowered his voice, 'We start it all over again?'
Crowley's eyes were large when he looked at Bobby, 'You're not erasing my memories, Robert!'
'No! I can't even do this'.
'Are you the boss, here, or not?'
'Really, we have a lot to talk', Bobby sighed, 'May I do some arrangements?'
Crowley hesitated, but he was not really inclined to say no to Robert.
He nodded, 'You may proceed'.
'Thank you', Bobby smiled, 'That's Plan C – for Bobby's Cut'.
In the blink of an eye, the former demon was wearing one of his black suits with a red tie.
Bobby was back to his typical jeans-plaid-and-cap attire from Earth.
The hunter looked smug, 'Better?'
'Yes', Crowley answered in awe, putting the pillow away gingerly, 'Quite better'.
'Good', Bobby grinned, 'I should have known you needed that to feel comfortable'.
'You know me too well, love', the man in black smiled, 'What, now? Some scotch?'
'Let's not fall into old routines that easily'.
'Why? They were nice'.
'And they didn't take us very far'.
Crowley squinted, 'What do you have in mind, Singer?'
Bobby took Crowley's hands in his, 'Would you take a stroll with me? Visit a place somewhere, have some food, share a drink?'
'I beg your pardon?'
'I can take you anywhere, based on my memories. I've already chosen a place where I'd like to be with you. You're in?'
Crowley blinked, 'You're asking me on a date?'
'Uhm. There's a word for it!', Bobby chuckled when Crowley rolled his eyes, 'Yes, idjit. I'm asking you on a date. Care to say yes or I'll have to throw you over my shoulder and force you to have a good time?'
Crowley grinned, 'I'd love the show of forcefulness, but it doesn't have to be now', he lifted their joined hands to kiss Bobby's, 'Take me with you, love'.