Here with me
Chapter 4: Eden
'Wow. Where are we?'
'Japan. Have you ever been?'
'Once or twice. Didn't stay long. And don't remember it being so nice'.
'Well, it's my Japan. Be welcomed'.
xxx
'Why are we alone? Is this any kind of post-apocalyptical world?'
'I planned a nice stroll in the park before we got to the restaurant, and I supposed you'd prefer us to be by ourselves. If you keep getting the wrong ideas I can provide some old people exercising or a bunch of child-'
'No need to. It's perfect as it is'.
'Thought so'.
xxx
'Did you come here many times?'
'I visited twice'.
'Hunting something?'
'No. Doing research. Both times in Spring. That's why my Japan is always flowery like this. I'd read under the trees every day. Nice times'.
'You must have looked like a charming scholar, even with the grumpy face'.
'I doubt I had a grumpy face, then. Place was so beautiful it made me remember why it was worth saving people and fighting monsters'.
'I should be offended'.
'Are you?'
'Not really'.
'Sorry to inform you, but I think you may have stopped qualifying as monster'.
xxx
'I just realized something, Robert'.
'It must be serious, if it requires an announcement'.
'You chose for our first date the country of Cherry Trees'.
'And?'
'I know cherry blossoms are supposed to represent the passing of time, the fragility of beauty and the eternal cycle of life'.
'Yeah, they mean all that'.
'Is there a hidden message for me, in this? Maybe that I should accept change and new starts?'
'You can read it like it suits you better. I just wanted to bring you to one of my favorite places in the world'.
'It's your favorite place because of its Philosophy? Or we're here for the pretty flowers?'
'Someone who wears a vessel for so many years it becomes a part of his self should know better than believe there's a strict separation between form and content'.
'You say the wisest things, Robert'.
'Don't ruin the moment'.
'Your wish is my command, sexy grumpy scholar'.
'Shut up, idjit'.
xxx
'In fact, I did have a hidden agenda when I chose Japan'.
'Ah! And what was it?'
'I guess being a demon for so long may have taken you too far from simple beauty like-'
'-flowery flowers and gardens made of stones and bushes and healthy ancient citizens? Yes, it did'.
'So, I wanted a place where I could surround you in this kind of beauty'.
'A bouquet of roses was not enough to you?'
'No way I'm giving you dead things'.
'Oh, dear. Does it mean I'll have to deal with delicate flowers, clean water resources and the epiphany that things don't really disappear when they die, just turn into something else that in some way carries the good things they did and extract joy from the knowledge they made a positive difference?'
'Are you mocking me?'
'I was not'.
'Then I was the one ruining the moment, this time?'
'It seems so'.
'Bollocks'.
xxx
'You should lose the coat'.
'I'm not hot'.
'Yes, you are'.
'Charming, even if not exactly subtle, Robert. What's your point?'
'I just want you to integrate better with the surroundings. Feel the breeze, let the scents of nature touch your skin'.
'Says the one who lived amongst old books, some of them made of human skin and blood'.
'Same goes to you'.
'Worst excuse to get me off my clothes ever, hunter'.
'Not everything has to have a hidden agenda, demon'.
'Well, you're lucky I'm in a good mood. I'll take the coat as long as you lose the vest. And the cap'.
'We have a deal if your tie is loosened, too. I'll even roll up my sleeves as a bonus, as I know you like my forearms'.
'Damn it, Robert'.
'What?'
'Can we seal the deal Crossroads-style?'
'No'.
'Aw'.
'We can seal it like a couple', Bobby approached and pecked Crowley's lips quickly, then turned away, 'There's the restaurant. Let's go'.
'You're a tease, Robert'.
xxx
Bobby showed off his knowledge of Japanese talking to the waiter and then explaining the dishes to Crowley, while reinforcing that now that they were souls they could eat anything without ill-effects.
They had been settled in a table with a wonderful view of the park, now filled with people going on with their business.
Crowley found it a nice touch that Robert had made those people appear. It would be creepy to sit there and eat watching an empty park.
The ex-demon was starting to accept that being with that man had potential to feel good all the time.
He had been head-over-hills for the hunter when he was alive, grumpy and understandably suspicious towards the demon; now, seeing a relaxed and at ease Robert Singer, using his gentleness, culture and knowledge in a safe environment, made Crowley even more attracted to the man.
Besides that, there were the sensations: every visual detail and scent and sound was focused and clear and not hurting at all. They fulfilled him with a kind of warmth he knew was not exactly physical, once he was a soul, now, and the meatsuit – well, the body – he seemed to be wearing was just an illusion.
They ate – and Crowley had to confess it was nice to eat without fear of getting poisoned or hurt while tasting salty things again – and exchanged stories on experiences they had in Japan: the hunter spoke of his brief but delightful visits, while Crowley told of the collected contracts and negotiations for demonic business.
They had very different experiences in the country, and it didn't escape them that those experiences were contradictory to their public personae: Robert Singer, burly hunter, who had gone to Japan to work but to enjoy the culture and have his hopes in humanity renewed; Crowley, the suave crossroads demon, who had gone to Japan to work and never even thought of enjoying the non-business aspects of the trip, being it evil practices or not.
They spoke of missed opportunities and used tea cups to make a toast to Heaven and its infinite possibilities, stating that it compensated a bit for all the dickery angels were known for.
(They laughed at those words like the naughty boys they were.)
xxx
After the tea, Bobby asked if Crowley was ok with going to visit another place quite close, received an eager yes and zapped them to the middle of the Wisteria Flower Tunnel.
Crowley looked around, not even attempting to hide his awe at the colorful place.
'Nice, isn't it?', the hunter approached to take his hand.
'Wow, Singer', he looked at the joined hands, then to the face in front of him, 'Being romantic?'
'Don't be silly. I'm just making sure your demonic past doesn't make you run scared from beauty'.
'If that was the case I would have run scared from you, love'.
Bobby squinted, then smiled.
Crowley thought he would melt.
They started walking side by side, holding hands.
'So, in your Heaven you can go to whatever place you wish, but just for the good memories you have of them?', Crowley asked not much later, still as chatty as ever.
'Yes', Bobby chuckled, 'And you have no idea how messed up it was in the beginning'.
'How so?'
'I was so excited for the places I was visiting that they reminded me of other places and suddenly I was in those other places before I could stop it. I had to learn how to deal with it, or I would be tossed from a memory to other like a rag doll'.
'I can just imagine your face when it happened for the first time'.
'I swore a lot, as expected', both chuckled, 'It reminded of how I had to go through those damn memories when I died, you know?'
'No, in fact I didn't have the experience', Crowley shrugged, 'Neither of my deaths was exactly usual: in the first I was drunk, stupid and was collected by hellhounds. They don't exactly give you a clear head or time for a nice movie of your life'.
'And in the second you just woke next to me'.
'Yes, and I had expected never waking up', he smiled tentatively, 'Well, you saw my reaction with your own eyes'.
Bobby nodded and they stayed in silence for some moments, hands held a bit more tightly at the memory of what they had already gone through in order to be together, strolling in peace.
Suddenly, Crowley let go of Bobby's hand and went closer to a bunch of deep red flowers.
'There were some like these in a mansion in Italy where I stayed very briefly', he ran his fingertips delicately on the petals, 'It was in a private beach in the South. The most spectacular sunset I've ever seen'.
Bobby went to stand by his side, 'Why didn't you stay longer, if it was so nice?'
'I was with Lilith', he sighed deeply, 'She was on vacation, torturing the family just for the kicks', his fingers caressed a flower and reached the stem, 'I realized I was spending more time enjoying the beauty of the place than taking part in the torture'.
'And a real demon should not feel those things'.
Crowley let go of the plant and lowered his hand, 'I needed to keep my distance from beauty, Robert, because I knew it could stain me'.
Bobby tilted his head, surprised at the revelation.
Crowley smiled bitterly, 'Isn't it ironic? I should be the one staining it. I was a demon. And, still…', his eyes wandered, 'It seems I was always easily corruptible in the worst way to my self-preservation: as a human, I destroyed my own life through evil actions; as a demon, I craved human's affection', he shook his head and scoffed, 'I'm probably the only creature to have managed to fail in both realms'.
'You didn't fail, stupid', Bobby said fondly, standing in front of him, 'You just said you had a penchant for beauty since you should have been just a common minion', his eyes softened, 'It's a good thing you kept it in you'.
'Seriously, Robert?', Crowley frowned, 'How can you, of all people, don't agree that I failed?'
'Why me of all people?'
'I had your soul. I saw your memories. I know what you did to your father'.
Bobby faltered, 'Then you know the movie of my life was not nice', he flinched slightly, 'You know I had to relive my worst memory to wake up and talk to the boys'.
'Yes, I know'.
'And how did it relate to you?', Bobby frowned, 'Don't tell me you think you failed because you didn't manage to kill your mother or anything like that'.
'No, it's not that', Crowley smiled lightly, 'I hate that witch, but I'd do almost anything to have her love, too. I have accepted that for a while'.
The confession seemed to arise the tenderness in Bobby, and he grinned, 'You say the cutest things, princess'.
'Stop it', Crowley said, grinning too.
He couldn't really be annoyed with that man.
'Just if you tell me what your point is', Bobby rested his hands on Crowley's waist, in a surprisingly intimate gesture, 'Why does what I did to my old man makes you think you are a failure?'
Crowley put his hands on Bobby's chest and spoke softly, 'You were abused as a child; you had to kill your own father; you had to deal with your mother's ingratitude. It cut you so deeply you didn't manage to explain to your wife why you couldn't wrap your head around the idea of having children'.
To Bobby's surprise, Crowley's eyes were filled with pain, as if those things had happened to him.
'And still, with that crappy family story, the regrets and the functional alcoholism, you were to the Winchesters the supportive father they never really had in John. I had my differences with Moose and Squirrel, but they are heroes, and this is in good part to your presence and guidance'.
Bobby had his eyes welled up in tears.
'I was abused, too. I was disapproved, beaten, menaced, treated as garbage, left behind. And when I had a son, I did mostly the same to him', Crowley gulped down, 'Can't you see it, Robert? I was a father by blood, but I took in the role model of my mother and mistreated my own child; you, on the contrary, didn't have to have children to be the best father someone could have'.
For the first time since they had met again, Bobby was shaken.
Crowley passed his hands through his hair in exasperation, 'Like I said, I taint beauty', he gave a step behind, 'This is your Heaven, and here I am making you realize how… broken I really am and how I don't…', he choked out the word, '… deserve to be here'.
They kept looking at each other.
One tear ran down Bobby's cheek, and he spoke in a whisper, 'My father always said I broke everything I touched'.
Crowley realized he had used a word that pained Bobby and immediately walked to the other man, 'I'm sorry, love. Didn't mean that', he rested his hands on the bearded cheeks, 'You know what your father said is not true, don't you?'
Bobby smiled and took the hands from his face to kiss the palms, 'Now I know. But until I had to confront him to wake up from the coma, I had never really believed that I could have my hand on something and it end well good'.
'How could those two morons not be strong evidence on the contrary, pet?'
Bobby chuckled, drying his cheeks, 'Humans can be stupid'.
Crowley smiled, 'So can demons'.
'You know, while I was alone in my Heaven, with time in my hands to think things over and my memories all back, I started wondering if you were going to be my definitive proof'.
Crowley tilted his head, touched.
'I don't care how many times you've heard you don't deserve to be loved, Fergus, because you do', Bobby looked straight into the other man's eyes, 'My worst memories mean nothing now that I have you here. And not because I can finally know if we have something special going on, but because I can finally see you acting free of the things that were tying you down, and it means everything to me', Bobby got closer, 'No matter if you decide you want to spend eternity with me or not. What matters is you can be happy, now'.
Crowley blinked in surprise.
'You have no idea how beautiful you are', the ex-hunter went on, 'I always knew it would be like this, and still, I can't even begin to say what I feel when I watch you…'
Bobby seemed lost for a moment, his eyes locked in Crowley's.
Then, all of a sudden, he pulled Fergus against him forcefully 'Dear God, man! Nothing around us is real, and you were touching a flower as if you could hurt it! And you touch me to try to sooth me because you care!', his hand cradled the shorter man's head to touch their foreheads, 'Can't you see how your heart is in the right place? Can't you see you always had that in you, even before the trials?'
Bobby leaned for their noses to rub delicately, and then to touch the other man's lips with his.
'The angels showed me things you had done. They were not sure I'd still want you here', Bobby spoke between light kisses, 'Little they knew each thing I saw made me wish I could rescue you from that stupidity…', he kept the kisses, 'You were so blind to your own needs I wanted you here even more…'
Crowley teased Bobby's lower lip with his teeth, 'It must have been a surprise to the winged dicks when the knight in shining armor chose to be with the dragon'.
'You are my princess', Bobby groaned in the mouth touching his, 'If I have to slay you to show your inner beauty, so be it'.
That made Crowley laugh, and Robert took advantage of the moment to use tongue.
It was passionate, but above all, it was an amorous kiss.
The kind of kiss they shared right after some deep understanding or clever joke, when they were on Earth.
The kind of kiss that happened because they enjoyed being together and admired each other more than any other creature in the world.
The kind of kiss that always led to very satisfying sex.
When they parted, both were smiling.
And, to their surprise, they were back to the room where Crowley had first appeared, right beside the huge bed.
'Oh, balls', Bobby said, embarrassed, 'I must have sent the wrong message to the angel machine. We can go back if-'
'No need to', Crowley smiled, pecking his lips, 'We can visit Japan anytime, can't we?'
'Yes'.
'Than let's keep this going, by now'.