Final chapter. We'll have an epilogue.
Thanks to everybody out there!
Here with me
Chapter 7: The revelation
Something very similar to post-sex naps could happen, in Heaven, and the couple indulged in.
It was not exactly sleeping, but they were filled with a kind of satisfaction that was, well, fulfilling and made them want to stay quiet and relaxed against each other, not thinking of anything in particular - just feeling.
The smooth continuous of nice emotions lasted an amount of time impossible to precise.
At some point Crowley came to his senses again (probably Heaven's version of waking up) and noticed he was kind of lying sprawled on Bobby: his head was on the crook between the other man's shoulder and neck, one of his legs across his stomach, an arm encircling his chest.
He raised his head to look into Bobby's face and find out if he was smothering the man.
He was greeted with a knowing smile at their positions, 'You know I'm not going anywhere, don't you?'
'Yes', the former demon smiled, 'I think I know, now'.
'Then I don't mind it', Bobby pulled Crowley's head to settle on him again, 'You can act possessive, or protective, or whatever it is you're doing. It feels good'.
'I am under the impression I was just called irrational'.
'It's far from a problem, here', Bobby rested a hand on the thigh on him and spoke softly, 'We are supposed to act on everything that we feel like doing'.
Crowley nodded, 'I'm starting to get that'.
'I know it's not easy for you', he caressed the other man's back, 'I had good times with Karen and the boys. I had the chance to know family and love, and still it was never easy for me to think of the many I helped and saved, instead of hammering myself with the times I could have done better'.
'Some humans should be permitted to see their souls', Crowley murmured, 'I saw yours when I touched it for the deal, and then when I picked it to keep it in Hell. It was the most beautiful thing', he nuzzling against the other's warm skin, 'Knowing it would have done some good for your self-steem'.
'Well, that's what Heaven is about'.
'Lifting your spirits?'
Bobby scoffed while Crowley laughed at his own joke.
'Seeing one's soul, idjit', Bobby adjusted in the bed for their bodies to fit even better, 'These things we've been feeling. These nice things that start pouring out of us when we stop trying to control emotions. That's what our souls are. That is how we can see them'.
Crowley went silent for some moments, before speaking softly, 'It's being completely and irreparably exposed'.
'Those things you said to me earlier, at Wisteria, about you failing because you kind of mimicked your mother when you had your kid', Bobby pulled Crowley closer, 'Heaven gives peace because it shows us what we really are, not what we came to be because life threw shit on us and we did what we could to not suffocate in it', he planted a kiss on Crowley's forehead, 'Some people throw shit back and smear everyone around; some people fight to keep clean; some people give up and drown in shit – each one does what feels like the only way to keep on going, and it's not always pretty. Most times it isn't, in fact'.
There was a smile in Crowley's voice, 'Leaving aside the bad word, you sound like the angels with the hairless apes throwing their feces speech'.
'If you're going to get nasty, I'll stop sharing my knowledge with you'.
'Oh, no!', Crowley moved to his side, supporting his head on his hand, elbow on the bed, baiting lashes at Bobby, 'I love it when you impart your endless knowledge with me'.
'You're joking but you did love that on Earth'.
'Yes, pet. One of the things I most adored about you was the fact you were the cleverest and most well-read hunter I had ever met', Crowley smiled, 'Considering most humans I met were idiots, monsters were irrational at the worst times, demons were generally empty and angels were too strict to be any fun, I'd say you turned into my favorite creature almost in the moment we met'.
Bobby smiled back.
However, there was something different in that smile.
It was like he had just realized something.
Crowley raised his brows in expectation, 'What?'
Bobby took the hand that was lying on his side and rested it over his heart, 'You talk as if you already loved me, back then', he grinned, 'You may have described love at first sight, in your own way'.
That comment took Crowley off-guard, and he didn't know how to answer.
'That's ok', Bobby said, caressing the hand under his, 'I was human and didn't know what to do about how I felt for you. It was just expected a demon would not recognize love even if it slapped him in the face'.
Crowley spoke in a small voice, 'As a demon I was not expected to feel it'.
'As a surly and full-time grieving alcoholic hunter I shouldn't, either', Bobby chuckled, 'Even more, I shouldn't have been able to feel anything for a demon wearing a male's vessel'.
Crowley looked away, 'It had everything to go wrong'.
'And, still, it didn't', Bobby pulled the joined hands to his lips, attracting the other's eyes to his again, 'I think someway I already loved you back there, Crowley'.
That name in the ex-hunter's voice sent shivers through the ex-demon's body.
'You like it', Bobby grinned, slapping the other man's ass playfully.
'And the wonders never cease', Crowley shook his head, knowing his arousal had been obvious (by the shivers and by the way he rubbed himself against Bobby's thigh), and not minding it at all.
'No, they don't', Bobby leaned closer to peck his lips, 'I may be calling you that name more often, if you don't mind'.
'That's how you called me on Earth', Crowley sighed, 'Brings good memories', he nose-kissed Bobby, 'I always found it a turn on – it reminded me I was infinitely more powerful than my hunter when all I wanted was to be on my knees for him'.
'I wouldn't use the word infinitely', Bobby smirked, 'I have won some battles of wits against Your Highness'.
'I meant just in magic powers, pet', Crowley nodded graciously, 'I'd never deny how alike our minds were'.
'If you say so', Bobby shrugged, kissed the hand he was holding and rested it again on his chest, 'Nice to know you're bringing some fantasies on for us to play. I like the king on his knees idea'.
'You can definitively count on my imagination'.
They kept staring into each other's eyes for a while.
There was a new kind of warmth between them.
It was related to the sex, surely, once it had never been so carefree on Earth and both delighted in the new level of intimacy; however, it was laced with so much affection it felt brand new and compelled them to wish for more.
Crowley frowned at the thought.
What they had in Heaven was a craving, but not like the craving of an addict (which he knew very well, being one in his human life and then as a demon). That had been like an itch he could never scratch completely, and that burned a bit less in the few moments when he hit the drug again.
It had been like that with alcohol, then with blood: despair, pain, fear, a brief relief, and the cycle started all over again.
What he had now was an addiction, but to something that could be obtained for free, came from an endless supply and brought out the happier and healthier things in him.
(It's kind of crazy that something like that exists, when you think about it.)
Crowley gulped down at the realization that he was, really, in Heaven, that he belonged there and that he finally could have all the love he always longed for.
He felt an urge to resume the part of that conversation when Robert had said he may have loved Crowley on Earth. He wanted to sort out his feelings on it, and he had already understood that in his current existence, talking about things was of great help.
So, he broke the silence with the sincerest phrasing he could find, 'I can't say what I felt for you back there, Robert'.
He almost tasted the regret in his voice.
The other man's eyes were calm and understanding.
'I was a demon, when we met. I was a powerful demon for the most part of our time…', he hesitated to say the word, '…together', Bobby nodded and he fell supported enough to go on, 'I wanted you and I did everything to keep you as close as possible – I entered your house uninvited, I added clauses to your contract, I absconded your soul to Hell. I don't know what to call that twisted thing'.
'You had something twisted to give because you were a twisted being', Bobby spoke softly, 'No surprise, there'.
'Yes, I see that. But now…'
Crowley stopped and breathed deeply.
It was not easy to order his thoughts around what he wanted to say.
He never had that conversation with anyone.
'I don't have a frame of reference, Robert, but this… thing – the affection, the bond, the pleasure in everything you are, the desire and the adoration and…'
His voice faltered.
It was more difficult than anticipated.
His feelings were so raw he couldn't form the words.
Bobby came to the rescue, 'You don't have to say it. I can feel it, and it's enough'.
Crowley nodded, giving up expressing anything coherent in that moment.
'Come here, you idjit', Bobby pulled Crowley to his arms, again, 'I love you and I'm saying it because it already comes out nice and easy for me. But you just arrived here. Take your time. Don't be so hard on yourself now that we know what is going on our souls', he patted the other's back, 'You hear me?'
'Yes, I hear you', Crowley sniffed, 'May we start again?'
'Suit yourself'.
Crowley raised his head and looked at Bobby.
He licked his lips and gave a brave smile, 'Hello, Robert'.
'Hello, Crowley', feeling the other shivering in pleasure again at the name, Bobby went on, 'Are you going to give me a kiss or you'll just stay there and look pretty?'
The former demon chuckled, recognizing the inside joke.
They kissed leisurely, as if some difficult discussion point had been dealt with and closed.
When they parted, the former hunter caressed the other man's lower lip with his thumb and spoke softly, 'You know, I was authorized to come clean with you'.
Crowley, startled, parted from Bobby to sit on the bed, the sheets pooling around his middle, his eyes searching the room frantically, 'The angels were here?!'
'No!', Bobby sat against the head of the bed, 'They prefer to visit in dreams'.
'Oh'.
'You seem relieved'.
'Wouldn't you?'
'Where is the man who didn't mind giving a show to eventual winged spies?'
'I want to be very aware when it happens, love'.
'You're right. No sense in missing the opportunity to pester the owners of the place we live in'.
'Well, if it was something so crucial, wouldn't it be more reasonable if they came for an official meeting?', Crowley frowned, 'Unless the news are so bad they didn't have the guts to deliver them'.
'No bad news', Bobby grinned, 'They just don't feel like seeing you in person, yet'.
'Do you think I annoy them that much?', he got even more worried, 'If this is a problem, you must warn me, Robert. I'm not used to be sedate or demure. If there's a chance I blow up this whole scheme-'
'You're here to be yourself, Fergus, not some mimicry for the sake of angelic sensibilities', Bobby cut him off fiercely, 'If I was to spend eternity with a fake, I'd have picked some fantasy, not wished the real you here'.
Crowley blinked in confusion, 'But yourself said they own the place'.
'And the place just exists now because a bunch of humans found ways to put it back on track – what included giving people the chance to do and feel what makes them happier, no matter what it is', he frowned deeply, 'Angels were never human. Most of them don't have the slightest notion of what it is like. The times when they wouldn't hear us out are over'.
Bobby stopped talking and realized Crowley was staring at him, mouth agape.
'Wow', the former demon said with awe, 'Such a leader', he rested a hand on his lap, over his own penis, 'That was unexpectedly arousing, Singer. And not just because you were defending my rights'.
Bobby blushed in embarrassment, smiling fondly, 'You idjit'.
'Hey', Crowley's eyes shone with hope, 'You think I can work in New Heaven, too?'
'Sure', Bobby cocked a brow, 'You'll add a lot to the team'.
'I promise to conceal any erection that happens when you take charge and make inspirational speeches like that'.
'That would be clever of you', Bobby lifted a hand to caress Crowley's cheek, 'No sense in giving ammo to the winged dicks'.
'Don't worry about that, pet', Crowley gave a lopsided smile, 'More denial, more fun teasing the bastards; less denial, more time to work with your people'.
'Don't you love a win-win scenario?'
'Few things could be so nice'.
They met halfway for a kiss.
'Nice would be to fuck you again', Bobby licked his lips when they parted, 'Or having you fucking me, now that things are nice and easy'.
Crowley pressed his legs closer to deal with a renewed hardening, 'Didn't you have something important to tell me? Can we focus on that for the time being?'
'Of course', Bobby gave him a knowing smile, 'I'll help you concentrate'.
Next thing Crowley knew, they were sitting in Bobby's old kitchen in Sioux Falls.
The owner of the place was dressed in a robe and leaning against the sink.
Crowley was sitting, wearing black well-tailored trousers and a black shirt, his silver tie loose.
Light filtered through the curtains, painting every surface on warm colors.
The former demon was so fascinated by the golden light dancing on his companion's face while he walked towards him that it took him some moments to realize there was a wooden table between them, with a complete tea-set on it, and that Bobby was bringing some hot water to pour in the pretty porcelain kettle.
The former hunter took his time with the water, sat on the chair in front of Crowley and then gestured to the tea set, 'Like it?'
'Very good choice', Crowley smirked, 'I'd have chosen something more gothic, but we'll have time to broaden your horizons in what regards decoration'.
The wickedest of expressions formed on Bobby's face, 'You choose the flavor'.
'What?', Crowley blinked in surprise, 'How?'
'Wish it', Bobby shrugged, 'Like in the good old times when you could make things up from thin air', he crossed picked the kettle, 'And do your best. I want to try something exotic and expensive'.
Crowley tilted his head, confused on why he was supposed to do such a thing in a place formed basically for Robert's memories, and not his.
Deciding to comply, even if to see what that mischievous face was about, he wished for a very particular and difficult to find oriental blend he used to have in his personal collection.
'Done', he informed his partner.
Bobby nodded and poured the contents in the two tea-cups.
To Crowley's shock, the water was colored and a familiar scent reached his nostrils.
He sipped picked the cup to sip and it felt exactly like what he had wanted.
Bobby was doing the same, and then looked at him, 'Is that it?'
'Yes'.
'Quite good'.
'But how can this be? This is your Heaven', he stared at the warm liquid, 'How can you taste a memory that is not yours?', he was astonished, 'Does it mean you are able to access my memories, too?'
'Much better than that', Bobby grinned, 'This place is not just mine, anymore', he raised the cup for a toast, 'Welcome to our Heaven, Fergus'.
Crowley was unable to move, so Bobby reached out to touch his cup with the one he had and resumed sipping calmly.
He seemed amenable to wait for the shock in the other's face to go away but, once some time passed and it didn't happen, he put the cup on the table, 'I better tell you'.
He motioned for Crowley to drink his tea, in what he was gingerly obeyed.
'We've done many renovations in Heaven. People can visit more, now, but still it's a place for the souls to live by themselves. The angels prefer we stay in our individual paradises as much as possible to avoid interruptions in the good vibes. And they're right', he tilted his head in admittance, 'Humans are not known for easily getting along'.
The ex-demon nodded, sipping on the tea with large eyes.
'However, there is a very old rule that says there is one type of humans who must be together, because they can't be happy in any other way', Bobby raised his brows in emphasis, 'The soulmates'.
Crowley had to set the cup on the table.
His hands were trembling.
(He was not going to spill his favorite tea and make a fool of himself.)
'Heaven gets its mojo from the happiness of the souls living here. If I'm not happy, I'm not paying the fee, and it can't be. So, when I got cranky the angels came to fuss around my head and they found out we were soulmates', Bobby pursed his lips, 'They didn't tell me, because you didn't have a soul, couldn't be here, the whole thing was impossible and I would have to cope without you, anyway'.
'They had decided to keep you here, alone, forever?', Crowley was visibly shaken, 'How dared they to think of subjecting a soul like yours to that?!'
Bobby smiled at the angry face in front of him, 'To make them justice, the angels don't know any better than following rules. If you don't have a soul, the whole concept of being a soulmate is invalid. Simple like that', he shrugged, 'Besides, I had a story, here. I helped Castiel to prison-break Metatron. They interrogated me and I stayed under strict vigilance and enduring annoying surprise visits for a good while. I was not their favorite person at the time'.
Crowley reached out, offering his hand on the table, 'And how did it change?'
Bobby took the offered hand, 'I was included in the whole rebuilding project because Ash refused to work if I was not in the team. From then on I managed to make myself useful and busy enough to not munch over any feelings of inadequacy'.
'You're too much talented to be left aside', Crowley smiled adoringly, 'Remind me of thanking this Ash guy personally'.
'You'll like him. He is the kind of brainy bastard who is always right and can solve any challenge you bring on', Bobby grinned in excitement, 'And he knows everything about you, by the way. He was the first to wonder why I felt so ill-adjusted, kept digging my records in Heaven's intranet and gave me the idea of asking for my blocked memories of you'.
'I already love him', Crowley had calmed down enough to pick his tea-cup again, 'And I can't say I don't understand the angels, Mister Singer. I wonder what kind of mess you did to bring Castiel up here, invade a celestial prison and free Metatron', they shared a smile, 'That's a story I'll want to know in all sordid details'.
'With pleasure'.
They sipped their teas in companionable silence – Bobby just enjoying the moment, Crowley processing the information he had just received.
The former King of Hell resumed the conversation, 'When I died, what made them care to admit I had enough of a soul to be brought here?'
'My obvious attachment to you', Bobby clarified, 'And Naomi's meddling'.
'Really?'
'She came to talk to me', Bobby pressed his lips together at the memory, 'She said something must had happened, because you died but didn't belong to The Empty. She investigated and her hypothesis was the sacrifice that leaded to your death could have redeemed you'.
Crowley cringed, 'It was her who came to show you a clip of my best moments and let you decide if you wanted me here?'
Bobby nodded, 'And it was quite a show'.
Crowley fidgeted on his seat.
'I saw flashes of your life as a human and some of the tortures in Hell's racks. There was not much she could pick from what still lingered of demon essence in your reborn soul', Bobby sighed, 'But the memories of the demon were very clear: the times as a low-ranking Hell spawn, the sudden interest of Lilith, the career in the crossroads, the first promotion to King, the success, the second promotion to King…'
Crowley braced for what he knew would come.
'And then almost a decade of orgies, killings, killings that followed orgies, schemes, struggle for power, an existence filled with suspicion, hatred and unnecessary violence'.
Crowley kind of hid his face behind the tea-cup.
'And among it all, the interest for cute and delicate things, the unexpected mercy on your enemies, the friendship with Dean, the grieve when you saw Lucifer killing your mother, the obsession for a fair and organized Hell, the punishment to demons who abused his powers on humans and didn't follow the deals', Bobby chuckled, 'Not even mentioning the cuddling with Hellhounds and the obvious attachment to me'.
Crowley didn't know how to feel about that.
He had expected just backlash.
So, he growled defensively, 'You two watched all this together or she provided a commentary track before leaving the movie on your mail box with a note?'
'She transferred all to my mind at once', Bobby explained, not minding the sassiness, 'When I got my marbles back she announced she was giving me time to ponder if I wanted to bring you here with me to convince you to share my Heaven', Bobby raised a finger, 'For your information, she had already decided to make you a good case. If I was to say no, still she would try to convince the rest of the angels that you should be accepted in Heaven'.
Crowley was surprised, 'I didn't expect that from her'.
'But you should', Bobby wished his tea to re-heat and sipped again, humming in satisfaction, 'You worked together. It was not easy for her to learn from her own mistakes, being an angel and all, but she had to recognize you were different from other demons, even before the unfinished trial. You were dependable when you were committed to a cause. And not in a doggy manner, but really being helpful and not changing sides just because someone offered a new wind to blow your sails'.
The former demon's eyes softened, 'So, she really had some consideration for me'.
'Yeah, and it helped a lot that I didn't need any time to think if I wanted you', he smirked, 'My first coherent thought kind of blasted her with eagerness to have you here', Bobby raised his brows, 'I wish you could have seen her face when she realized how valuable we would be to Heaven's machines if we were together'.
'Wait a minute. Does it mean that…', Crowley dealt with the realization that had just come to him, then relaxed in the chair, lips pursed in amusement, '…every time we have an orgasm we're producing tons of celestial energy and proving wrong all the angels who questioned Naomi?'
'Exactly'.
The grin on Crowley's face was positively evil.
'Listen to me, now. I want you to know that this…', Bobby smiled fondly and reached out for the other's hand, '…is the best thing that could have ever happened to me'.
'I get that, love', they enlaced their fingers, 'Thank you for wanting me here'.
'It's not like I really had a saying, once we are soul-bonded and all…', Bobby grinned maliciously, '… but I appreciate the feeling'.
Crowley, in what seemed a sudden surge of enthusiasm, got up from his chair to circle the table, stand by Bobby's side and plant a kiss on the other's knuckles, then on his forehead.
Bobby reached out to enlace his waist and pull him a bit closer, resting his face against the other's stomach.
After some moments of silence, the former hunter spoke, 'I don't have to see it to know you're changing the decoration'.
Crowley chuckled, 'I guessed so'.
They fell into silence again, not changing their position.
Bobby was paying attention to the changes around him, curious about Crowley's choices and glad to witness how comfortable he felt with magical powers of any kind.
'Really?', he asked at something really unexpected.
'I like cooking, Robert. Didn't have much opportunity, but-'
Crowley stopped talking.
He was suddenly hit by the realization that Bobby had not questioned his right to change the furniture of the kitchen, but signaling he was interested in building the perfect kitchen with him.
They were already sharing ideas and giving advise effortlessly, words not needed.
It felt wonderful.
It was like really belonging to some place – to someone – to the point you two are collaborating in a project with equal rights without even mentioning it.
They were naturally equal partners.
Bobby could feel the emotions that realization brought on Crowley, and he chuckled.
'Damn it, Robert', Crowley dried some tears.
'That's ok', Bobby pulled him to his lap, 'That's how it feels to have a soulmate'.
Crowley sat, enlacing the man's shoulders with his arms and getting comfortable, 'You were very patient, waiting for me to understand and accept it'.
'You're worth it', Bobby snuggled against him, 'We deserve this'.
Crowley nodded, kissing the other's forehead in a gesture he just realized he loved doing, 'I was just wondering, now…'
'Uhm?'
'I was not prepared to share the place with you until now. I must not have been much different from some of the fantasies you had before when I first appeared here', he sighed at the nice feeling of being so close, 'Naomi is known for her mind games, and Heaven is a powerful illusion machine. How did you know it was the real me?'
'The you in my fantasies never hesitated or doubted himself. It sounded fake, because I knew it was just the mask you put on to protect yourself, not the multilayered character I saw glimpses', Bobby smiled, 'I knew it was the real you because you had all the doubts and the impatience and the little quirks I love so much'.
Crowley closed his eyes and hugged Bobby tighter, 'Would you say it again?'
'Which part? That you have quirks or that I love you?'
The answer was a low growl and an obvious twitch between the shorter man's legs.
'I wonder when you'll be able to say it back', Bobby chuckled.
Crowley was surprised, but hopeful, 'Do you think I will?'
'It's a matter of time', Bobby was confident, 'We're soulmates. We're in Heaven. Love is all around'.
Crowley growled again, 'I think I'm going to puke'.
Bobby laughed, 'Not on my watch, princess'.