A/N: Thanks to my PTB betas Edwardsfavoritebrunette and Akila (babykay16) for their input and their encouragement. PTB betas are awesome!
Chapter 10 is Jasper POV.
My brother's absence was my responsibility. The fact that my family was torn was my responsibility. The grief rolling off of Esme in waves was my responsibility.
Carlisle's preoccupation, Emmett's forlorn attitude … even Rosalie felt distressed on occasion. She could try to hide from the others, but she couldn't lie to me. Nonetheless, I kept her secret. Cullen code: we kept each other's secrets. Otherwise, it would have been impossible to coexist, what with the future-seeing, the empathy, and the mind-reading - which wasn't there anymore, because of me.
This, at least, was a part of our family code I could hold true to. I had already broken the first and foremost rule by far and large: don't hurt your family.
I had wounded each and every member of our clan. The only consolation I had was that, if it was true that my nature had caused such vast grief, it was also true that that very nature was punishing me tenfold. I had to deal with my own remorse, and also cope with the sorrow of my siblings and parents.
I bore it all in silence. I knew I deserved it.
Alice's silent pain was the worst. Being the seer, she couldn't allow herself to crumble to pieces. She knew that if she did, everyone else would, too. Because if she had no hope, it meant there was no hope left, for any of us.
She hadn't told me any of this, of course. I was the last person she would confess to. She wouldn't want to hurt me further, burden me with her despair.
But I knew, and she knew that I knew. It was just a topic we didn't broach. A silent pact of comfort. We went through our days mostly in silence lately. We were afraid that anything we said would send us into a grief overload.
I tried to ease my family's suffering as much as I could, carry my share and theirs. But it was just too much. No matter how hard I tried, we all still felt it.
I wished I could at least apologize to Edward in some way. But an ocean of grief stretched between us, and if I knew my brother, he was not going to bridge it anytime soon.