Chapter 20

It was the day after the casino when Chuck found Casey rubbing down his new Crown Victoria. His enthusiasm was a bit unsettling, especially as he talked about the GPS tracking system, but maybe that was an NSA thing. Chuck couldn't match the enthusiasm so he gave a wan, "It's great. Th-that's really great, Casey."

The agent smacked his shoulder and laughed. "We can buy twenty more with the money you pulled in last night."

Chuck gave a weak chuckle. "Yeah. Well you know me. I'm a giver."

"I always pictured you a taker," Casey said with a laugh.

Chuck shook his head, tucking his hands in his pockets. "So-So what exactly is Sarah's mission on that guy's boat today?"

Turning to him, Casey wasn't surprised by the barely hidden concern in Chuck's question which was probably meant to seem nonchalant. "Get close to Lon Kirk," Casey said moving closer to Chuck, adding with a bob of his brow, "By any means necessary."

"Wait, are…" Chuck furrowed his brow. "You're saying she's going to go down there and flirt with Lon Kirk alone? I mean, do you have any idea what kind of message that gives?"

Casey couldn't contain his grin. "Hmm… I hear Agent Walker can be quite the giver too."

It wasn't until he saw Chuck's face darken much as it had while they spoke about Graham and his recruiting methods that Casey realized he might have gone a bit too far. It wasn't just jealousy or worry that painted Chuck's features but anger, the kind that made people do stupid things.

So Casey smacked the side of his head. "They're not whores, Moron."

Chuck grimaced like a ten year old and rubbed the side of his head. "What?"

Shaking his head, Casey crossed his arms. "You really think the Government is going to send out their high level agents to sleep around with marks? With all the diseases people have? It's not worth the risk to have them taken out by syphilis or aids or whatever crap these scumbags have. Even when it's necessary, they have to check their records are recent enough, make sure the mark's clean enough, get the agent's written consent so they don't sue, all kinds of crap. It's a whole system they've got for who gets those kind of missions, and we ain't one of them." A teasing smirk took Casey's lips as he said, "If it was you'd know by now."

For a moment Chuck was confused, but when he got the implication Casey laughed watching his eyebrows try to break past his hairline.

"Most the time if it even gets that far the mark wakes up with a hangover wishing they hadn't somehow ended up blackout drunk so they could remember it," Casey explained shaking his head as he thought of all the miserable half naked marks he'd had to drag around to set the scene so they thought they got lucky. "Besides, Walker's more likely to poison the idiot. She's an assassin, not a courtesan or deep cover, and she's one of the best. They're not going to risk losing her. That's what trainees and rookies are for."

Disgust took over Chuck's face. "Uck, really?"

Casey snickered. "God you're easy. You ever hear if your hand is as big as your face you're going to get cancer?"

"Is that true?" Chuck put his hand to his face, but Casey noticed it was off center, so easy to avoid if he tried to hit to hit it into his face.

"Good, at least you aren't a complete idiot."

"I have my moments," Chuck offered with a shrug.

"Even if she was alone, which she won't be, she could handle someone like Lon Kirk. If anything she'd be disappointed you think so little of her to assume she can't." Seeing a hint of concern at the prospect of Sarah's disappointment, Casey decided to give him a break. "Look, if you're worried I can call for an install and you come with me to watch her back. Maybe you'll flash on something."

Chuck quickly perked up. "Really? You think I should come along?" Casey wanted him to come along to help, to let him be a part of the team for real.

"Sure," Casey said turning back to his rack of cleaning supplies. "It shouldn't be too hard. Probably just a day watching Walker get rubbed with lotion and kiss a billionaire." Looking over his shoulder he saw the realization hit Chuck like a baseball to the nose. "Sounds fun, huh?"

It sounded nauseating, but he couldn't turn it down. Despite not wanting to see her with another guy, he didn't want to not be there in case something happened, and wanted to know exactly what they did even while knowing he didn't want to know all of it, especially if Casey was lying to him. Plus it was Casey who suggested he come along. If he wanted to be part of the team he couldn't pass up an invitation like this from Casey.

When he finally arrived and had a chance to look through the binoculars Casey gave him, Chuck was thankful he hadn't eaten the donuts he brought. Watching her prance and fawn for Lon Kirk was worse than seeing her with Bryce. At least Bryce was decent enough and seemed to actually care for her, which was big for someone like Bryce. Lon Kirk just seemed like a typical sleazy billionaire who saw her as a piece of meat or a trophy. Maybe she was hiding how smart she was, how caring she was, all those great things about her, but Chuck had seen those through her agent mask on their date. If he didn't then Kirk was either an absolute imbecile or was so far up his own ass he didn't care, or maybe both.

He might have thrown up when he saw them heading below deck, but then Chuck flashed on the crates being loaded onto the ship. Casey grabbed his collar, putting a finger in Chuck's face after he assured him he'd flashed. "Do not leave this spot and blow your cover. Understood?"

"Yes oh wise one," Chuck said rolling his eyes.

"Don't make me shoot you just when we're getting along, Moron," Casey said releasing his shirt and running off to meet with the other agents.

Chuck tilted his head watching him leave, quietly asking, "We're getting along?" Thinking on it he realized they kind of were, and smiled as his brow rose and he nodded. "Huh."

Of course his good mood died when his flash didn't pan out and the crates were full of supplies for earthquake victims. Just as Casey said they were getting along Chuck got him in trouble. He barely grunted at Chuck and told him to go back to work before heading back to his apartment.

But that wasn't enough, not for Chuck Bartowski. It hadn't been long after he got home and changed that night that he heard someone pound on the door and went to answer it finding a furious Sarah Walker on the other side, immediately stepping inside asking, "Ellie or Awesome home?"

Chuck already knew this was going to happen and wasn't in much of a mood for it, but knew he had to accept it. He'd messed up. "No. They're at work," he said flatly, closing the door as he said, "And hello to you, too."

"What the hell happened today?" she asked turning on him in front of the Christmas tree.

"I-I don't know." Chuck held his empty palms toward her. "I don't get it. I had a flash."

"Right when I went below deck with Kirk. It's pretty convenient timing, I would say."

Her indignant tone made his insides boil, but he quenched that for now. "And? That's when I saw the crates."

Sarah's anger rose as she leaned forward slightly and shrugged her shoulders. "Just when you thought that I was getting intimate with Kirk you decided to have a flash."

Wait, he thought to himself furiously, what part of that is she angry about? "You think I faked a flash?"

"You know, I think we need to discuss the fact that you let your emotions get in the way today."

Screw quenching it. Not when she's treating him like this. "My emotions?" he said coolly.

"Things have been a little off since the incident, Chuck," she said shaking her head slightly, surprised he needed this explained to him.

"Really? And what incident are you referring to, Agent Walker, huh? Could it be the incident where you planted a kiss on me right before a bomb was supposed to go off, ending our lives? That same kiss right before your boyfriend, Bryce, came back from the end, that kiss?"

Hearing his his voice rise as he spoke to her made her look glance away in disbelief, shaking her head slightly before she started, "Stop saying kiss. It happened. Okay? What's done is done. Can we just not talk about it, please?"

"Okay, fine. Absolutely, of course." She clearly prefers that. "Just answer me one little thing."

"Chuck-"

"Did you kiss me that night because you thought we were going to die and mine were the most convenient lips around, or was it actually about me?" Was it real. Was any of it real. Ever.

She stared at him for a moment and he was sure she would at least slap him. She looked like he'd done it to her, but all he wanted was to know if it-no, if he ever mattered to her. But Chuck knew better. As much as that flicker of hope in him wished she might just kiss him again right there, every other cell in his body knew she would never answer him, so maybe it really was like he'd slapped her. He'd asked her something he knew she would never answer. She could… but she never would. Not for him.

"What happened was a mistake," Sarah said walking around him and leaving. "One I won't make again."

Well there was her slap. Or more like a stab, but then Sarah did have an affinity for knives. It felt like her slamming the door had put out the flicker of hope in his chest, leaving it hollow and cold. It felt like a black hole had opened up inside him and was starting to rip him apart, and yet even as it shredded his cells he finally managed to breath and made himself start for his room.

Chuck had his fair share of fights with Jill and even more with Ellie. Some of them had gotten pretty bad in places, but none of them messed with his head like this did. He was thankful no one was home or Ellie would have been pissed about how hard he'd slammed the door to his room. He wanted to scream and punch something, but sat on his bed balling his hands into fist he dug into his forehead.

It all felt like one big kaleidoscope of fuck ups. He'd messed up a mission, he'd messed up getting close to Casey, he ruined her relationship with Bryce, he ruined his relationship with Sarah and he felt pathetic for being angry and upset about it all, which just made him more angry and upset. He couldn't track down Orion, or Joe Chill, he still didn't know how to tell people about Galina without outing himself as the Piranha and there was a chance they would piss off Graham and guarantee he was going to end up with a bullet in his head and maybe even put Ellie in danger.

It all twisted around inside him searing his insides until his hand came out and swung as hard as he could into his temple. He was honestly surprised it hurt as much as it did. It made his ear ring for a solid seven seconds on top of making him feel like an even bigger idiot. It also calmed him down a little, but with his luck that was probably just a light concussion or something.

Either way he ended up sitting with his head in his hands again until he was pulled from it by yet another knock at the door, though this one was lighter and followed by the ring of the doorbell.

"Maybe Casey finally decided to shoot me and get it over with," he said heading to the door, not sure if that would be a bad thing.

Instead he found a delivery man looking up and smiling as he held up a package with a clipboard on top of it. "Delivery for Charles I. Bartowski."

"The one and only," he said taking the offered pen and swiftly signing it.

Taking the clipboard, the delivery man handed chuck the box and gave him a nod. "Have a good one."

"You too," Chuck said, his smile fading as he looked at the package while closing the door. "When did I order something?"

Heading back to his room he opened the box and found a laptop inside. Not just any laptop. Picking it up he had a sense that this thing was beyond cutting edge. Probably closer to bleeding edge.

Opening it and turning it on he was greeted by a screen telling him to IDENTTIFY. HOLD VERY STILL.

When it started to run code and he asked, "What's happening?" the words HOLD STILL appeared on screen. So he did, the code stopped and a new message took its place.

VERIFICATION COMPLETE.

POSITIVE ID:

CHUCK BARTOWSKI

"Uh… that's good. Who did you think I was?"

More code scrolled through the screen, only some it seemed to cling in odd places until they formed the face of a man in a high collar jacket, low brim hat and sunglasses. "I'm sorry, I had to make certain it wasn't intercepted."

"Orion?" Chuck gasped.

"Hello, Chuck. It's good to finally see you face-to-face."

"If you call it that," Chuck said with a laugh. "I have so many questions for you. Did you really make the Intersect?"

"I made an Intersect," Orion said, tilting his head as he corrected himself, "well multiple Intersects, but not exactly the one in your head."

"Do you know how to get it out? Are there side effects I should know about?"

"I'm working on a way to get it out of you, but as you might imagine it's not that easy."

Chuck started to smile but it faded before it formed. "Why did that G-Man guy come after me asking about you?"

"I made a mistake which pointed them in your direction. I…" Orion sighed. "You and I are very alike, Chuck. In many you're better."

"What do you mean?"

"I almost never went out of my way to help others like you do," Orion said looking to him through the screen, "or I suppose like the Piranha does."

Chuck felt his stomach lurch. "What do you mean?"

"You just said that." Orion snickered, but Chuck didn't find it funny so he exhaled. "I know you're the Piranha, Chuck. I've known for a long time, and I've admired you. But I tried to do that once. I… I heard about you and your sister by chance. I heard about how you were left alone, and I decided to try and help, so I tried to look into you. But the people hunting me found out and went after you thinking they could use you to get to me."

Chuck didn't know what he expected, but it wasn't that. He was caught in all of this by chance? Morgan died because Orion pitied him and his sister for being abandoned by his parents?

"You've gone a decade without getting caught, Chuck. I may have made the Intersect, but you've always been smarter than me. A better hacker than me. I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for Morgan Grimes. I wish I could take it back but I can't, so I hope you can maybe understand I honestly never meant to put you or anyone else in danger, and maybe one day you can forgive me."

Chuck stared at the keyboard for a moment, then looked to the camera. "Is that why Bryce said you are always on my side?"

Orion hesitated a moment before answering, "Mostly. I also know you're a good person. You never should have been involved in all this. I tried to keep you away from it all and I've failed you again. I'm sorry."

"So if you can't get it out yet, is there anything I can do to control it?" asked Chuck. "Today I flashed but it was wrong and now everyone's pissed at me."

"The intel is the intel, Chuck. If the information in the Intersect is wrong then that's the information's fault, not yours."

"Is there any way to control when I flash? Force it to happen?"

"There are, but not like you might want. There are images, symbols which are linked to specific pieces of information that can force flashes but only on those pieces of information. They're hard encoded to allow a flash unlike the undefined links for most flashes."

"Are there any side effects?" When Orion looked away and hesitated Chuck frowned. "What are they?"

"I doubt it will affect you, but if you keep it in too long the repeated flashes might eventually cause your brain to overheat just like a computer. But don't worry, I'm going to send another package with what I call a Governor. It will help negate the overheating. It will look like a watch. Just wear it and it should help."

"But I have watches I'm supposed to wear already," Chuck said holding up his wrist. "Government ones that track me."

"I'll include some instruction on how to transfer or disable their GPS," Orion said snickering, "but you can switch them as needed. As I said I doubt you'll need the Governor, but I'll get you it just in case."

Chuck nodded. "Is there anything the Intersect can do that I don't know about?"

"Not the one you have."

That caught Chuck's attention. "What can other Intersects do?"

"Well… The Intersect was meant to be a learning tool. It was supposed to allow people to rapidly gain knowledge through a flash of insight. Of course once the CIA heard about it they twisted it and now the version you have lacks any of that."

Chuck was lost in thought for three seconds before he asked, "Could you add it back in?"

Orion grimaced. "Skill flashes would increased the strain it places on your brain. They're different from the intel flashes you have. Complex knowledge like that forces the brain to use much more energy."

"But I'll have a Governor." Seeing Orion's hesitance Chuck asked, "Would it overwrite the information already in my head?"

"No."

"Then why shouldn't we do it?"

"It will make them more reluctant to let you go if they ever find out."

"It might also keep them from throwing me away when their new one comes online, and would make me more of an asset to my team."

"You can't trust your handlers, Chuck. They don't care about you. They only care about the Intersect."

Despite it all. Despite that being his fear, despite their anger at him, Chuck still shook his head, unwilling to accept that. "You don't know that."

"I do, Chuck. I was in your place once. I loved my handler. Trust me… It's easier not to love them."

"It doesn't feel that way," Chuck sighed. "Look, I need this. If I can't get this thing out of my head then I need it to be the best it can be. I need to help them as much as I can. Otherwise what's the point?"

Orion stared at him long enough that Chuck worried the computer had frozen, but Orion finally sighed and nodded. "If that's what you want-"

"It is."

"Give me time. I'll have the Governors sent by new years at the latest. I'll try to work on building you an update."

"How can I contact you?"

"Use this computer or leave a message on your website. I'll be tracking it." Orion sighed. "You should know I may not be available often. Fulcrum have been hunting me for years, and the CIA has been trying even longer. But I promise I'll do my best to get in touch if you need it."

"And I'll be here if you need anything," Chuck offered with a laugh. "Unless they finally decide I've screwed up enough to throw me in a bunker or kill me."

"I won't let that happen, Chuck. And if I fail you again I promise I will get you out."

"Well let's hope it doesn't come to that."

"Let's hope it doesn't," Orion said with a smile.

"Alright." Chuck started to nod when he shook his head and held up a hand exclaiming, "Wait-wait! Hold on!"

Orion had started to look down but stopped. "What?"

"Do you who it was that killed Morgan? Their name, a way for me to find, anything? Who did they work for? Were they Fulcrum?"

"It's possible they may be now," Orion said carefully, seeming to debate how much he should say. "I don't know their name, I'm sorry. But I do know this… They were likely a CIA agent."

AN:

The shift here with Casey being supportive and more protective of Chuck early on while Sarah is distant is something I thought could've been fun in the show, especially with a bit I have in a later chapter as a kind of cap to it all.

I was tempted to have Chuck ask if she was upset because he stopped her from fucking Lon Kirk, but it felt like even that verbal slap was a bit much for this Chuck. The 'oldest profession' line was quippy and clever, but to say it that with the intent of hurting her is still too much for him, even is she is a bitch the first two thirds of the episode.

Governor early on is going to be my excuse for no eye flicking during flashes and sticking to the season one version where he just kind of zones out or stares for a second instead of having a seizure. It probably won't effect the story, but it's a small head canon thing I thought I'd share.