WARNING THIS CHAPTER MAY BE A TRIGGER! If graphic depiction of self-harm is a trigger please I urge you to skip this chapter. If you have ever self-harmed or still are I am so sorry that things led you to such a drastic measure. If you need anyone to talk to I am here. I have been close to where you are. I know the feelings you have. So please if you wanna talk I am always here for you. As a final message for anyone who is struggling with this issue. YOU ARE PEFECT. Don't let them other fuckers tell you different. Look I know there is a lot of stress and pain going on rn but you are worth so much more than anything. Everyone is different no one is perfectly alike. You are beautiful in ur own way. You only care about what you think about yourself. Ok? I love every single one of you.
I fell asleep quickly next to Naru. I'm floating in the astral plane. "Gene, I've had a long day. Please not now." I say hoping I have a chance of him listening to me, and actually allowing me to have a normal dream. "Sorry mai not tonight. Tomorrow I promise." He said floating into view. "Why not? I need a break and tomorrow is too far away!"
"He needs to see what happened. I'm so sorry mai."
"Who need to see when what happened?" I hate when he talks in riddles
"He loves you, remember that." Gene says as he pushes me. When I open my eyes I'm back in the Shibuya district. "What the hell?" I say but instead of English I speak Japanese….. Ok? What is going on?
Might as well go to the office. As I walk down the street I all of a sudden feel as if I am not alone. Looking over my shoulder I see no one. Why do I feel like I'm having déjà vu? As I approach the office I am filled with happiness. I get this feeling I should not be happy to be here. I dismiss the feeling and enter the building. "I'm sorry I'm late." I say walking into the kitchenette and starting the kettle. "Mai come to my office I have something to tell you." I hear Naru call. As I enter I see him packing up into boxes "oh Naru are you cleaning your office up a little?"
"No, Mai I am leaving for England. I have found my brother's body and finished my job here. You are no longer required to work here."
"N-no Naru you can't leave, not yet."
"Why is that? I have no reason to stay unless you can provide one."
"You have to stay because well... I-I love you Naru."
"Is it me or gene you love? Do not get us confused, but I'm sure with your small brain you can't even tell us apart."
"No, it's you" I stammer tears flooding down my cheeks. Why do I feel I already know what's gunna happen.
"No Mai, you don't. You're an even bigger fool than I thought." Naru says as he leaves the office forever. I fall to my knees and wail. How could he reject me like that? Even he must know how fucking cruel that was. He also just leaves me here a mess not even saying he will call if he needs help with a case. Wait I think as I come realisation I will never see monk or Ayako or any of them ever again. My family is being ripped away from me for a second fucking time. I have no one now. How am I gunna pay rent? I cry harder, and my heart sinks lower is that is even possible. After 20 more minutes of heart wrenching sobs. I look up to see a letter opener on what used to be Naru's desk. I grab it and stare at the object in my hand. I run the edge of the blade over my thumb thinking it was dull from use. I accidentally cut the pad of my thumb in the process. The pain of the small cut distracts me from my heart ache momentarily. Well I have heard cutting helps. I move the blade to my ankle dear kami let this help. I think to myself. I drag the blade slowly across my ankle. I cringe at the pain but as my mind is momentarily distracted a huge relief floods through me. I take a deep breath. Then the huge crushing shame of what I had just done weighed down on me. All of a sudden I am filled with rage. I never would have just done that if I had never of met Naru! I pull up my sock and storm home tears silently stream down my cheeks the whole way. For the next three weeks I ignore all phone calls and only leave my house when I need to buy groceries. One day I found flowers on my front door. They were from the gang saying they missed me. I smiled for the first time since Naru left. I put the flowers in a spare vase I had and put some water in the vase as well. The next few days were spent being mad at Naru, myself, life, the world. Anything I could find to keep me upset. Then one night Gene came to me in a dream. "Hello mai. I know what happened. I want to tell you that he really does love you." Hearing Gene say that and with him looking like Naru I snapped. The wall holding back all anger, rage and heartbreak I had built turned to dust. "Stay away from me." I say while my body starts to shake.
"What?" Gene said taking a step back from me surprised by my outburst?
"It's all your fucking fault." I said hanging my head low so my hair covers my face.
"Mai, what are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about how you tricked me. You came to me as that narcissistic no good piece of shit asshole."
"I had to mai, or you never would have listened."
"Next time just tell me the truth, but since you screwed up so bad STAY AWAY FORM ME!" I scream and wake up. A picture frame goes flying across the room. I cry for hours after having to see the face that ruined my life. When I fall back asleep I brought to the present day. Tears won't stop streaming down my face. My body is shaking with anger and hatred for everything around me. "Mai..." I hear gene say in a cautious tone.
"How could you do that to me Gene? Make me re-live that?"
"I'm sorry Mai. I know it was cruel but it needed to happen." He his voice craking.
"NO IT DIDN'T!" I scream and force myself to wake up.
A/N: so ya it took a lot for me to write that because it has some elements of my life in it I'm not gunna disclose what parts and stuff for personal privacy but yea I feel if I put some things in there that truly connect with me the story will mean a lot more to me. So yea comment and stuff and let me know what you guys think. Love every single one of you guys. Thank you so much for supporting my story.