CHAPTER 41 – TIME AND DISTANCE

Time and distance...

These two words kept churning around and around in his head. He needed to escape, needed some sort of release and choosing quickly, he stopped briefly at his private quarters, threw on his running clothes and made his way to his own personal running circuit that he had carved out for himself soon after their arrival in Atlantis. He came here when he needed down time, thinking time, nothing time. He ran. And then ran some more. The circuitous route a balm for whatever was ailing him at the time. His feet picked up the rythym automatically without thought and he simply let one foot follow the other.

Time and distance...

Over and over, his feet pounded the surface of his running circuit, unworried about meeting anyone else here – this area was his alone. He kept pushing the words around in his mind, sure that their meaning would come to him. Knew also that the small black hole that he had already encountered in this memory was a result of this.

Time and distance...

He ran until his feet ached and he was more sweat than skin. Lost count of the miles, just collapsed at some point, unable to go on any more. Rolled over onto his stomach and just let the sweat dry on his skin, let his racing heart settle and let the words drift over him. Searching for the hidden meaning.

Resolve then. Leaping to his feet he moved quickly to the gear room and shed quickly his running clothes, leaving them in a scattered heap on the floor. Opening his locker he pulled out fresh BDU's - in deference to his intended offworld trip he put on a tactical vest and added a weapon, then without giving his excursion any further thought, he raced to the control room.

Elizabeth was there. She had given him space up until now and had not sent anyone to find him. Carson and Rodney had both filled her in on his sudden departure from the infirmary and she knew that he had chosen to exhaust his demons in his own way. Until now.

"What do you think you're doing John? You're not going offworld on your own. I need to know what you're doing and where you're going. Then I'll decide whether or not to let you go. I am still base commander, best you remember that." She had deliberately injected censure into her voice, needing to jolt him into complying. She could bring up a team of marines, use his own men against him, but chose to handle this herself. She knew John. She knew the way his mind worked and from what Carson and Rodney had told her, something was going on in his mind that scared the crap out of him. When running himself into a puddle on the ground had not given him any answers, she knew that he chose now to confront them in some other location. One she would approve of first, or shut him down. She had no compunctions against doing just that, either.

"I have to go to P8T198. I'm not sure why Elizabeth, but there is one more thing I need to do. One more thing I need to find, to understand."

Time and distance. Rodney.

The man in question came into the control room now, as did Ronon. They were both geared up also and flanked John now. Ronon's glance at his friend was almost fierce. "You're not going alone John. Whatever it is you're driven to do, we're going with you. We'll end this once and for all, so everyone here can get on with their lives."

"The lives they're supposed to live.." muttered Rodney and John glanced at him sharply.

"Say that again Rodney..."

"Nothing Sheppard."

"Not nothing, it means something. Crap Rodney, it's sitting at the damn edge of my mind. That comment? It means something to me and it means something to you. That's why you said it. That's why you want to come with me. Damn it. Think Rodney! What the hell does it mean?"

Anger rolled out of John in waves now. He was sick of indecisions and inactivity. He needed to move again, as though his body had not already undergone a massive use of energy levels already. It was primed, ready to go, ready to take on whatever the hell it needed to take on. Ronon saw the fidgety tension that sent John's body into physical overload, that made him edgy and raw, hell - the same thing was going on most of the time in himself. But John had always been able to control this side of himself. This time was different. He was losing control, losing the ability to distinguish between what he needed to do and what he had already done.

Ronon's eyes flicked from Rodney to Elizabeth. Then blinked. Looked back at John to see if he had noticed but John's focus was now down in the gate room. Ronon shot his glance back at Rodney. Hazy outline, indistinct features... and shook his head. Too much Ruus wine last night? Aaah hell - Sheppard's insecurities and indecisions were beginning to rub off on him.

"Sheppard, if we're gonna do this, let's get the hell out of here. I want normal back. I want the old Sheppard back. This time stuff has got to stop - now!" He grabbed John by the arm and physically marched him down to the gate room, glaring at Elizabeth as he walked past, daring her to intervene or stop him in any way. She simply shook her head. Ronon when in a mood like this, was a rollercoaster out of control. John not much better. Hopefully Rodney would be the glue that held them at least partially together on this little quest that had somehow once again, managed to spiral out of control.

"You go, but I won't pretend to understand what the hell is going on. John? We're going to have a serious talk when you get back. Ronon? I'm the damned commander of this base, and you'll treat me with the respect I deserve. Rodney! Look after these two - whatever it is they are hell bent on doing. It seems you're the only sane one in this little group of meddling misfits."

The insult rolled off their backs, mostly. Rodney did manage to shoot her a slightly aggrieved look, but if this was a runaway rollercoaster, he too, was simply along for the ride and even with an advanced physics degree, it was unlikely that he would be of any use to attempting to stop the rollercoaster. It would simply have to burn itself out. Or crash.

They reached the gate room and sent up a nod for the gate technician to begin dialling. He looked first to Elizabeth for confirmation, after her little outburst, the technician thought that allowing the members in the room below to dictate when to dial, would perhaps usurp her authority. Elizabeth smiled at him and added her nod and he began the dialling sequence for P8T198.

"I'm going with you." She sounded confident and sure of herself and John's head whipped around quickly at the sound of her voice. She looked small and hopelessly frail with her pale face and bandage at the side of her head, but her eyes were clear and strong and under his scrutiny she pulled herself carefully up to her full height and held his eyes with her own and he saw the strength and resolve that hardened to steel there.

"You're in no condition to come on this trip Gina - you need to be in bed." His eyes raked over her now, taking in the too large pair of dark blue BDU's that someone had found for her to wear and the shirt that came down midthigh. Gina shot her gaze up to the control room where Elizabeth stood looking down at them. She saw something in the younger woman's eyes, saw the resolve and shook her head slightly at John. She would not intervene. This was between the two of them, and if Gina could manage to convince John to let her go, then it was simply meant to be. Definitely no intervention on her part.

Rodney was the only one not surprised to see Gina there. "If you're coming with us Gina, you need to gear up properly - offworld protocol. No one steps through the gate without full gear. I'll take you to the gear room and we'll see if we can find something to fit you... hmmm, that could be a problem." He had reached Gina's side, totally ignoring John's reaction to Gina appearing in the gate room and she felt the anger thrum in the air as he passed John.

"Rodney, she is not going. That is final. She's not up to this trip medically or physically. Don't push me on this." Ronon felt the undercurrents between the two men and knew that they had something more to do with this trip offworld than Gina. Both had an agenda, and neither could tell the other exactly what that agenda was. And his role? Keep these two idiots from killing themselves. And to help keep Gina safe. John was wrong. Injury or not, she needed to be there. The game was still playing, but John no longer controlled the game board. John stood watching Rodney and Gina leave the room, and flicking an impatient glance at Ronon,he strode off after them. Ronon simply went and leant negligently against the wall. And waited for the players to return.

"What the hell is wrong with you Rodney. Why the hell are you really coming along on this trip?"

If anger had a visible colour, then it would be dark gray like smoke. This thought flitted through Gina's head as she watched the man she did not know except by touch, face off the scientist who had become her friend these past few days. Her friend? Her ally, she had felt an instant bonding with him when he had first sat beside her bed and started up a conversation for seemingly no reason at all. It was not in Rodney's nature to instantly befriend someone like that - yet he had kept coming back. Bringing her small gifts and showing her funny pieces of technology. The technology that had started off this crazy quest of Colonel Sheppard and his sudden need to get back to the planet where the time portal was situated. And telling her about his work, a special project that he was working on, one that no-one in Atlantis would understand. One he wanted desperately to share with someone. One who could help him find what he was looking for...

Gina worked from knowledge recently learned, she still had no memory of that lost time in 1962, but knew from what she had been told that the portal was closed and could no longer be opened again - at least not in the time when she had come from. As she watched the two men argue, she felt disassociated from their argument, even though she was at the centre of it. She listened to John telling Rodney to mind his own business, all the while his hands were busy, he was finding a tactical vest for her, carefully helping her into in, then bending his head to fasten it. She looked down at his dark head, felt a stirring in her memory, another time, that same dark head bent in passion against her skin and she trembled, causing him to stop his arguing and look up at her. He saw in her eyes then, that memory of ... something and sudden and uncontrollable need for this woman punched into his gut. His hands left the fastenings of the vest and moved up to gently frame her face and he saw something there that lightened his mood, just a tiny bit. Bending his head, he brushed her lips with his and felt rather than heard her small sigh.

Rodney had fallen silent, no longer adding his voice to the argument, simply cleared his throat and left the room. John seemed disinclined to continue their argument, his actions softening, firstly helping her to gear up and now unable to resist just standing in front of her and kissing her... there had never really been any argument. He could no more have stopped her coming with them than stopping Ronon.

"Gina... your memories are coming back?" He murmured this against her cheek, feeling the softness of her skin and wanting to stand here, just for a short while longer and savour it.

"Not my memories John, there is still that hole, that black area where I can't piece anything together, but I remember your touch in that it feels familiar, natural."

"Do you remember this?" he slid his hands down her face then moved them to cup her bottom and pull her closer, straight against his own heat and he heard her moan softly.

"I remember how it felt to be held against you, I just don't remember ...you... and that does not make any sense, I know."

He had dropped his head again to nuzzle against her neck, smiling when she moved her head sideways to allow him better access. "Then for now, you can just remember my touch... and if I touch you often, perhaps you will remember more" and he claimed her mouth in another hot kiss that had her lifting slightly off her toes to fit herself better against him." Reluctantly he pulled away from her.

"We need to go - for the record, I still don't want you there, although I want you within touching distance for now, so a rock and a hard place situation... I'm worried that being that close to the portal, something will happen, but something is meant to happen - that's why I have this damn burning need to go back there. Rodney seems hell bent on being there also, so the game plan? I have no idea - Ronon simply there to pull the reins, but you and I Gina, this is the only thing I am sure about."

He gave her tactical vest one more tug to tighten it, then gave up. They were not designed to fit small frames such as hers and taking her hand he pulled her out of the room and back to the gate room, watching as Ronon finally pushed himself off the wall where he had been leaning.

"Time to get this show on the road Sheppard. Enough delays. Rodney's gonna drive me nuts and I just want things back to normal. Whatever normal is around here." He looked up sharply at the gate room and Elizabeth gave the nod to the gate technician letting him finally begin the dialling sequence and as John looked up there also, still holding tightly to Gina's hand, he caught the shift in time again and shuddered, and knew when they stepped back through that gate, one key element will have changed. Time and distance... Rodney.