CHAPTER 31

When Agent Montomgery finally awoke and descended the stairs in one of Casey's better suits, Sarah was surprised at the change. Her amusement only grew when she noticed Beckman sitting up, brushing aside a nonexistent stray hair from her face as he said, "Hello, Diane."

"Hello, Roan," Beckman said as Casey and Sarah shared a look. No doubt about those rumors now.

"The only way to get to Sasha Banacheck is to seduce her," Roan told them.

"Well," Casey said sticking out his chest, "duty calls."

"Not you, Agent Frankenstein." Sarah failed to hide her smirk as Roan continued, "She'll peg you as CIA in an instant. We need someone innocuous. Someone with whom she can let her guard down. Essentially the last person in the world she'd ever suspect of being an agent."

Sarah's smile had faded the more he spoke and she realized who he was describing. She barely held back a grimace as she looked to Casey, who failed to hold his back.

Beckman was still smiling at Roan as she said lightly, "Well then the asset should be fine."

"Asset?" asked Roan, arching his brow and smirking.

"Charles Bartowski," Diane told him. "Agents, go retrieve him."

With a brief look to one another Sarah and Casey left the apartment. As they made their way to Chuck's door Sarah said, "I know she's thousands of miles away, but I'd still suggest spraying everything once we're gone."

"I might burn the bed just in case," Casey said knocking on Chuck's door. When the door opened a few seconds later and he saw Chuck dressed in jeans and a buttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up Casey shrugged and waved him out of the house. "Let's go, lover boy. We need your services in a romantic capacity."

"Oh," Chuck said dryly, "that seems to be going around today. What's the occasion?"

"Agent Montomgery's awake and we have a mission," said Casey.

"Ah." Chuck said, nodding as he grabbed his keys and closed the door behind him, stepping into the courtyard. "So what's the deal with Agent Montgomery?"

"He's a legend in our department," Sarah explained. "An incredible spy. Real old school James Bond type."

"Overrated if you ask me," said Casey.

"What was the class that you failed?" asked Sarah.

"Infiltration and Inducement of Enemy Personnel," answered Casey.

"Yeah, in the academy," Sarah said leaning toward Casey with a teasing smirk, "we call it Seduction School."

Casey scoffed. "Yeah, like I need a class."

Entering the apartment Sarah cast a glance over her shoulder and noticed Chuck seemed almost disinterested. Any other day she'd imagine he would be excited to meet not only a legendary spy she'd just said was like James Bond, but one who taught other spies. But then she remembered she'd told him he would never be an agent. This probably felt a bit like eating chocolate in front of a starving man after what she'd said to him.

"Good afternoon, Charles," roan said extending his hand.

Instead of telling him it was Chuck, he just shook Roan's hand and nodded. "It's an honor to meet you."

Sarah realized Beckman was no longer on screen. Roan gave him appraising look and shrugged. "I can make it work."

"Sure," said Chuck with a passive shrug, "what are we making work?"

"We have to prepare you for your date tonight," Roan said with a grin. "Why don't we do some quick lessons?"

Casey grunted. "As much as I enjoy watching you embarrass yourself, I need to dig up as much as I can on your date and do all the prep. Think you can do this at your place?"

"Ellie and Devon are at work." Chuck shrugged and waved for them to follow as he went back across the courtyard.

Once they made their way to Ellie's Chuck showed Roan where the glasses were before leaning against the pillar while Sarah told him, "So, your date tonight will be with Sasha Banacheck."

His apathy vanished and his head snapped to her. "Um, I'm sorry. What? You mean previously tortured in a Bulgarian prison Sasha Banacheck?"

"Don't worry. Casey and I will be there for cover. Just approach her at the bar, get her to invite you up, and see if you flash on anything in her room."

"One small problem. Why is she gonna choose me?"

"Because you're not going to be you." Chuck held Sarah's gaze until Roan walked past her and continued, "You're going to be me. I'll teach you everything you need to know. First, the proper way to drink a martini. Hold by the stem, nod to the mark." He nodded to them, and they returned the nod. "Slowly tilt back." He slurped the liquor down like it was water. "A moment to learn, a lifetime to perfect." Pulling an olive off the toothpick he made his way to the island. "Let's go to work."

"His liver must look like camouflage," Chuck marveled quietly.

Pouring a freshly shaken martini, Roan held class as Chuck and Sarah sat on stool opposite him. "I need to see what I'm dealing with. Assume your partner is the mark. How would you seduce her?"

"That is an excellent question." He said with exaggerated wonder. When he turned to her though he saw her face and realized he was being a bit hard. Just because he was hurt didn't mean he had to hurt her. So he let out a breath and said lightly, "I would probably start with the, uh, bedroom eyes maybe."

Sarah watched his brow start rising and falling, pursing his lips slightly as his eyes focused in on hers. She was relieved to sense his mood had lightened, biting the inside of her lip as she started to grin.

"You know, the old Bartowski eyebrow dance. Then come at you like this, you know?" When he started to lean in she looked forward, silently fighting off a laugh before turning back to him. "Then I'd start firing the guns at you, you know." His smile turned genuine and victorious when he started firing finger guns at her rhythmically and she turned away to giggle. He'd made Agent Sarah Walker giggle like a high school girl. Never wanting it to end he continued in a mockingly slick voice, "Hey baby, what's up?"

"Don't encourage him," Roan chided her, making Sarah quickly pulled back her smile and sit up while Chuck furrowed his brow at the elder agent. "This isn't happy hour at Chili's. This is Sasha Banacheck."

"I don't know, I-I would probably, you know," he glanced at Sarah who seemed to nod as if encouraging him while Roan took the chance to take a drink, "I'd-I'd-I'd be myself, and I'd try to make her laugh a little bit, find a common cultural interest-music."

"Be yourself? You think a woman like this-" Roan motioned to Sarah, "-could ever fall for a guy like you?" He finished up by motioning to Chuck.

While Chuck turned his head toward her Sarah suddenly looked straight ahead, doing her best to keep her face blank. He could have been very flippant, cutting, maybe even hurtful. He could have made it abundantly clear how crappy he felt, but instead he shrugged. "I don't know. Baring any national security emergency, I think I might have a shot."

"Be reasonable. This is a gorgeous, sophisticated woman, and you're-"

"Passionate and-and sweet and caring," Sarah said quickly. Chuck was surprised and relieved. At times he felt overly needy desiring some kind of conformation so often, but maybe it was just because of how things were with them for now. Either way a compliment from her always felt great, but at that moment they felt like lifesavers thrown out to a drowning man.

"Really?" Roan rolled his eyes. "Tall, dark and caring. What a combo!"

Of course he would ruin that, Chuck thought turning to Roan with a grimace while Sarah said, "I didn't mean it like that. He-he has a lot to offer." Again Chuck was surprised, his annoyance fading as he turned to her.

"Fine. Let me see this caged passion." Tapping the olive against the glass Roan ordered, "Kiss him."

Her voice rose an octave exclaiming, "Excuse me?"

"I don't think that's necessary," He said sharing a look with her before turning to Roan, "at this particular juncture right now, Roan. I'm-I'm solid as a rock in that department."

Tell me about it, Sarah thought to herself as Chuck pounded the island counter to emphasize his words.

"What's wrong?" asked Roan. "Don't you find Agent Walker attractive?"

"Of course… I find her… attractive. It's just that I had a burrito earlier," he said incredulously, shrugging, "and I'm trying to be respectful."

"While I admire your chivalry, if you can't kiss her now what makes you think you're going to be able to kiss Sasha Banacheck when the entire mission is on the line?"

Damn it, Sarah thought, there was no escaping this. Roan was going to push until he saw it so Sarah turned to Chuck saying, "Chuck, it's okay."

"Really?" Last time we kissed I almost went through a wall, he left unsaid.

"Yes." Sarah shook her head as if it were obvious, realized what she'd done and after a glance to Roan said more evenly, "Yes."

Chuck searched her face for a moment, then turned to Roan who arched his brow expectantly. With the way things were between them, both at the moment and in general, Chuck decided better safe than sorry. Slowly leaning toward her, he waited until her was close to turn his head just enough to peck her lips and swiftly retreat to his seat. "There."

"Perhaps I've moved too fast," Roan said setting his glass down to lean against the counter asking him, "Have you had intercourse before?"

"Okay, you know what? You're crazy. This is crazy. I don't need to take lessons from you." Chuck got out of his seat shaking his head. He had enough of CIA agents screwing with his life. He didn't need to sit here and be insulted by them too.

While Sarah put her chin in her palm to avoid getting involved, Roan wiped his hands. "Really? Maybe I picked the wrong agent," Roan walked around the counter to leave, declaring, "I'll get Agent Casey to kiss her."

"You really want me to kiss her?!" Chuck snapped, motioning to Sarah while his left hand found her wrist as she turned in her chair, surprising her.

Roan squeezed his eyes shut dramatically and took a breath saying, "Desperately."

Screw this. Screw him. Screw the CIA. He had enough of this crap, so said through grit teeth, "Fine."

Chuck pulled her off the stool and to her feet, and as she stumbled released her wrist to pull her into a searing kiss. With one of his hands on her cheek and the other was on her back, Sarah found herself reacting instantly, without hesitation. Her left hand grasped the back of his head while her right held his arm, tracing her fingers up toward his hand on her cheek.

In all their kisses she had been the one to kiss him. She'd been the one to break and throw herself at him, but this time he had kissed her. It wasn't filled with the desperation of their first or the relief and overwhelming emotion of their second. It started off fairly chased until suddenly their mouths opened, tongues flicking against lips and tasting each other's lips and she was on fire. Each time their lips met sent a shock through them, pushing their temperatures higher and higher… until they remembered where they were and why this had started.

After standing with their mouths open and top lips still pressed against each others they pulled apart, lowering their hands while Chuck cleared his throat and looked to Roan. The agent stood looking between them, smiling genially as he looked to Chuck. "Bravo."

Chuck narrowed his eyes slightly, his lips pulled in as he fought to keep himself calm and cool rather than apologize like he wanted to. He couldn't believe he'd done that, but was thankful he did, which made him feel a bit worse about it. It had felt incredible, but he'd basically forced it on her.

Just as he was starting to regret it, he noticed in the corner of his sight Sarah staring wide eyed at Roan. She looked stunned, almost dazed before breaking it by looking at Chuck. "I better fix my lipstick," she said with unsmudged, slightly puffed lips as she nervously looked down and started to leave, "excuse me."

"Sure," said as coolly as he could while watching her leave.

Roan waited until she was out of sight before turning back to Chuck saying, "Something tells me that wasn't the first time that's happened."

Chuck had tried to fix some wrinkles on his shirt to remain calm when he looked up. "What? No. No. We're totally professional. That's… we work together."

"Don't worry, Charles," Roan said with an assuring nod and a wry smile. "I'll teach you how to get her, too. But first, we're gonna need more gin."

"Have at it," Chuck said waving to the kitchen.

It was almost two minutes before Sarah returned and when she did she noticed Chuck glance at her and fight back a proud grin. That shit, she thought to herself. He knew what he'd done to her. He was practically gloating as he watched her walk into the kitchen and make his way back to the seat beside him.

It wasn't hard to figure out, and it was hard not to feel damn proud of himself. She could make excuses about how it was biological happenstance, but that would be a lie and he knew it. He'd made her retreat. He made her need almost two minutes to recoup. And best of all it was her he'd made feel and do those things. He could win an Olympic medal and not feel half as proud of himself as he did at that moment.

"Well, now that we know you can kiss we can move on," Roan said pouring himself another martini before he picked it up and grinned. "Sex."

Chuck choked, almost doing a spit take despite not drinking anything. Sarah's brow knit before rolling her eyes.

Roan laughed and shook his head. "I'm kidding, Charles. An innocent joke. No, the next part is the approach."

After another hour going over why the martini was the drink of choice and a dozen other mostly useless lessons, they departed to pick out his suit for the night. As the sun set he made his way over to Caseys to begin prep for the mission, his date with a KGB killer.

"Crap," Chuck said as they were preparing for their mission in Casey's.

"Something up?" Casey asked sitting beside one of their equipment bags.

"Devon's asking me to make myself scarce tonight. He's going through with his romantic night with Ellie."

"That's why you said it was going around," Sarah noted with a nod. "He asked you about it, didn't he?"

"And of course I helped him," he sighed.

"That's sweet," Sarah said reaching over to fix his tie.

"Yeah," Casey said unzipping his bag, "real sweet helping the guy stick it to you sister."

"He helped him plan a romantic evening," Sarah said, then looked to Chuck, "right?"

"No I threw him a condom and told him to swing away," Chuck rolled his eyes. "She was complaining he wasn't romantic enough so he asked me and I just gave him some basic advice."

Once Casey gave them the ear pieces and mics, he went to load up the weapons, leaving Sarah and Chuck alone. Adjusting his ear he said, "Well, it may not be the steamiest, but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles."

"I doubt that," said Sarah. "Harry Tang's married isn't he?"

Chuckling, he relented. "Good point."

"Tonight will be fine. I wouldn't take Roan's advice too seriously. Just be yourself."

"I doubt Chuck Bartowski's gonna be charming anyone."

After adjusting his tie she said, "Why not? Worked on me."

Chuck felt relief wash away the weight on his chest, letting him match her smile. Why couldn't things be like this all the time?

Walking to them Roan began, "We need to talk about protection."

Chuck shook his head. "I don't think it's gonna get that far, Roan."

"I mean a gun," he said pointedly. "Why do you think she's known as the Black Widow?"

"She's African-American and her husband died," he offered coyly.

"Because she kills all her mates."

Well at least Chuck's current streak made that unlikely. His mood wasn't helped when he arrived at the hotel and took a moment to look himself over in a mirror hearing Roan say over the ear piece, "If he survives the night it'll be a miracle."

It didn't help that Roan's four pronged assault was a load of crap either. It was first clear when he guided Chuck to his approach of Sasha Banacheck without any tip on how to do so.

"Excuse me is this seat taken?" Chuck asked, and when she only looked at him he took a seat. "I'll take that as a no. Charles Carmichael. And you are?"

"Bored."

Don't say 'hello, Bored, I'm Chuck'. "Well, maybe I can change that. Garcon!" After snapping his fingers he told the waiter, "Yes, sir, please, two ice-cold dirty martinis, three olives. Thank you."

"That's very nice, but I no longer drink."

"Doesn't drink? That's absurd. How is this boy supposed to seduce her without alcohol?" Roan asked, really making sure Chuck's confidence was at it's peak.

"Don't worry, Chuck. It'll be fine," Sarah assured.

"I should probably cut back, too. Lot of calories in those martinis."

"Enjoy your martinis, Mr. Carmichael." With that Banacheck left to the bar Casey was tending.

"It's okay, Chuck. Don't get discouraged," Sarah told him cheerily. He wondered how she could sound like that. He'd be miserable seeing her try to flirt with someone else. Was it because she knew he'd fail? Because he could never be an agent?

"This is just round one," Roan told him. "You're calm, confident, and charming."

"Yeah, apparently not. She left after 12 seconds."

"You're still alive, aren't you?" Roan concluded, "That's a victory."

"Okay, Chuck, here we go," said Sarah.

"A woman wants a man to take control. Even though she won't say it, she wants to be rescued."

"Actually, that's not true, Chuck. Some women prefer a man who can take a backseat."

Chuck could almost hear her smile over the radio, but he couldn't help a stray thought that it was placating. She's reacted so strongly when he took control in the kitchen and kissed her. She hadn't reacted like that to the other kisses. The first one she fled afterward and the second she pushed him away. It was the third one that had her leave, probably wishing she kept fresh clothes in his room.

In a fraction of a second he wondered if she was just saying that because that's what she thought he was. If that's all she thought he could be. He was never the guy who made the move. He wasn't the one who rescued the girl or took control. For so long he'd been passive to everything in his life and that was how she saw him. Behind all those thoughts was another telling him it wasn't really what she wanted, just what she said to try and help him as she had the entire time, because what she really wanted was that guy. The guy he wasn't. He would never be an agent. Not to her.

"I'm not talking about you, darling," he heard Roan say over the mics. "I'm talking about the Black Widow."

"So am I. Maybe he doesn't need to try and pretend to be someone else. I promise you, Chuck Bartowski on his own can seduce this woman."

For a moment Chuck considered doing it. Roan's method had failed once already and so far sounded like all the same crap guys at the frat used to try. He could just try to do it the way he wanted, try it as himself. It might even help his floundering confidence, and a petty part of him thought it might make Sarah take him seriously, but he realized he didn't want to.

Chuck didn't want Sasha Banacheck to be the one he picked up at a bar. Instead he thought of the club in Rio, smiling at the gorgeous blonde in the white dress and asking her if she came there often. It felt much better to him, not tainted by his pettiness and hurt feelings, but it also seemed just about impossible at the moment, and just like in Rio he had a mission to focus on.

He tried Roan's playing into her love of St. Tropez, and though he saw the obvious setup of her mentioning Antoine he couldn't exactly say as much or look it up. Though unsurprised it failed, at least Sarah was quick to look it up and tell him about Marcel.

He listened to her talk a bit about her travels before going into the few anecdotes he had as someone who had taken his first trip out of the states weeks earlier on a mission where he spent most of his time at a hotel, in a van or defusing a dirty bomb. Banacheck was eating it up, or maybe just acting the part, but either way she had an arm over his shoulders and was facing him, leaning in to talk when he heard Roan ask Sarah, "So how long have you and Charles been cavorting?"

"You mean, how long have we been working together?" She corrected.

"Don't play coy. You have feelings for him. I mean real, non-spy emotions."

Chuck pulled in his lips to contain himself. Oh god, he thought, he's actually just confronting her about it. Some part of him knew she'd never admit it. She'd likely deny her hair was blonde if someone asked about it, but Chuck was flooded by hope that she would slip. And as it always seemed to do with her, hope died as Sarah's dismissal.

"Don't be ridiculous. What, because I'm protective of him as an asset?"

Casey glanced at Chuck, seeing him look down, his cheek pulling in slightly as he bit it before looking to Banacheck with a forced smile. It was a miracle the kid didn't crumble with how often she took a hammer to him. But he stayed on mission and went into some story about croissants.

"No," said Roan. "The way you kissed him."

"I think you've had too much to drink."

"No such thing."

Suddenly Chuck heard a static buzz and rubbed his ear, laughing as he continued, "So actually, it was invented by a Hungarian baker to commemorate the defeat of the Turks. And that is the true history behind the croissant. That's just a little pastry trivia for you."

She had moved closer to him, her breast brushing his arm while her hand rubbed the opposite shoulder. "You are a fountain of information, Mr. Carmichael."

"Well," he said with a humble shrug.

Then she leaned in and whispered to him, "Quand etiez vous a Paris pour la derniere fois?"

Three things came to mind quickly. First, if she wasn't likely to kill him he might have found an appreciation for the french language. Second, he should have pushed Orion about getting him the language modules because, third, he was screwed. And not in the fun way that would mean she would try to kill him, so ultimately not very fun with her way.

Having no knowledge of French words beyond what Dexter's Lab taught him, he looked to Casey, who hadn't heard. She grabbed the back of his head, making her look at her as she repeated the words, but still may as well have been gibberish.

He knew it would fail, but he had to try something, so swung for the fences by saying, "Enchante. And what bands are you into?"

As if he couldn't feel more awful seeing her start to get up as he'd failed his mission, the static in his ear ended as Sarah declared firmly, "-I assure you I have no feelings for Chuck. He is just an asset." His head snapped forward as if he'd been kicked, which the one from Lizzie had hurt less than hearing that just as he failed. "Okay we're back up. Can you hear us?"

Sarah's question came just as Banacheck walked around him saying, "Good night, Mr. Carmichael."

"Mission failed. Black Widow's on the move," Casey said into his watch as she left Chuck alone on the bar stool.

"Great. You know, I hope you're happy," Sarah said loudly in his hear. For a moment he wasn't sure if she was angry with him or Roan. "I told you, he's an analyst, not a spy!"

Ah, the good ol' Bartowski Curse. Always there to kick him while he's down, and then throw in a light stabbing just to top it off and give it some color.

Chuck slumped forward, slamming his head against the bar with a groan as Casey shook his head and said into his watch, "Okay everybody let's pack it up."

Leaping off the stool Chuck asked, "Roan, what's the fourth prong of the famous assault?" God that sounds awful. Does it have to be an assault? Could it be a courting or a dance?

"The mission if over, Charles. It's too dangerous. You're not ready for this."

"I'm doing it," he said firmly with an unspoken, with or without your help. "What is it?"

"Be a bastard."

No. It couldn't be. "When you say bastard, you mean…?"

"I mean not you, Chuck. Not sensitive or caring or sweet. Be everything you're not. Be Carmichael."

Jeez, he was right. It was like back at the frat with. At least he didn't call it negging, but if that's what it took then so be it. With how he was feeling he could definitely be a bastard. "Hey Missy!"

"Don't call her Missy." Hey, be glad I didn't call her bitch or worse.

"Yes, Mr. Carmichael," she said without stopping, her guards on either side of her as she strutted toward the elevator.

"I just want to tell you, you're a fool."

"Excuse me?"

"No, I don't think I will. See you're heading up to your room right now to get ready for bed. Floss, creams, maybe watch a little TV. And then just because you drift off to sleep you're going to have one final, terrifying thought."

"Really? What's that?"

"That you passed up an evening with the greatest lover you'll ever know."

She turned to him in front of the elevator door. "And who might that be?"

"Oh, you're looking at him, sister." Bastard, he reminded himself, not sassy. Cocky bastard. "A man trained in the art of seduction. A man who has traveled the world, sampling women of every different culture and creed. So I will offer one final time before boarding my jet and heading off to an undisclosed rendezvous, of which I am already late. Can I buy you a club soda?"

Her face scrunched as she shook her head slightly. "No thank you."

"Okay, I just thought I'd ask. Have a good night," he said turning to the hotel entrance opposite the elevator.

"But you can take me up to my room and make mad, passionate sex to me."

The elevator dinged as he went wide eyed and heard Roan in his ear. "I've still got it."

After turning to her with a coy look he followed her into the elevator, where she his coat, pulling him into a kiss. Of course as she tried to devour his lips he saw Casey and a gaping Sarah just before the doors closed and the elevator rose.

While he'd always been self conscious about PDA, he'd enjoyed an elevator kiss or two in his time, but found it hard to enjoy when his partner was likely to kill him if her lips went anywhere south of his neck. He tried to play it cool once they separated and she led him to her room, leaving him to make himself a drink while she went to change.

After flashing on her knife and telling the guards outside the door that if the hotel room was knocking they were having sex, he pleaded for them to come save him. Of course roan somehow turned it into a story of his conquests of some Thai princess, but eventually he told him to go out to the balcony. There he looked over the rail and saw only a large drop to a pool surrounded by lots of concrete.

"Okay, now what?"

"I want you to take a bed sheet, tie it around your waist, climb up on the railing and leap off the ledge."

Chuck saw quite a few things wrong with that plan. The sheet wouldn't be long enough to change the impact significantly. With his luck he'd end up dangling as she pulled him up and slit his throat. But through it all, the thing that made his stomach twist as he said it through grit teeth, "I'm not a real spy. I don't leap."

"There you are," Banacheck said sauntering toward him in a leopard print negligee. He was but a man, and while she may have been primed to kill him, her breast were innocent and he couldn't help noticing them. Or the circular thing hanging from a gold chain right between them. A thing that pulled at information buried deep in his mind, and he flashed on the Cipher. Just as he came out of it she asked, "It's a little chilly out there, hmm?"

"No, not at all," he offered, trying to think of how he'd get it off her. The Cipher at least. Not the negligee. Not that he'd complain, but still. "It's quite pleasant tonight."

After waving a finger for her to join him which he was reluctant to do, she moved closer. "Come on," she said reaching down to unbuckle his belt. "Why so shy, hmm?"

"Well, um, well, cause we just kind of met, and uh-" She removed his belt and slung it around his neck, and he rapidly said, "I'm in this weird place with someone right now."

She stepped against him and started whispering in his ear. "I'm going to do things to you you never, never ever dreamed possible."

While he felt her hand going up his back, he let his go up hers. "Well, I have a very vivid imagination."

"Hello, Roan," she said just as he undid the back of her necklace. "You shouldn't have a sent a boy to do a man's job."

"Get out of there!" Roan yelled in his ear as Chuck pocketed the Cipher, "Now!"

Backing away from her he held his hands up. "No-no, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait. Why would you…" He saw the knife in the hand that had been going up his back and swiftly pulled the balcony doors closed. "Oh god that's a huge knife!" Pulling the belt off his neck he started tying it through the handles as he pleaded, "Look you don't want to do this. I'm a young guy."

"Don't beg for your life, Mr. Carmichael. You have nothing to offer."

"Well," he said pulling the Cipher from his pocket and holding it up to her, "I have this."

She gasped as he turned asking, "Roan, how did Thailand work again?" He'd climbed onto the railing, one hand on the balcony above. "Roan?" Chuck looked into the room and saw Banacheck opening a drawer. "Roan!" He watched her slide it back to chamber a round and groaned, pulling the Cipher from his mouth.

He was on his own on a balcony with a gun being turned on him, so he jumped. Flailing his arms as he watched the ground grow larger, Chuck realized he wasn't going to make the pool. It was further than he'd thought or he was just too weak to make the leap. He imagined it was probably the later.

For a moment he started to consider all the things he would as he fell to his death, but then he realized his trajectory was leading him to a poolside mattress where a couple were laying. "Sorry folks!" He yelled a split second before he hit the mattress, bouncing between the yelping couple before climbing off the bed. "Enjoy your night!"

Chuck fled the poolside area, making his way around the hotel, back toward the van. Running down the back path he felt a hint of petty pride. He leapt, just like a real agent would. "Sarah, please tell me somebody saw that! Leaped from the balcony, lands with a flourish. And the Russian judge gives it a nine-point-four. Oh, and by the way I have a little thing called the Cipher if anyone's interested."

"Yes, Mr. Carmichael," Banacheck said over the radio, "I'm very interested." He came to a stop before she continued, "If you ever want to see your fellow agents alive again, meet me tomorrow with the Cipher. Sixth and Alameda, Ten PM. Come alone."

"Roan?" he said suddenly realizing the van wasn't there. "Roan?"

He stood there for five seconds. In that time he was angry at Banacheck, worried for his team, and pissed at Roan. He was a CIA legend? The guy who ran away with their van? No wonder Fulcrum was turning agents. Their legends were cowards who are about as useful as a microwaved dildo. Why the hell would anyone want to be associated with the CIA if this was who taught them what to be?

Sarah said he'd never be an agent, but it seemed she was the only decent one. So it wouldn't be agents who saved them. It would be Chuck Bartowski… And The Piranha.

AN:

Though mostly canon stuff the context shift with stuff like this is fun to write. Also in case people haven't noticed, I suck at chapter titles, especially since trying to use episode title pieces in chapter titles. I think the only one I liked was Hollow VICtory from Crown Vic, but hopefully they're not too bad.

Also Chuck in button ups with rolled sleeves seemed to be his going out shirt, so I've been putting him in those instead of tees as a way of him possibly subconsciously trying to dress to impress.