Dreamt

Chapter 8

AN: For those who read the original version: there is one additional (longish) scene in this chapter.

She got the hang of it. Of how it was happening between them. She learned to read him, it wasn't difficult. At first, he would run a finger along her back or down her leg to make her realize his intentions. Soon, she could tell by the way he would approach or even look at her, she could read it from a smile. She learned to follow up with her own excitement, to keep up with his pace.

That happened often, casually even, whenever he felt like it. She would then just take off necessary pieces of clothing and bend or lean against whatever was handy. But this indiscriminate way didn't bother her at all. She felt flattered by it, she felt desired so strongly...

When he first time came to her room at night, he scared her a lot. She woke up to a presence when she didn't expect any. He was standing at the door, apparently waiting until she woke up. Even when she recognized him, her body reacted on its own and a rush of concentrated adrenaline hit her veins. Sakura felt cold sweat forming along her spine.

"It's only me," he said quietly.

"I know," she managed and forced an inhale. "How long? How long were you standing there?"

"Quite some time. You look rather interesting when you sleep."

Sakura self-consciously adjusted her robe. "Interesting? You came to stare?!" Being startled and woken up from deep sleep wasn't a pleasant combination and Sakura was less than happy.

"I came because I was sure you will be still awake. With such a moon…" Madara nodded in the direction of the courtyard.

Fighting through the black spots in front of her eyes, Sakura scrambled on all fours and reached the sliding door leading to the yard. The light that flooded the room was indeed as bright as that of the sun. Only that the colour was different.

"May I come in?"

"Out of the sudden you need permissions?" Sakura questioned but there was no bite in her voice any longer.

"Of course I do. These are your quarters."

Sakura narrowed her eyes, processing. Sometimes Madara followed those weird customs that he took for granted and she didn't even know the existence of. She shook her head half amused, half perplexed, and pulled her duvet more to the side signalizing the agreement.

Madara knelt down. He stretched his hand to her neck and put two fingers on her pulse point. She knew he didn't have to check it like this, but she figured out that it was probably his way of initiating contact so she smiled and leaned into his hand.

"Better already?"

"Mhm.." she murmured the confirmation even if her heart rate was still far from normal.

With his other hand, Madara pulled at the knot of her belt and her sleeping robe fell open. Sakura moved her shoulders to let it slide down.

He pushed her onto her back, but then, against her expectation, didn't lie down, but stayed above her. He ran fingers along and across her body, touching and touching until Sakura's pulse sped up again, this time out of anticipation. His mouth soon joined his hands and she could only bend and writhe.

Even though coupling was nothing new to her at this point, she felt exposed on different level, because this time his attention seemed to be so focused on her. This time it wasn't about his hunger, but about his curiosity. If it were anyone else, Sakura would come to a conclusion that it was about her pleasure as well, but she quickly shoved that thought out of his head. Then, his tongue dipped in her bellybutton and she promptly forgot her whole train of thoughts.

And then, to her utter surprise, he went even lower and started kissing her between her legs. Or, 'kissing' wasn't really the best description to what was happening down there, but Sakura couldn't think about it anymore because that what he was doing was making her nearly sob. She dug her heels into the mattress to arch more towards him as pure, concentrated pleasure washed over her.

When afterwards she was lying boneless trying to catch her breath, Madara leaned back to sit on his heels and watched her. It made Sakura embarrassed as never before in her life. She was about to curl up in an attempt to escape his gaze when he started undoing his pants. That sobered her and she sprung up.

"Wait! Let me…"

And without waiting for an agreement she tugged at the hem of his shirt. He cooperated well enough when she pulled the shirt over his head. They ended up nose to nose, Sakura kneeling in front of him. Moonlight was over half of his face, his features sharpened by the shadows. He looked all black and white. Or rather black and this almost bluish shade of brightness that was emanating from the moon.

She extended her hand towards him. The shadow cast by her fingers was long and it seemed to Sakura as if a monstrous black hand was reaching towards Madara's heart, ready to pierce it. It scared her so she quickly splashed her palm against his chest.

It occurred to her it was the first time she was touching his skin, not by healing, not by holding to him – just touching only for purpose of feeling him under her fingertips. She traced along the muscles, felt hardness where his collarbones were. She glanced up – he didn't look irritated. It seemed that he was intending to indulge her, even if it probably wasn't exactly his idea of drawing pleasure from her. She would never even think about kissing him anywhere near his face, but she was hovering so close that a kiss on the neck required almost no additional movement. It could almost have been accidental. And then she dared another quick peck somewhere on his chest. She needed to hurry before he lost his patience and tackled her. With somewhat shaky hands, she reached to his already open trousers and lowered her head.

"You don't have to do it."

Sakura stopped. And then a small smile found way to her lips 'You just cannot admit that you want something from me, can you? Something that is not for taking. Just as you cannot manage to say 'I'm sorry' and 'thank you'…' She hoped he didn't notice the smile. Especially when it turned a bit sad. Because all of a sudden she felt sorry for him.

"What if I want to?" she said finally and braced herself. She carefully put her mouth around him and tried her best.

'That's somehow even more intimate than kissing, isn't it? That's pleasure given directly and on purpose. That is exactly what making love is…'

It was difficult to do all those loving things while not feeling love. Or rather, it wasn't difficult at all, because of what doing those things was making her feel...

He would move only ever so slightly under her hands, even as she felt all his muscles taut. Whenever she slid her eyes open she would see Madara's hands clenched into fists, gripping at the bedcovers in a gesture she would in any other circumstances interpret as aggressive. But she supposed it wasn't aggression, but an attempt on maintaining restraint.

At some point, exactly when she was starting to feel his movements become a bit more noticeable, suddenly a hand grasped her hair, so violently that it hurt and he pulled her head away.

"That's enough," he said, easing the grip but not letting go of her hair.

"Why?! Did I do something wrong?"

"No. But I don't want to scare you again." And before Sakura could process, he shoved her onto her back.

It went fairly quickly from there on but this time, Sakura was doing something more than just gripping his arms for purchase. She ran her hands along his back; under her palms she could feel muscles constricting, his spine bending to the rhythm of his thrusts. She put her hands on his behind and it seemed to her that her pushes were making him go deeper.

Finally, he grew restless, grabbed her legs and moved them so that her knees went up to her chest. He got into her with such an angle that all she could do was to thrash in his grip and chant out her screams as she managed to finish a moment before he did.

She was so sorry when he left soon afterwards.

He would leave each time until she once decided to ask him directly.

"Could you stay longer?"

"Don't you want to sleep?"

"I want to. But you won't disturb me... You can sleep here. If you want, that is…"

"I can stay a bit, but I don't think I could sleep with you around."

"Why?" Sakura got an indecent idea and it showed up in her voice.

"I don't mean you in particular. Just with another person so close."

But in the end he stayed, and left sometime later when she was already asleep. Afterwards he would always stay whenever she asked, but she had to voice it specifically. She had the impression it had something to do with this being women's quarters, the space that belonged to her. And he sometimes actually slept fast all night; apparently her closeness was not having that much of an impact.

The passage of time was a tricky thing in the dream. Days were all similar and there was nothing to orientate oneself about. And waking events, as rare as they became, were confusing it even further.

That's why Sakura wasn't sure how much time had passed since they started sleeping with each other. Even more sadly, she couldn't remember when was the last time she had bled. She had a feeling it was already some time ago, but she never thought about keeping track until, well, it was too late. Everyday, she was growing more anxious as the suspicion developed into dreaded certainty. She was trying not to show it to Madara, fearing his reaction as long as she still had a quiver of hope. Until one morning instead of the blood something else came. Cleaning the floor she had retched on, Sakura was confronted with unavoidable.

She slumped on the bed and cried. What would happen now, what would Madara do? Do to her? And she didn't even want to be pregnant! She wanted to escape from this situation, escape out of her own body that suddenly didn't even belong to her anymore.

When she entered the room Madara was browsing through some scrolls. He lifted his head up.

"What's wrong?" She looked like a mess. A very upset mess.

Sakura wrung her hands. Last seconds of Madara being kind to her, of this what they built together. Pity. What a pity. It was the best period of her life even if it wasn't real. She will miss it. She will miss him so much…

"I need to tell you something."

"Yes?"

Sakura took a deep breath.

"I think… I'm pregnant."

"I know." Madara sounded as calm as ever.

"Have you heard me correctly?"

"Aha."

"And you're just going to sit there?!"

"What else do you expect me to do?"

"Get mad?"

"And why would I do that?"

"Because it makes you furious? Because you don't want it? Because you want to reverse it somehow, make it disappear? Make me get rid of it?"

"Where do you get all these ideas from? And am I really so horrible to you?"

"No…" Sakura felt ashamed. She shook her head, trying to collect all the thoughts that just kept running away from her in all possible directions. She managed to catch one. "How come you know it already?"

"I see their chakra every time I activate Sharingan."

"… their?"

"You're carrying twins."

Sakura dropped on the floor where she was standing, as she suddenly ran out of air to breath. She rubbed her forehead, thought-hunting again. "How long have you known already?"

"I don't remember exactly, a few days…"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I thought you needed to come to terms with it yourself. That you would start a conversation when you felt like talking."

Sakura reached to the memories of last few days. Madara didn't want to spar much recently and when they did he went easy on her. And also with sex, now when she thought about it, he was more… careful? As if he was avoiding any possibilities of hurting her.

"So, you are not angry at me?"

Madara, who was until now keeping perfectly stoic expression, looked at her as if she went crazy.

"At you? Why would I? If anything I could only be angry with myself. But I am not angry at all..." This was strange, he actually sounded pleased. Sakura would have never expected that.

"I thought you never wanted to have children? Because of your worldview and all…"

"It's a dream, here there are no wars. I can hang my worldview on a hook. I don't mind children being born here. It's a good place." He paused. "And you will be great mother."

A mother? She was seventeen – she didn't want to have children now. She wanted to have them at the right time with the right man. But that was there. Here she was living like a century ago, when children were just appearing without anyone's conscious choice. And also to the girls her age. And as for the right man – this one here was coming pretty damn close. Especially now, when… Sakura shook her head. "You speak as if you were happy about it…"

"Actually, now that it had already happened – I am. Though I have to admit, it surprises me that I am. And you, aren't you happy? I thought women always are…"

Sakura looked inside her heart. 'I guess I can be… If he accepts them so readily how could I not? In the end at least from my side, these children… are made from… love…? It is love that I feel for him. Even if it is not at all like that for him.'

They would spar very little now. Sakura felt completely fit but most of the time, Madara just plain refused. She ended up building a training parkour to have at least a bit of exercise.

But they found a new occupation – Madara was training her in genjutsu. She knew for a long time already that she had some inborn affinity, but never found time to work on it before. And Madara was far more of an expert than anyone in Konoha. Sakura decided to go in the direction of reality-bending jutsu rather that the full-immersion style of the Uchiha's techniques. Her goal was to put the opponent under a genjutsu so that he wouldn't notice it for a very long time.

Since it was getting colder they spent more time indoors. And happened to land in his bed more often than not. But he would always at some point politely suggest that she should go to sleep. This meant she should go to her part of the house.

When he did it for the first time, it felt really awful. She had to fight hard to offer him a light smile and cheerful 'goodnight'. She knew that clinging and making a scene would be very destructive. He just had a completely different idea about what a relation between a man and a woman consisted of. There would be no gestures, no declarations. She knew that it was not because he didn't feel anything to her. Sakura was absolutely convinced that he felt a lot: genuine liking, desire, trust, sense of ownership… All these but not necessary love. She suspected he wasn't even capable of what she would call love. It didn't bother her too much though – she would just need to have enough of love to provide for them both.

But she should never tell him this. Saying it out loud would evoke a response. A response she didn't want to hear. She won't let him hear it, nor would she get these words from him. But she would be getting so much more from him nevertheless.

"I don't know how will I manage... The birth, all by myself... I have no idea about it!" And these were twins on top of it all. There could be complications.

"I will be there as well, you know?"

"Where? Want to play a midwife or what?!"

"Of course. Who else?"

"You cannot. You're a man. There will be blood and stuff and..." Sakura saw a birth only once and it was a messy affair. And as her belly filled up, she already felt unattractive enough sometimes. He could not see it. It would only make it worse.

"Now you are just hysterical. Do you honestly think that I cannot stand the sight of blood?"

"No..." Sakura dropped her head. She felt tears welling up. "It's just that... I'm afraid."

Madara reached to her. "Come over here." He dragged her on his lap. "You are going to be alright. It is most natural thing in the world. You will just know what to do when it comes to it." He nudged her neck with his nose, rocking her a bit.

It didn't take long though until his fingers found their way to the knot of her obi.

"Hmm, if you are already sitting like this..." He moved her so that she straddled him. Sakura's robe was already sliding down her waist. Madara laid down.

"It's embarrassing…"

"There's no one here, except of me. And I want to look..."

What was this awful feeling in her belly? This sucking void, as if some part of her went missing? Sakura sat up on the bed, ripped the blanket away, raised her shirt up. And sucked in her breath.

They were gone. She was empty.

Of course she was. This was reality, a tent in a makeshift emergency medical point right next to the battlefield.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" Ino woke up on the bed next to her.

'I was six months pregnant just a moment ago. And now I'm not. It feels like a miscarriage both for my body and for my mind… Only that I can never tell you this…' It felt like a cold knife twisting in her abdomen.

"I think I'm getting my blood just now. I need to go to the bathroom."

'And puke.' Sakura stood up. She must have had a really pained expression on her face as Ino spared her a second glance.

"Does it hurt so much?"

Sakura rubbed her forehead. They had been inside her, a heavy burden already; she could feel them move… Now they were gone…

"No. It doesn't hurt all..."

"Then what's wrong?"

When she found no answer, Ino came and stroked down her arm, brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek.

"It will be over soon. Very soon. They will kill that bastard and we will all go home."

It was good that Ino was hugging her now so she couldn't see her face.

'He will get killed and I will GO HOME?! Is this how it is supposed to end? Is this supposed to be a happy ending?!'

"I need to go to this bathroom."

'I need to go home. See him again, make love to him again. Give birth to our children. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. I want to go home.'

"Be careful." In darkness, Sakura whispered into the crook of his neck. She was so close that she couldn't tell anymore where she ended and where he began.

"What do you mean?" So he wasn't asleep yet.

"Just be careful. Out there."

There was a long pause until he spoke what was not really an answer. "This is a very odd thing for you to say."

"I know."

AN: Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think about this chapter!