Chapter Six
The house was surprisingly warm and homey, which was odd considering what was going on outside in the real world. All of the houses in this small community were welcoming and furnished like nothing ever happened to cause the world to go into decay. There was a bottle of champagne on the table and beer had been passed around earlier as people filed in from their jobs outside.
Alexandria wasn't like Sanctuary at all, in the several weeks I had been here I had noticed how genuinely nice this place was. People had gardens, they had meetings every couple days not for the sake of rallying the troops but to check in on everyone and make sure they were healthy and in order. I was waiting for the day Deanna started serving out sentences but it never came, the older woman was calm and collected and thought out her words before she spoke very carefully.
I was away from everyone, standing closest to the kitchen with a sweating water bottle in my hand as everyone listened to Glenn's report about one of the towns having some supplies they could still go out and search through. Everyone listened, spoke up their worries and concerns about the Walkers that hadn't been cleared out from there yet. Rick voiced that they wouldn't be a problem, that his group would take care of it quickly and be back with everyone in one piece. I watched Deanna nod and begin speaking about why she had really wanted us to gather tonight.
"Even with supplies in the next town, we need to make more frequent runs, I was thinking twice weekly to ensure that we don't run out of things that we truly need; medical supplies and hygiene products for those of us who still need them." she looked over everyone crowded in her tiny living room, "So I'm going to have to ask that more people volunteer, not just Rick's group."
Deanna's eyes swept over everyone and then landed on me, still silent and cradling an unopened bottle of water.
"And that includes everyone, thinking about volunteering."
"We can head out tomorrow, around noon and be back around three. Gives us enough time for three cars to branch out and then head back with what they grab." Rick crossed his arms, "Just let one of us know who want to ride along tomorrow."
Everyone nodded and got up, meeting finished and began to file out the house. I moved to exit but Deanna caught my arm before I could escape. For an older woman, she was kind of scary. She pulled me back, away from the thinning crowd and closer to where Rick's group was talking.
"I think you should go. I think it's safe to say you're all healed up." She pushed me towards Rick gently and I pulled back, out of her grasp and away from her, "No use helping Carol or the infirmary anymore, you can get out there and do what they need you to do."
"I don't think it's a good idea at all for me to go out." I watched her happy smile fade into one of anger. Rick and the others noticed our tense conversation, "I'm better off here."
"And why is that?"
In case Negan finds me, takes me back and kills everyone else around me.
"I don't like it out there anymore...scares me." I tried to turn away from Rick's eyes on me. He was always watching me ever since they released me from their medic, always trying to figure me out. Deanna sighed.
"We don't like alot of things, Melaney but we have to step up-"
"Step up? Like you've set a toe outside these fucking walls." I snapped, "Don't you dare preach to me about sucking it up until you've been out there fighting for your life when you know you're going to die anyways either by the dead or someone else."
I brushed past her, slamming the door behind me and nearly smacking into the people who hadn't left to their houses yet. I walked to the house they put me in swiftly, anger seething through my bones and making me hot and itchy. I ignored the look Carol gave me as she stepped out of her house across the street with Rick's baby curled up in her arms.
I closed the door behind me in my house and retreated to the living room where I had set up the couch as my bed. Angrily, I toed my shoes off and crawled into my covers, glaring at the lamp closest to the window and just staring at my distorted reflection.
I never wanted to go outside of any walls again,never wanted to use any more weapons on anyone. Father Gabriel didn't believe in killing and I agree with him now; I either only managed to kill them or they managed to survive and come back pissed with a vengeance. I looked at my holster that was hanging on one of the chairs, my knives and machetes and single pistol hung limply. Rick had given me my weapons back a little bit after I was released from the infirmary and made an official resident but I hadn't touched them since he dropped them off. I didn't want to touch them again unless I was going to kill Negan.
"Well you're a seething ball of anger."
I looked up as Carol entered the room with Carl and baby Judith in tow, carrying some food. I sat up as Carol put the food in the fridge and waited for the lecture to begin.
"Heard you caused quite a stir in there, telling Deanna off and storming out." Carol came back and sat on the couch, moving empty bottles of water out of the way and Carl cradled Judith looking out the curtains, "She deserved it though, bit of a bitch in my book."
"She wants me to go out there. Help gather supplies." I watched Carl began to rock Judith to sleep, "I can't."
"You can't or you won't?" Carol gave me a look, "Staying locked up under your own lock and key isn't going to help you overcome what he did to you."
I told Carol about Negan, told her about what he did to me and what he couldn't do but hinted every day. She knew about Michael and Leo and Amber and my fucked up thoughts while I was Negan's girl in Sanctuary. She kept quiet about it, sharing her own story about her husband and her daughter.
"None of us have the same story, Melaney. But running from someone never heals the scars we can't physically see." Carol rubbed my shoulder and I put my head in my hands.
"My dad said you could drive, that way you wouldn't have to actually be outside." Carl spoke up.
"No offense Carl, but I don't need special treatment from anyone here. Especially your dad." I eyed the young teen before kicking the table softly in the silence, "I just want to be left alone."
"Well that's not going to happen when you're withing earshot of our group." Carol laughed just as we heard my door open again only for the Devil himself to come in.
"Looking for Judith and Carl." Rick nodded to us, and Carl handed over his baby sister carefully. Rick patted the sheriff's hat on Carl's head before the teen left with Carol following behind.
"So how long were you standing outside my door before you came in, Sheriff?" I asked, getting up and shrugging out of my sweater. Rick shrugged.
"You doin' alright? Deanna can be a handful sometimes." he ignored the question as he sat himself on the arm of my couch.
"Yeah, Rick. I'm good." I shook my head and went to grab another bottle of water for him before moving more of the blankets off the couch for him.
"Sit down."
"What?"
"Sit down Melaney." he waited for me to sit before putting on one of his stern faces, "We never finished talking about you when you were let out."
"I know." I watched Judith try and grab Rick's collar. He caught me staring and smiled before scooting off the arm of the couch and closer to me.
"You wanna hold her?"
"No."
"She's a good baby." Rick continued, getting up and softly placing Judith's heavy little body in my arms.
I couldn't look away, torn between wanting to cry for him to take her back away from me and staring into her bright eyes as she studied me. The smell of baby overpowered me for a minute, something I hadn't smelt in such a long time.
"Rick I don't want to drop her."
"You're doing good. Just hold her with your arm tucked like this," Rick moved my arms accordingly and stayed close as Judith saw him and gave a sleepy smile, "Now I can ask you questions and know you're not going anywhere."
"...Smooth move, Sheriff."
"How old are you? None of us can figure it out."
"Depends on what year it is. I feel like I'm twenty five but I don't know the month anymore, I could be twenty seven by now." I answered, watching Judith's eyes flutter close then open again, fighting off sleep.
"Carol mentioned you were running from someone."
I looked up at Rick at that, not expecting him to be so close but I turned back to Judith before I could tell what color his eyes were.
"Yeah, I am...but I don't want to talk about him, Sheriff."
"Well you don't have much of a choice. Especially when you're in here with my people, people I care about and consider family. People I've killed for, took hits for. I have to make sure that whoever you're running from can be dealt with."
"You can't kill him, you can try but you won't be able to."
"If he hurts my people, I can." Rick pressed and I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"No you can't. And I'm not your people Rick so don't worry about it. If he finds me then he's going to grab me, maybe put up a fight with you but he'll mainly be interested in getting me back."
"Well you're not with his group, not with his people. I notice you help Father Gabriel and Carol alot, you keep an eye on Judith when she's being watched by people here. You keep an eye on everyone here, just like I do with my family."
"I haven't seen a baby in a couple years, I haven't seen people act as one like you guys do is all." I felt myself begin to break out in a cold sweat as Rick shifted next to me.
"I've lost people, good people to others who think they can take what they want by force. I don't intend on losing more good people because you're afraid to go out there."
"...You guys aren't a match for them. He'll kill you if you lay a hand on anything he owns."
"But you made it out."
"With help. If it weren't for them I'd be dead in a cell right now."
"Jail cell?" Rick gave me a look, "They locked you in a cell."
"I made him mad, over a course of serious events and he decided to teach me a lesson." I watched Judith sleep and almost felt the ghost of Negan's fists on my face, "Locked me up for everything."
"...and he was your boyfriend?"
"Ha. No he wasn't, not to me anyways." I shook my head and Rick fell silent, "She's asleep."
"She trusts you." Rick whispered, I looked up for a moment and noticed a scar on his face before he gently took Judith away and stood up with her cradled carefully to his chest, "We need a driver tomorrow, someone to ride with Daryl."
"You should ask someone else Rick. I don't want to face my demons again."
Rick just gave me a once over before saying goodnight and walking out the door, closing it softly. With everyone out of my house, it suddenly felt empty and too quiet. I felt cold, missing the warmth from Judith's body on mine. I got up, throwing a blanket over my holster and walked to the kitchen again, taking out some of Carol's food and staring out the open kitchen window.
I watched the crumbs drop into the sink and looked up to see Daryl walking to where his place was, squirrels hanging from around his waist. He nodded to me as he passed under a light and disappeared into the nighttime. I closed the windows, feeling sick to my stomach and caught my reflection in the window.
I couldn't see any of the bruises Negan had beaten into me, I could barely see the scar above my eyebrow where Lucille had clipped me. The rest of my scars were hidden underneath my clothing or by minimal makeup...there was nothing. Not a trace of him but the memories that sparked in my head every minute. He wasn't here, wouldn't come up behind me and whisper in my ear. Wouldn't wake me up just to make sure I'd never leave him. He was gone.
I closed the blinds and went back to my couch, clicking the light off and sending the room into darkness.
Rick let out a frustrated sigh as the car refused to start up. Daryl was at the hood, trying to jump start the hunk of crap but had no more luck than he was getting behind the wheel.
"Try it one more time." Daryl closed the hood and walked to the passenger side, climbing in and watching Rick calm himself before turning the key again but nothing happened. Daryl leaned back, "Slower, man."
The car roared to life and Daryl slapped the console and Rick grinned, getting out to see the other's sarcastic claps, Daryl retrieved his crossbow from atop the car before getting his attention and jerking his head to where they saw Melaney walking down the road to them, strapped to the nines with her weapons. Michonne walked up to Rick from behind and handed him one of Glenn's maps.
"Looks like the talk did her good." She put her hands on her hips as Glenn walked up to Melaney with a smile, noticing how she seemed skittish as he handed her a map as well, "She's gonna be a project to work on."
"She'll do fine." Daryl cut in and Michonne and Rick rolled their eyes at the wild man's obvious crush.
Rick had asked him about his interest in the young girl. He had just replied she was nice 'cause she didn't talk that much.
"You'll be riding with Daryl." Rick greeted her and she nodded, smiling politely to Daryl who called the others to line up to head out, "We'll be breaking off in separate packs at the fork."
"Glenn gave me a map." she was shaking a little bit, Rick ignored it, "Good. There's walkies in the car, check in every thirty minutes. We've got three hours before we meet back here."
He departed from her, catching Daryl saying something to her and making her laugh softly before he jumped in Abraham's van with Maggie. They all pulled out and eventually went their separate ways at the fork in the road. Abraham leaned forward as Rick watched their car disappear from view.
"You sure we can trust her?"
"Carol trusts her." Maggie cut in, "Carl's been watching her and Daryl doesn't seem to mind her."
"Well, we'll see how she does after today." Rick agreed as he loaded his gun, remembering the conversation he had with her when they brought her back.
"I don't know how many people's death I'm responsible for, Sheriff. But I'm sure it's more than what you've estimated." Melaney whispered from her spot on the infirmary gurney.
But like Daryl had commented the other day, she was damaged and whoever she was running from, would never leave her alone.