Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

The Marauders Year 1

Chapter 11: Brothers

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.- Mark Twain

After his father's funeral, Remus locked himself up in his room. He never came out except to go to the bathroom. His mother brought all his meals to his room. She would leave the meals outside his room. Remus only took one of the meals and he barely ate it. He just nibbled at it. The other two meals he just ignored.

Lena tried talking to him, but Remus ignored everything she said. He just lay on his bed, staying at the ceiling all day. Nothing his mother said made him feel any better. His mother was the responsibility parent. She always made sure he followed the rules and respected everyone.

His father was the fun parent. He always made sure his son had fun and let him play pranks when he was younger. He said it was good for kids to misbehave and have fun. It's all a part of growing up he use to say. Being bad and causing trouble was part of childhood.

Remus curled up into a ball on his bed and stared absently out his window. The sun was beginning to set. He looked at his nightstand to see all the letters from James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Angel, Bilius, and various other students that he knew at Hogwarts and talked to sometimes. Remus didn't know what they wanted. He ignored all the letters. He considered throwing them in the fireplace, but Remus didn't want to go downstairs so he got rid of that idea.

True to his word, Remus quit Hogwarts. The students were going back tomorrow. Remus absolutely refused to join them. He didn't want to go back. He saw no reason to learn now. He agreed to go for his dad. But now his dad was gone and Remus didn't want to learn anymore. Knowing magic wasn't going to help anyone. He was a werewolf after all. Even if he finished school, he wouldn't get employed anywhere. So, what was the point of going back?

Remus heard a knock downstairs and his mother answering the door. "Hi Aunt Lena." A male voice said.

Remus recognized the voice as his second oldest and favorite cousin, Jason. He was eighteen and just graduated Hogwarts last year. He was training to an Auror. His father was Kaus and he had an older sister, Selene. Jason was beginning to become really fit from his training as an Auror and from when he played Quidditch at Hogwarts as a beater.

Selene was Remus's oldest cousin. She was twenty. She was a mediwitch at St. Mungo's Hospital. When Remus had to go there, she was there to help take care of him. She was very skinny and had a curvaceous body. She had long auburn hair that reached her waist that was tried in a pony tail and blue-grey eyes. On her finger was a diamond ring to show she was engaged.

"Jason, Selene, what are you three doing here?" Lena asked.

"Father told me that Remus declared he was quitting school. I want to talk to him." Jason explained.

"And I'm here to check on his wounds." Selene said, worry in her voice. "I can't believe dark wizards were here."

Lena frowned. "He's in his room. I can't get in since he locked it. He won't let me in."

"Thanks Aunt Lena." Selene replied.

The two siblings climbed the stairs and stopped in front of Remus's room. Jason knocked on the door. "Remus, can you open the door?"

"Go away." Remus replied in a monotone.

"We're not going anywhere, Remus. Open the door." Jason said.

Remus pulled his blanket over his body.

Jason sighed and pulled his wand out after a few minutes. "Alohomora." He tapped the door with his wand.

The door unlocked and the two siblings entered the room. Selene walked over to the bed and pulled the blanket off of Remus. "I need to check your wounds, Rems."

Selene pulled Remus up by his arm and took his shirt off. She examined his wounds on his chest, neck, and arms. "Your wounds seem fine. Do you hurt anywhere?"

"No." Remus replied.

Selene frowned. "Rems?"

Remus sighed. "My chest still hurts, but it's not a lot. It's not a big deal."

Selene pushed softly on Remus's chest, making him whimper. "If that hurts, then it not a little pain." She pulled a vial out of the bag she brought with her and handed it to Remus. "Drink this. It will take the pain away."

Remus drank the potion and handed the vial back. He pulled his shirt back on. "Thanks Selene."

"No problem. I leave you and Jason to talk alone." Selene replied, leaving the room.

Jason sat on the bed next to Remus. "Rems."

"I know why you're here, Jason. Just forget it. I'm not going back to Hogwarts. I don't want to learn anymore." Remus interrupted. "There's no point in learning anymore."

Jason grabbed Remus's shoulder and stared him in the eye. "Why is there no point anymore?"

"I went to Hogwarts for my dad. Even if I do graduate, I won't go anyway in life. Why should I bother anymore?" Remus said.

"Your dad would want you to continue your education. He wouldn't want you to quit school just because he died. He died so you could continue living. He doesn't want you to mope around your room for the rest of your life. Auva would want you to go back to school. Go back to your friends." Jason said. He looked at Remus's nightstand. "You have a lot of people who are concerned about you. They all want you to go back to Hogwarts."

Remus looked at the letters. "How would you know?"

Jason grabbed one of the letters. "Did you look at any of these letters?"

"I don't want to." Remus replied.

Jason sighed and put the letter back down. "Rems think about this. Uncle Auva died to save you because he loved you and wants you to continue living. If you're going to stay in your room and wallow in self-pity and quit Hogwarts, then his sacrifice was pointless. Do you want his sacrifice to be in vain? If so, stay here. If not, go back to Hogwarts. Go back to your friends."

Remus stared at Jason sadly. "I don't know if any of them are true friends."

"Go back to Hogwarts, Rems. See your friends. I bet anything that they are true friends. They won't abandon you for anything." Remus opened his mouth to retort, but Jason continued before he could. "They won't abandon you for anything I bet. The way you talk about them makes me believe that. Go back. They'll be waiting for you."

Remus hugged Jason tightly before lying back in bed and pulling the blanket over himself.

Jason smiled and left the room. "Think about it, Rems."

James sat on his bed, staring out the window. "Why hasn't he replied?"

"Who knows?" Sirius replied, solemnly.

"I hope he's okay." Peter said.

"I'm sure he's fine. We'll see him tomorrow when he comes back." James replied.

Sirius frowned. "If he comes back."

James's eyes snapped towards Sirius. "Why wouldn't he come back?"

Sirius shrugged. "I was just saying."

Remus looked at the letters on his nightstand. The train back to Hogwarts was leaving in an hour. What his cousin said was true. His father saved him so he could continue living. He grabbed one of the letters off the nightstand and opened it.

Dear Remus,

I am sorry to hear about your father. It was tragic to hear about his death. My mother is an Auror and informed that you're blaming yourself for his death. Please don't blame yourself, Remus. Your father wouldn't want you to. He would want you to honor his death by moving on in your life, not moping about. My father died protecting me too, Remus. I know from experience that this is true. It's alright to be sad and upset that he died, but he doesn't want you to be upset forever. My mother told me you were injured. I hope that you are alright. I hope to see you back at Hogwarts.

Love Angel.

Remus had tears fall out of his eyes and onto the paper. His hand clenched into a fist as he put the letter down. He grabbed the next letter.

Dear Remy,

I read about what happened in the paper. I'm sorry to hear that your father died. From what you told me about him, he sounded like a great person. I hope you're okay. The paper said you were sent to St. Mungo's for injuries from a dark wizard. Please come back to Hogwarts. I know that you will be upset over your father's death and want to give up on everything. You know my parents aren't the greatest and I want to give up because of them. Then I came to Hogwarts and made three great friends. If it wasn't for my friends, I would have given up. Being a Black and being in Gryffindor is hard with my parents. But friends help me through it. And friends will help you through this, Remy. I'll see you at Hogwarts. And if I don't see you come back, I'm going to hunt you down and forcibly drag you back here. Come of your own free will. Save us both the trouble.

Yours dearest,

Sirius

Remus put the letter down and smiled. Sirius was a great friend to him and helped him whenever he needed it. His friends were always there for him. Remus grabbed the other letters and read them to. All of them said they were sorry about his father's death and that they hoped to see him back at Hogwarts.

Remus,

I'm really sorry to hear about your father. From what you told me about him, I know he was a great man and a great father to you. It wasn't fair what happened. You deserve a better life then you have. Please don't let his death change you. He wouldn't want that. Your father would want you to continue with your life like before. I hope you are okay, Remus.

Lots of Loves from Lily

A knock at his bedroom door brought Remus out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Jason enter his room. He stayed the night incase Remus decided to go back to Hogwarts.

"Going back?" Jason asked.

Remus looked at his pile of letters, then at his cousin. He slowly nodded his head.

Jason smiled. "Good." He looked around the room and saw Remus's stuff spread all around the room. "We need to pack and leave. The train leaves in twenty minutes. So we don't have time to pack by hand." He pulled his wand out and used magic to put everything in Remus's trunk.

Remus got out of bed and moved to his dresser to get dressed. It took him five minutes to get dressed.

"Rems, less then fifteen minutes." Jason said.

"How are we getting to the train station?" Remus asked, trying to be happy. He wasn't doing that well. He was still upset and anyone could tell by looking at him. His eyes still looked empty and lost. His skin was really pale and he lost a lot of weight in the past week and a half from eating very little. His clothes were starting to hang off his body because of this.

"I'm going to apparate us to a near it, probably into an alley. I told your mom already. Grab hold." Jason said.

Remus nodded his head and grabbed Jason's arm. A second later the two boys and Remus's trunk disappeared.

They reappeared in an alley a second later. Jason grabbed the handle of Remus's trunk and started pulling it out of the alley. Remus let go of Jason's arm and stumbled after him, being weak from so little food and a little dizzy.

After a five minute walked, the two boys made it to King's Cross Station. Not pausing for a minute, they entered the station and made their way to Platform 9 ¾. When they reached it, it was five minutes to eleven. Remus went through the barrier after Jason.

Jason helped Remus load his trunk onto the train. "Bye Rems."

Remus turned to face his cousin. "Thanks Jason." He hugged him quickly. "Bye."

Remus jumped onto the train as it started moving. He waved to his cousin before moving down the train, looking for an empty compartment. He wanted a little more time to himself. Remus had to walk all the way to the end of the train to find an empty compartment.

The young werewolf took this time to take a nap.

A few hours later, Remus's compartment door opened and a pretty fifth year prefect entered. Two boys peek their heads in the compartment behind her. "Angel, he's sleeping. We should leave him alone. He's probably still upset. I'm surprised he's coming back now. He should have waited a few weeks before returning." Shawn said.

Angel kneeled on the ground and looked at Remus. "I'm just worried about him. I mean look at him. He's so thin and pale. It looks like he hasn't been eating well for a while."

"Should we send an owl to James?" Ness asked.

Angel petted Remus's hair and smiled sadly at the sleeping werewolf. "Yeah. I got a letter from James the other day asking me to look for Remus on the train. He's worried. He's been ignoring everyone's letters. Looks like he's been wallowing in self-pity for a while."

Shawn smiled. "I'll go send an owl ahead to tell them that he's coming back and to warn them of his condition." He nodded at Angel and Ness, before leaving the compartment to go write a letter.

Remus rolled over on the seats and opened his eyes to come face to face with Angel. He pushed himself stiffly up into a sitting position. "Hi Angel."

Angel put a comforting hand on Remus's shoulder. "Remus, are you okay?"

Remus smiled falsely cheerful at Angel. "I'm just peachy."

"Please don't lie, Remus." Angel replied, smiling sadly at the young boy. For only being a fifth year, Angel was really mature, smart, generous, and kind. She was mean and tough when she had to be. She had the mother's touch. Some day she would probably make a great mother. Angel took pride in her prefect duties. Not only did she make sure students followed the rules, but she also cared for them and made sure they were okay.

Remus looked out the window, sadly. "What do you expect me to say? I just lost my father."

"I know that and I don't think he would be happy with you right now." Angel replied, looking Remus up and down. "He would be upset to see his son starving himself and wallowing in self-pity the way you are. It's almost like he wasted his life by saving you, since you're slowly killing yourself like this. You need to eat and rest properly."

Remus wrung his hands together. "Sorry."

"Start taking care of yourself." Angel replied. "That's how you can repay your dad for saving you. By living."

Remus nodded his head and looked out the window.

"I see he's awake." Shawn said when he came back to the compartment. "I sent the letter to James. They should be waiting for Remus when we get back to the school."

"What did you say?" Remus asked, worried.

Shawn frowned. "The truth. That you look horrible and that you look like you've been starving yourself."

Remus blushed at that and looked at his feet.

The compartment door opened and a red-head with emerald green eyes came in. She looked at Remus and frowned. "Remus, you dolt. What have you been doing to yourself?"

"The prat has been wallowing in self-pity." Angel explained, standing up. "Can you stay with him, Lily? We're going back to our compartment."

Lily nodded her head and sat next to Remus. When the three fifth years were gone, Lily turned to Remus. "You look starved. Haven't you been eating?"

"Not really." Remus answered.

Lily smacked Remus in the head. "Idiot."

Remus frowned and rubbed his head. "Ow."

Lily hugged Remus after that. "I'm here for you."

Remus hugged her back. "Thank Lils."

An owl flew into the Gryffindor Tower and landed in front of James. James grabbed the letter and opened it. "It's from Shawn." He explained to Peter and Sirius. "He says that Remus is on the train coming back, but he looks really pale and like he's been starving himself."

"THAT IDIOT!" Sirius screamed. "As soon as he gets back, we're going to have a nice long chat."

"After he eats." James added.

Sirius stopped talking and nodded his head. "Yes. After Remy eats, we're going to have a long chat."

James looked at his watch and stood up. "They'll be here soon. Let's go wait for Remus in the Entrance Hall."

The three marauders stood in the Entrance Hall, watching students coming inside. They were talking cheerfully and were smiling. They passed the three first years on their way to their common rooms.

A red-head saw them and dragged the person she was with over to them. "Potter, Black, Pettigrew." She greeted.

"Hello Evans." James replied, looking at the boy with her. He was extremely pale and really skinning. His clothes hung off his slim shoulders. A frowned was planted on Remus's face and his stared sadly and lonely at James. "Remus."

Sirius and Peter were staring at Remus too. They knew he would look bad from losing his father and moaning for him, but they didn't expect it to be this bad.

Lily turned to Remus. "I have to go meet my friends. Your friends will take over for me. I'm really sorry again, Remus." She hugged him once more before leaving.

When Lily was gone, James gently grabbed Remus's wrist and pulled him towards the Gryffindor Tower. James took Remus to their dorm, with Sirius and Peter following, and sat him on his bed. "Remus, rest until dinner time."

Remus didn't complain. He kicked his shoes off and curled into a ball onto his bed.

"He looks so much more vulnerable and weak then he usually does." James whispered, staring at Remus.

"He just needs to eat more. He'll be fine." Sirius replied, though he didn't sound too sure.

"I hope so." James said, taking his eyes off of Remus.

An hour later, James pulled a reluctant Remus off his bed. "It's time for dinner, Remy."

Remus pulled his arm back and hid under his cover. "Go without me." He pleaded.

James's eyes narrowed and he pulled the covers off of Remus. "I spoke to Angel. She told me that she talked to you on the train about this. A lot of people have spoken to you about this, I bet. Why aren't you listening to any of them?"

Remus glared at James. "Leave me alone, James."

James opened his mouth to reply, but Sirius put a hand on his shoulder to him. "We agreed to wait after he ate. He'll be stronger then to handle it." He whispered to James, before speaking louder to Remus. "Remy, up now. You need to eat. You look like one good poke can finish you off."

Without giving him a chance to reply, Sirius pulled the reluctant werewolf out of bed and out of the dorm. James and Peter followed them.

In the Great Hall, Lily came up to them, frowning. "Remus?"

"He didn't want to come to dinner." Sirius explained. He thought she was confused because Sirius had to half-carry Remus down there. Remus was doing a very good job of trying to fight his way away from them.

"Remus, you are an idiot." Lily growled, smacking Remus in the head. She turned a murderous glare to James, Sirius, and Peter. "Make sure he eats a lot. I'll be checking on you after dinner."

James stared after Lily. "Wow. She's hot when she's mad."

Sirius smacked James in the back of the head. "We're eleven. Let's go seat down."

James nodded, still in a daze as he stared after Lily.

Sighing, Sirius dragged both James and Remus down the table to their usual spot. He sat James down and forced Remus to sit next to him. Sirius crawled under the table to get to the other side and sat down next to Peter.

"James, snap out of it." Sirius growled at James, who was staring down the table at Lily.

"Sorry." James replied, shaking his head and turning to Sirius.

Remus stared at the food in front of him.

James sighed and started piling food onto Remus's plate. "Remus, I want you to eat all of this food. You aren't leaving the table until you do." James ordered before turning to his plate and piling food onto it to.

Remus stared at his plate for a few minutes. He looked at James to see him glaring at him. He pointed his fork at Remus's plate. "Eat all of it now."

Remus stared at James with puppy eyes.

"Not going to work on this, Remus." James growled. "You need food."

Remus glared at him and pouted. "Stupid James. Bloody Jason. Bloody food. Stupid gits. Stupid school."

"Stop grumbling, Remus." Sirius said.

"Just eat or I'm going to shove the food down your throat." James threatened.

Remus looked at James nervously to see that he looked completely serious. Nervously, Remus started eating slowly. By the time he finished eating, he and his friends were the last ones in the Great Hall.

"Happy?" Remus asked when he finished.

"Very." James replied, standing up. His friends followed him and they went back to Gryffindor Tower.

When they entered, Lily came over to them. "He ate, Evans." Sirius said, before she could say anything. "We made sure he ate everything we put on his plate. Sorry, we can't stay and talk. We have stuff to do."

Sirius dragged James away from Lily and smacked him in the back of the head.

"What was that about?" Lily questioned.

Remus shrugged. "Don't know."

Lily turned her angry, green eyes to Remus. "I can't believe you were practical starving yourself. Do you want to die?"

Remus stared at his feet nervously. "I don't know what I want."

"Remus, no one wants you to die." Lily said, softly.

Remus frowned and mumbled something that sounded like 'they will when they find out what I am' to himself.

Sirius came back over and dragged Remus away from Lily and up to their dorm. "I swear first James, now you. Evans is taking you all away from me." Sirius grumbled to himself. He locked the dorm door behind them and pushed Remus onto his bed.

"Do you guys want something?" Remus asked, looking from Sirius to James to Peter.

James crossed his arms and raised a brow. "What do you think? You've been wallowing in self-pity. Lots of people have talked to you about your depression and the starving yourself, but you've ignored them all. Now it's our turn."

"Why bother?" Remus asked, staring at the wall to avoid eye contact.

"What?" Sirius asked perplexed and angrily.

Remus turned to glare at Sirius. "Why bother? You don't care. No one cares. The only person who cared was my father and now he's dead. Just leave me alone."

Sirius clenched his fists. "No. One. Cares? Why the hell would you say something like that? We care, you bloody prat! Everyone who spoke to you about this cares! How can you say that we don't care? We're your friends! Do you know what that means?"

Remus frowned. "I-I'm…..n-n-not…sure."

James frowned and sat on the bed next to Remus. "Then let us tell you."

"Friends are like family. They are always there for each other. They never leave one of their friends alone. If their friend is hurt or severely depressed, friends will be there to help him or her. No matter what happens between friends, no matter all our faults, no matter our problems, no matter how many fights we have, no matter the hardships we face, we will always be there for one another." Sirius explained.

James hugged Remus. "Friends are people who care for each other. They love each other like they were a family. We're brothers, Remus. We will always be here for you. Nothing is going to break us apart. We're brothers and we're here for you. We want to help you through this. Let people help you, Remy. Wallowing in self-pity isn't the way to deal with your father's death."

Remus slowly wrapped his arms around James during his speech. "Then how do I deal with it?"

James tightened his hug. "Cry. Let the pain out. We won't make fun of you for it. I understand that it's painful to lose a love one."

"How would you know?" Remus asked.

"My Uncle died a few years ago." James replied. "I went through depression like you. He was my favorite Uncle. We were so close. He was like a brother to me, like you. I don't like seeing my brother like this. It hurts me to see my brother hurting."

Sirius and Peter moved over to the bed and sat down. They joined in the hug. "It hurts all of us, Remy." Sirius whispered.

Remus choked back a sob. His fists clenched the fabric of James's cloak. He buried his face in James's shoulder as tears started to slide down his face. "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost without my father. He's always been there for me when I needed him. Now I need him more than anything, but he's not here. I'm so lost."

"That's what friends are for, Remus. We're here to help you. Stop trying to suffer on your own. Just come to us. We'll help you with whatever you need." Sirius replied. "You can trust us with anything."

Remus reply was muffled by James shirt.

About ten minutes later, Remus cried himself to sleep. James laid Remus on his bed and pulled the blanket over to him.

Sirius stood by him and looked at Remus, sadly. "He didn't know what it meant to be friends."

"What are you trying to say Sirius?" James asked. He turned his sad eyes to Sirius.

"He had very few, no friends, or was betrayed by his friends when he was younger." Sirius answered, looking away from James.

James clenched his hands into fists. "I don't get why though. Why would that happen? He doesn't deserve that."

Sirius frowned. "Who knows? But we aren't bringing it up. It will just upset him more."

James nodded his head. He looked at Remus one more time before going to bed himself.

Sirius stayed where he was. He stayed there looking at Remus for ten more minutes. "We'll never betray or abandon you, Remus. Just trust us, please."

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you, and your best friend will be there.- Unknown
The funny (not really funny, more ironic maybe) thing about this quote, it was in my yearbook. I love this quote so I was so happy to see it in my yearbook!

Please review!

I dedicated a whole chapter to a depressed Remus! I didn't think I would be able to do it.

And with that, I don't think I can take this depression anymore. It's giving me a headache and is too difficult to write about.