Chapter Seven

When the Wolves attacked Alexandria I had never felt so alive.

I had been with Carol in her home, helping her cook when we saw Shelley get her throat sliced open across the street; we watched her fall down clutching herself before bleeding out all over her lawn. A behemoth of a man ran off, knife still bloody before Carol jumped into action. She had ran upstairs, yelling at me to get ready .

By the time I was done hooking up my straps to my machete, Carol was already out the door, her long jacket flapping behind her.

When I took out a Wolf, the blade sliced through his stomach like butter. I had stopped to watch the blood pour out of him, I had watched him bleed and bleed and bleed and I watched him look up at me and stare until the light in his eyes went out. When I stuck the tip through his head and into the ground beneath him, my adrenaline was pumping so hard I could hear nothing around me, just the thudding of my heart and the rushing of my blood through my veins. My body was electric and I was on fire, the last time I had killed was when Negan...

His name on my tongue tasted foreign and his voice had ran through my head and heart like ice and suddenly, every Walker that stumbled through when the walls crumbled, had his face and screamed with his voice and I...I killed so many that day.

When everyone regrouped later the next morning to survey the damage, I had gone back to my house, back to my couch and sat myself down in front of a blank sheet of paper. I didn't stop writing my letter to Negan until my hand cramped up and there were sheets around my feet with scribbles and crossed out words, I folded them all up and stuck them in the pocket of my jacket.

Daryl had then walked in, took one look at me and the smudged ink on my hands before sighing and leading me out and to the infirmary with a hand over mine.

I would never be his again, I would never kill for him, and I would never go back and tell him I loved him. And I promised I'd kill him, either with a knife through his head or some other way.

"If you left I'd have to kill you." Negan had whispered, fingers stroking through my hair.

I had laughed back then, turning around to look at him...and I could picture his face now, the way his eyes narrowed when I replied to him.

"Not if I get you first."

2 Months Later

I looked up from where Judith was playing on the floor to see Daryl stomp up the steps to the house, slinging his crossbow off his shoulder. He came in, silent as usual and went straight to the kitchen where I heard him open and shit the fridge door multiple times. Judith laughed sash threw a small ball, smacking me in the knee before it bounced back and went right over her head.

"Daryl?"

I waited for a reply, giving Judith the ball back before Daryl finally poked his head around the corner, mouth stuffed full of food.

"Huh."

"Just making sure you were alive in there squirrel man.." I looked back to Judith as Daryl made another noise before moving back to the kitchen, "You and Rick still going out on a run later?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow morning, got a list. Want to add anything?" Daryl came back into the room, dirty and eating an apple. I shook my head and smiled as Judith looked up at me blankly, "She good?"

"Yeah, it's almost nap time. I was going to go find Rick in a bit." I sat closer to Judith, allowing her to grab at my necklace for a moment before she got bored and stared at the dirty redneck lounging on the couch.

"Lil' ass kicker."

"What?"

"Used to call her that." he took a giant bite of an apple, wiping sweat off his forehead, "When she was...smaller."

"Quite a nickname." I smiled back at Judith as she yawned, "Finally, I've been waiting for that yawn for hours now. Can you grab her bag for me, it's-"

"I got it." Daryl got up and threw the apple core away as I gathered Judith in my arms, trying not to let her grab my hair again, "Carl's passed out again, pain meds Denise has been giving out kick some ass."

"At least he's getting used to his sight, I can see he has trouble from time to time." I shifted her to my hip and reached out for the baby bag but Daryl was already shouldering it, "I can take it."

"You've got the baby."

We stared at each other for an awkward couple of seconds before I just shook my head and opened the door instead. We walked out into the sunshine and Judith gave another giant yawn.

It was like this all the time now, between Daryl and me. Since my first outing a few months ago, when I rode with him in that car for a couple hours I started to grow more and more comfortable around him. We were both quiet people, I liked that I didn't have to keep a deep conversation going like I always had to when I was paired up with Rick...plus he's the only one that doesn't expect big things from me here, he knows I'm content watching Judith when everyone else is busy and he could always tell when I was getting agitated staying within the walls all the time, he'd take me out on random runs so I could work out my frustration on small dead groups.

Daryl was heaven sent to me, one look from him and it was like you just wanted to be closer to him. He reminded me of Leo, he reminded me of my best friend a lot actually.

"You alright?" Daryl was close to me, and I snapped out of my day dream, barely stepping around a puddle of blood, "Melaney?"

"Sorry. Got lost in my head." I checked on Judith, the sun was warming her up and making her sleepy, "She's so tired for someone who poops and sleeps all day."

"Yeah." Daryl watched me for a second before we heard a shout from behind us.

We turned to see Rick waving to us, jogging up from down the street with Carl trailing after him slowly, eye squinting and walking unsteadily.

"Looks like babysitting is over today."

"Yeah, until you two leave tomorrow morning." I scoffed and Daryl shrugged.

"I was just about to come get Judith." Rick nodded to me as he walked up to us, "Any trouble with her cough?"

"She seems to have gotten over it, Denise came by earlier to check and said her breathing was fine." I smiled, giving the sleeping baby over to Rick, "Hey Carl, you doin' alright?"

"Hi Melaney, yeah I am. Just itches all the time." Carl gave a small smile and made a move to itch but Rick knocked his hand away.

Rick cradled Judith to his chest and Carl took the bag from Daryl. The only time I think I had ever seen Rick smile was around his kids and Michonne. It had been so long since I had seen a family, since I had seen a baby even for that matter that it still stunned me every time Judith was around me. She was like some fairytale creature I was seeing for the first time.

Rick handed Judith to him to be taken inside and we watched him carefully walk back towards their house where a patient Enid was waiting on the front steps for them with bandages tucked under her arm.

"Daryl, you mind giving us a moment?"

"Yeah, I'll go pick up around Gabriel's."

I watched Daryl wander off on his mission form the sheriff before Rick nudged me to start walking towards the wall where Maggie and some of the other residents were busy reinforcing it for the tenth time this month.

"I feel like I've never fully thanked you for what you've done here. Watching Judith and putting yourself out there to fight when you didn't want to, it's not easy to do." We passed by Morgan who was meditating, "Morgan won't even kill because he's afraid, but you have."

"...it's not a big deal, Sheriff." We came to a stop near the little pond, "I thought I could hide forever in these walls wth you...obviously that's kind of impossible."

"You still haven't told us who 'they' are." Rick watched me carefully and I felt a cold sweat break out over my neck as I stumbled for words in my mouth, "And I'd like to know."

"And I don't want to tell unless they become a problem." I looked at him, watching his eyes try and stare through me, "So let's hope they never do."

He was quiet for a moment before sighing and nodding, he smiled softly and pulled at his shirt where he was sweating.

"You'll be able to watch Judith for me tomorrow?"

"If Carl can't handle it for a couple hours I can step in again. If not, I'm sure your son is capable of watching his sister." I saw him nod, looking at everyone working on building Alexandria up again, "So I saw that Deanna's...gone."

"Yeah, she is."

"Then it looks like Alexandria finally got its leader back...I'l see you around Sheriff."

"It's Rick."

"I know." I waved back to whims we departed silently and made my way to the steeple where Father Gabriel was trying to converse with Daryl in the middle of the street.

"Hey, Rick done with you?" Daryl turned to me, and I nodded to Father Gabriel in greeting.

"Yeah, why?"

"Father here needs some help with bodies. Everyone's up front and you need a job since the baby's gone. It's around back, c'mon."

"I'll be with you in a second." I smiled and the redneck nodded before walking away again. Father Gabriel smiled at me and touched my arm, "It's nice to see you Gabriel."

"How are you doing?"

"I was actually going to ask you the same thing...I saw you last night. I saw you leading everyone out. We all did here Father." I watched him look at the ground uncomfortably and shift his feet, "From someone who was afraid to come out of her house here when I was taken in by Rick and the others, this is a compliment Father."

"I killed-"

"You killed things that weren't alive. If it makes you feel any better just imagine the Devil raised the people from the dead and you were doing God's work to put them back down." I fixed his white collar before it fell out and I felt him take a huge breath in, "Out of everyone here, I admire you and Morgan the most. I tried not to kill anyone when I came here, but I did and it's like a drug."

"Thank you Melaney."

"No problem. I'll see you later."

We departed with a hug and I met Daryl around back, counting seven bodies already wrapped in some burlap. The redneck looked up at me before tossing me a shovel and leading me to another grave site.

"You made him feel better."

"Everyone deserves a chance to feel good, Daryl. People like to be recognized for what they've gone through."

"Except you." He looked back at me as we came to some half dug graves in a sectioned, private part of Alexandria, "You don't want to be recognized at all."

"That's the idea." I shrugged and went to a hole and started digging.

"Why?" He grunted, throwing dirt behind him.

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because you didn't finish telling me the other night."

I stopped digging besides him and he stopped too, pushing his long hair out of his eyes.

I forgot I had told him about Negan, about the group...well, I had told him I had come from a bad guy and some bad groups of people because I didn't want Negan's name rolling off his tongue around me.

"Why do you always run off in the middle of the night?" I countered and Daryl shook his head.

"Nah, not getting out of this one." He shoveled some dirt before turning back to me and sticking the shovel in the ground and doing the same with mine.

Next to me, I never thought much of how big Daryl was but standing in front f me he was like a monster...a very dirty monster.

"...I don't want to explain myself, Daryl." I looked down at my feet and he folded his arms, "Out of everyone here, I thought you'd understand that the most."

He looked around us for a minute, listening to the far off clatter of everyone up front before I felt his hand travel up my arm to come to a rest at my neck, pulling me closer to him.

"Don't hide from me."

"Daryl-"

"Nah you listen to me." he made me look up at him, my own hands finding their way onto his leather vest, "We're all family here. Rick brought you in and you've stayed and you've been our family for a couple months now, we ain't in the habit of keeping secrets from each other."

"I don't want to talk about him, I don't want to think about him and I don't want to remember what he looked like...much like how you don't want to remember your scars either." I felt him tense up as I tapped his back, "Daryl please don't ask me to remember him anymore. I'm trying to forget."

"You write letters every night. Those go to him?"

"It helps me deal." I sighed and Daryl held me closer to him, sweaty chest breathing deeply as the sun beat down on us. I could feel the lump in my throat threaten to make me cry.

It was a lie, I remembered Negan each and every day in perfect detail. When I woke up next to Daryl, it was always Negan in my mind screaming at me as he beat me bloody with Lucille. I hadn't gotten over him in the sense that I was still afraid.

"I won't let him near you again." Daryl whispered and I smiled into his arm and looked up at him and his dirty face and his god damn heartbreakingly beautiful soul that was hidden under all that dirt and locked up emotion.

"Let's finish up, we've got a long day." I pulled back and Daryl nodded, giving me a kiss on my cheek before he grabbed out shovels and we got back to work in comfortable silence. I just hoped Alexandria was safe from the living now, not the dead.

Hey guys, sorry for the long delay, I lost some inspiration for this story and school just started again but I'm not giving up on this story at all, I've got it all in my head and it'll come out eventually. Thank you so much for the comments and keeping up with the story, it really means a lot. I'm hoping to get out of this non-inspiration funk soon! See ya around!