Chapter Nine

I was sitting in the church already when they arrived back, Father Gabriel was next to me trying to calm my nerves down. When Rick walked in, dirty and tall, I knew it was over.

Negan's letters burned in my jacket pocket, my machete seemed to heavy for my waist as I stood up and acted like I had no idea what was going on. When everyone came in, I acted like I was anxious to see what they had to say. When Jesus came in, he brushed past me, arm purposefully bumping into mine and I could tell he got what he wanted. He gripped my hand briefly, whispering an 'I'm sorry' before sitting down. Andy, also from Hilltop, locked eyes with me then nodded before sitting down. Jesus told him but he was keeping his mouth shut too...I owed Jesus so much right now.

I looked down in my lap, feeling the outline of a piece of paper tucked under my sleeve. Jesus was right, they would find out sooner or later who I truly was...so it may as well be sooner rather than later. Carol had even urged me to come clean after I told her about Jesus and what he wanted from us here.

Daryl pulled me down to sit next to him in the front pew as the church doors closed behind everyone. He leaned forward and I put my hand on his thigh, trying to act as normally as I could, and Rick began.

"These Saviors, they almost killed Sasha, Daryl and Abraham on the road. Now sooner or later, they would've found us, just like those Wolves did, just like Jesus did." Rick looked to Jesus who stared blankly back, "They would have killed someone or some of us."

They would kill us, and tear us to pieces before pissing on our grave, I thought, already shaking as Negan began to appear in front of my eyes, taunting me and swinging Lucille around and around. Daryl was silent next to me, hunched over as Rick continued to rally us up.

"-if anybody objects, here's your chance to say your piece." Rick finished, we looked around at each other and then Morgan stood up slowly. I could see Rick hesitate.

"You're sure we can do it? We can beat them?"

I looked to Andy and Jesus, who refused to meet my gaze...but we were all thinking the same thing; no, but it was worth trying. The Saviors' armory was stocked, way more assault rifles and even snipers than what we possessed. The Saviors were about 80 people, probably more since I left. Rick's group barely reached twenty when everyone was all together. Morgan sat back down and Rick took the center stage again, trying to keep himself upright and tall.

"We kill them all...we don't all have to kill, but if people are gonna stay here...they do have to accept it." His eyes flashed to Morgan before closing off.

"Do we know how to get into the Saviors' buildings?" I asked, Rick nodded and looked back to Andy.

"Andy's going to draw up a map when we're done here. Let the others know what's going on, those who want to come, stay with us. Those who don't, go about your day."

The meeting ended, some people filtered out but most of us stayed and conversed. I met Jesus and Andy in the aisle as they stood up.

"Your map's not going to be accurate." I grabbed Andy's arm and he sighed, "How well do you know the inside?"

"You watched me half the time we brought things in, I know it pretty well."

"Melaney." Rick called to me and I let go of Andy, sharing a look with him before going over, "I want you in on this fight. The more people we have, the better."

"I'm in." I nodded and Rick seemed pleased.

"Alright, Andy we need to start mapping things out." Rick pulled out a table and everyone crowded around it, I hung back with Jesus as Andy began to draw on paper.

"We're going to Hilltop after this...they're going to recognize you there. I only told Andy." He looked to me and I nodded, showing him the slip of paper from jacket, "Melaney...I don't think now's the time to make it known."

"I couldn't sleep the past few days, I barely got any last night. Andy's map is accurate but I know Sanctuary inside and out." I unfolded the drawing and Jesus sighed.

"How do you think they'll take it?" Jesus stepped back as I squared myself up to give the paper to Rick.

I looked to Daryl who was busy studying the drawings.

"I'm only concerned about one person in this place that won't take it well." I whispered, Jesus gently squeezed my hand and I stepped forward.

"-What do you remember?" Glenn asked Andy, Andy frowned and racked his brain as I joined the circle next to Daryl, hanging back.

"They're loaded, there's no doubt about that."

"Daryl." I turned his head away from the conversation and he smiled for a second at me, his hand brushed something off my shoulder before he took my hand.

"You need anything?"

"...no, not really." I lied, I took in another breath and looked down at my hands that were shaking in his.

I needed to get out of here, I needed to run back, back out those gates and away from everyone. I needed to get air in my lungs one last time before-

Jesus walked behind me and nudged me forward, snapping me out of my head. I let go of Daryl's hands.

"Andy's wrong, the hallway doesn't lead to the armory. The armory's on the other side of the building, tucked away in a corner." I spoke up, for a second everyone nodded but then Rick's head snapped up to me.

"How...how do you know that."

"Rick...please, stay calm." Jesus pleaded as everyone took a step away as I came to the table, I set down my map on top of Andy's.

"It's fine, Jesus." I took a deep breath, feeling dozens of eyes scorching my back.

I could feel Daryl behind me, I could hear him beginning to slip away through my fingers forever.

"You know the Saviors, Melaney?"

"I should...I was with them for a very long time." I nodded, meeting Rick's gaze.

There was silence, nobody moved or said a word as they took all the information in. Andy and Jesus were the only ones shifting from foot to foot in anticipation. I kept a hand near my gun on my belt as Rick processed this information, his face contorted in confusion then anger then more confusion.

In a second, Rick reached over the table, grabbed me by my holster strap across my chest and slammed me into the table, Glenn came up behind me and shoved a gun to my head and held me down. I didn't bother putting up a fight, I laid my hands down on the table and waited as everyone shouted in surprise.

"Rick!" Michonne had yelled at him but he waved the gun at everyone to back off, "Rick, if we just listen-"

"Were not listening to someone who we've got to kill." Rick growled, he came around to me and stripped me of my weapons.

"She's not like them!" Andy shouted, booming over everyone's comments as Daryl took my weapons away from Rick and tossed them on the pew, "Let go of her."

"Who the fuck are you?" Rick came closer to me, holding me down by my neck as Glenn stepped away.

I crumbled my paper underneath my head.

"My name is Melaney...I...Rick, I never wanted you-"

"You lied to us, tricked us into keeping you here. Then what was going to happen, you were just gonna disappear and come back with them? They ran Hilltop out of food and we've barely got anything, so it'd be easy to pick us off."

I started to cry softly, tears staining the ink on the paper and I squeezed my eyes shut as I saw Daryl look away from the scene I had created, one hand over his mouth and his eyes closed too. I had hurt him, I had hurt him and I couldn't take him back.

"I ran away from them, that day when I came outside your gates I was running. I had been wandering for weeks."

"Rick, please!" Jesus stepped in, one hand on Rick's arm as I tried to stop crying, "Please, she's telling the truth."

"...how many people have you killed?" Rick let me up, the barrel of his gun was pressed between my eyes, "How many?"

"I've lost count over the years...the high double digits. Past forty." I raised my hands up as he walked me into one of the pew chairs, my legs almost buckled out, "I've killed more Walkers than people though."

"You were a Savior."

"I resided in Sanctuary."

"You knew Negan."

I grew quiet at that, refusing to answer as I watched Daryl face around again, eyes red and mouth a tight line. Rick snapped at me, calling attention back.

"I was...I was his girl. He and I..." I couldn't finish, my throat blocked up and I stared down at my shoes as the crying stopped, "Sanctuary is a lot different than what Andy's drawn up, more complicated. Please, let me help."

"You expect us to just trust you after this?" Rick was fuming, everyone was watching, "You expect us to just let you in, let you take us there and hope you don't raise an alarm. You're one of them...we could use you as collateral."

"I'm not one of them." I felt my anger building up, "Negan killed me that night I was let out."

"Melaney-" Jesus warned, I lowered my hands slowly.

I knocked Rick's hand away in surprise, I snatched the gun from him and pointed it back. He drew another in a moment as well as the others around us...Daryl just stared, not moving.

"Negan killed my best friend, he watched him die and then he killed everyone else that I loved." I squeezed the handle on the revolver, feeling more and more anger build up inside of me, "I watched him murder my parents, I watched them bleed out and die. They're out there, in the woods somewhere rotting away and half eaten because of him."

"Melaney." Maggie raised her gun to my head as I continued to shake, Rick was watching me, "Put the gun down."

"Don't you dare say I'm a Savior, don't you ever let those words come out of your mouth. Negan beat me until I couldn't breath in that fucking jail cell they had. He said he loved me and he beat me and broke me and killed me there. I came here to hide away, I didn't want to go outside again!" I raised my voice, feeling laughter bubble up inside of me, "I told you I never anted to venture outside the walls again! And you asked why, 'why don't you want to go out Melaney?' Well, Sherriff, that's the fucking reason why."

"Put the gun down." Daryl ordered, walking to me and blocked Rick, I aimed the gun at him and he stopped.

"And you! You...I was never supposed to be with anyone again and you...well who the fuck cares, I've lost you now." I laughed and slammed the gun on the table next to me, not letting go, "This is suicide. Taking on the Saviors in their home. I was there, I know every twist and hole in that place and it will not be easy to take them out."

Rick followed my every move as I finally let go of his gun and slid it to him across the table. I sighed and wiped my face clean, grabbing the map and holding it out to him.

"I never wanted anyone of you to find out, I never wanted to stay here in the first place because I knew sooner or later they'd find me. If you're going to not trust me, then take this map at least and trust it. Andy's is good, but mine is more accurate to get to the armory."

Daryl was silent next to me as Rick and everyone else took in everything that I said. Jesus and Andy were on the other side of the table, silently watching for an answer from them. I looked over at Carol, Carol knew I had been with Negan since I stayed here, she understood and she looked to me and nodded, like I had done the right thing. I looked back to Rick.

"I was a Savior, I'm not anymore. I never want to be."

"It's true, Rick. She used to come to get supplies and she used to come and deliver messages to Hilltop...but she wasn't like the Saviors, wasn't like Negan." Jesus spoke as Rick inspected his gun in his hand.

"You know the buildings."

"Inside and out, anything you need to know about Sanctuary I have it memorized." I nodded and Rick holstered his weapon and looked at me, he let me meet his gaze before he looked to everyone else.

"You're taking us there, taking us out. If anyone dies, we kill you."

I looked behind me to Daryl, he just looked away and I nodded.

"We attack at night." Rick looked to everyone as he looked down at my map, "Andy can you lay this over yours?"

"Come on." Daryl grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the church and into the sunlight of Alexandria.

I stumbled after him as we went to his bike, he revved up the engine angrily and one of the residents opened the gate for us and we took off. I saw everyone else leave the church looking shaken out of the corner of my eye before we hit the road.

I felt like I couldn't breath, I felt like I was dead. We passed some Walkers dragging half of their bodies on the ground and I felt jealous for a second.

We came to a stop, a couple miles away from Alexandria on the turn where Rick and everyone had redirected the Walkers. The walls were still up, there were still some bodies lying around dead. Daryl cut the engine and I slid off, reaching for a weapon but finding nothing but my pockets. I had left everything back in the church. Daryl looked at me before getting off his bike and kicking the stand up. He looked as broken as I felt.

Everything was silent around us as we stood in the road.

"You lied to me."

"I never wanted to tell anyone about Negan." I could feel his name leaving a bad taste in my mouth already, "I wanted to stay away from that part of my life."

"He's the one you're always writing too, those letters scattered in the trash can. He's the one you wake up screaming about isn't he?" Daryl pushed his hair out of his eyes, "He's the one you used to be in love with."

"Not in love with...it was never love with him." I looked down at a dead Walker, "He killed four people that I loved, how could I love someone like that?"

"What was he like?" Daryl came closer to me, staring at me and I shook my head.

"He was a monster, someone's going to die tomorrow when you attack them. It always happens, nobody comes out unscathed with them."

"He hurt you?"

I looked up at that, raising a eyebrow but Daryl looked concerned, not angry anymore.

"Daryl-"

"Did he hurt you?"

"Yes...yeah, he did."

"...You should have told me." He broke at that, shoulders dropping in defeat and mouth quivering in sadness, I didn't know what to do with myself, "You should have said something."

"I didn't want you to be a part of it...if Negan ever laid a hand on you...Daryl, I'm so sorry."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"I'm sorry."

I didn't know what else to say, the sun was beating down on us and I felt like a complete idiot standing there trying to say I'm sorry and meaning it every time, but every time it came out of me, it just felt pathetic.

"We're with you, Mel. All of us are and I'll take care of that asshole, I swear. I won't let anything happen to you."

Daryl pulled me into him tight and I hung on, crying into his vest and trying not to say that I was sorry any longer.

We stood there in the middle of the dead, underneath the beating sun.

We would be going to war tonight, and I wanted to kill every last Savior there was.

The Raid

The first part of the plan against Sanctuary went perfectly. The two guards, men I hadn't seen before answered and died quietly as we attacked them. I watched Glenn and Heath enter the Sanctuary building after the others, we had broken in and killed the two guards not even five minutes ago. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before letting it out slowly, this was it. Inside who knew who would be sleeping in the barracks, I had forgotten about the different people the Saviors took in.

I entered the building already recognizing everything in my path, I touched the wall as I followed behind Glenn and Heath down a hallway. I broke off of them a second later and quietly walked down another. I could hear my group silently opening doors and killing the men inside. My part of the plan was the just eliminate some of the Saviors, then help Glenn and Heath with the armory and get the hell out of there.

I opened one door quietly, gun and knife out, and stepped inside into the darkness. A part of me was hoping Negan would be in here, that he would be waiting for me in the dark and we would attack each other. I looked to the two beds in the room, two men asleep and facing the wall. I closed the door and approached one of the men but then noticed something out of the corner of my eye on the desk. I walked over and picked up some polaroid photos.

Most of the men traded photos of the bashing's Negan gave out. I put them down and flinched as one of the men stirred in his sleep, right, I had a mission here.

I didn't recognize the man's face as I slid my knife into his skull, and I didn't really want to. I pulled the pillow out from under him and placed it over his head before pulling the blankets over his body to hide him.

"What the fuck?"

I jumped and spun around as the other man woke up groggily, peering through the darkness at us. I froze for a second as he turned on the light, washing over us. I saw his face and I remembered him, he was one of the men who saved Leo, Michael and me that day in the forest. He froze too as he recognized me, he looked over my body and noted the weapons strapped to me. I took a step to the side, away from the other man's body and raised my gun at him, thanking Daryl silently for giving me a silencer.

"Look who finally fuckin' showed up." He pulled a knife out from underneath his own pillow and got up.

"Bite it." I growled, shooting him in the throat.

He yelled out, clutching his open throat and I grabbed his pillow as he fell to his knees on the floor. I stabbed him in the shoulder, hearing him gurgle out a scream as he fell onto his back. I straddled his chest and smacked his hands away from his throat and smothered him with the pillow. He struggled underneath me, legs kicking out and bloody hands grabbing at me weakly. His blood seeped through the pillow and became slippery where I was holding down.

He stopped struggling and finally went limp as the blood built more and more around the fabric. I got up and went back to the desk, ripping the polaroid's in half angrily and threw them over his body and walked out.

I wanted to end every last one of their lives.

I walked into the next room. brandishing my machete instead of my gun and slammed the door behind me loudly. Two of the occupants in the room jumped up from their beds at the sound of me. I swiped one across the face and he screamed out, I stuck the blade through his temple and spun around, feeling the rush of revenge and murder flow through me like ice. The man used a book on his side table to block me and tackled me to the ground. We slammed down hard and my weapon clanged away from me and the man began to lay into my side with punches. Yelling at the top of his lungs. I managed to block a fist to my face and grabbed my hidden knife on the back of my arm, stabbing his thighs where I could reach as he tried to straddle me for better aim. He fell off hissing in pain and I scrambled to my stomach lunging for my blade.

"You little fucker!" He screamed and grabbed my foot as I tried to stand up, I slammed back into the ground and looked behind as he dragged me closer to him.

"Fuck off!" I yelled, repeatedly slamming my foot into his face and breaking his nose. He let me go and I grabbed my blade and swung it behind me blindly.

The man fell silent instantly and I let go of my machete, watching it stick in the side of his head as he watched me for a second before falling over onto his side. I was breathing heavily as I watched him die very slowly at my feet, his hands twitched towards me for help before his mouth opened in one last breath.

"What's going on-"

Another Savior opened the door and snapped me out of watching the man die. I pulled out my gun and released a few shots into her abdomen and shot at one more who came running up behind her. They hit the floor like bricks and I cringed as I heard gunfire echo throughout the hallways accompanied by the blaring alarm. I covered my ears for a second and went down on my knees before getting up and limping out of the room, I looked up and saw the red flashing light on the walls and cursed. It had to be Glenn and Heath in the armory, one of the Saviors must have seen and set off an alarm.

I got up, cradling my arm and ripped my blade from his head, sending blood splattering everywhere, and limped out and into the hallway. I opened doors down the hallway Glenn went and noted the dead bodies already decaying inside. Good, they already made quick work. I looked up to find a Savior retreating and firing down the way to the armory in the hallway. They stopped running as I blocked their path, I raised my gun and fired before they could reload and continued walking until I turned the corner to find several bodies down the hallway in front of the armory with a shaken Glenn and Heath staring down at the dead with Jesus standing to the side with a gun in his hand.

"You guys alright?" I asked and Glenn nodded, Jesus touched my cheek.

"You're bleeding pretty bad, your nose broken?"

"You should see the other guy. Our time's up, you grab what you could?"

"Everything that could fit." Glenn nodded and I looked inside the armory before turning around and closing the bullet ridden door, "We need to go. This place is like a maze."

"Follow me." Jesus and I spoke at the same time, I laughed and allowed him to lead us out of there. I took up the back, limping as our feet hit the ground softly; we jogged back towards the exit as dawn began to break through the windows.

We sprinted out of the building using a side door, running back towards the rendevouz point Andy had drawn out, I felt like my lungs were going to burst. I slowed down behind everyone, taking a look back at the satellite dishes and the building...this used to be my home. I used to come here and be happy and consider those people family. Jesus grabbed my arm and pulled me along before I could take another step towards the doors again.

When everyone regrouped up I nearly cried when I saw Daryl come out again. None of us had died, we hadn't suffered any casualties at all. I bent over in the grass next to Daryl though, vomiting up nothing but bile and air as my stomach finally got the best of me. God, I had called those people family once and now they were all dead and waiting to rot. I had shared smiled, laughs and stories with them. They had watched me and they had known me since I had been there. I tried to stand up but my knees buckled again and I collapsed weakly. Daryl knelt down next to me.

"I know what you had to do, I'm sorry." Daryl pulled me close and helped me clean up before letting me lean against him.

"I'm fine." I stayed next to him as Rick came out along with Father Gabriel then Abraham and Sasha, "That wasn't all of them Daryl, there's...there's so much more of them."

Daryl grew quiet at that as I cried into his shoulder, trying to keep the vomit down again. I looked up as Rick conversed about leaving back to Alexandria as soon as possible.

"Come on, we killed a lot of them. We'll be fine for now." Daryl tried to console me as we walked closer to everyone else, I felt like I was going to faint any moment now, "He said he knifed someone that fit your description of Negan." Daryl answered and I shook my head, "What?"

"He didn't."

"How do you know?"

"...because we are all Negan." I looked to him and he frowned before we began walking towards everyone else in a loose circle.

"We all good?" Rick asked, everyone nodded and checked everyone else to make sure, "Good, good. Tara and-"

Rick was interrupted by a motorcycle revving up, I looked to Daryl but he was busy spinning around. Twenty feet away from us a bike ripped out of the side door with someone on it, Daryl and Rick cursed and took off after it. Jesus grabbed me as I tried to take off after the commotion as well, I was about to tell him off but he was looking towards the trees a ways away from us. I looked through the scope of the stolen sniper I had pulled from the armory and spotted movement.

"Who are they?"

"More trouble." He replied and tucked his mask tighter over his face.

We walked over to where Daryl was busy beating the crap out of the guy he had tackled from the bike, Rick pulled me over closer and Daryl got up.

"You know him?"

"Yeah. Hey Primo, what's up."

"You...puta-"

"Shut up, where'd you get the bike asshole?" Daryl smacked him across the face and the Mexican's head snapped to the side before he glared back at us.

"He won't talk, Primo was known for being loyal among all of us. He ran with a group of a couple other people who Negan always referred to as ass kissers." I turned to Rick ad he nodded solemnly as Primo started fighting again only to be hit by Daryl.

"Alright." Rick cocked his gun at Primo and Daryl got up to inspect the bike.

"Just do it! Like you did everyone else, right? Fuckin' traitor." Primo growled and Rick stepped closer only to be interrupted by the hiss and crackle of a radio.

"Lower your gun, prick."

"Everyone down!" Rick yelled as a woman's voice crackled over, everyone dropped to their knees and frantically searched the tree lines where we could be watched.

"You, with the colt python, all of you. Loser your weapons right now."

"Rick! His walkie." I motioned to Primo's belt and Rick ripped it away from him, slowly standing up and clicking on.

"Let's talk." Rick lowered his weapon and we did as well, Jesus motioned to the place where we had seen movement and I spotted someone wearing a dark shirt through the brush.

"We're not coming out, but we'll talk. We've got a Carol and a Maggie, I'm thinking that's something you want to chat about."

Glenn shouted and rushed forward to Rick but Jesus held him back as I looked through my scope again, I knew that voice. That bitch was still alive, she was probably with her usual group then since we had Primo here with us.

"Now we're going to work this out right now, and it's gonna go our way." she continued over the radio, Rick was staring hard at Primo before nodding to himself.

"You can see we have one of yours, we'll trade."

"I'm listening."

Rick listened for Maggie and Carol to come on the phone and I watched several figures move further back into the tree line where I lost sight of them.

"Do we have a deal?" Rick asked finally, looking around the rest of us as we waited for an answer, there was static and then silence, "Melaney, who is she?"

"Her name's Paula, and since we have Primo she's with three other people. Her husband guy, old fat lady and some biker chick. She's smart, Rick."

"Give the walkie to the girl next to you, the one loaded with the machete and rifle." Paula's voice came over and Rick hesitated before handing it to me.

"Paula, nice to hear from you."

"Melaney, you switched sides. You have fun killing your family in there?"

"Well I missed a couple people, but I'll be killing them soon...why don't you come out from the trees, Paula? Still a little scared cunt?"

"Negan's going to tear you limb from limb-"

"No, he won't." I smiled and waved to where they were hidden, "I just walked in and out of that building, and I'm gonna waltz in and out of Negan's death like a ballerina. Take the trade, Paula or it's going to end badly for you. This group, you don't want to cross them."

"..."

"Come on Paula, radio silence doesn't suit you." I waved Rick off as he went to grab Primo to accentuate the deal.

"I'll get back to you."

Paula clicked off and Primo cursed and Daryl punched him again, I handed the radio back and peered through the scope, nobody was hidden in the trees anymore at all.

"Melaney-"

"Turn it two clicks to the left, should be a different channel entirely." I looked back and Rick clicked away before we heard static then broken voices coming through.

"-We're headed to the break point- switch to Theta channel, same code-toggle to Alpha, listen in." Paula's broken voice came over and Rick turned it off before sticking it back on his belt.

"Break point?"

"It's not far from here,, just a safe house we used from time to time during runs, but we need to wait. Paula's smart, she's very time oriented and she knows her way in and out of everything and how long it takes." I shifted my gun back around my shoulder, "Jesus, you know where it's at too."

"An hour and a half away at the most." Jesus nodded and Glenn came forward.

"Will she hurt Maggie?"

"No, Paula's smart, not stupid and Primo was one of our back up medics, so they'll be needing him if Molls is still smoking every hour." I looked over at him and he sneered back, "We wait, then we head over and contact her again and if she doesn't budge, there's dozens of ways in and out that we can creep in quietly and take over."

"Sounds like a plan to me, let's get walking then." Rick called the others and we began to walk out, Jesus pulled me back behind everyone.

"You're getting in over your head."

"I'm not getting anything, I want to go back home and have this all behind me. I just want this over with." I replied and Jesus sighed.

"This isn't going to go as planned."

"With Negan, it never does."

When we got Maggie and Carol back, both splattered in blood and running out of the safe house themselves, I realized how truly screwed we were. Rick didn't kill Negan in there, and Primo wasn't Negan, we were all Negan and Negan was going to be pissed.