Chapter Eleven

I could feel the electricity in my veins, I could hear my blood pump in bursts throughout my body as the mud I was kneeling in began to seep through my pants. It started to dry on my hands where they were buried, grasping cracked leaves. My entire body was locked up, like I was paralyzed...and I was.

With each footfall of Negan's boots coming down the steps, I flinched and it tore my muscles apart. I could feel my teeth grinding as my hair fell over, covering the rest of my face as Negan began his speech. His voice was warm and it felt like death and I wanted to fucking kill myself.

I closed my eyes as he paced in front of all of us, joking about everyone pissing their pants and why we should. I could feel Daryl's eyes on me from the other end of the line, I knew he was watching me, watching my entire body react to Negan's presence again. Negan paused in front of Rick.

"You're Rick? Hi, I'm Negan and I do not appreciate you killin' my men." Negan sounded dangerously happy, "Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people...not cool man, not cool."

Negan laughed to himself and I felt my stomach start to turn as I opened my eyes, Negan walked up and down the line, talking about what was going to happen. I knew his speech by heart, I had to give it a couple times myself when Steven and the other idiots were to lazy to do it themselves. Rick belonged to Negan now, half of Alexandria's supplies would become Negan's...and anything else Negan wanted from Rick, he would get. Eventually, Negan would kill them when they stopped producing what he wanted. It was inevitable.

I froze as Negan's boots passed right by me, Lucille swung by his feet as he continued to talk. I chanced a look up as Negan stopped to make a remark about how shitty we all looked. Daryl caught my eye and raised an eyebrow, I shook my head back at him and he focused on Negan again. No...no I was not okay and I wasn't going to ever be okay.

"So now," Negan continued, "I'm gonna beat the holy hell out of one of you."

The Saviors began to stir at that, getting ready to see bloodshed. When Negan killed with Lucille it was a sight to see, like a car crash you just wanted to look away from but couldn't. I watched Negan through my hair, he ran a gloved hand over his beard and sighed, his red scarf stood out against his leather jacket. I looked away before he could turn to where I was. Negan walked over, pausing as he looked down at Carl next to me.

"You got one of our guns..." He commented, Carl didn't even move a muscle as Negan began making fun of him for his missing eye.

Aaron was shaking next to me as he watched Negan pick on Carl more. I spotted Dwight out of the corner of my eye suddenly as he shifted in his spot and he froze as he spotted me, mouth falling over in surprise.

Dwight...sweet, young Dwight who had helped me escape. Half of his face had been burned badly and he looked like hell had washed over him and drug him through the fire. He looked between Negan and me wildly and voiced my name, barely a whisper, but I could hear it clear as day and he broke his formation to take a step forward to me. Suddenly, Glenn shouted as Negan threatened Maggie and Dwight snapped out of it to shut Glenn up, putting him back in line.

"This isn't going to be an easy choice!" Negan boomed, I shrank back and then cried out in pain as Lucille was swung behind Negan carelessly.

The bat skimmed the side of my face on accident and I doubled over.

"Fuck! Ouch that must have hurt!" Negan withdrew Lucille immediately and my hands grasped at the dirt in pain, "Hey now sweetie, that wasn't on purpose I swear. Let me take a look at ya."

"No, no I'm fine." I ground out, shrinking away as Negan finally kneeled down next to me.

He grabbed my chin despite me trying to pull away and forced me to look at him. His eyes widened as he brushed the hair away from my face.

I was done. It was over.

Negan's dark eyes glazed over as he carefully, so fucking carefully, pulled the bandana away from my face and traced a finger over my cheek and down my neck. He stared like a madman and I felt his breath fan out around us. His hand started to shake where it was in my hair, keeping me grounded where I was kneeling. Anger, happiness and more anger flashed over his face and twisted his mouth into a sad smile. Negan's voice broke as he brushed his thumb over my bruised lip.

"Laney? Babygirl?" he was quiet, about to break as he stared at me, brushing dirt off of my clothes before taking a shaky breath, "Ho-ly. Shit."

The Saviors around us began to whisper as they peered around and recognized me. Rick and the others stared in fear, no doubt remembering what I said about Negan back at Hilltop, back before shit hit the fan. Negan slowly got up, letting his finger trail over my lips before he took got up and took a full step back, staring at me. I lowered my eyes to the ground, my skin was burning from where he touched me. I felt my tears fall down my face as Negan recomposed himself in front of his men. Carl moved next to me, fingers reaching towards me as my head began to bleed from where the wire had cut me. I shook my head at him and Negan swung Lucille up in the air to rest on his shoulder.

"Well, well, well." Negan whispered, looking between all of us now with renewed vigor, "We hit the jackpot today fellas! Dwight, haul her up here. Ladies and gentlemen this is a damn fine treat! Months and months of searching for this young girl and she's been right under our noses the entire time...with the fine men and women who killed our people."

Negan was smiling wildly now as Dwight pushed me to my feet and dragged me to where Negan was standing. Dwight let go of me and smoothed the back of my shirt before standing behind me. I felt lost, standing behind Negan as he talked, looking down at my group kneeling in the mud and dirt, scared. I felt weak, and I felt myself begin to blackout. Dwight gripped my arm as I started to teeter on m feet and forced me to stand up.

"-and when you left me, babygirl...when I found out you fucking left." Negan trailed off, turning back to me with a flourish, I immediately cringed away from him. He noticed and immediately touched my shoulders and gently tilted my head up to meet his eyes, "No, no Laney don't do that. I never wanted to hurt you like that you know that...I was so lost without you baby girl."

Negan kissed me and it felt like hell. He was rough, like he always was but there was desperation in the kiss. Months of being away from me, months of him taking his anger out on others. I heard someone yell out and I kneed Negan in the thigh, tearing away from him and falling over myself onto the ground. Negan let me fall, a grin spread across his face as he brushed off the print I made on his leg. He turned to look at Daryl who was being held down by two Saviors.

"To be fair. I did deserve that." Negan joked as Dwight pushed me to my feet again. Negan laughed before sending his fist into my stomach, making me tumble over, "And to be fair, you deserved that too."

"Fuck..." I coughed and whined in pain as Dwight held me up.

"As for you." Negan pointed Lucille at Daryl and gave him a look, "You have voiced your opinion way to many fuckin' times tonight...but I get it."

Negan nodded to Dwight who pushed me down to the ground in front of Daryl suddenly, sticking a crossbow in the middle of my back.

Daryl glared at them both, struggling for a second in protest as Negan watched the two of us.

"She's your girl, isn't she?" Negan was smiling, I could hear it in his voice and Daryl didn't even fucking blink at him, "She tell you who I am? She tell anyone who I am?"

Negan turned around to the group, arms out wide. Dwight let me sit up. I shook my head at Daryl and he looked away, jaw tensing. If Daryl kept talking, if Daryl said one more word to protect me...Negan tapped the back of my shoulder with Lucille.

"Used to fuck this girl right here. And I must say, Rick, you picked a fine piece of ass to keep around you men." Negan laughed coldly, "You know, I tried hanging onto her for awhile but man was she a pain in my ass. Then she broke out and well, we know the rest. Laney, get up."

"No. Fuck you."

"Don't start this shit again with me now. Get the hell up or you're redneck boyfriend's gonna fuckin die."

I obeyed the order, to weak too fight against him. I felt too weak to do anything for my people now. I couldn't protect them, I couldn't do anything for them. I glanced at Rick as Negan walked around me carefully, circling me like a bloodthirsty shark, Lucille trailed softly along the backs of my legs. Rick's eyes were wide with fear. I glared at Negan as he stopped in front of me, hand tracing my jaw and giving me a soft slap on the cheek.

"Don't tempt me with those bedroom eyes Laney...I could take you right here in front of your new boyfriend and friends." he turned away and paced up and down the line again, "But I won't do that to you."

I started shaking again, standing there as everyone focused on Negan sauntering up and down with Lucille waving back and forth like a banner. I could see Daryl move restlessly in front of me, eyes hard as Negan paused in front of Michonne, grinning.

"But, we have to move on unfortunately...still gotta beat one of you shit heads to death." Negan came back and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, leaning on me, "You're coming back with me, Laney, you've got a lot of shit to explain so...you wanna pick who dies? I mean after all, you had to know that when I found you...it wouldn't end well for anyone else around you."

"No."

"No?"

"Negan..." I choked out, his name felt like poison on my lips and he gave me his full attention sarcastically, "Please...please don't hurt them."

"Please? Damn, you beggin' already?" Negan looked at me in amazement, "Oh come on now, Laney I didn't mean it like that."

"Don't...don't hurt them Negan...I promise I'll come back with you. I promise, just leave them alone."

"Oh Laney..."

"They didn't do it, storming the compound. I helped, I told them who to kill and who to look for and where everything was at." I begged, turning to Negan and grabbing his jacket to get closer to him, "If you have to punish anyone, take me, leave them and let them go back to Alexandria. They're already going to owe you half their shit...Negan please. Please, I'm begging you."

I was shaking again, tears falling and hands shaking where they were curled in Negan's jacket. Negan was smiling softly, his hand covered both of mine as Lucille rested against his shoulder. Slowly, very slowly he pressed closer.

"Kiss me then."

"Please don't do this." I shook my head, "They're good people, Negan."

"Kiss me baby girl and I won't hurt them."

"Negan-"

"Come back with me, no hassle and they're free to go." He kissed my temple softly and I turned to see Rick, Michonne, Carl and the others bloodied and beaten, looking at us expectantly...not wanting to die.

"Yes."

"Melaney no!" Rick yelled, he got swatted in the back of his head by a Savior.

Daryl also protested in anger as Negan kissed me again to seal the dea. I could taste my tears but Negan seemed to enjoy it more. He pulled away, giving me a kiss on my forehead again before hugging me close to his chest.

"Well I'm happy as shit...Dwight, take Melaney and free the rest of the group."

Dwight led me away as Negan turned around, arms out wide and smiling as I was led back to the RV. I looked back to Daryl, trying to burn him into my memory.

"You know what? On second thought..." Negan looked to me and I felt my blood run cold as Dwight opened the door for me, "I don't see why I should keep any promises to you when you didn't keep any to me. You lied to me, right Melaney?"

"No...no, no, no, NO!"

I screamed as Negan slammed Lucille on Abraham's head. I ran at Negan but fell as Dwight tackled me to the ground from behind. I was screaming, voice hoarse as Negan yelled at Abraham then continued to beat his head into the ground. Everyone was crying, everyone watched as Lucille came back bloody with...with Abraham still on it.

I couldn't feel, I couldn't breath. Devastation...Sasha and Rosita...I couldn't even...Abraham. I coudn't even make a sound, squeaks...Daryl shot up and punched Negan in the face, forcing him to stumble back and nearly run over me as I laid on the ground. Dwight got up from holding me down and pointed the crossbow at Daryl's head, Negan waved him off and rubbed his chin where Daryl had gotten him. Negan started ranting again and I forced myself to sit up, chest heaving in pain as Abraham's body twitched.

"Right...where were we?" Negan laughed and Lucille was brought down again on a man.

Oh fuck. No...no not again.

"Maggie...I'll find you."

Glenn fell forward as Negan slammed his head onto the ground until he hit dirt with Lucille. Glenn was fucking dead. Glenn was dead-dead-dead-

Maggie was in pain, doubled over eyes wide in disbelief. Everyone...everyone was lost, so lost-I was so lost. Why would...Glenn, Abraham.

Breathe, just breathe.

Cold, the dirt was cold and I was cold. I couldn't feel my fingers. Their blood was seeping into the dirt, I could feel their blood on my body. I could feel their blood seeping into my skin. I could hear Maggie and Rick and Carl and Michonne and Glenn, god I could still hear Glenn calling for Maggie.

Negan was laughing, bouncing around the line as my stomach turned into knots, my heart crumpled into pieces. Blood splattered over my face as Negan swung Lucille around. Rosita was covered in Glenn's blood, Daryl was crying...everyone was...they were...oh god. I looked up as Negan stopped dancing around.

"I'm going to kill you." Rick spoke, dangerous and breaking and Negan stopped to crouch in front of him, "Not today, not tomorrow but I'm going to kill you."

Flesh dripped off of Lucille as Negan bent closer to Rick, talking low and smiling to himself. He got up and looked over everyone, coming back over to me.

"Stay right here, baby girl. I'll be back for you later." He winked, and shoved me backwards into the mud and left back to Rick.

Negan hauled Rick away by the hair to the RV; I dropped my head to the ground, screaming into the dirt as light began to break through the trees.

I did this. I killed my friends...all because I was afraid.

It was all my fault.