What happens when fear is stronger than love…..?
Thanks for the feedback – it keeps me writing as I'm looking forward to what happens next too!
"Geesh Doc, seriously, a baby? That's freakin crazy! You and Nico getting your freak on, who would have thought that Mr. Boring would have it in him."
Dani tried to not to smile. If Terrence only knew what "Mr. Boring", had done with her in the shower earlier that morning after the kids had left for school he certainly would not have used that adjective to describe Nico.
Shaking her head to clear Nico from her thoughts, Dani refocused on her patient. She had been able to get Nico out of the house without discussing marriage again, thanks to TK's early appt and she needed to pay attention to TK.
"Terrence, the reason I've told you about the baby is that it's only a matter of time before this hits the locker room and I wanted to make sure that knew first. It's a show of trust on my part and an acknowledgement on how far I think you have come in your therapy, TK. "
TK grabbed a handful of jellybeans and popped them one by one in his mouth.
"So Doc, is this kinda your way of showing me about consequences?
Dani and TK had been working over the last year on his decision making skills and that there were consequences to his actions.
"No TK, this isn't a lesson." But let's talk about the unexpected things that come up and how to deal with it.
The next hour was spent helping TK work through his latest Vivica issues, his latest Shane issues and his latest TK issues.
By the time that TK was finished, TK felt good and Dani was exhausted. She locked the door behind him and with the kids still at school, headed upstairs to lie down. She hadn't remembered being so tired with Ray Jay and Lindsey, but then the last time she was pregnant was 15 years ago.
She was sound asleep when Nico walked in the bedroom. When Dani hadn't answered his text and phone call, he decided to go over to the house, let himself in and check on her. It was after searching the quiet house that he found her in the bedroom.
He knew she was meeting with TK, and that with Terrance, it would be a lot to handle.
He understood her ethics about not discussing patients, had run into that wall when he thought her mother was selling secrets about the hawks to her bookie and Dani refused to give him anything other than dates and times of Client's meetings. But he sometimes wished she could talk to him.
Dani didn't complain much, but just looking at her, he knew she must be exhausted. She had to have simply lain down on the top of the comforter and fell asleep. Since she was on her back, the gentle round of the baby was noticeable in way that when she was standing she was still able to conceal.
Her shirt had ridden up a little and he dropped to his knees next to the bed and very gently kissed her warm belly.
This was his child. His. The possessiveness that came over him surprised even Nico. He was used to taking care of things, but usually it was because adults had made stupid decisions and he was called to pick up the pieces. But this baby was an innocent and he would do everything in his power to keep this child safe. He tried to imagine a little girl who looked like Dani.
Lindsey was a beauty like her Mom and he knew that there were going to be more boys sniffing around soon. How would he handle that? And a boy, would he be like Ray Jay, protective of his Mom, trying to do the right things but making mistakes as he grew?
"What's going on in that head of yours?" Dani had already been asleep several hours when Nico came in and had woken up easily when she felt his lips on her stomach. She put her hand on the side of his face as she spoke.
"Just thinking about him or her and what they will be like. You are a great Mom Dani, and this kid will be lucky to be raised by you."
"You will be a great dad too Nico. I know this is new for you, and you will make mistakes, but kids are resilient and pretty hard to break."
While Dani had been talking, Nico came up and set on the edge of the bed.
"Dani, I need to know something, and I need to know the truth."
Dani sat up on her elbows. "Nico, what is it?"
"Is it because of my past, being in the seals and all, or what I do now with Pittman that has you hesitating about marrying me?
"Of course not. The things you did as a Navy Seal, well those are things that were part of your job. I can't say I understand what your life was like, or even want to know the things that happened wherever you were where they happened. And as for your job, Nico, it brought us together, so I could I ever want you do anything else."
"Then tell me why you won't just say yes?"
"Nico, let me ask you a question. Why is it so important to you that we get married?"
"I'm responsible for you now Dani. For you and this baby. I've never backed away from a responsibility in my life, and I'm not about to start now. Marrying you in the right thing to do."
"The right thing to do? Nico, is that why you want to marry me, because it's the right thing to do? Because you feel responsible for us."
"Dani, I don't know what want me to say. Of course I feel responsible; I was the one who got you pregnant. And we should be married. That's what responsible people do when this happens, Dani, they get married."
Dani's eyes filled with tears. It wasn't enough. She needed him to say the words. Somewhere along the way, maybe it was during their first trip to Atlantic City, or when he showed up at her house at all hours of the night or when they first made love during the snowstorm, she had fallen in love with him.
She knew he cared about her, the way he loved her told her that. She had never before experienced the kind of mind blowing, lose your mind, toe curling sex with anyone else.
The way he was trying so hard with Ray Jay and Lindsey told her that he cared. But marriage without love, she couldn't do it. And in all the times they had been together, he had never said the words.
Her and Ray had love at one time and it still hadn't worked. To start off without it, it would be torture, she couldn't do that to Nico and she wouldn't do that to herself.
They both deserved so much more. And what would happen if he stopped feeling responsible. She had survived Ray leaving her; she wouldn't be able to survive Nico leaving.
"It's not enough Nico for you to just feel responsible; it's just not enough, at least not for me anyway. I'm sorry Nico, but I can't marry you. Nico, this baby is yours. Being married or not married doesn't change that. I would never deny you access to your child you do know that Nico, right?"
"So you won't marry me now or you won't marry me at all?"
When Dani didn't answer, Nico got up from the bed and walked out of the room pausing at the door.
"So tell me Dr. Santino, what happens now?"
"I need time Nico, and I think you do too. It's only been 3 months since Colorado. I feel like I've not gotten a chance to catch my breath. First you, then us, then the baby and the kids and my mother. I just think that marrying you right now, without really thinking it through might be a mistake".
"Is that what you think Dani, that this all was a mistake?" Without lettering her answer, Nico walked out and left. She was waiting for the door to slam shut, but instead heard just the soft click of the lock as it shut behind him. That sound was more painful as it showed that Nico wasn't mad, he was hurt.
With the house quiet, and her kids gone, Dani did the only thing she could think of. She turned on her side and cried until the tears stopped and she fell back into an exhausted sleep.