Ok so I'm like getting into the second part of my Fanfiction, and I'm happy to announce that I can not wait to start. I intend on putting as much action and suspense as possible. And with that may mean longer time to wait on chapters. But don't worry, I'll still keep them as long as humanely possible and try not to go overboard in just one chapter. I sometimes do that.
I also want to take this moment to thank everyone who has read and review on my story.
Yemi Hikari, XxparanoidxX, firefly-jar-of-doom, setokaibagirl749, shi-fuuun, BooshAndOrKaKow, angfnf, Makichan123, Poprocks311, MangaKyuubi09,trigger spec, xXSakina28Xx, twilightchick13, LUVANIME17, Funky Bracelet Chick,
Queen, chocolate mud, XxKuragari-no-KagexX, LeeLawliet, shadow-dog18, Art Dreamer, kai crazy, Cherry Blossoms
So that's all of you I think. If I missed your name, please inform me so I can give you a treasured spot later on. I just feel the strong need to thank all those who reviewed and criticized and told me their concerns. Or just merely suggested ideas or things that could better improve my story. You're the reason I strive to be better. I hope to be adding more of you next time.
Oh and sorry for the really long wait, I've had a lot on my plate lately, research papers, after school studies, color guard, mourning the death of my fish Big M, (That's his name.) He was the only loss in a recent car accident I was in. Time just flies.
So yeah read and don't forget to review. Ok.
Someone had the light turned on. And it was glaring in my eyes. " Wakey, wakey. Sleeping beauty," someone said above me. I peeked open one eye.
" Urahara what are you doing in my room?" I exclaimed jumping up suddenly.
He laughed. " You talk in your sleep," he said giggling.
" You were listening?" I gasped.
" No of course not. What's this about a triangle?"
Before he could utter another word I had the pillow thrown his way. " Who let you in here?"
" Why Ulquiorra of course who else?" He said. I glanced towards the door. Ulquiorra was standing beside it. Sword in hand. Rin was beside him.
" Wait. Is something bad happening?"
" It depends," Urahara said his tone changing into something serious. " What's your definition of bad?"
" That all I need to know. Urahara do your work." I said. Understanding the signal Urahara placed his hand on my forehead and pushed. I closed my eyes and departed from my limp body. " And where's Joel?"
" At the scene. Along with Yoruichi and Grimmjow."
" Grimmjow? What does he have to do with this?" I asked.
" You're see," he said. Then Ulquiorra was beside me. His hand came out and grabbed my waist. I almost yelped but remembered myself.
"I'll be carrying you," he said simply. I didn't protest I expected that. Nodding I surrendered my body over to him. He grabbed me up quickly then without another word swept out the door. Leaving Urahara and the others inside.
" Is it something really bad?" I asked after a moment of gliding through the roofs with Ulquiorra.
" No, not entirely. " Do you remember what I said about hollows?" He asked. I nodded.
" That they were creatures like you that had lost their hearts and their sanity," I said. He nodded.
" They eat the souls of the living and the dead," he added.
" So what about them?"
" We are going to battle some," he said. He stopped in his tracks. I glanced down; we were standing on thin air. I willed myself not to panic. Tighten my grip on Ulquiorra I focused on the hollow between his neck and shoulder.
"Why do you need me? I should be able to handle this on your own. Bunch of strong Reapers and hollows."
He sighed, " You are weak. This is the perfect chance to strengthen yourself." He said bluntly. " I will not always be here to protect you, neither Joel."
" Yes but…" I started.
" Do not argue," he snapped. I shut my mouth. In some way he was right. But in others, he made it seem as if he was leaving for good. I pulled the bracelet on my wrist, I had forgotten I had it on. Life without Ulquiorra…. I didn't want to think about it.
"Prepare yourselves," it was Rin this time. Her sword was unsheathe and her hand was outstretched in front, a pose I recognized. She was setting a portal. A moment later Joel jumped through, his breathing ruff and one of his arms badly cut.
"Their stronger than they look," he commented sitting up. His eyes went to me, then Ulquiorra. "Why is she here?" He growled. "What part of this is too dangerous do you not understand?"
"Joel…"
" She must strengthen. This is the perfect time to do so," Ulquiorra said. Joel growled again. His hand tightened around the hilt of his sword.
"You approved this Urahara?" he asked anger evident in his voice.
"Sure did," Urahara cheered. Fan covering the features of his face so that only his eyes peeked over. "As Ulquiorra said. This is a perfect time to see how she will fair in a real battle."
"But…" Joel began. I stepped towards him.
" Its ok," I said gathering all my spiritual pressure to my hands then pressing them to his cut arm, healing the wound. "I'm ready."
He looked as if he wanted to argue some more but didn't. I was happy, the last thing I wanted to do was have a fight with Joel. "Ok," he said after a few moments of silence. "But stay close to either, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow or I. I don't want you wondering off where we can't come to your aid."
"Ok," I said. " I mean it can't be that bad down there."
"Oh its worse," Joel said. "The more we kill the more they multiply. And the source is unseen. If we don't find the reason for our problem then we will be surrounded in just a couple of hours."
"Then we just find the source and kill it," I stated. " Rin take us down please. I want to hurry up and get it done."
" Yes of course. Everyone gather I am moving us to the source." We all started towards her.
" No need," Ulquiorra replied. I glanced up quickly. Sure enough a hollow was coming towards us. It was white, a huge mask of jagged teeth jutted out its face, two red orbs served as its eyes, eight needle like sticks as its legs.
Ulquiorra pulled out his sword, in a flash at the same moment the creature soared past him. A moment passed and no one moved. Then the sound of the iron skin of the creature splitting laced the air. It exploded seconds later, blood spurting everywhere.
"You can put down your shields now," Joel reminded me.
I didn't even notice they were up. "Oh," I said. "Sorry."
"Do not apologize," Urahara said. "That is a good thing. You were ready at a moment's notice. You even managed to cover us all."
"Come on Molly," Joel outstretched his arms. I started forward when I felt Ulquiorra's cold grip on my wrist. I went to turn when I was swept up into his arms. Then before anyone could say anything we were off the roof and headed towards the source of the chaos.
"Ulquiorra, Joel was supposed to…"
"Quiet," he said softly. I shut my mouth. We landed moments later, the others behind us. I almost gasped with surprise, but remembered myself and shut my mouth. There were hollows everywhere, on building, stalking the ground.
Yoruichi was surrounded by a pack of them, which she quickly finished off, but no matter how many she killed they kept coming back. Rematerializing just as fast as she killed them.
"How are they…?" I started, but was interrupted by a abrupt push and a swing of air that was Ulquiorra gliding his sword through an enemy that had come from behind.
"Pay more attention," both Joel and Ulquiorra said at the same time. Their voices both very different in pitch and tone; I winced.
"Sorry," I said pulling up a shield. " Rin come on. Cover me." I said. She nodded. I ran forward, Joel and the others behind me. Rin attacked the hollow standing in front of us, her sword just as swift as Ulquiorra's or Joel's. The hollow attacked, taking just seconds to build I covered her quickly with a shield. She turned as if to say thank you then finished him off.
I turned to the one opposite of me. Then running forward I caught its attention by directing an orb its way. It turned. Then noticing me it lunged forward, its claws extended. I pulled up the strongest shield I could muster avoiding its blow. "Kill!" It roared attacking again.
I winced; the strain of holding up the shield was harder than I thought it would be. It attacked again. My body buckled. I'm being forced into the ground…It attacked again, his time harder. "Separate," I yelled, removing one hand from the shield and waving it to the side, signaling the orbs to separate one by one from the shield. "And gather."
They moved forward and surrounded the hollow. Confused he stopped attacking and spread out one of its eight legs in attempted to move the orbs. They surrounded him before he could attack once more. Pushing down my shield I balled up one of my fist, and crushed him.
I fell on my knees. My breath was heavy and my body suddenly ached. Why do I suddenly feel sick? I hadn't even done that much and I felt like I did before. "Breathe, Molly, breathe." I reminded myself. Pressing my hand against my chest, I tried to steady my breath.
"Molly what the hell are you doing?" Joel yelled. I glanced up. Standing in front of me, a claw hovering over me ready for the kill was a hollow. I opened my mouth to call a shield but no sound would come out. My arms felt numb, and my legs wouldn't work. I can't move…
The claw came down. I felt myself losing consciousness. "Molly!" Someone yelled. They seemed close by. I couldn't make out their voice in this haze. I closed both eyes and fell over.
Before losing consciousness I could have swore I saw Joel, Grimmjow and Joel standing in front of me, as if to protect.
"I knew this was not a good idea. She is obviously not ready," Joel replied as he checked the sleeping girl's from for injuries.
"No, that is not the reason" Ulquiorra said. "Her body is already stressed. It has been for the longest. Did you not notice?" He asked Joel.
"Notice what?" Joel asked.
"Just her features, fizzed hair, sunk in and bruised eyes. Thinning form. Such things you out of all people should have noticed."
"I noticed. I just chose not to say anything. She doesn't like for me worry over her. So I try not to too." Joel answered truthfully. "She claims she can take care of her self. So I try my best to let her."
"Even so…" Ulquiorra began, but was interrupted my Grimmjow.
"Why should it matter?" Grimmjow said. "You haven't found a way to break the bond so it will continue on until she dies," he said bluntly. "Stop stalling and find a way to undue the effects." His eyes were locked on Molly as he spoke. "And stop whining about stuff she already knows."
As much as they hated to admit it, Grimmjow was right. If they didn't find a way to undue what was done, Molly would die. Through they did have a solution; neither was willing to go to such extreme lengths.
"Either way we can't just leave those hollows. She will be fine here. We have to go and help the others." Joel said. " Rin!" He called. A moment later a portal appeared and Rin stepped through. "Watch over Molly until we get back."
"Yes sir," she replied glancing down wearily at Molly. Unseen tears in her gray eyes.
" Ulquiorra! Grimmjow! Joel!" I yelled as I sat up. My head was throbbing and my body felt like I had just been run over by a Mack truck. "Where….?" Hands found my shoulders. They were large and warm. I blinked a couple of times. " Joel?"
" Yes Boot Girl," he said calling me by the nickname he gave me.
" I passed out again didn't I?" I asked. He nodded. " And I missed the battle didn't I?"
He nodded again. " The other hollows fled soon after you passed out. We found no need to chase them, they will show themselves again." Ulquiorra said.
" I feel like such a weakening," I said holding my pounding head. Joel laughed. I glanced behind him, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow were standing both looking at me. I decided to change the subject. " You guys saved me didn't you?" I asked. No one said a word. " I hate you all,?" I added.
" You don't really mean that," Grimmjow commented.
" I do so," I said back resting my head on Joel's broad shoulder. He took me firmly into his arms. I was happy for the support, but also a bit warily. I didn't want Joel supporting me through every single thing. I was here to prove that I could hold myself in battle, and I pass out, yet again. Only for the three of them to swoop in and save me like some kind of damsel in distress.
I moved back away from Joel and tried to stand on my own. I hated not being strong enough to stand. I tripped over, all three hands came forward, supporting my arms and shoulders.
" Easy there," Joel said. " You still haven't…."
I pulled back then started to walk. " I need a bath," I said. " And I can get there by myself," I added stumbling forward.
" You were serious about getting home by yourself," Grimmjow said as I opened my front door.
"Dead serious," I replied trying to step in the house. Grimmjow grabbed my arm and pulled me too him. Our faces were inches away.
"Guess I'll see you later," he said slyly.
"I guess," I added aloofly. " If I'm unlucky."
"Ah that hurt," he added holding the place where his heart should be. " Until then, Kitten." He nicked my chin. I glanced away defiantly. Then he was gone, walking past a glaring Joel and aloof Ulquiorra with a smile on his devilishly handsome face. I didn't watch him go, too concerned with getting into the house to care.
Joel and Ulquiorra began to follow me. Until I got into my room. " Joel." I called. "You can go home, I'm probably going to go take a bath then hit the hay."
"Molly," Joel called. " Its two a clock."
"So," I countered.
" So…its two," he said. " And besides that. I have something to show you."
"What?"
"Take your bath first then meet me out by the park. I'll be waiting ok."
"Ok." I answered not looking at him. He smiled, then turned away. I watched him go, then disappear down the hall.
"Did us saving you make you angry?" Ulquiorra asked. I stopped what I was doing. Which was gathering up clothes for my wash.
"Aren't you tired of having to swoop in and save me?" I asked walking to the bathroom and opened the door. Oblivious to the fact that I leading him to the bathroom with me. " Like some kind of weakling. I mean have powers now, there so need for me too…"
I was undressing now, down to my underwear I turned on the hot water or at least I thought it was the hot water. " This is like the tenth time."
"Do you not want me to save you?" He asked. I shook my head.
" Its not that…its just…Can you please turn around?"
He did as I asked. I removed my underwear and stepped into the shower. The water was cold, but I barely noticed. I pulled the shower curtain and continued. " I no longer want to be a hindrance."
"You are not a hindrance." He said finally. I rolled my eyes. "Your parents are home." He said.
A moment later my room door opened. " Molly! Darling. I brought you some…Molly?"
I jumped from the shower. My mother had a habit of barging straight into the bathroom when I was in it. Claiming that what I had 'she had less of.' Without thinking I jumped from the shower still naked and pulled Ulquiorra's arm. He didn't resist, the door began to open and I pushed Ulquiorra with all my strength until he came into the shower.
I noticed seconds after I did it that he had no shirt on. My hands pressed against the juncture of his neck and shoulder. " I brought you some pants you are just going to love." Mom raved.
She shut the door behind herself. I heard the toilet creak as she sat on it. " How are you."
I glanced at my bare body then Ulquiorra's. Being this close and in this cold water I felt a shiver. His eyes were on me, cold and unreadable. I pretended not to notice.
" I'm fine."
" I was afraid you weren't in there. Anyway. I've brought you some fabulous pants, you are going to love them. They are not pink."
I smiled. Thank god for small mercies. The old water on my shoulders was now unbearable, I felt my toes and fingers start to numb. My hands went to Ulquiorra's arms. As if expecting warmth, I got none.
"I'm cold," I whispered.
"What is that?" Mom asked. " Just turn it up." She started to push the curtains back.
"No!" I said. " I'm fine."
"Listen. You father and I were talking. You know about the Ulquiorra thing. We were thinking about maybe letting him stay here. Since his situation is so intense. I mean he hasn't caused any trouble yet. Maybe…"
I glanced up at Ulquiorra. He was still staring at me. His hair wet from the shower, water tearing down his face. I found myself blushing. His hair had gotten longer since the first time we'd met.
"I think he would like that Mom," I said.
"Oh. You believe so. I didn't know if I should break it too him or…"
"I'll be sure to tell him," I said.
"Ok then. See ya in a little." She said. I listened to her stand then exit the room. Before starting to pull myself off of Ulquiorra. Not noticing at that instant that Ulquiorra had his hand around my waist and my body pressed clean to his chest.
Since she had pulled her into the cold shower with him, Ulquiorra couldn't keep the feeling away. It was back, the same as before. He wanted to push her against the wall, kiss her senseless, feel her soft skin under his hard palm. She was doing it again, luring him without actually trying.
"Ulquiorra…?" She called, her hands running down the flat and marble like frame of his chest. He liked the way of her small fingers felt against his chest. She stopped at his torso, her eyes drifting down to the wet cloth of his pants. " We can't…I'm…" She folded her arms against her breast. The realization that she was naked just hitting her.
" That is not bothering me," he said bluntly.
" I'm weak," she said after a moment. " And undesirable, and….human…" she finally added. Water continued to pour down and she continued shivering. Her arms crossed across her chest, her head down.
This woman. This urge again. I want her…Reaching down he took her chin in his palm, lifting her face to meet his. " Is that what you truly believe?" He asked. She avoided his eyes.
"Yes. Isn't it true?"
"To some extent," he said trying to catch her shifting gaze. She was shivering again, her teeth chattering under the strain. She started to turn away. He tightened his grip. " You are human." He pushed her against the shower wall. He found that his hands were disobeying him again.
"I have to meet Joel," she said pushing away. He held her still. She was speaking of him again, the Joel boy.
He continued. " But undesirable you are not."
She blushed. " Ulquiorra… I have too…and Joel…"
He leaned down lower until his lips were inches from hers. " I do not enjoy it when you speak of him," Ulquiorra replied his eyes flashing something she could not read. His thumb touched the softness of her bottom lip, it was cold.
"Joel…?" She called.
"Yes. Stop." He commanded. She clamped her mouth shut. He wrapped both his arms around her body. Her soft body pressed against his chest, warm and inviting. Her shivering increased. Reaching down he gradually turned on the warm water. It piled down upon her heavy and warm.
He surveyed her form. Bruises, and straps, bony shoulder blades and sunken and blackened eyes. " The fact that you are sick and still go on is commendable." He said his fingers running down the exposed length of her spine. "Something someone who was weak would not bother to do."
He couldn't explain why he was even bothering to offer her encouragement. Such was out of his nature. But seeing her like this, so saddened and worried about her weak state he could not help himself. She even found herself undesirable. Something that was probably due to her lack of understanding of his standards.
"Can you even love Ulquiorra?" She asked after a moment of sear silence.
The question must have took him off guard because his hands left me and he turned off the shower. Then stepping out he turned the opposite way of where I was standing still bare.
"I wonder the same myself," he said after a moment. He glanced at his hands, the same hands that held me just moments ago. " I do not know the meaning of such a feeling. So how can I know if it has occurred. Such a thing has not stirred within me before…"
"What have you felt?" I asked. " Tell me what you feel now." I stepped out the shower, grabbing my tower on the way and wrapping it securely about myself.
"I do not know…"
"Can I try…to see," I said approaching him, my hand outstretched. " Urahara told me that this bond allows us to see what the other is feeling. Let me see what you are feeling…if only for a second…" I reached out towards his hair, intent on placing my hand on his forehead. He grabbed my arm before I could come any further.
"You will find nothing," he said bluntly.
"You don't know that. I opened up to you…butt naked of all things. The least you could do is let me try and see…what you are feeling."
He glanced at me for a moment his eyes still unreadable blue orbs. " Fine," he said.
Smiling weakly I approached him, placing my head slowly upon his head.
" Reject," I whispered. My hands glowed purple. I want to know what he feels about me…I have to know… "Ulquiorra…"
A man with hair the color of ebony approached me, a smile lased his features, his arms were extended. I didn't move.
"Come Anna. I have something to show you," he sounded like Ulquiorra.
I started to protest, but the only thing that would come out of my mouth was,
" What is it Ulquiorra honey."
"That's why it's a surprise." He said. His voice was warm and filled with admiration, I couldn't help but smile. I could feel the love peeling off of him. I followed him. But even then I could feel something was wrong, something was hidden. Inside myself, a secret perhaps. Something bad was going to happen.
I followed regardless. Down the streets of old England, where people conversed and prattled about. My hand in his, his large hand around mine. I smiled the whole way there.
"Ulquiorra," I laughed. " What?"
"We are here."
I peered up, we were standing under a large oak tree. He went down on one knee. I felt the panic rise in my chest. Something was wrong…I knew so something was wrong. Something I had to do…or was it already done…
"Ulquiorra…"I called.
"I know that I am a foreign…but I love you." Ulquiorra said. " I love you so much. I want to marry you…you've spent so much time with me…taught me your language I want to…be yours…stay with you forever."
"Ulquiorra…" I called again. " I can't."
He frowned. The feature unfamiliar on his face. I didn't like it. "I'm not the person you think I am…I…" I was crying now. " I can't…"
Thick hands found their way to my shoulders, I didn't know who it was but Ulquiorra knew. Ulquiorra's face went from sadness to anger. " Tell me you didn't Anna."
"Aye she did. She gave her body and soul to me. We are to be married atop the hill. At day break morrow. She could never love a foreign such as yourself."
I felt disgusted with myself. He was crying now, thin tears that trailed into his mouth. The man's hands found my waist, I broke away I opened my mouth to tell Ulquiorra that I didn't know what was going on …that…
But he was already gone away from me. Lodging towards me, and him. I could feel what he was feeling. Thick sadness and the lingering of betrayal. A knife was in his hands, his eyes wide.
"Ulquiorra…" I called.
The knife plunged through my chest…halfway through my heart…I coughed, thick blood pouring everywhere. But it wasn't my pain I felt, but his.
"Anna…I loved you…I wanted to marry you…" his eyes were wide.
"Do you know what you just did?" The man yelled. "You just killed her…the woman you claimed to love…"
Realization hit Ulquiorra. " I just killed…" he fell to his knees beside me…his hands went out…the flesh now pale. "Anna!" He shook my body… "Anna…"
He was crying again, thick sobs that filled the air. " I loved you and I killed you…" His hands went to the hilt of the knife still in my chest and he pulled. " I can't go on now…without her…I just…" he brought the knife down upon himself, in attempt to impale himself.
The world went black then, shadows surrounded me. And I fell.
"Ulquiorra." I cried pressing my knees under my chin. " I can't…and…" So much sadness. It was filling me, I felt the borders of my sanity overfilling. I wanted to cry and scream…how did he put up with so much of it?
"Girl," his hands went to my shoulders as he lifted me up. I was still crying. My heart felt like it was going to burst. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. We were on my bed then, me on his lap. " Why are you crying?" He asked.
I glanced up at me through blurry eyes.
" I saw so much…sadness…all that is…how do you…manage?"
" It is common for me. I feel nothing else." He said.
"I don't understand how can you…"
Sadness so deep…one does not feel it at all…I bit my lip. This whole time, he had been carrying around this burden. Love, betrayal, the lose of one he loved…I'd felt his distress since the day I met him. And now that it was finally registering to me, I couldn't take it…but he had been living with it for so long.
"There is no use crying. This is just how it is," he said. " Learn to deal."
" I know but…"
" I do not know what you saw. But whatever it was…do not fret over it. It has happened. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to change that fact. I do not understand the forming of myself, nor do any of my kind. We can only continue to find purposes in which to live. Without it, we are lost, like the masked of our kind. I have one such purpose now. When that is lost, I no longer have meaning."
" Ulquiorra….I-"
" Get dressed girl. That boy is waiting for you." He said turning away from me so that I could not see his face.
Nodding I wiped the still draining tears from my eyes and stocked to my closet to get ready. What purpose could he have for staying alive…?
I couldn't get the face of that woman out of my head. That woman that seemed so much like me. I felt like I was actually there, except instead of feeling her pain, I felt Ulquiorra's. " Anna," I mumbled.
And Ulquiorra's face, his human face still sat in my mind. He was smiling, actually smiling. I couldn't for sure tell if it was really him or a figment of my imagination, but I liked it.
Ulquiorra had no interest in seeing what he once was while I wanted to know, longed to know what made him this way. The Ulquiorra he was today. I still didn't know how he felt about me, but that could wait. There was so much I didn't know and wanted to find out.
He must have noticed me still thinking, because he came over and lightly ran a hand through my fizzed hair I shivered. " You should keep it down," he said.
"Is that a suggestion?" I said back.
"It is what you make of it," he replied removing his hands from my person.
I smiled. " Ok then. I'll keep it down. For you."
I was still going over the events from today on my way to see Joel. Fighting the hollows, pulling Ulquiorra into the shower to confess my insecurities about being weak, seeing what could have been his memories past. So much happened within so little time.
Ulquiorra and the others seemed to be getting along, if not little better as well. I wouldn't go as far as leave them in the same room together for long, but they could manage. I couldn't imagine life without those three. Through I still felt a little warily about them saving me every time I messed up, but that would past too.
I made it too the park minutes later, parking my car I stepped into the iron gates and where Joel was sitting on one of the swings waiting for me. His broad and muscular shoulders bending the iron that held them suspended.
"Can you ever be on time?" He cooed, not bothering to move.
"Hey, you never gave me a time to come," I accused sitting beside him.
"I knew you would sit there," he said.
"Where?"
"There in that swing. That's where you always sat when we were kids. Eve through you had another choice to the right of me, you always chose the left."
I rolled my eyes, " So?"
"Nothing. Calm down," Joel said smiling. I laughed at his randomness, then kicking my boots in the dirt I dug a small hole with my toe.
"So I guess you don't have a real reason for calling me here."
"No," he admitted. "You mad?"
"Yes." I said playfully. " But I know how you can make it up to me."
He stood up swiftly as if he already knew what I was going to say. Then taking the necessary steps to move to where I was sitting he faced me. His hands came out as if to embrace me, and I closed my eyes ready for the impact, the feel of his molded muscles against my skin, his warm arms wrapped around me. But it never came; instead I felt the iron chains shift then my feet lift off the ground.
"Just like the good old days," he laughed pushing me higher then letting me go.
" Your forgiveness was always just a push away."
"Baka," I said as he moved out of my sight. "That was back then. This is now." I said swinging my feet.
"Little difference," Joel said. " You still have the same laugh as before. The same smile, hair, eyes, your still the same Molly. And I still.." He choked off the words. His words sounded stressed and full of emotion. Emotions that I knew, so well coming off of him. I already knew what he wanted to say but my mind still stressed for it to come out of his mouth.
Still what…you still what? I dragged my feet against the ground forcing myself to a stop. My back hit his chest, he didn't so much as stir. Willing my courage I bent my head back so I could stare him in the eyes. His gaze was down already, intense and locked on me.
"What were you going to say?" I pressed. He flinched but didn't open his mouth. " Please tell me," I said leaning a little closer.
"It makes little difference now. Like you said, things have changed. Even if I were to tell you, it wouldn't sway you either way. You already know who you want. Why bother?"
"Joel …I…" My voice caught I my throat. I knew what he was talking about. "What happened to not losing," I cried reaching up and holding his face where it was. I felt the tears burning my sockets. No matter what I did, I always ended up hurting him. He didn't answer. " Huh?"
"Why enter a race when the winner has already been chosen," he said glancing away. I stared in disbelief.
"Joel.."
"Just tell me Molly. Who do you want. It won't effect the way I feel about you in the lease. I just have to know. How long do I have to continue?"
His eyes were like hot metal staring down at me. I opened my mouth to speak but no words would come out. " I don't know…" I said. " Just please…not don't make me chose right now."
"Why not now?" he pressed.
" Because. I'm not…ready…" I said.
"And when will you be ready? Huh? When that hollow…that emotionless thing decides on a whim to take you as his."
"No. I mean…"
" He can't even love," Joel continued. " He's hard and cold, and without a heart. You would honestly give your heart to someone like that?" His words were thick and emotion filled. He gripped the swing harder, until his knuckles were white with the strain.
"You can't honestly believe that," I said. " There has to be somewhere…"
"Bullshit," Joel growled pushing away from the swing. Reaching out I grabbed his shirt. My hands were shaking, tears cruised down my cheeks. He took a calming breath, " I just…each day you go home with him…it hurts…don't want him to have you…I want you for myself…and yet…it seems like you don't see that…none of that. You don't see what he really is…"
"Joel," I called. " I'm sorry." I said. The words seemed meager compared to what I put him through. He was hurting because of me. His arms finally caught me, and before I could protest he was pulling off the swing into the swelter of his arms. Warm and inviting, his flesh was hard yet malleable underneath my palm. So unlike Ulquiorra. I wrapped both my arms around his neck, I could feel his anguish without even having to withdraw any of my power.
He held me like my brother used to hold us as children. Rocking me back and forth, hands gently pushing down the stray hair of my head. I hated the fact that I couldn't chose, that I didn't know what I wanted. That I never knew what I wanted. That my heart was going in so many different directions.
I saw myself on the edge of a two sided road, deciding which one I wanted to take. Which could change the course of my destiny the most. Both, ones I couldn't live without, yet I had to chose one, and risk losing the other. I couldn't have both.
The path…Ulquiorra…Joel…Closing out the thought I pressed my face even farther into Joel's welcoming warmth and cried for the second time today, in the second equally different embrace.
Well like I said before sorry for the Delay. A lot of things have been going on. I will try and make the next chapter as soon as possible, now that things have dimmed down a little. Thanks to all who review, you guys help me go on too the next chapter. So with that said.
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