Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: Hello everyone! I am back. Thank you for those who always review and special thanks to Eldar-Melda and happylady for your wonderful reviews. Here is the latest addition to the story. I hope you'll enjoy. :)
Chapter 9: Secret Revealed
We stood there for a while, a huge smile plastered on my face. People were clapping, some even yelled 'happy birthday', but I didn't care. All that mattered to me at that point was the way she made my day. I never expected her to do this much because for me, because having her with me while I was taking care of Teddy was more than enough. "Thank you, I never expected this much."
"You deserve more than you know Harry, honestly. You have suffered so much; I think it's time that you finally enjoy life." I broke the hug and looked at her, hoping that she would be able to see the mirth in my eyes. I gazed at those chocolate eyes that I love, the eyes that seem to see through the very depth of my soul. She casted a huge grin and laughed. I looked at everyone, their smiling faces were enough to tell me that the war was really over and that they were really here with me.
"Thank you all for being with me today. You don't know how it feels, being with you all during this celebration. I never got the chance to thank you properly, for being there with me until the very end. I know that I should stop hiding from my shell and face the whole world, now that the war is over." I stopped to look at everyone, memories of the events during the war flashed through my head. It was enough for me to be with them, to know that there were people watching over me, ready to catch me when I fell. I was never good at expressing my feelings but seeing these people, knowing that they have done so much for me, it was worth a try. Ron was looking at me with a huge grin. I returned the gesture and nodded at him, before turning away to look at Hermione.
"To Ron and Hermione, you have always been there for me from the very start. There were times that we disagree and fight each other but nothing can compare to the times that we were there for each other, watching each other's backs and being each other's shoulder and strength. Thank you; it might not be enough to tell you how I felt at this very moment. As for everyone, we lost so much but we regained what we desired. Thank you."
A smile formed on my lips when I realized my wish. "I would've wanted Lupin, Tonks, Fred, Moody, Sirius and everyone else to share this with me, I miss them. But I know they didn't die in vain. Lupin was right; they fought so that everyone would be able to live in a future that could be filled with happiness. And I know they are looking at us right now, happy that we are able to move on and enjoy our lives. They might not be here physically but they're in here." I put my hand in my heart and took my cup of butter beer. "Cheers to everyone who fought valiantly to give us a new tomorrow."
Everyone raised their cups with a smile on their face. And we allowed the night to be spent catching up on one another's lives. I talked with everyone I could. George seemed to be a bit well now, a less pale than the last time I saw him. I know it must have been difficult for him to lose Fred because I didn't know what I would do if I lost a part of me too. But seeing him smile and cheerfully make someone laugh during the party was enough for me to see that he would be able to move forward and accept that his brother gave his life for him to be able to enjoy his. I know that Fred must be very proud, if he was to see George right now. Mrs. Tonks also seems happy enough. She told me about her vacation and the places she has visited and I listened happily, glad that she was able to find a way and relax. I asked if she would allow me to have Teddy for a bit longer, just before I went back to Hogwarts. To my surprise, she nodded at me. "You will never want to leave him when he started walking and saying your name, just so you know."
With a wink, she resumed on telling me about her adventures while I talked about my experiences with my Godson. It was after a while when Ron showed up and joined the conversation.
"Hey mate. Enjoying the party? Hermione spent weeks trying to organize it."
A smile crept on my lips at the mention of her name. "I am, Hermione did a good job. How are the two of you?"
"Things are good, well, better than last time. I want to thank you for taking care of her."
"Of course I will take care of her. Mind you, she is a better cook now." Ron and I laughed as we enjoyed the moment.
"Really? At least I won't be eating some kind of plant that came out of nowhere." I looked at the direction where she was and to my surprise, she noticed me and smiled.
I laughed. "You know Hermione loves to be challenged. She always tries her best to improve."
"Yeah." With that, we stood there and talked about many things, just like the old times. Laughs echoed throughout the hall as everyone talked. George even let loose a bunch of fireworks that everyone enjoyed. But even will all of it, my eyes were always fixed on her.
A voice suddenly boomed at the hall and we looked up to see Hagrid, who gave us a bone crashing hug. We laughed at his ministrations and he put us back on our feet, the joy was evident in his face. "Been mighty busy these past few days that I wasn't able to visit 'ere. Grawpy's doing well, he helped in rebuilding the school, bless him. After you went home, we tried to finish what's been left to fix."
"We're fine Hagrid, I've been enjoying the vacation with my Godson and Hermione while Ron here has been helping on his brother's shop. I'll be going back there soon, maybe then I help again with what is left to be repair."
Hagrid gave me smile and we resumed reminiscing about the past adventures, the things he did after the war and the restoration of Hogwarts. The party lasted for another good couple of hours before everyone left. The three of us helped Mrs. Weasley clean up before Hermione went to Teddy, who was crying.
"Mrs. Weasley?"
"Yes, Harry?" she turned to me and smiled. I stared at her for a while, unable to speak but I gathered up my courage, this was after all, the woman who was like a mother to me.
"How are you? I mean, how are things?" she stared at me and didn't speak for a while, and I am almost sure she understood what I meant.
"Things are. . .fine, we are back to the life we had before this war started but I still miss him greatly, dear. It took me a while to comprehend that he is not coming back, Harry."
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she stopped for a while. She gave me a small smile and wiped them before she said, "And as much as I want to think that he died fighting for this war to end, it still hurts every time I realize that he is not here with us, that the son I spent my whole life trying to raise is not going to be here to hug me and play jokes on me anymore."
I looked at her as sadness filled her eyes. I was not able to answer her, not able to comfort her because I didn't know what to say to make her feel better.
Still, with thoughtful eyes, a smile returned to her lips as she let her mind wandered.
"But still, I am very thankful, Harry. If it weren't for you, this family won't be as united as it is today. Our family would do better in time. I know that Fred is happy for us right now, watching over us with a beaming expression and it is enough for me."
Unable to hold back, I hugged her and I looked at her eyes that gave me a sense of joy and care, a motherly comfort. A small thank you was all that I was able to say but after a while, the silence was broken when she suddenly uttered a small laugh.
After a while, I looked at my watch. It was almost midnight, I had to get Teddy home.
"I should go now Mrs. Weasley."
"Why don't you spend the night here dear?" I gave Mrs. Weasley a huge grin.
"I would but I needed to go to the Ministry tomorrow because I promised Kingsley that I would schedule a speech for the public sometime this week. I also need to follow-up my request to put muggle electricity inside Grimmauld. The family should come visit me some time, the elves would be delighted."
"All right dear, since I couldn't seem to convince you to sleep here I would just want you to take care of yourself. We'll visit you one time." I nodded at her and kissed her cheek before picking up the gifts and shrinking them so that they would fit in my jacket's pockets. I went to get the owl and began walking towards the living room when I saw Hermione and Ron.
I stopped on my tracks, afraid that I might disturb them and at the same time, feeling something odd on the pit of my stomach. I watched them, Ron has his hand wrapped on Hermione's shoulders. . .they were talking and laughing.
I guess this was it, this was what I needed to see so that I could finally tell myself back off and allow them their space.
"Winky, Kreacher."
The elves popped in front of me with a smile on their expectant faces. "Yes master?"
I looked at them and said, "Please get Teddy and my things, we're leaving. Just. . .tell them I'll be on my way."
With that, I went through the back door and Disapparated, the image of the two of them still filled my mind.
When I arrived back at Grimmauld, I waited for the elves to finally appear before I told them to rest as I took the sleeping Teddy inside my room. I went to get my towel and pajamas and let the owl out of the cage before I took a bath, the night's event still fresh in my head as a mixture of happiness and sadness filled my heart. I took my time to ponder on the things that happened and the jealousy I felt at seeing them was overwhelming the fact that this birthday was one of the best I had. When I went out of the shower, I tried to cast those images aside as put my pajamas and shirt on and plopped myself to bed, too tired to think about anything but the day's events.
I was back inside the forest where I met the silver doe, but this time, I was alone. Events that took place repeated themselves but Ron didn't show up to save me this time when the locket strangled me. Strange enough, I was able to take it off before it fully suffocated me. I picked the sword of Gryffindor again and place the locket in a nearby stomp, but when I was about to stab it, Ron showed up.
The scene replayed, but when the time came that Riddle-Harry and Riddle-Hermione tried to twist Ron's mind again. This time though, I wasn't able to tell Ron that I love Hermione like a sister. I wasn't able to talk. He looked at me and his eyes felt betrayed. He raised the sword of Gryffindor and stabbed me before I had the chance to tell him that the locket was Voldemort's. All I was able to do was scream.
I woke up, but I didn't open my eyes. The memory of the dream still played inside my head that I didn't notice the hands that were cradling me, pulling me closer. Tears were streaming down on my face as I realized what I did, I was still unable to open my eyes and see the person who was trying to comfort me.
Then, I was stirred by a familiar, warm voice.
"Shhhh, it's ok. It was only a dream. I'm here." She was cradling me and stroking my hair. She put my head in her lap as she continued her ministrations. She was humming a lullaby, it was all I needed to fall asleep. . .again.
The next day, I woke up with a huge headache and the familiar warmth that has enveloped me was gone. With a groan, I got up and saw that Teddy was missing. Startled, I went outside and while I was walking downstairs, I tried to remember the events that took place after the party, trying to decipher what happened. Then, I heard the sound of something sizzling. I went to peek at who could be there and was surprised to see Hermione leaning in the counter, frying something that looked like bacon.
"Morning."
"Morning, Harry." She didn't glance at me as she cooked the food. I tried to speak but words didn't want to come out. But then, the silence was maddening between us that I had to break it. "I thought you won't come home here again, now that things were all right between the two of you."
Her face crumpled into a frown and her body went rigid at my words. Then, with a sigh, she said, "Honestly, that was utter nonsense Harry. I promised to stay with you until before you went to Hogwarts and yet, you left me there without even telling a word!"
Her voice was stern and I knew I couldn't deny it any longer. Why is it that I could never lie to her without feeling guilty? "Errr, I thought, you know. You would want to stay with Ron and the Weasleys."
"That is complete and utter rubbish! Why would I leave you here alone while taking care of a baby? Even if the elves are here, it will be better that you have some company. Now, you should tell me why didn't you tell any of us of those nightmares? Those screams I heard yesterday, they were. . .dreadful."
Was she the one who cradled me when I woke up? The one who put me back to sleep? Deep inside, I knew it was her voice but I thought it was just a part of a. . .dream.
"It's ok Hermione. I can handle things here. I don't want to burden you when you should be spending time with your family and your boyfriend." I think I said too much.
I shot her a look of annoyance and faced the ceiling, unable to bear what I just said. "As for the dreams, they will. . .pass with time."
Hermione looked at me, but this time, her face was not stern but worried, and her eyes were. . .hurt.
She put the fire out and put the food in the table before settling in the chair. "Really Harry. When did you start having these nightmares? These were the reasons you were drinking Dreamless Sleep Potions, weren't they?"
If there was one thing I have learned during the times I spent with her was to never underestimate Hermione Granger. With a sigh, I felt guilt welling up on the pit of my stomach because of what I did. And this time, I couldn't bear it in me to look at her and lie. "I started having them. . .during the time I was in the Burrow. I thought it was normal, you know, to have nightmares sometimes. But they started occurring regularly that I had to think of a way to get rid of them. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to be worried."
Hermione closed her eyes and rubbed her temples at my words. Her face was crumpled into a frown. When she spoke, the gentle words were filled with anguish.
"You never did change, didn't you? You should also think of yourself too Harry! You should take care of yourself and stop thinking too much on the welfare of others. You're also human, you're not a superhero. And besides, even heroes. . .need to be taken care of too."
I felt very grateful at her words, really, I did. But even with that, I knew that I would never burden someone with something that I could bear. "Thank you Hermione, for the thought. But I know everyone has suffered too much for me to have them worry over stupid dreams."
She looked down with thoughtful eyes. . .the familiar sad eyes. "You know, if there is one thing I love about you, it is your concern and your loyalty to your friends. . .your willingness to sacrifice your happiness and even your life for them. And I know it hurts you to see them so broken, I understand that. I guess it was a part of the reason why you decided to come back here in Grimmauld."
Her eyes bore into mine. It was enveloped with deep sadness, even loneliness that all I could do was tear away at her gaze and look at the floor. Then, she spoke again, "And truthfully, I am scared, one of the reasons I agreed to help you take care of Teddy is because I am afraid, afraid that you would blame yourself again and distance yourself from us. I couldn't . . .bear that."
I cupped her chin and looked at her eyes. Deep inside, I was really glad, glad that Hermione was able to understand me so much, glad that she was there. "You know Hermione, even if I tried to distance myself from all of you, I would just only succeed in hurting myself more because I'll miss you. Maybe I will be able to endure it, but please realize that I will not be able to. . .forgive myself if something happens to all of you during my absence."
I hugged her, just to let her know that I appreciated everything, that I was grateful for having her in my life. "Thank you for always being here, and I am so sorry. . .sorry for worrying you."
She let out a sob. It made me envelop her tighter as I stroked her hair, with my chin on the top of her head. When she broke the hug, she willed me to look into her eyes as she cupped my face.
"You don't know how much it hurts for me and Ron to see you so broken. Please, don't do this. Let someone take care of you for once, only if it will make those nightmares go away."
I smiled at her and hugged her again. And as I suddenly got lost inside my own thoughts, I remembered that I never told anyone of the events that happened after I saw Snape's memories. I think I would be able to, one day. And if that day happened, maybe I could only be too honest with her. For now, I'll just enjoy these moments, these moments that I shared with her and only her.