Chapter 49

"Yes, if the adopting families are military, they could be facing court-martial, if not, they might still face criminal charges for taking part in illegal adoption proceedings," AJ told Mac.

"What about the girls and the babies?"

"Well, the babies would probably be returned to the natural mothers."

"But they obviously didn't want them! Those babies have been loved and cared for by the new parents, and they are the only family they've known! To take them away and give them back to mothers that didn't want them in the first place? And the mothers are here illegally too! Will they be deported?" she asked becoming upset now.

"The mothers might be allowed to stay because the babies were born here and are US citizens."

"God, what a mess!" she sighed

"You feel for the babies, don't you, Sarah?" he asked gently.

"Yes, I've wanted a child for some time now, and when I hear of these babies being traded like currency I just see red!"

"Have you ever thought of adopting a child or having one of your own? Single motherhood doesn't carry a stigma any more."

"I will probably be having one soon," she replied without really thinking.

"Oh?" he questioned intrigued.

"Yeah, Harm and I made a deal when baby AJ was born. If neither one of us was in a relationship by the time he was five, that we would go halves on a baby for ourselves."

"What!" he demanded staring at her in shock.

"Well, we both want a child, but we have lousy track records with relationships, so we made a deal about having a baby together. It's not as bad as it sounds. I would be artificially inseminated using Harm's sperm, and once the baby was born we would share custody." Then she sighed sadly, "I don't even know if he still feels the same way about it now, though. With Mattie in his life…so maybe I won't have one of my own after all."

"You and Harm share a baby?" He couldn't believe the jealousy that ripped through his heart as he heard this. "Do you think that would work?" he asked, watching her closely.

"Not really, it was a stupid promise." She was embarrassed that she had ever considered something so stupid, and that to top it off she had told AJ about it! "But what else am I going to do? Do you know how long it takes to adopt? Even when there are two parents involved? With my background, being a reformed alcoholic, killing my husband, my chances would be slim to none!" cried Sarah, with tears filling her eyes.

His heart was breaking, that she thought so badly of herself. If only he could tell her how he felt, how he honored her! "Sarah, you are one of the bravest, kindest, women I know, any child would be blessed to have you for a mother!"

"The adoption agencies wouldn't see it that way, AJ. I guess I am just one of those women that will never be a mother."

"I think you would make a wonderful mother. I have watched you care for Little AJ and he loves you
very much," smiled AJ. "I remember that day in the bullpen when you were holding him, it was a lovely sight to see. You looked so natural."

Wiping her eyes, she tried to smile, "You don't have to be nice, AJ. I know I'll probably never have a baby, but it is a beautiful dream."

"You will have a child, Sarah. It will happen for you, I know it!" He didn't know what else to say to her. He couldn't offer to give her one, as much as he wanted to. So instead, he suggested that they return to the hotel. She agreed sadly, and they walked back without speaking.

That night, both of them got into bed still thinking of the conversation on the beach and wishing that it could have gone differently. Both of them dreamed the same dream that night… Of the conversation that could not have been…

To be continued….