A/N: I don't own any of the shows or comics or characters mentioned.
Dear Woody,
I'm afraid that you have no control over your nickname. You told me to give you my best shot, so I have. And at this time, I choose to not share with you the reasons for choosing that name, so don't bother asking. Any query will be ignored.
I am very happy that my package was well received, and that it was allowed to be delivered to you. I will be happy to send more Haribo Frogs, but please don't expect them too often. Do you have any other thoughts about the package?
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
Goldie,
I do NOT approve. Tell me.
S.
P.S. Historical fiction is boring. Got anything more NOW-ish?
Dear Woody,
Though I assure you the book I sent you is not boring in the least, I understand that historical fiction is not everyone's cup of tea, either. What would you prefer? Science fiction? Romance? Mysteries? If you tell me any of your favorite authors, I'm sure I could get an idea of what kind of books you like. And what did you think of the calendar? Everyone needs a good calendar.
Is there anything you do for fun?
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
Goldie,
Anything except historical fiction and westerns. No. Scratch that. Got any kickass graphic novels? Batwoman is the shit.
Does sitting in a tiny cell, trying to ignore the crazy shrieking from down the hallway count as having 'fun'?
S.
P.S. I WILL make you tell me. Do you believe in Voodoo?
Dear Woody,
While I don't necessarily agree with your choice of graphic novels, I DID decide to read a couple before deciding if they were worth sending. After all, one should always strive to have things that not only challenge them academically, but feed the brain as well. While a few seemed absolutely frivolous, I must admit that the Batwoman one I picked up was… Fascinating. Then, going along with the theme of 'powerful women', I moved onto She-Hulk and Buffy: the Vampire Slayer. I must admit that Buffy, the show, is a guilty pleasure of mine, so it was quite satisfying that the comics only upheld the quality of the show. I'm sure that you will enjoy it as well, even if you are not a fan of the show.
As for the shrieking… No. That doesn't sound like any definition of fun that I know of. Unless, of course, one happens to live in Dante's hell. Since I'm not quite sure of what you're allowed in your cell, do you have anything you can listen to instead of… That? I'd be happy to send along a CD of my singing. I'm sure it would brighten up your day.
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
P.S. Voodoo? Must you resort to such means? No. I don't believe.
Goldie,
I guess your choices of comics were adequate. But who knew such a little crazy girl with illusions of grandeur knew about She-Hulk? Maybe there's hope for you yet. So: Buffy or Faith?
Fuck no. I don't want to hear your squawking. Let me have Big Bertha's screaming. Hell, I'm sure you're just as annoying as that obnoxious Barbara chick.
S.
P.S. Bet you've been having pains in your lower back. Feel like telling me, yet?
Dear Woody,
BARBRA! BARBRA STREISAND! NOT BARBARA! And she is NOT obnoxious! She is only the most amazing and revolutionary female singer of her time. She is breathtaking. She is pure magic. I will NOT tolerate any ill words towards my idol. None!
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
P.S. BARBRA!
Dear Woody,
I apologize for that last letter. Though I do not apologize for the sentiment of what I said, I do apologize for how… Emphatically I shared my thoughts. I very often get passionate. It's the price of being a diva. A born diva. Growing into the diva I'm destined to be.
I've been told I am apt to go overboard about things I strongly believe in, but while I will say I could be able to tone things down, I will defend that there is nothing wrong with believing in something strongly; believing in the defense of people strongly; believing in my beliefs strongly.
Still, I'm sorry.
I do hope you forgive me.
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
P.S. Buffy. Faith is too… Skanky for me. Though I respect her character and the journey she goes through, Buffy speaks to me more. She always tries to do the right thing, and though she may make mistakes every once in a while, she continues to do what everyone needs her to do. What she needs to do. Like me and my singing, she doesn't give up. Just like I'm never going to give up.
Goldie,
Whoah. Calm. The. Fuck. Down. You're crazy. Barbara/Barbra, same thing. Jeez, you'd think I'd just kicked a puppy or shot your grandmother.
S.
P.S. Did I mention you're crazy? 'Cuz you are.
Goldie,
Whatever. Your choice to go bat-shit crazy. It's not like I have any OTHER psycho chicks talking to me. And it's not like I cared that you 'yelled' at me.
Buffy, huh? Can't say I'm surprised. Though I really didn't need all that crap about your life. You should work on that. Me? Faith all the way. She's bad. Ass.
S.
P.S. So. Lower back. Any pain?