Author's Note: Thank y'all so much for the comments. I'm going to make another Miss America speech and tell you how much I wish I could respond to each person under Guest names individually. I really appreciate your feedback. It keeps me going, and I've been having kind of a suckish time of everything lately.

Yeah, poor Helga also hasn't been having a great time of it so far. Things'll shape up for her soon, though, I promise.

14: The Light of You, It's All I See

The sky was slate gray and streaked with clouds that fizzled and shifted outside Helga's window, ominous with the nearby threat of rain.

"Aunty Elga, Aunty Elga."

"What?"

"Aunty Elga!" Marina chanted again. She was sitting at the edge of the bed, tiny fingers coiled into butterfly fists that furled and unfurled again and again.

"What?"

"Play with Mina!"

"How much more can we play?!"

"Pleeeeease," Mina wailed. "Play!"

"I'm right here," the teenager mumbled a bit more softly this time. She still had on the sweat-soaked shorts and T-shirt she'd worn at practice. About an hour earlier, she'd come home to find Miriam passed out on the couch for God knew how long, right in the midst of her babysitting duties. Mina was wearing a dirty diaper and wading knee-deep in an overturned bucket of crayons by the time Helga had arrived. Helga had gone into fight-or-flight response - she hadn't even taken the time to try to angrily shake her mother awake. She'd excavated Mina from the wreckage; cleaned her off in the sink; changed her; whisked her upstairs holding one of the organic pureed carrot pouches Olga had packed.

"Grandma sleeping," said Mina. She began fake-snoring in imitation. "Aunty Elga take care of Mina."

"Right," Helga told her as she smoothed the blonde ringlets on her niece's forehead. "Grandma's sleeping."

"Why Grandma sleep?"

"She's tired."

"Why Grandma tired?"

"Sometimes people just are."

"Why?"

"Jeez, Mina, enough with the questions!"

Out of nowhere, Helga suddenly felt her throat closing up. She buried her face in her pillow, letting the fabric cool her skin as the tears came.

"Aunty Elga cry?" came Mina's voice above her. She promptly needled her sticky fingers into Helga's scalp, trying to force her into moving. Helga shifted on the bed. Mina offered out the carrot pouch, the contents of which had mostly already spilled out onto the sheets.

"Aunty Elga no more cry?"

"I'm – not," Helga choked out. She lifted her head up enough to bend over and plant a very wet kiss on her niece's forehead, trying to steady her breathing over that warm, sea salt smell.

"No more cry."

"You are so special, you know that?"

"Yes," Mina said, her gummy smile widening. "Special."

"I mean it. Like, a hundred times cooler than your mom. Only don't tell her I said that."

"Mina," Mina said in response, pointing proudly at herself.

"Actually do tell her. What does she care?"

"Aunty Elga!"

"Let's just watch some TV. What do you say we turn on a little WrestleMania, eh?"

"WrestleMania," Mina repeated happily. "Yes. Mina love."

"Mina loves WrestleMania?"

"Grandpa," the little girl clarified. Helga cringed. It was true: whenever Big Bob was left as caretaker (which for obvious reasons wasn't too often), he sat on the couch belching, farting, and watching wrestling match reruns with Marina held captive at his feet.

Oh Jesus - was she the exact same person as her father? Please no.

"You know what, Mina? Screw that. We're not going to waste our time together turning into zombie cream puffs. Tell you what," Helga sat up, holding a hand to her head as it throbbed painfully. "Instead of sitting here watching TV in this dried-up old dump, we can go have ourselves some fun. Paint the town red."

"Mina love!"

"You really liked that ice cream last time you were here," Helga noted. Mina had gone completely nuts over the mint chocolate chip at Slausen's. It was Helga's favorite flavor, too.

"Ice cream!" Marina yelled enthusiastically.

"You want to go again?"

"Again!"

Helga took Mina by the hand and climbed carefully back downstairs with her, waiting impatiently while she insisted on bunny-hopping over each step.

Miriam, still snoring on the couch when they descended, bolted awake at the sound of Mina's carrying giggle.

"Oh! Girls!" Miriam wiped at the drool running down her chin. "Helga… sweetie… when did you get home?"

"We're going out, Mom." Helga tried to hold Mina still as she helped her wriggle into her coat and pink pom-pom hat.

"Grandma eat ice cream?"

"No," Helga snapped. "Grandma's not coming with us to eat ice cream."

But she stopped in the kitchen before they left, yanking out the tall glass imprinted with ravens. Miriam had fallen back asleep by the time Helga returned to leave the glass on the coffee table, the water filled all the way up to the brim.

"God, she's gross."

"She literally looks like a bird," Connie added. "Her nose takes up like half her face."

The four girls, Rhonda, Connie, Kelly, and Emily, were sitting in the Lloyds' living room, scrolling through the pictures on their media feeds.

"Day with the bae," Kelly said mockingly, reading the caption on the bottom of Milliana White's latest post, a picture of her smiling with her boyfriend. "I can't."

"Milliana does not wear anywhere near enough makeup to cover up her acne," Emily lamented. "Not that I'm judging her for having acne. But it's like, at least learn how to use foundation so that people don't have to look at that all the time."

"Hers is nothing compared to Lusetta Weston's," Rhonda pointed out. "And I do judge people for having acne. It's just lazy. All it takes is a proper skincare routine."

Rhonda stretched her legs out on the couch, rubbing more Lubriderm onto her kneecaps.

"Speaking of baes, Rhonda," Connie said suddenly. "I heard you and yours have been… getting hotter."

She glanced at Emily and the girls snickered. Rhonda felt her stomach brew uncomfortably.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"But I don't."

"You two…" Connie trailed off, gesturing crudely with her hands. Rhonda's heart rate increased to a hundred miles per hour.

"How do you know?" Rhonda demanded.

"Oh, girl, don't worry, it's totally cool," said Connie. "I just never knew you were like that. It's not like there's anything wrong with it, though."

"I know there's nothing wrong with it, but I asked you how you knew."

Connie gave another meaningful glance to the other girls before biting her bottom lip.

"Rhonda, please. You really think any member of the Hillwood football team would keep something like that to himself?"

Standing behind the counter at the ice cream parlor was none other than Bill Slausen himself, all decked out in the customary green apron. Helga hadn't seen him in months. Last time she'd come in here, they had been greeted by another random employee on shift.

"Helga. What a nice surprise."

His smile was soft, slow. He watched while she unzipped Mina and wrestled the hat from her head, careful not to tug too hard at any of her butter curls.

"Sup, Bill."

"I was wondering when I'd see you again."

"Well, you're in luck," Helga returned. "It's me, in the flesh."

"And?" Bill asked, his eyes trailing towards Mina as she ran to the countertop and pummeled her hands up against the glass.

"My niece. Say hi, Mina."

"Hi!"

"Your niece," he repeated, suddenly with a faraway look in his eyes. "My goodness."

Marina took a total of twenty seconds to demand mint chocolate chip ice cream in a wafer cone, the exact same thing she'd gotten last time.

"Make it two," Helga added. "I still get that twenty percent employee discount, right?"

"Right. But no need today. It's on the house."

Mina had turned her attention to the freezer of ice cream cakes, decorated with bright frostings and character decals.

"Gee, thanks." Helga briefly took mental count of the shorts she was still wearing underneath her coat. "This isn't gonna be like one of those creepy Missing Person stories where the charming old guy ends up abducting the teenage girl though, right? Because I'm really not in the mood for that tonight."

"That's a plot twist I didn't have planned for myself," Bill told her calmly. "So I hope not."

He scooped up their orders and Helga took them, sliding with Mina into one of the booths.

"Seriously, Rhonda, you shouldn't take it personally," Emily explained. Her hair was fanned out in glittering waves over the couch, where she was lying on her back. "Guys are just like that, you know? Everything's a game to them when it comes to that stuff. It's like they have competitions with each other. Who's hotter, Emily or Rhonda? Bet you I can get the hotter one. How many girls can I—"

"You weren't there. You don't know how it was. Samuel and me; we have something different than that."

Kelly smirked.

"We do," Rhonda told her firmly.

Emily sat up. "Go ahead then. Go up to him at school. Tell him you want to be his little girlfriend. Do it in front of everyone, if you're so sure of yourself."

Slausen's was empty at the moment, but would probably be picking up soon for the evening rush, Helga thought, as she looked at the huge white clock on the wall. How she didn't miss this place.

"No, no, not like that," she snapped at Mina, who was nibbling at the bottom of her cone while the ice cream dribbled down all over her lap. "Bill, can we get a cup over here or what?"

Mr. Slausen came over with the paper cup and pink plastic spoon, sliding it over the mess Marina had made. Distracted by these exciting new objects, Mina jammed the empty spoon into her mouth and began chewing on it while the ice cream continued to melt.

"Hard to believe," Bill said, his eyes taking on that preoccupied look again. "This must be Olga's daughter, right?"

Helga nearly dropped her cone. "Since when do you know my sister?"

"There aren't many people who live in this city that I don't know," he said.

"Well, she doesn't live in this city anymore. They live in Pleasant Chester. About an hour away."

"Pleasant Chester," Bill repeated. "How interesting."

"Rich husband. You know how that goes."

Bill took a seat across from them, looking on as Helga continued to lick lifelessly at her ice cream and Mina turned to chewing the paper cup.

"You look even sadder than your usual," he said, after several beats.

Helga glared at him. "Thanks for the diagnosis. Think you could write me a prescription for Prozac, too?"

"No. I can, however, recommend an adolescent therapist. I've had enough teenagers working here over the years to be acquainted with most of them."

She slumped down in the booth. "I don't do therapy. Except Dr. Bliss." She paused, unable to disguise her sorrow. "They made me stop going to her after eighth grade."

"Who did?"

"I don't know, the school district. Cause she's an elementary school counselor. The Hillwood principal fed me some crap about 'different resources for high school students.' Like I'm gonna just start pouring my heart out to some new rando in a dress suit."

"Definitely not if a dress suit is involved."

"Exactly."

"The very idea is ridiculous."

Helga exhaled quietly as she began to fiddle with the metal napkin dispenser. "I really miss her sometimes."

"I can imagine."

"She told me she hoped I would stop by again to say hi to her. But how pathetic would that be? So I never did."

"Understandable."

"I don't have anyone to talk to. I mean, anyone who's like, a functioning adult."

"I'll listen to you."

"You don't count," she snapped.

"I can see your point." Bill shrugged as he began to rise from the booth.

"Alright alright, if you have to know, my life is completely miserable, everything on the planet is the worst, and the boy I've loved sickly, passionately, and desperately since I was three years old hates my stinkin guts and thinks I'm a waste of space." Against her will, Helga felt the tears burning at the back of her eyes again.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Bill said as he sat back down.

"And I know I didn't even do what he thinks I did, but it doesn't matter because I did do another thing he knows I did, and even if I hadn't done that other thing I'm never gonna be the kind of girl he wants to be with and I'm never gonna stop being hopelessly obsessed with him either."

"That certainly sounds like a predicament."

"I mean, he likes girls that are all sweet and pretty and nice all the time and I can't do that, Bill. If I could be that way, then I would. I would love to be dainty and kind and gentle! I would love to to be Cinderella flouncing around in a stupid little dress and dancing in circles with all the freaking baby animals! But I can't."

"No, you almost certainly can't dance with baby animals."

"That's what he wants, though. He wants someone like Li-la, and now, he finally has her."

"Excruciating."

"The whole thing makes me sick."

"Just hearing about it makes me sick, too."

"Quit messing around. I said I needed a functioning adult, remember? You're supposed to be dishing out advice over here. What should I do?"

"I don't know," Bill replied. "But if I had to guess, I'd say you should continue internally berating yourself and allowing your sense of worth as a person to revolve around this one single boy's approval."

Helga scowled, leaning back into the seat as far as she could go.

"I didn't ask for your sass."

"I didn't ask for yours, either. And yet here we are."

Beside her, Mina had grown quiet with sleepiness. She let the cup drop out of her mouth and nestled into Helga's lap. Bill watched them for a few moments, his eyes flickering softly.

"Olga used to work here too, you know," he said at last. "When she was about the same age as you."

Helga rolled her eyes as she stroked Mina's hair. "She did not. Olga didn't work at an ice cream shop when she was fifteen. She was too busy gallivanting across stages and winning trophies."

"Oh, but she did. You probably don't remember, but that's how I met you for the first time."

"Huh?"

Bill nodded. "It feels like just yesterday to me. You were so little then. Olga used to bring you in here for ice cream every single chance she got."

Helga gave him a dark glare. "Well, she was probably parading me around like one of her stuffed animals."

"Probably. Olga was a star employee, as a matter of fact. Very hardworking girl. She always smiled at the customers. Always. It didn't matter what day it was, or what the weather was like."

"I'm sick of this story," Helga snapped.

"But the combination of the two of you was what always stuck in my mind. Whenever she brought you in here, I remember thinking that I'd never seen such a tiny little girl who looked so angry all the time."

"Your sexist-old-white-guy is showing again."

"Little girl or little boy."

"Hm."

"Very much reminded me of my own family."

"Why? Do you have an asshole sister, too?"

"I had an older brother, Stanley Slausen."

Mina grunted slightly in her sleep and wrapped her little fists tightly around Helga's waist.

"In the sixties, there wasn't a thing Stan couldn't do. He was smart, handsome, athletic. Quarterback of the high school football team. Straight-A student. Every girl wanted to go steady with him."

"Sounds awful," Helga grumbled.

"Very much so. I lived the first nineteen years of my life in his shadow. For many years, I think, I didn't try at all. He was the apple of my family's eye. I was always second best to him, no matter what dice I tried to roll. I felt like the game had always been rigged in his favor, from the very beginning."

"But your dad wanted little old you to inherit the family business?" Helga cut in. "Or was your brother too busy with more important stuff?"

"He was dead," Bill said quietly. "He took his own life when he was twenty-two years old."

Helga felt her throat go dry.

"Oh."

"It happened three months before he was set to marry his high school sweetheart. The whole world was at his feet."

"That... that really sucks, Bill."

"Yes," he agreed. "It does suck. But it was a long time ago now."

"I guess."

"Still, over the past forty some years, I've wondered and dreamed and wished. I've had nightmares, and I've come to peace with what happened. But I've never stopped believing that things could have turned out differently for Stan. As his brother, I could have been there for him. I could have helped him."

Helga swallowed.

"But I wasn't able to. I never realized anything was wrong until it was too late. I was too busy being jealous of him."

"A character flaw of yours, huh?" she quipped in an attempt to lighten the somber mood.

"A character flaw for you and me both, I think."

Ordinarily, she'd have shot back with a rebuttal to such an obvious insult. But she didn't have the heart.

"I guess so," Helga admitted. "But if you're saying that Olga is secretly suicidal, I - "

"No, Helga, I'm not suggesting that. I was just sharing my story with someone I trust."

She offered him a half-smile as she pulled Mina further up to her chest. "So how'd you get over your raging jealousy issues, after all that?"

"It was the only thing that did help me get over it. I realized how little I knew about the struggles of the people around me, even people I loved. And once I realized that, the world began to look different. I stopped thinking so hard about what I wasn't. And I started to become who I was."

"So?" she prompted him. "Who are you?"

"Bill Slausen. Confidante, friend, supervisor, ice cream lover extraordinaire." He paused. "And you?"

"Helga G. Pataki," she said. "Not sure about any of the rest."

"Well, I'd say that's an excellent start."

The bell above the glass door jingled and a young family made their way in, talking and laughing gently, their faces pink with cold. Helga stood up as slowly as she could, so as not to wake her sleeping niece up as she wrapped her in her jacket and prepared for the trek home.