XI. Falling in Love
You are fifteen when you fall in love for the first time. You keep telling yourself that it's not love because that would mean you need her and the only thing you ever really wanted and needed was to be free and she has surrendered to the Circle and the templars. So you can't love her, right? Because she's everything you never want to become. But she's also intelligent and beautiful and perfect and your heart aches every time she's not with you, so how can you not love her?
One night, when the air smells like her and your lips are still hot and you're longing for another kiss, you ask her to run away with you. 'They will find us,' she whispers with eyes so sad it hurts to look into them. 'And they'll bring us back. And then everything will get worse.'
You promise to keep her safe but you know you'll break your word, because in the tower no one's really safe. But then you kiss again and all those thoughts of fighting and freedom don't matter for a perfect moment of pure happiness.
XII. Goodbye
With sixteen you lose your best friend. He turns into an abomination and your world shatters anew. After all, that's what you should be afraid of, right? With a bitter laugh you think of telling the templars they should kill all cats they could find because it seems they're as dangerous as all the little children they take away from their families. But you keep it to yourself because you have something to do you can't do with angry templars following your every move.
It's in the middle of the night when you stand at the lake right under the window where you first met Mr. Wiggums. They took him away – or that formless shape he turned into – after they slaughtered him, so you don't have anything to bury. In your hands you hold the blanket he always slept on. You burn it and throw the ashes into the water. You watch as the waves carry them out into the world you both loved so very much and for the moment it doesn't matter if someone could notice your tears.
You give your silent goodbye and turn into the shade. There's no need in waiting any longer. You'll go and they'll hunt you. It will always be like this. What matters is who'll win in the end.
tbc
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