Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 4

July 13, 2012 – Manhattan, New York – Stark Tower

It was a call she never wanted to get. One that she'd been dreading since she put down her number as his next of kin.

Steve was still away on his mission and Bucky was getting his brain examined by Tony – trigger words didn't stand a chance.

She tore down the streets of Brooklyn, a death grip on the steering wheel. The resident billionaire had given her a car for emergencies and she'd hoped that she'd never have to use it.

The door to the nursing home slammed shut as Darcy hurried inside. Her bare feet slapped against the worn tile and Darcy was sure that she made quite a scene. Her ringlets were frayed, her pajamas on their last leg and she belatedly realized she was indeed barefoot.

"Darcy."

"I'm here, Spot," she whispered, haphazardly pulling up the chair next to his bed. He looked so tired.

"We gotta get th' papers from Weasel. Y'know, they're tryin' t' raise the price. Damn Pulitzer. He's a greedy son o' a bitch."

She sniffled. The dementia was getting worse. Pulitzer had tried to raise the prices of the newspapers before she'd even started selling with him. But a boy named Jack Kelly had changed all that a long time ago.

"I already got 'em, Spot."

He turned and looked at her, his eyes the most lucid she'd seen in a while. "You're th' prettiest girl in Brooklyn, y'know that, Darcy? What I wouldn't've given t' have ya on my arm. When ya turned sixteen, I damn near lost my mind. 'M glad ya got Buck and Stevie to take care o' ya."

Darcy laughed. "I love you, Spot. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"You're th' smartest girl I ever met."

She watched the morphine drip in the IV, knowing it wouldn't take long. He was heading for the rest he deserved. She held his hand tight, willing away the tears that were clinging to her eyelashes.

"Ya were the first person that cared 'bout me for me, kid," Spot rasped as his eyes closed. "Ya didn't care that I was an orphan or a newsie or a scrawny kid from Brooklyn – "

"You were never scrawny."

" – and I fell in love with ya the second I went away for the army. I'm glad ya get another life, baby. Ya deserve it."

Darcy sobbed openly as she kissed the top of his wrinkled hand. She would never have this – the luxury of fading away. The serum prevented it.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away…"

Spot Conlon died in the wee hours of July thirteenth. He was one hundred and seven years old.

July 25, 2012 – Manhattan, New York – Stark Tower

"You're tellin' me that there's no way to get in touch with Steve?"

Stark looked over his glass of scotch in annoyance. "Emergencies only, Barnes."

"Darcy losin' her brother is a goddamned emergency!" Bucky yelled, slamming his hand down hard on the bar top where the other man was sitting. "She's not eating, barely sleeping! She's losin' weight – "

"Her brother? What?"

He sighed as he ran his hand over his face. "Her brother died a couple weeks ago. I know Barton's en route to get here, but I don't know if it'll be the same and – " his voice broke. "She's hurtin', Tony. And I'm not enough right now."

The other man swallowed heavily and nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

"Baby, talk to me, please."

Bucky was so far below begging at this point that he would've done anything to get her to talk to him. Before, when Darcy was sad, she lashed out, often decimating the object of her hurt with her sharp tongue. He would take that if it meant she would do something other than stare out of a window all day.

He sat down at the foot of the chair she'd dragged next to the window and sighed, leaning his head against the side of it as he closed his eyes. "I…I know I'm not who you want right now, Darce. I'm sorry he's not here. I talked to Tony, though. I think he's gonna try to get him a message or something."

He heard a slight rustling before she climbed into his lap, her cheek flush against his chest. Her small body was wracked with sobs and he held her as tight as he dared.

"I miss him so much," she whimpered. A piece of her that kept her anchored to the past was gone now. She couldn't visit him anymore. Couldn't tell him about how hard it was adjusting to this new time with her old memories. How hard it was differentiating between the Darcy she was and the Darcy she is…

Bucky tucked her head underneath his chin and sighed. "I know, baby. I got you. Let it all out."

It took a few hours before she was all cried out. Bucky's ass was numb from sitting on the carpet, plush as it was. He managed to get up without dropping her or stumbling and had just set her down when JARVIS announced that he had a visitor.

"Let 'em in, JARVIS."

"Of course, Sergeant Barnes."

Heavy footfalls followed after the front door slid open and closed, stopping outside the shut bedroom door.

There was a muffled, "Hope they're decent," on the other side before the archer was shouldering his way into the room.

His green eyes zeroed in on Darcy on the bed, her frail body and the tear tracks lining her cheeks. He sighed. "How long?"

"A couple weeks," Bucky responded gruffly. He had to shake away the slight protective defense that had washed over him in the other man's presence. "Been tryin' to get a hold of anyone that's been around her since…but it's a blackout. Tony just got back a week ago and I heard you and Natalia were out of contact."

Clint nodded. "I tried to get a message to Steve before I left, but I don't know if it went through."

"How did you know to come back?"

"Darcy has the number for my burner phone. I keep it on me just in case. She...she left me a voicemail. It wasn't exactly asking me to come back, but I know her."

Swallowing his pride, Bucky asked, "Has she ever been like this before?"

"Only once that I've noticed," he answered, walking further into the room and brushing the curls off of her face. "It was after she told me everything before she disappeared. She kept waiting for HYDRA to take her. Couldn't get a word out of her unless she was performing. I was living with her ghost for so long that her absence was familiar and crippling all at once."

"And then?"

"And then she was gone. I looked for her as much as I could. Tried to dig up anything on her when I joined SHIELD, but she's a ghost story, Barnes. Just like the Winter Soldier. She was marked down as a casualty in Pearl Harbor, an unnamed casualty. You wouldn't find her unless you were really looking and I really was."

Bucky shook his head, "Steve tried – "

"Steve isn't a spy. It's all about looking for what you're not expecting, finding patterns in the pattern-less." Clint shrugged, pulling the throw at the bottom of the bed over her and switching off the light. "She meant everything to me and I would've done anything to find to find her. I did do anything to find her. I never would've joined SHIELD if I thought it couldn't help me. And then she literally fell into my lap in a seedy, little New Mexico town. The world has a weird way of righting itself."

"I guess."

"C'mon, let's get some coffee and let her sleep. From the looks of it, she needs it."

Darcy woke up with a scream attempting to crawl its way out of her throat. It was still dark out, but she had no idea how long she had slept for. Hours, days, a week? Time wasn't all too relative at this point.

She kept waiting for Bucky, Steve, Clint, anyone to help her.

She was drowning in all the sorrow that was filling up her chest and all she wanted to do was breathe.

Darcy had stood by herself at Spot's funeral as the only attendant. He had no real family that cared, no children or a spouse. There was just a distant niece that lived in Boston and didn't have the money to pay for a funeral.

But Darcy wasn't asking for money; she paid for Spot's funeral in full, knowing exactly what he would've wanted. She watched as the priest had said a few words and then threw some dirt of the casket as her brother was lowered into the ground.

"Are you going to be all right, miss? Do you want me to call anyone?" The priest had asked good-naturedly.

Darcy shook her head. "No thank you, Father. I'll be leaving shortly."

It wasn't until she was alone that she stared down at the dusty casket with a bit of morbid fascination.

What would it be like to be on the other side of the lid?

How would it feel to breathe her last breath?

What would dying feel like?

For all intents and purposes, she should have been lowered into the ground, too. She should've lived her life, popped out a beautiful family and watched them grow, should've made her decisions and left this earth.

But now, she was a part-time Avenger. A former brainwashed Russian spy. A HYDRA machine that was on borrowed time.

The same unease had slipped under her skin like it had when she was sure that she was going to be taken when she was with Clint.

It was a time bomb.

They knew where she was, what she was capable of.

When Loki had made his way to New York, she was on television just like everyone else that was fighting. Granted, she had a mask, but that meant nothing when HYDRA knew every single inch of her. When they'd trained her and knew what her body could do.

She sat down next to the freshly dug dirt and sighed. "Why'd you have to leave me? I wasn't ready…"

Darcy shook away the memory and rolled out of bed. She knew it was time. She couldn't wait for Steve to get there and she couldn't risk Bucky getting taken away again.

Grabbing a notebook, she scratched out a brief note, having déjà-vu of having done the same thing more than a lifetime ago.

She dressed in her Kevlar and laced up her boots before giving a long look to the room she was leaving behind. Steve's room.

"JARVIS?" She asked quietly.

"Yes, Miss Lewis?"

She swallowed thickly. "Don't alert anyone that I'm gone until morning, please. And only if they specifically ask."

The AI seemed to hesitate for a moment before replying. "Of course, Miss Lewis. I wish you well on your endeavors."

"Thanks, J-Man."

July 27, 2012 – Manhattan, New York – Stark Tower

Clint was the first one to notice.

He'd fallen asleep outside Steve's room, leaning up against the shut door, woken by the stray light filtering in above the small window in the kitchen. When he stood, an eerily familiar emptiness slinked into his bones and he jerked the door open so fast that he almost worried that it would come off its hinges.

The bed was empty, made in the way he was accustomed to. No rumpled bedding or pillows out of place. She'd planned it. She'd let them take her. Again.

"JARVIS," Clint barked. "When did Darcy leave?"

"Miss Lewis departed shortly after midnight, Agent Barton."

"Why was no one alerted? I have protocols in place – "

"She used her override code. I do apologize."

Clint clenched his jaw in frustration. Leave it to her to sacrifice herself. "Wake up Barnes, tell him to meet me in Tony's office." He paused. "And wake up Tony."

"As you wish, Agent Barton."

Bucky stared down at the small notebook. He had dressed in his normal combat uniform, for once being grateful that Soldat was still taking residency in his head.

When he'd seen that it was a note, he snapped it shut before he could be tempted to read it. He was waiting for Steve, he had to wait for Steve. Darcy wasn't taken, she'd surrendered herself. And for what? HYDRA wasn't going to get her. Bucky would never allow it. He'd willingly go back if it meant that she was off of their radar for the rest of her life, safe with Steve.

"Cap's about twenty minutes out, Romanoff's piloting," Stark said as he whisked into the room, his suit halfway on. He looked more worn for wear and it was an odd look considering he was normally so well put together. "Do we have any leads? Any ideas where she went?"

Clint looked up from counting his arrows. "She went back to HYDRA. Nat's been intercepting codes and warnings for her since the battle of New York. That's how they've been getting the intel for the HYDRA raids. I think losing her brother was the breaking point. She doesn't have anymore ties to this time."

"She has me! And Steve!"

Stark scoffed. "That's a tie to right now, not now. Before finding out about you two wonder twins, she was trying to settle in to being normal."

"Darcy…has always been complicated," Clint started, weary of the weight of his words. "At the circus, she devoted everything to helping me, raising me. And when I got old enough, she disappeared. It was like her work was done and – "

"Are you calling her Mary Poppins, Katniss?"

"What I'm saying is that she's got this innate sense of self responsibility and if she thinks the only way she can help is to hand herself over on a silver platter, then she's going to do it. To save the people she loves."

The door to Tony's office opened with a bang and a disheveled Captain America burst in. "We came as soon as we could. Where's Darcy?"

Bucky wordlessly handed the notebook to his best friend.

To my boys,

I have a few things I need to take care of. Things that need to be remedied before I can move forward. It's not their choice, but mine. And I'll come home. I'm sorry that I'm so selfish, but I need to do this. For me. For us. I'll be back, I promise.

All my love,

Darcy

Steve swallowed harshly. "I'll be back, I promise," he repeated, remembering her words when she'd left the first time. Let them both to join the circus.

"HYDRA won't let her go, Steve," Natasha interjected, looking over his shoulder and reading the note. "She willingly walked into the lion's den with no back up."

Stark had been relatively quiet up until that point. The thought of his daughter being tortured was enough to break him. "Suit up, Cap. Well, in a clean suit, anyway. I'm calling Coulson." He looked over at Clint and sighed. "Might as well call STRIKE, too. We've got an Avenger to save."

What did you think?

~Grace