A/N: What? What? YES. I know, I know. But I'm so close to the end. You know how it is when you've been running for three miles, and suddenly you can see the finish line 50 yards in front of you? Just sprint, baby, sprint! ;-)

(My husband just complained that my stories are too dark and asked me to write a story where Relena becomes a Gundam Pilot, herself. *facepalm*)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing

When morning broke, Relena put on her strong face, smiling with her brother until she bid him farewell, but Heero—and apparently Zechs, also—could see through the facade.

Before she left, she had another appointment with a new doctor, who told her what she did not want to hear. The effects of the Cryotherapy had already warn off. Her tumor had not only regained its lost size, but had increased an additional few millimeters. The cancer was trying to spread.

Moving on with the trip, Heero led her to India. He encouraged her to enjoy the sweet and savory flavors, but the emptiness lingered over even the meals, like the shadows in a sky during a storm. The tears never seemed to come, but the light was gone for her, once she'd felt herself lose hope. By the time Heero agreed to meet up with Trowa at the circus in China, she even stopped talking. Relena was completely in a valley of mourning, and there was no telling when the optimist he fell in love with would resurface.

Relena stood silently at the window of the lodging, looking up at a foreboding sky through equally tormented blue eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want to come along? Trowa and Catherine were looking forward to seeing you."

She looked at him, giving a stoic nod.

Heero sighed, turning and putting his hand on the door latch. He hesitated. Looking back at her, he noticed she'd turned away, again. It wasn't so much that she was keeping it locked inside as that she was trying to hide the size of the heartbreak. It was like knowing she was painfully scarred, but turning only to see her ducking behind a curtain to avoid his sight. All he really wanted, now, was to be with her, broken heart and all, but she pushed even him away.

"I love you," he said softly, but she didn't respond. Finally, he left, making his way to the circus, lost in thought.

Heero Yuy never did bother to go to the main entrance of the big top. The show was okay, but not too interesting to him. It certainly didn't inspire awe, after everything else he and the star of the show had done together.

Head hung low, he simply trudged around the roaring crowds, making his way to the backstage area. The labor hands knew enough of him to avoid being in his way or to even try to talk to him. He had nothing to say, and was similar to Trowa in that respect. Any bothering with Trowa's guest might be taken as harassing, and Manager would have a conniption.

After another few bursts of "wows" "awes" and laughter, a climatic chorus of applause broke free from the other side of the tarp walls. Trowa had completed the final act with ease, and he and his sister would momentarily make their exit.

Trowa and Catherine found Heero sitting at the Lion's cage, calmly searching the cats eyes, seemingly for answers. Catherine suppressed her disappointment at seeing Trowa's comrade alone, and quietly excused herself so they could talk about whatever had taken place.

After bidding his sister goodnight, Trowa stood calmly across the way, watching Heero and waiting.

"She's not feeling well," he finally answered the silent stare.

"Hm," Trowa grunted, looking thoughtfully to the sky. "I have a feeling she hasn't been feeling herself for a while now."

Heero looked up at him without emotion in his eyes.

"Has she?" Trowa pressed, making eye contact with his old friend.

Heero looked at the ground, confirming Trowa's suspicion.

"That's why she's taken time off, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Heero finally said. "But it's different right now."

Trowa simply waited for the concerns to surface, his dirty blond bangs shifting in the evening breeze.

"These last few weeks she's been different. Nothing like I've ever seen her before."

"How so?"

"She's not eating. She's not sleeping. I can't even tell you the last time I saw her smile—or had a conversation with her."

"She's depressed."

"Huh?" Heero looked up, surprised at the response.

"Tell me, Heero," Trowa gently prodded, lowering himself close, on one knee. "What is this ailment she's facing."

Heero looked away, allowing silence to greet them for several minutes.

Trowa did not move. He did not retract his question. He simply waited.

"Relena has breast cancer," Heero sighed in an unfamiliarly sad voice.

"And she's refusing treatment?"

Heero shook his head. "She's procrastinating."

"Time is risk," Trowa answered.

"I know," Heero groaned in a voice laced with annoyance and concern. "I've reminded her. I've warned her. But she's determined to find an alternate way to manage it."

Trowa nodded, allowing his thoughts to settle over the subject. "What is she afraid of?" He asked. He immediately sensed that he'd hit the nail on the head. There was something more to the situation, something more intimate that Heero was not as willing to present for analysis.

Heero shook his head, at first, refusing to answer aloud.

"I know it's not just a fear of pain."

The brunet huffed, rubbing a hand across his face. "She's afraid—she won't feel like a woman."

"The surgery?"

"No. No, it's not that. I mean, she dreads that, too, but it's—" After a moment of holding his breath, midsentence, he realized his hand was all but flailing pointlessly, trying to indicate the feminine fears he didn't feel he could put into words. Relena's paranoia had turned the solid, stoic Heero Yuy into a terrible, emotional mime act.

Heero dropped his head in his hands, again. "She's always wanted children of her own, and now she's afraid she won't have that." There. He said it.

Trowa was silent for several seconds, analyzing the information and the emotions behind them. "Are you courting her?" He finally asked.

Heero pulled his face from his hands, brows furrowed, and leaned back in the chair. He crossed his arms, solidly meeting Trowa's stare. "Yes."

Trowa nodded, taking a few more minutes to consider the situation. "How long has she known about the disease?"

"Since December."

"And she's already been angry?"

Heero raised an eyebrow. "Yeah."

"She's tried to bargain in alternative care?"

"Yeah."

"And how long has she been depressed?"

Heero was starting to feel like he was getting the third degree, but he considered the question in his mind. "Since we were in Italy, a few weeks ago. Her brother made some comments that set her off. She cried, but the next day she looked like she would remain strong."

"And then—?"

"And then she saw a doctor. He said the Cryotherapy had failed and that the cancer was progressing."

"And she became depressed?"

Heero turned to stare at the lion, again. He hated that word. She wasn't "depressed", she was just disappointed—wasn't she?

"Her feelings surrounding this issue are not only to be expected, but they are legitimate, Heero."

He looked back at his friend. "Legitimate?"

"She has the right to feel this way."

"But the longer she allows her emotions to play with her, the longer it will take her to seek the help she needs," he argued.

"Then help her process through the feelings she's facing."

"What do you mean?"

"Where is she, now?"

"At the hotel. She hasn't left the room since we arrived."

"And where are you?"

Heero straightened. The question was obviously rhetorical, but he was beginning to follow the logic.

"Relena's concern is for your future as well. Facing this means she must choose to set up those dreams—hopes she's had her entire life. You think that holding onto the dreams over her own self preservation is selfish, but she thinks that you're asking her to do the opposite is too much. Each of you is right to a point, but you'll never come to an agreement on what to do or how to face it by being in two different places."

"But she won't speak, Trowa. She won't even cry."

"She will, if you make her feel that it is safe to."

He swallowed, considering what she might be thinking to protect herself from him.

"Relena needs to know that you will not only refuse judgment over her, but that you are strong enough to handle her tears without taking it too strongly to heart."

"Huh?"

Trowa stood over him. "Men can handle bloody noses and lost battles, but we have a weakness for a woman's tears. She needs to know that you are willing to face that weakness and allow her to cry. Allow her to be the quiet one and to mourn what she's lost at your side, free from your fear or judgment."

Heero looked at the ground in silence for several moments, before nodding.

"Well, then," Trowa said. "What are you waiting for? Go be with her." He put a hand on Heero's shoulder, drawing his buddy's eyes to him. "Relena needs you."

Heero stood, silently, and walked away.

:::

Relena was so emotionally exhausted, she didn't even hear the door when Heero returned to the room. She stiffened when she felt him climbing into the bed, beside her. She didn't know what to say, but she knew it was too late to cover up the evidence. As the backs of his callused fingers brushed gently over her swollen cheeks, he found it there. Trails of salty water will still wet on her skin. She'd been crying. He shifted, pulling her body close to his in the softest, but most protective embrace. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her neck. His voice was gentle and reassuring. Only love pouring out. Relena took another breath, thinking she would steady herself to speak, but when she opened her mouth, only soundless cries came forth. Heero held her close as sobs wracked her body through the night. She was in mourning, and he allowed her that.

:::

Relena closed the suitcase, sealing in her clothing and toiletries as Heero rounded the corner. "We'll go home, after this," she said quietly. "It's time that I face it all."

Heero grinned, more for support than satisfaction. "We are still going to Japan, first?"

"Yes," she smiled. "Japan."