Faithfully

A/N: Wow, you guys were all sincerely passionate about this last chapter, I'm amazed!

Some of you are wondering why Quinn reacted so harshly, some of you wonder why Rachel was so calm and collective about Finn, and most of you are just honestly outraged from it all.

That was my intention, to make you all feel completely mind fucked.

Seriously.

Well, anyways this is the start of a Rachel and Quinn road to recovery. They are about to deal with some issues to further their relationship, and to recover Quinn from the things she has been trying to suppress. Also I wrote it as a gift for the exciting winter finale of Glee tonight. Is anyone more excited than I am? I don't think so. I hope Quinn stops this wedding. Anyways, enough of that, no Finchel allowed here. Lol. Happy Glee!

Shall we?

BTW: This chapter was named after a line in Demi Lovato's beautifully raw ballad, "Fix a Heart." Describes Quinn perfectly.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, do you even think there would be a semblance of a Finchel wedding or the couple itself? Hellllll no.

Chapter 12

Rachel pressed her lips to her sleeping girlfriends, before tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and stepping back from her sleeping form.

She had carried the woman to her master bedroom after she had successfully sobbed herself into a deep coma of sorts. And now she was preparing to leave the home, and return to her own, taking with her the shocking understanding that the woman she had been in love with for so many years and was in love with now was holding and harboring truly intense feelings.

There were so many things that had gone unanswered. Rachel wasn't going to wake her lover from the slumber she had fallen into to answer them, though. And even if she did, it isn't like the answers that Rachel wanted were hidden in the mind of her ironically unsettled ingenue.

Those answers lay hidden in the minds and hearts of the people who surrounded the blonde girl. Rachel was purely enraged, underneath her concern. How could they allow her to let these problems seep deep within her spirit and harvest wholly? These are the people that called themselves her family, her friends.

After she left home, what did they think? That she was okay?

Rachel found her body hot with fury; maybe she understood now why Quinn was so angry at herself for not coming clean sooner. Rachel felt the same way for the opposite situation. If she had allowed herself to be open with Quinn, she could have helped prevent the feelings that her girlfriend had yet to deal with.

She was so angry.

She felt the white heat take her body hostage and she turned around and stalked from the room, before she'd be persuaded to stay and cuddle to her lover.

She wasn't going home, oh no.

She was going to Santana's.

Santana Lopez found herself being awakened from her late afternoon nap by a rough pounding on her front door.

"The fuck?" She questioned groggily, falling literally off of the couch cushions to stumble over to the front door and unlock it. She barely cracked it before the shorter brunette had stalked into her home.

"How could you let her get that fucking bad?" Rachel snapped jabbing her finger into Santana's chest harshly.

Santana furrowed her eyebrows angrily, backing up at the stabbing pain of the girl's fingers in her chest.

"Whoa, crazy short bitch, what is your problem?" She said, attempting to avoid the pain.

"You call yourself her best friend! All of you, and you let her fucking get this fucking fucked up, that's my fucking problem!" Rachel screeched still forcing the small finger towards the Latina.

"Berry, you've got one more time to thrust your little hobbit fingers at me, before I break those fuckers right off your fucking hand!" Santana grabbed the offensive body parts, seeming to wake up at the sheer amount anger that presented itself in the Jewish girl.

"Oh I should be the one kicking your ass, Santana!"

"What the fuck are you squawking about dobby? It would be nice if you told me because I don't know anything except I was taking a nap and now I'm standing here trying to figure out why you're fucking threatening me!" Santana said exasperatedly. Rachel whirled around, took a deep breath as if she was going to yell some more, but upon the opening of her mouth nothing happened.

She plopped down on her couch, before allowing sobs to wreck her entire body.

Santana stood there squinting at the crying girl in front of her."Fuck Berry, you went into that room, didn't you?"

Rachel just nodded allowing the tears to slide down her cheeks and Santana took a seat next to the girl with a sigh. She took her appearance in, one of Quinn's UCLA sweatshirts and a pair of loose jeans that were obviously so old that no one, let alone Quinn could get into them. She was holding what used to be her red dress in her hands.

"I just wanted to talk…I just wanted to know how she felt about Finn. I knew she would be angry…and I was even expecting some of the rage but…it's more than that Santana. She's got so many feelings inside of her that she hasn't even dealt with." Rachel said, raising her hand to wipe at the offensive droplets.

Santana raised a hand to Rachel's back, rubbing softly in comfort.

Santana sighed. "You weren't the only complicated thing in her life, Rachel."

Rachel looked up at the taller woman, "She was more angry at herself about Finn than anything…it's like as soon as she found out he abused me she took all the blame for it."

"That's because she honestly does regret not getting to you sooner. She was in love with you. She was angry because Finn got the one thing that she wanted, the one thing that she needed and he took it and hurt it to the point of no return…she feels like that's her fault for not grabbing the opportunity to have you sooner." Santana spoke knowingly.

"But she has me now. I don't understand. All that stuff with Finn happened in the past, I didn't mean for it to happen…but it's over now."

"It's not over now, Berry. She hates Finn, don't you get it? Pure unadulterated hatred for him, because he smacked you around…can you honestly look me in the eye and say she has no reason to hate him? I don't think so. Quinn is so far gone within herself that it's gonna take some serious shit to bring her out of it, Rachel. Finn beating you up and you still being friends with him adds on to that. She will now have that fear that he will come back to hurt you, and Quinn would die before she let anyone hurt you, hence why she feels the need to snap at the fact that she couldn't protect you." Santana huffed.

"She wasn't even in the same state…she wouldn't have known…"

"She would've if she would have stopped focusing on her parents for one second to go after the only thing she wanted in her life. Quinn now is feeling like her parents ruined another thing in her life, because if she wasn't so invested in getting far away from them she would have ended up with you. So now the shit going on inside of her just got a lot deeper." The Latina spoke knowingly to the girl next to her.

Rachel put a hand on her face, and sighed. "She needs to deal with the feelings regarding her parents."

"Her parents, Beth, and now you and Finnadequate. Rachel if you gathered all of this from her fucking you senseless, why are you over here talking to me?"

She leaned back onto the sofa wearily, "Because I'm so frustrated, I just want her to be okay. I thought when we got together that I had cracked down the walls, that I had gotten through and helped rid her of the sadness, I thought I was making her happy."

Santana shook her head, sensing where the conversation was leading. "You do make her happy, Berry. You made her happy when you were friends then and you do now…but despite all of that? There are just some things that Quinn feels like if she doesn't talk about them, she doesn't have to deal with them. And they sit inside of her manifesting and growing strong and unhealthy…until she explodes."

"Will she talk to me?"

"If she wants to I suppose, but I think you've learned your lesson about pushing." Santana said grinning raising her hand to finger the bite mark on the woman's neck.

"My question is, why didn't you or Brittany push? At least try to figure out what was happening and try to get her to address it? You had to have known she wasn't entirely okay."

Santana looked away from the short brunette. "I knew, Brittany of course takes everything with rainbows and sunshine, which is why Quinn talks to her, because she knows with Brittany that's all it will be. But I knew…I knew what had happened to Quinn with her parents. All of it. And I didn't push because I know what it feels like to be so fragile that at the slightest word you could fall apart. Everything I would have said to her to even remotely help would have backfired."

Santana moved her bangs out of her face, and Rachel wondered if it was her nervous habit. "I know you're mad because you wish I could've helped Quinn, Rachel. But none of us can help Quinn. Quinn has to help Quinn." Santana said, turning her brown eyes on the woman next to her and Rachel understood.

"Well, someone has to be there for her…I'm willing to be that person." Rachel spoke softly. Santana allowed a soft chuckle to empty her body.

"Good because you're the only person that is going to be able to get her to actually start helping herself." Santana scoffed.

"What makes you think that?" Rachel said confusedly.

"Cause you're Rachel Berry, can't you do the impossible or some bullshit?" Santana said standing up from the couch.

Rachel smiled brightly, "Yes I can."

The shorter brunette stood and embraced the Latina, "Santana?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know all of that about Quinn? It's obvious how I figured this entire thing out, but you said Quinn doesn't talk to you about some things, or rather the serious things. How are you so sure of how she is feeling?"

Santana pulled back from the hug, "Because Quinn is my best friend, and I know her."

Rachel smiled, "I'm sorry I barged into your house and acted like a savage."

The former cheerleader slung an arm over the brunette's shoulder and led her into the kitchen of her home. "It's alright…but the next time, I'll have to fuck you up berry."

"Deal."

Quinn Fabray was not someone who was scared easily.

She took on the things that ultimately needed to be handled with an iron fist and she didn't complain about it. She wasn't someone who tip toed around things, and she met challenges headstrong and as stubborn as a boulder.

But when she got a the thick envelope in her mail that read what clearly was Shelby's address, she couldn't swallow down the nausea and cold feeling that was clearly…fear.

She had woken in her bed the next morning discovering that after Rachel had clearly left the day before after her subsequent breakdown, she had slept well into the night. She woke up in the middle of the night to call her lover and cry into the phone missing her presence and met with the promise that she would be there first thing in the morning.

Quinn woke up at exactly seven to be met at her front door with the envelope that held all her deepest anxieties and curiosities.

It was something that unsettled her completely and fully.

And she found herself still as a rock at her couch, looking at the offending material as if it had spoken to her in an unknown language and reached out and slapped her. She knew she needed to call Rachel or maybe even Santana, because this envelope was a piece of the pained affliction that settled throughout her body and surfaced in her mindset and bloodstream.

She had realized by waking up in the middle of last night and becoming wrecked in an overpowering might of sobs that she wasn't okay.

She was hurt, embarrassed, angry and filled with harboring feelings of hatred and resentment. She had desires to hurt and pain just as she was and she wanted them to be gone. She loved Rachel with all her heart and soul, yet…she still felt as if she was living in the past.

The past that held her Christian parents and their rules, the past that still held her mother and her neglect and her father and his anger that she had unwillingly inherited and she felt, and her baby that she was forced under circumstances to give away without explanation, and her guilt and self-hatred at the fact that she had missed out on so much and hurt so many people.

Purposely and unconsciously at the same time.

She regretted the selfishness she had displayed throughout her life in Ohio and leaving Ohio. And this envelope held the key that would unlock all of those feelings…the address that led back to the place that held the triggers to all of the conflicting feelings that completely took over her body the day before and obviously were yearning to be dealt with.

She felt her hands shake with the absolute terror and uneasiness. Tears rolled down her face uncontrollably and she sat the envelope on the coffee table with trepidation, feeling herself grow heavy with anxiety.

Suddenly, the door to her condo opened and she was met with the sight of her lover.

"Quinn, I got you some breakfast…I know you slept without dinner and I can only imagine what energy your body doesn't have – Quinn?" Rachel stopped amid her sentence and dropped her bag on the table by the door before rushing to her girlfriend's side at the sight of the tears rolling down her face and the shortage of breaths that were slowly making their way from the woman's chest.

"Quinn, baby, breathe…please. Calm down and just breathe evenly in and out honey."
Rachel wrapped her arms around the blonde and felt the droplets hit faster paced on her shoulder and chest.

Quinn shook in her arms filled with a lightheadedness that Rachel could feel as if it was sickness passed onto her.

"I-I can't…Rach…I can't do it…" Quinn spoke, crying softly and she was heaving breaths that were putting a fear of worry in her girlfriend.

Rachel stroked the soft blonde tendrils that were a little haywire from where she had just woken up.

It was Quinn breaking down even more from the triggering of an envelope from the adoptive mother of her baby.

Rachel knew the severity of the situation, now.

She spotted the reason for her girlfriend's panic attack and picked it up. "Baby, everything's okay, I promise. It's just a letter from Shelby…I gave her your address. You want to open it?"

Quinn finally evened out her breathing and rose from her lover's embrace to shake her head no.

"I can't Rachel…I just, I can't."

"Quinn, baby. I'm right here with you…we can do this together, I know you've got a lot of unresolved issues when it comes to Shelby and when it comes to Beth, but you've got to start somewhere…your daughter wants to know you." Rachel spoke softly kissing the space behind Quinn's ear.

The blonde stared at the envelope truly at a loss. She almost seemed as if she yearned to open it, despite her eyes being red with shed tears and broken sorrow.

"She isn't my daughter because I gave her away, I left her. I let her down already. Why should I walk back into her life now? I'm scared Rachel…I'm scared she won't want to have anything to do with me…she shouldn't have anything to do with me, look at me." Quinn sobbed. And it pained Rachel to hear the raw and sincere hurt that laced itself within her lover.

She took in the disheveled appearance of her, roused hair, and oversized sweatshirt hanging off of her shoulders. Her cheeks were blotchy from crying and there were two long marks on each side from where she had hit her the night before.

Rachel reached up and put both hands on either side of her lover and pulled her troubled hazel eyes to her own. "Listen to me, Quinn. Beth knows you gave her to Shelby for acceptable reasons. She doesn't know about your parents, but she knows you didn't have a perfect life. She loves you Quinn, she asks about you constantly."

Quinn looked at Rachel, "I love her, Rachel. I have loved her from the moment I held her in my arms…and I just couldn't bring myself to subject her to the shithole that was my life…I knew I wasn't good enough for her, she deserved someone to take care of her."

Rachel pressed her lips softly to Quinn's, "You are good enough, and you are perfect. You just weren't ready, Quinn. You weren't ready to be a mother and you made the right decision."

Rachel let her forehead touch Quinn's softly, locking her dark orbs to the impossibly troubled hazel ones.

Quinn let a single tear drop from her closed eyelids, "And I am so sorry…I never thought Shelby would adopt her I'm sorry that I signed off…and I definitely wasn't thinking how it would affect you at all-"

"Quinn, Shelby and I have resolved our issues. I am perfectly comfortable with the situation with Beth. I love Beth, as if she was my little sister. I know Shelby loves Beth and despite the yearning I had for her to be in my life…I forgave her for how she treated me. She has apologized, and we began a new relationship. We have a different bond." Rachel tucked a stray curl behind her ear. She allowed her hand to rest on her thigh.

"I want you to open the letter Quinn…begin recovering. Begin having closure with the things in life that you have so much pain over. Beth is the first and easiest thing for you to deal with. Open the letter so that you can get to know your daughter, open the letter so that you can have the relationship that Shelby and I didn't begin to have. Start early, Quinn. Be there for your daughter. Shelby is her mom, yes. But you are her mother. And nothing and no one will ever change that."

Quinn stared into the deep and consciously understanding eyes of her girlfriend before turning forward to the envelope and keeping her gaze locked firmly on the thick papering.

It seemed as if the entire room zoned in on the item. She wanted to open it. She wanted to know her daughter, she wanted to get involved with her life…she had for a long time. But she was so afraid; she was so terrified at the prospect of opening the wound she had bandaged for a long time.

It had seemed that she had ran out of bandages, she had ran out of methods to cover and protect the pain. She had tucked the hurt deep within herself and this envelope held the key to it all over again.

She was absolutely and totally petrified.

But she needed to do it, for Rachel, for Beth and most importantly for herself.

She stretched her hand out, shaking and trembling towards the edge of the table where the envelope sat. Rachel reached out her hand and guided it over hers. She made sure that her fingers softly glided atop of hers and she watched both of their hands pick up the heavy packet, together.

Together.

It was the first step.

Quinn was shaking so bad, so uncontrollably that she was sure that if Rachel wasn't applying pressure to her hand, she would have dropped the wrapping to the table.

Rachel raised her body up to slide behind Quinn's on the couch, putting Quinn between her legs and bringing her free arm around to cover her other shaking arm.

She then raised their other joined hands to the envelope as well, and she helped the blonde slowly glide her fingers over the opening slit of the packet.

Quinn breathed in heavily when she felt the stitching come apart, "Rach…I-I…I don't think-"

"You're fine baby, I'm right here with you…you're halfway there."

Quinn closed her eyes, and Rachel pressed her lips to her temple, whispering more words of encouragement. She was sighing heavily with sick trepidation.

It was if the room had gained a deafening silence and with a surrounding soft pop the envelope came open. Quinn let out the breath she had been holding and Rachel smiled softly. She tilted the packet sideways a little and items spilled from it.

There were dozens and dozens of photos.

They spilled onto the glass of the table and Quinn spread the pictures throughout the surface watching the different variations of photos of the blonde headed girl from different ages.

It ranged from the girl at as little of six all the way to her current age of twelve.

Quinn's eyes darted to all the different photographs of her little girl and she felt the fresh wave of tears wreck her body as she watched her little girl mature from a baby with soft hazel eyes to a little girl with long blonde hair and fiery firm eyes a wide smile and defined cheekbones.

The tears fell freely with every glance at every photo, and Rachel held her every step of the way. Her lover held her as she cried out at the sight of all the birthdays and holidays she had missed out on getting to know a little girl that obviously was growing into what looked like a carbon copy of her mother. Finally she landed on a surprising picture of herself, sweat drenching her hair and her arms cradling a baby in her arms.

"W-where did she get this? Rachel? H-how?" She sobbed.

Rachel smiled running her fingertips over the smiling mother that was her girlfriend in the picture. "Your mother gave Shelby that picture."

Quinn felt more tears flood her face and she bit her lip, bringing the only photograph of her and her daughter to her chest. She held it there, and Rachel held her tightly, arms firmly wrapped around her middle as she wept.

Rachel laid her head on her lovers back allowing the soft droplets to drip on her lover's neck over the inscription of the daughter and although it absolutely pained her to see her so broken, so anguished at the sheer amount of life she had forced herself to stay away from…she knew that it was what her lover needed.

Quinn opened her blurry eyes to see what looked like a small note attached to what looked like a letter.

"R-Rachel, could you please…I think this is from…"

Rachel raised her head to rest on Quinn's shoulder, pulling the small message. It indeed was from her mom.

"Do you want me to read it?"

"I don't know…I-I guess so." Quinn said softly. Rachel pressed soft kisses to Quinn's shoulder and cleared her throat to read:

"Quinn, this is a package of all of Beth's photos since she was born. I know you haven't really had time to get to know her, but she is truly dying to know you. I know it might be really hard for you to get in touch with that side of your life and I understand that you have had a lot of issues concerning your past, but I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did when it came to Rachel. I regret everyday not taking the chance sooner to get to know her and have some sort of relationship with her. I just want you to be able to have what Rachel and I are working to have. Don't miss out on the opportunity. I hope I didn't upset you. Enjoy the photos, Shelby. P.S. if you don't take mine or Rachel's word for how interested in you, Beth is…take hers."

Rachel finished slowly, her own surprise at Shelby's words of encouragement. Feelings of shock at the fact that the woman regretted the lack of relationship with the brunette, Rachel swallowed her own feelings down before saying softly, "Quinn…the other letter is from Beth."

Quinn looked at the folded letter now in Rachel's hand that was handwritten from her daughter and she felt herself grow hot with anxiety.

"She, um…are you sure?" She said looking at the inscription.

"Yes, Quinn…take it and read it…it's private between you and Beth…I don't want to intrude on something that should be special-" Rachel made to get up but Quinn stopped her.

"No…stay, please? I don't think I can read this without you here." She said her voice breaking slightly, and Rachel felt herself being pulled back to her spot behind her lover, arms back to their place on her waist, squeezing and holding and lips leaving lingering kisses of comfort and whispers of encouragement.

"Okay, whenever you're ready baby."

Quinn nodded softly, turning the neatly printed words over in her hand, before opening the letter.

"Um, Dear Quinn, my name is Elizabeth Quinn Fabray and I am your daughter. When I was five my mom told me that I was adopted and that you and daddy were my real parents. Rachel told me all these cool stories about you guys and the glee club… She told me that you could sing and daddy could play the guitar. She told me daddy named me after a wonderfully written rock ballad and that my middle and last name is yours too. She tells me I look just like you and that I have an alto voice like you too. Rachel tells me that you love me a lot….So does my mommy. They told me you didn't want to give me away but you had to because you didn't have an easy life and you weren't ready to have me. I understand that. Mom, I want to know if you're ready now because I really need you in my life. I look at all the pictures of you that Rachel shows me and I want to talk to you, and hear about your life. I just have so many questions for you…"

Quinn's tears were overpowering her and she had to halt her reading to wipe furiously at her eyes before continuing, "My thirteenth birthday is next Saturday and I was wondering if you and Rachel could be there…Rachel comes every year, anyway and every year she brings me presents. I always get everything I ask for on my list except one thing, mom…you."

Quinn breathed in feeling the sobs cause her breathing to become labored, "I love you Mom…please come. Love, Beth."

She dropped the letter to the floor before turning to her girlfriend and weeping agonizingly at the words her daughter had pleaded to her in her carefully written letter. She wept at the way her daughter addressed her as "mom", and she wept for the way her daughter had inherited forgiveness, she sobbed at the way her daughter yearned to know her. She cried out in pain because she loved her so much it hurt and she had only ever seen her once. She cried.

She cried.

Rachel listened to her girlfriend wail and fist her shirt in complete and total despair. She was heartbroken as she watched her break down and finally deal with what had obviously been settling within her for years: The beginnings of a lifetime of regret, pain, and longing.

It was the start of the repair despite the fact that it was like watching someone rip her heart open as her lover was finally forced to deal.

She was obligated now, for her own good and the good of those around her who truly cared about her to feel and handle the things she was feeling. Her daughter had written her a letter explaining how empty she was without her mother despite the fact that she was adopted. She had expressed at twelve years old how absolutely incomplete she was without her mother in her life. So much to the point that it was her ultimate birthday wish, every single year.

And now she had reached out, begging her to make the step that would change the dynamic of their relationship for the better for both of their sakes and she was living on a string of prayer that the woman who had given her birth would be ready to take that step and open her arms to the little girl.

It was painfully beautiful.

Rachel allowed her lover to cry, rocking her in her arms, stroking the blonde tendrils calmly. And she pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, knowing that Quinn now had to decide whether she wanted to go back to her daughter and step foot in the place that held every bit of pain that was burning in her chest.

She would be making the decision to go back where things had started that made her the closed off and unobtainable stubborn person that she had become to be.

Rachel was honestly, fearful for her lover and ultimately she held nervousness at what the answer to the situation would be. She wanted her girlfriend to be okay, she wanted to give Beth what she always wanted for her birthday, yet she didn't want to push any more than she had in the last couple of days.

However, her beautifully headstrong and powerfully fragile lover had already decided her fate. She surprised the both of them with the strong whisper that eased past her lips, behind the sobs and hidden beneath the anguish.

"I'm going."

A/N: Alright I'm finished. I know it's a lot of angst. But it's required.

I love writing Quinn so much, she just has so much room to grow and be characterized, and her emotions on every single thing is solely what makes this story exciting. And then the relationship that her and Rachel have and how it affects her feelings and her growth is truly intriguing.

Anyways, enough of that. Lol. I hope you all enjoyed!

REVIEW!