Faithfully
A/N: I know! I know! I just got super busy with school, and I am deeply sorry. But the good news all my stories should be updated really soon! Because thanks to how terrible of a creator Ryan Murphy has become, I'm sure we all cling to fanfiction to see these characters get what they truly deserve.
BTW: This chapter is named after the song "Cry" by Kelly Clarkson that Rachel covered on Glee and it broke my heart into a million pieces. Every time I hear it I just can't get the image of Rachel crying into Finn's arms out of my head (although Finn is replaced with Quinn) but that particular song and scene was the entire inspiration for this chapter.
Disclaimer: I think the characters would have way better storylines if I owned it, don't you think? Lol.
Chapter 17
Run.
The hot concrete was burning the pads of her feet and she could feel her ankles seizing up for failure but she couldn't help but run. The tears leaked down her face and stung in the open wound of her father's reaction.
It all really hurt, it did.
Everything. Her heart, her mind, her spirit, her body.
Her parents, especially her father had stepped on her and crushed her into a thousand little pieces with their words and their actions and she just couldn't believe herself for having the slightest hope of anything different.
She couldn't believe anything anymore.
It singed her soul, the pain. It enveloped her from every crevice and every part of her being. It absolutely consumed every piece of her. It took her over at every chance. It wrapped around her senses and pulled and squeezed until she felt every single bit of ache and turmoil that she would much rather pretend didn't exist to her soul. It was agonizing.
But at the same time, despite the breath that felt like it was emptying her body periodically, she found herself lighter, she felt her body freeing itself from the deep and heavy spot that it had previously been in.
She found herself breathing in with less of an ache of crushing pain, and more of a freeing spark of heartbreak, that she knew was needed to further her better life.
To further the life she was always destined to live, and not the one that had been set for her.
But the absolute painful ache, the yearning for a parents love, a parent's acceptance still stung to her soul.
It hurt so good, in other words.
Her feet stomped on the roads that she ran, they hit every rock, every bump and every crease and crack that laid in front of her path. Her legs burned with strenuous fever and absolute fury and she knew that she was being led somewhere worth purpose because when did her body ever lead her anywhere without purpose?
The tears fell, continued to fall and with every single drop leaving her tear ducts, she felt the solidity of her painful life, she felt the heavy and tough form of her baggage of a bullshit childhood, fleeing from her system, taking refuge in the steps she was taking, sinking into the very concrete that she was trotting atop of.
It was leaving her by way of the tears of anguish that was taking her over, and it was painful but it was for the best, it was for better things, a better life.
Tripping over her own feet, she found herself stumbling forward onto the harsh feel of the ground, and she sucked in a hiss of pain that caused her to choke on a sob that had previously been taking refuge inside of her chest.
She was on her knees, and just like she had when she was a child, when she was merely begging for her parent's attention without realizing it, she had scraped them. She could feel the skin tearing, the sting of the scab forming on her creamy skin.
But she couldn't move, she couldn't lift herself from the obvious bottom.
It was the part of her that was yearning to hit that bottom, that part of her that knew she needed that bottom, the harsh reality of it and it's affect to start over, to move on.
It didn't make it hurt any less.
She watched the deep grey and black of the ground, through blurred and tear filled eyes. She felt the rocks cut into her palms. She felt herself grow tired and frustrated with the physical and emotional turmoil her body was servicing itself to.
Her sobs flooded her system and she heaved sighs of absolute terror and more pain, and more suffering. And then she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the sting from the tight pressure of her eyelids attempting to stop the flow of tears but failing.
Shaking her head she allowed herself time to just sit there.
She imagined how she looked, defeated by her own blood, made a fool by her own parents and turned away by the two people that were supposed to love and her support her first over anyone else. The two people who were supposed to be there for her throughout thick and then.
But she wasn't defeated.
She was just accepting something that she didn't want her brain to even understand.
But they were her parents, they were the people who created her. And despite her feelings of contempt, of absolute and total disappointment in their ability to be completely useless to her life…she loved them, while she hated them, and she needed them to love her.
But they didn't.
They didn't even want to look her in the face.
They didn't want her.
That was just a rejection that even after all these years, pained her deep inside of her chest to know.
They did not want her.
She managed to reach a dirty fist up and stuff between her teeth to stop herself from crying, or vomiting or hyperventilating from the sheer amount of pain she could feel herself succumbing to.
She felt her chest tighten and constrict with short jabs of pain.
Everything hurt, and everything was shattered and it was all just too much for her to handle, it was all overwhelming and made no sense but was both trivial and detrimental to the continuation of her life and the furthering of her happiness.
It just fucking sucked.
"Is that little Quinnie Fabray?"
Blurry eyes opened despite the stinging from having them closed and the sunlight blocked her immediate vision. She raised a dirty and cut hand to her forehead to block the streams of light from her sights and found herself face to face with someone from her past.
"Reverend Smith?" Her voice managed a whispered sob and she darted hazel slits to look around her, to understand where she had fallen.
Her feet led her to her knees, on the front steps of her church and now she was staring at the very man who had instilled the beliefs that her father had taken every chance to ruin her life and happiness with.
She really didn't think she could handle another person telling her just how much of a failure to her life and faith she was. She didn't think she could handle anyone telling her anything anymore.
Her heart was too full, and her chest was just too heavy.
The older man was smiling down at her figure even despite the sobs that were now wrecking through her system at how awful, how pathetic she must have looked. She wondered how he even managed to recognize her, how he managed to even understand who she was.
She couldn't bring herself to ask, she couldn't even allow coherent words to empty her mouth because her sobs were taking away all ability to breathe. It now hurt even more, the pain of no parents and how now she was reduced to this, on the front step of the very place that would be a place of condemnation.
That's the only way she could bring herself to remember.
She remembered watching as a little girl as the place called church, the building that was supposed to be a fun safe place, Imade her fear heaven and prayer and even more than you're supposed to, god. And making mistakes. It made her a liar and a cheater because of her distinct directions to avoid sin, and to avoid being caught in sin.
But then again, all those words came from her father, and his interpretation.
Noticing that the girl's tears were overwhelming, and studying her distraught figure, the pastor reached out a skinny arm to her, to help her up and Quinn looked up at his soft features.
A part of her wondered if she'd get burned for touching him.
"Take my hand, child, it's alright."
Quinn watched the stretched and wrinkled skin of his fingers, wiggling and holding out, reaching for her. He was trying to help, he wanted to help her.
She sucked in a breath and took his help, lifting herself to a standing position and ignoring the bruises on her knees. When she was standing he reached a hand to her face and touched her scar and she instinctively jerked away, but he held her firmly. She allowed her hazel eyes to look into his calm blue ones, studying his reaction, studying what he thought of her.
"You know I'm not going to hurt or judge you, Quinn…I can tell you've had enough of that, I just-"
"Y-You want to pray for me or something? Is that it? Cause it's too late for that..." Quinn choked out, feeling small under the gaze of a man of god.
It was instinct to feel anything under a hard gaze of a man of god.
The man's eyes remained on her, "You're stubborn like your father, little Quinn."
She saw red and snatched her arm from his grip and stumbled back, preparing herself to leave, not wanting to step in another fire of "god" and "what's right".
"I am nothing like him…I'll never treat…I'll never turn my back on my family."
"But something leads me to believe that you are turning your back on your family, Quinn." The man said calmly and he turned to walk up and sit on the highest step of the church entrance.
"They don't want me! They never wanted me, they hate me…I'm nothing but a fucking disgrace! And if it's that way, that I don't want anything to do with him…I don't want a family that was never there," She stared with tearful red eyes, "As you can see I'm not the picture perfect Christian girl that you all thought I would be, I'm not what the bible says I should be, I'm not what my father says I should be which is why he smacked me and told me to get out of his house…because I'm just a mistake that keeps on making mistakes. I don't want them anymore, I'm nothing like him…because I demanded and fought for the love, and for them…they didn't fight for me. They didn't care." Quinn cut herself off, voice hoarse and open cut stinging from the salty tears slipping into the confines of the wound.
The reverend watched the girl, watched her drown in her anguish and he looked down at his clasped hands before looking back up at her.
"Your father was ruled with the same iron fist that he rules you with, Quinn." The minister spoke and Quinn scoffed looking up from the scars on her palms that she had been staring at.
"I don't feel sorry for him."
"I'm not asking you too, I'm asking you to listen to this. He has never known anything other than what his very, serious and catholic father told him. And unfortunately, he never had a chance to learn differently." The man twitched the corners of his mouth upwards at her, letting his eyes travel over the slit in her cheek where her father had struck her.
"Quinn," the man reached over to pull her chin up, "Listen to me…your father has no right to treat you the way he has, a father should never treat his child as unwanted or as nothing at all. Parents should always honor their children, they are a blessing to them."
"Not a gay daughter laden with tattoos, that doesn't deny the truth for the first time in her life…" Quinn whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks and a look of absolute agony portrayed unto the eyes of minister and he smiled despite the words.
"Especially a gay daughter laden with tattoos…you are nothing but an absolute blessing Quinn. And god wouldn't have sent you to them, if not for that very reason." The reverend brushed the liquid drops from the girls face and brushed her wild strands of hair back out of her face.
Sweat droplets were falling from her forehead from the heat of the shining sun and Quinn wondered why she was starting to feel light again, starting to feel feathery and filled with a sense of furthering her life, in happiness.
"I know because of your occupation, er…lifestyle, you're meant to be biblically optimistic, but aren't you supposed to be telling me how much of an absolute sin I am? I'm pretty sure I'm begging to have holy water thrown on me." Quinn laughed a cynical one, her heart beating achingly in her chest still despite that airiness that was now subsequently flowing throughout her veins.
The reverend laughed a small chuckle, taking his hand from the girl's hair and running over his weak strands. "I am a preacher of many truths, Quinn…and the truth is nothing that the Old Testament says could ever make me hate a daughter in Christ. You were baptized in my church, you were raised in my church, and despite the ignorant ways of your father, you are a blessed child of god. I believe that god sent you the woman you are with because he wants you to be with her. He wants you to be happy with her. And ultimately I believe the heart is led by God's plan."
He smiled old wise eyes at her, "Little Quinn Fabray, live your life. But do not be like your parents. They are old and stubborn in their lack of knowledge and they may say things that lead you to hate them…but they are your parents. Nothing will ever make them stop loving you, so you have to love them. You have to refuse to turn your back on them. You can let them go, let the need to please them, the need to live up to their ridiculously unobtainable standards, the need to be the Quinn they never knew they really wanted, let it all go, but you can never be them…you can never turn your back on them."
Quinn looked down, understanding the reverend's words, but feeling the pain of the fact that she knew her parents, she knew that they may not ever understand her decisions, may not ever understand her reasons for being happy. She knew they would never believe or allow themselves the moment to understand the influence and pain they have had on her life and her unhappiness.
"I don't want to…I just want them to love me, I just want them to understand, and they never will." She whispered, tears sliding down her face. And the minister placed his hand on her back, rubbing gently.
"Quinn, they do love you. They just don't want to admit their ignorance…they don't want to admit how much of a better person you are compared to them…you, like many of the children of your generation, are a child of a new open world." He smiled wide and brushed himself off.
"Us elders, should be taking a hint from you, the world would have a lot more peace…the peace that Jesus himself once spoke of."
Quinn closed her eyes and opened them, "Is it gonna stop hurting? Even though it's best…even though I have to let them go, let all of this go, is it ever gonna stop hurting?" She said, and he stood, offering his hand to her, pulling her to her feet.
"No…but you'll be able to handle it all now, that's what prayer is for…that's what god and your faith is for. That is what the beautiful brunette that God placed in front of you…is for. As long as you remember that, as long as you remember that he will never place anything on you that you can't bear, you will be stronger than any syllable that your last name holds, you will be ahead of the game that you never really knew you were playing." He said, grabbing her cheeks gently.
She stared at him, let his words sink into her system and soak within her body, she felt herself grow absolutely calm, grow weary with angst and understandingly prominent heartbreak that was decidedly necessary.
It was necessary because it was time to move on, and moving on was hard to do…it would always be an ache pulsing through her chest when thinking of the failure her parents brought to her life.
But she could do it now, she could handle it now.
"Quinn!"
The sounds of footsteps echoed in their ears and slowed to a halt around them, and the two turned to see a sweaty and out of breath Rachel sprinting from across the street towards them.
The minister smiled at the sight of the girl now standing a few yards behind them. He turned back to Quinn with knowing eyes, "Life will fall into place, little Quinn…just remember what I told you, trust god in spite of everything and love with all your heart, understand?"
Quinn nodded and closed her eyes as the elder Reverend reached forward to grab her face softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"There will always be a place for you here, Quinn…when you're ready." Quinn nodded her head, and watched the man step back and then wave his fingers at the girl standing behind her, smiling.
"Hello, Ms. Berry." He said, nodding his head in the brunette's direction, and Quinn turned to see the girl nod back at him with a smile, and with a heaving chest, she acknowledged him.
"Hi, Reverend Smith…it's good to see you."
Quinn watched the interaction and felt her heart swirl and ache and sizzle and sparkle with a million emotions, and as the pastor walked off, she could feel everything from the conversation…everything from the day's events crumbling around her and consuming every single bit of her.
She turned to Rachel and the girl had to catch her with waiting arms as she fell into her embrace. She felt the tears flood from her tired and sore eyelids and Rachel clutched her tightly.
She was sobbing, crying out her despair, crying out her absolute pain and agony towards everything that was happening within her life. She was absolutely breaking down from the confrontation and hurt from her parents, she was falling to pieces.
But only because she knew that was what she needed to do in order to be put back together again.
That was definitely what she needed to do.
So she allowed Rachel to sink them to a sitting position once more, and she allowed her arms to hold her as she cried her despair into the air of the soft summer days. She allowed the girl to run her hand through her silky blonde locks as she once again moaned and grieved the loss of parents in a new kind of way. She absolutely died with anguish in the love of her life's arms, because it was how she felt.
And she couldn't imagine any other person there to hold her, there to shush her cries and tell her that everything was going to be okay, she couldn't imagine any other person there to lean down and press soft kisses to her head and whisper to her that she loved her, that she was always going to be there for her.
She just couldn't, and maybe that's the thing.
Rachel was there, Rachel was giving up her time to take care of the one person she loved more than anything on the earth and she would be okay because of that. She would be able to handle her parents, despite the pain, because Rachel was there…Rachel was the rock that god had planned for her.
She lifted herself inside the embrace and stared at the brunette, she allowed red rimmed pupils to look at dark chocolate ones and the girls stared at one another to allow the effects of what had transpired that day to flow between them, and then she pressed her lips to hers and melted into the passionate moving of their lips.
They moved like that, an enigma of absolute color and love. An embrace of passionate conviction that displayed the need for one another. Quinn delved her tongue into the brunette's mouth and explored every crevice of it, sighing into the kiss as Rachel worked her over.
She pulled from her with a desperate sigh, "Take me home, Rachel…take me home and make love to me."
Falling through the entryway of Rachel's pink, childhood bedroom, Quinn felt her knees buckle under the feeling of Rachel's hands moving and caressing her body softly, holding her cheeks as she tongued her passionately, and then sliding downwards towards her waist.
She guided her backwards as she moved against her, fumbling fingers and heavy breaths of love, of want echoing around them, surrounding their ears. Quinn wrapped her arms around her lovers neck and gasped as the back of her thighs hit the end of the girl's bed and she tumbled atop of it, the brunette falling with her, mouth now latched to her neck.
The Jewish girl suckled on the space, sucked every bit of her neck and made sure to lick and nip enough to bruise the spot, but only slightly. Quinn ran her fingers through the silky tresses and closed her eyes as the girl moved her mouth against her pulse, and then further down to her collarbone.
"Please, Rachel…more, I need more." She whispered, and pulled Rachel's head up to look at her, staring at her with wide hazel eyes of deep meaning.
Rachel didn't even speak, she dipped her head forward and captured her lips again, feeling the pressure from the heated embrace bringing a moan from the blonde. Rachel reached her nimble fingers up to pull the hem of the girl's shirt from her body, pulling away to press her plump lips against Quinn's forehead and then her cheek, letting her soft lips guide over the scar from her father's hand.
Rachel raised up and let her hands softly trace the cut, and she felt tears well up in her eyes.
"I'm never going to let him hurt you again," Rachel said, and Quinn reached up to wipe the potential tears from her eyes. She let the girl lean down and kiss the wound, gliding over every inch of her face before settling on her lips again, moaning into the kiss.
She landed similar intuitive kisses to her neck and then exposed collarbone, tasting the smooth milky white skin of her lover, making sure to run her hands over her arms, and feeling the shivers erupt throughout the girl's body.
"More, Rachel…I need you." The blonde said, sighing and running her own finger down the brunette's torso, stopping at her t-shirt and pulling it hastily from her body, her eyes growing deep with want.
Rachel sighed as Quinn ran her fingers over her bare torso, stroking her abs and running her fingernails over the area with ease. Rachel threw her head back and moaned, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra shimmying it off of her shoulders and baring her breasts for a hungry eyed Quinn who, sat up to press her mouth against one of the mounds, suckling softly.
"Fuck, Quinn…no…" Rachel closed her eyes at the feeling, but still reached to pull the girl from her chest. "It's about you, I'm going to take care of you."
The girl pulled her forward by the back of her neck and reached up to unsnap the front clasp of her bra, dipping her head down quickly to take her breast in mouth, sucking the flesh like her life depended on it and twirling the nipple around and flicking her tongue over it.
Quinn moaned out in ecstasy, fisting the brown locks of Rachel hair, and reaching her hand between them to unbutton the girl's pants, and the tanned girl seemed to realize what was happening.
She pushed the blonde back down, sliding her hands to the girl's thighs, spreading them and placing her thumbs on the frayed edges of the shorts donning the girl's legs. Rachel reared her head up and pressed her forehead against Quinn's, feeling the girl urgently pushing her jeans down her legs, sliding her spread legs up to wrap around her lovers, using her feet to trail the offending clothing item around her ankles.
"Quinn, slow down baby…I want this to be slow…I want-"
"Make love to me, Rachel…show me you love me, show me you need me…come on baby," Quinn moaned reaching her hand into the girl's panties and sliding a finger between her folds easily, causing Rachel to cry out the contact, her wetness slipping out and coating the girls fingers.
The blonde pulled her down close to her body, pressing them close together and feeling their hard nipples rubbing against each other, Rachel opened her blurred eyes, watching the determinedly red swollen eyes of her lover as she worked her clit now, circling and flicking with eager fingers.
Rachel had trouble controlling herself as the feelings took her over, Quinn's slender fingers now sliding back inside of her mercilessly, attacking her arousal senselessly.
The brunette grabbed Quinn's hand and slammed it above her hand, swiping another quick hand between them to pull her shorts and underwear down, feeling the girl suck in a breath as the cold air hit her center. She closed her eyes and arched into the feeling of Rachel.
"I want you, Rachel…love me," She said, wrapping her arms around the brunette's neck and the girl wondered why her lover was acting so erratic, so desperate.
She pressed her lips to her mouth hotly, and brushed her blonde hair back off of her face, "I do love you Quinn."
"Show me, show me you love me…show me you want me." Quinn said bucking her naked hips into her lover's clothed ones and the brunette gasped at how wet her girlfriend was.
"Quinn, baby…you're so wet," Rachel whispered cupping her girlfriend's sex and rubbing her palm gently against the sensitive clit that was peeking out for affection.
"Rachel, please…oh yes!" The blonde cried out, gripping the brown locks and the brunette slid a finger in without warning, crashing into her with quick thrusts. The blonde whimpered and gasped at the slight feeling, gripping her lover with a strong hand, and Rachel reached a free hand around her to pull the girl's legs around her, all the while working her quickly with one finger.
"Yes, Rachel…yes. It feels so good, it feels so good that you want me…"
She was reacting from one slender finger, she was crying out in pleasure with eyes shut tight and thrusting hips and Rachel watched her lover come apart, having never seen her this vulnerable, never feeling her become this emotionally connected before.
"I always want you Quinn, I need you…don't you understand?" The brunette moaned into her ear slipping another finger into the girl's heat, feeling her lover slide her silk panties off her hips at the same time that she cried out her complete satisfaction of the intrusion.
"Make me understand Rachel…make me feel good, show me…" She whined, and she quickly thrust three long fingers inside of Rachel throwing her head back as the girl called out at the feeling, matching her girlfriend in numbers and slamming a third digit inside of Quinn.
"Fuck, I always need you…you are everything to me Quinn, you are absolutely everything. I will spend my life making you understand how much you mean to me…shit that feels good baby, I want to make you feel good for the rest of my life." Rachel said kissing her between her words, fucking her fast with her fingers, feeling her legs unlock from her waste and spread with shaking vigor, as she cried out at the feeling.
"God, that's all I ever wanted…just l-love me Rachel, fucking love me…want me," Quinn moaned rolling her hips and twisting her wrist in time with Rachel's insistent pace and the brunette closed her eyes, feeling her breath leave her in short bursts at the feeling, feeling her life close in around her as the desperation in her lovers voice starting to become less broken and more pieced together in her brain.
She flicked her thumb over her clit, adding her fourth finger to her heat and slapping her palm against the hood of her folds reveling in the feeling of lover's hand going slack and her body tightening on her hand.
"You're perfect Quinn, I love you, I want you."
"Please love me…please, please…fuck Rachel I need you to love me, I need you to want me…oh god, want me…" She cried and Rachel opened wide chocolate orbs to watch her lover as she humped her hand, as she fiercely thrust her hips to meet the tempo of her hand. She studied her face, eyes scrunched closed and eyebrows furrowed. There were sweat beads dripping down her face and she was crying out to heavens with every pump of her girlfriend's four fingers.
She was hurt, she was aching, and she needed this.
She needed to beg Rachel to want her, to need her, because today she had the two people that were supposed to want her more than anyone give her up willingly…again.
And boy did Rachel know how that felt.
So she pressed a soft kiss to her lovers head and she complied with her request.
She made her feel wanted.
"I need you Quinn, I need you forever…you're beautiful, you're everything I've ever wanted, you're everything I'll ever need…I'm gonna make you feel good, I'm gonna make you feel better. You deserve it, you are absolutely perfect. I love you…I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again, I promise."
"Fuck Rachel, yes…yes, promise me…promise-promise me you'll love me…please, I'm so fucking close…oh god," The blonde was crying, tears of anguish leaking from her eyelids as she wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck, and Rachel could have cared less about being touched at that particular moment.
"Look at me Quinn," Rachel said softly, raising a hand to grab the girl's face, she turned her to look at her and watched the girl sobbing as she clenched.
"Want me, love me…love me…faster," Rachel sped her fingers up and watched the girl mouth open as she wailed out in a cry of anguish and pleasure, her heart stabbing with pains of agony but her body stinging with bolts of pleasure.
"I love you Quinn, I want you." She whispered softly pressing her mouth to hers, tasting salty tears, and Quinn sucked in a breath feeling the tightening in her stomach, feeling the sticky white-hot feeling curling in her toes and Rachel's heart clenched as she held her.
"Fuck Quinn, open your eyes, let me see you, let me in." She said and she fucked her with harsh merciless pumps, hearing the wet sound of her hand slapping against the girl with force. And it was rough and fast, but there was a passion in her work that Quinn could feel every bit of and it was salvaging her ache and her pain from her parents neglect, from everything, from every problem.
"Come on Quinn, let it go…let me have it, let me take it away. I want you, I'm not them, they are gone, it's just me now. And I'm gonna take care of you, baby…come for me."
And Quinn opened her eyes to display how red her pupils were, tears leaking fluidly from her dilated sockets as she gave a hoarse cry of ecstasy from the feeling of absolute pleasure that rippled through her body and ripped her at the seams.
She was giving it up, she was putting her faith in the fact that it was over, and it hurt but, fuck Rachel loved her…and she felt so good.
And she would always be there, to make her feel good.
"Oh, Rach…oh fuck! Rachel!"
Her walls clenched around all four of her fingers and Rachel watched her body shake and quake around her arm as she came a spilled herself, spilled everything onto her, and around her. Rachel watched as the girl coughed on her sobs, shutting her eyes tight and pulled her close to her body.
She held her again as she cried, as she faced all the pain, she clutched Rachel desperately as she came down from her high and sobbed wet salty tears onto her naked shoulder.
"Why don't they love me? Why, Rachel….why-why didn't they want me, I just…I just wanted them to love…I just wanted them to love me…why…"
It was heartbreaking.
Quinn Fabray was done breaking, she was through crumbling and she was facing the fact that her parents hadn't and would never be there for her.
It was killing Rachel that this was all necessary, it was killing her to watch her fall apart in her arms and it was killing her that she had to hurt so bad, to get better.
"It hurts, Rach…it fucking hurts so bad…I just want it to stop." Quinn sobbed and Rachel pressed a kiss to her, a soft one, tasting the mixture of sweat and shame and tears and everything else.
"I know, baby…I know…" Rachel choked out, feeling tears prickling her eyes, she stroked her lover's cheek, felt the battle wounds of the most life changing event of her life, and she realized just how much she loved her, she realized just how much she needed her.
"Promise me, promise me you'll always want me, promise me you'll never leave…"
Rachel kissed her cheek, "I love you, I'll always want you…I'll always need you. And I'll never leave, baby."
Quinn let the words sink into her system, let the feelings take her over in a consuming way, as she closed her eyes at the feeling of her lovers embrace, of her lovers comfort.
"I'll never leave you, Quinn."
Hours later, when sleep had consumed the emotionally and overwhelmed Quinn, Rachel was awakened by the sound of the doorbell ringing.
She stirred and felt her blonde lover move next to her, questioning in her sleep what was going on.
"Shh, Quinn, sleep baby…I'll get the door, okay?" Rachel pressed a long kiss to her temple and slid from the bed softly, the cold air of the room hitting her nakedness quickly.
She hissed and grabbed a red silk robe from the floor that she assumed was hers, as the doorbell was practically leaned on again. Groaning, she stumbled down the steps, physically exhausted and running a hand through her matted hair, briefly wondering if this guest was her father's returning from their day out.
It seemed to be late in the evening and she reached the door, wondering why her fathers would be ringing the doorbell. It must have been them judging from the time, because no mailman in their right mind would be delivering this late. She opened the door, with knowing eyes and a smile, embarking on the beginning of a well scheduled rant.
"Dad, daddy…why are you two ringing the doorbell when clearly, this is…"
It wasn't her fathers.
"Hi, Rachel."
It was actually far from her fathers.
"Finn?"
The tall muscular man was smiling nervously at her, standing and shuffling on his feet, clutching a bouquet of daises. She saw that the sleeves to his shirt were rolled up, making his impossibly big arms look even bigger and she flinched and instinctively stepped back at the sight of him.
Fear.
Could this day grow any worse.
"F-Finn, what are you doing here?" she stumbled over her words and he brandished the flowers at her, smiling.
"I um, I heard through the grapevine that you came to visit your dads…I just wanted to see you Rach, I got you flowers, see?"
He was still the Finn from high school, he was still innocent as if he was stuck in an overgrown five year old's body, with the temper of a murderer.
But it was something about him that she would always love. There was something about Finn that made her heart warm. Something about him that gave her the urge to believe that someone just needed to give him a chance.
"Thank you Finn." She accepted the flowers slowly, unmoving from the door, and she smiled back gently at him.
"How are you, Rach?" He said softly, fingers fidgeting and twiddling between one another, and he looked hopeful at her, she couldn't quite decipher what the hope was for.
She held the daisies close to her, took a deep breath, "I'm fine, Finn…I'm…living. How are you?"
He glanced down before looking up at her, "I am better, I have been seeing a counselor…Burt actually has been going with me, helping me. I'm hoping that I can get my probation lifted." He looked hopeful, wanting to impress her.
She offered a genuine smile, her body still held close to the doorway, unmoving…untrusting.
He watched her, eyes never leaving her expression, and he waited for an answer so she gave him one, "That's…great you're getting help, Finn, I'm glad you are better," She glanced behind her nervously, looking at the stairs, before staring back at him.
She was thanking the heavens that Quinn was sleeping soundly, "Listen, Finn…I am glad to see you and I appreciate the flowers, but I really have to go-"
"Rachel I just wanted to tell you sorry…I didn't mean to blow up on you on the phone that day…I just lost control, I saw those pictures and I jumped to conclusions about you and Quinn. I just remembered when you told me those things…and it made me mad…it was wrong, you and Quinn probably weren't even like that…"
Rachel sighed. Immediately she knew that she needed to remove herself from this situation, she saw that despite the help, there was the blatant denial of the fact that she was indeed in another relationship, and in love with Quinn. He was forcing himself to believe that there was another chance for him, for them.
And maybe she didn't help, maybe she made it worse because she was spurring it on. Maybe her thinking that he was worth another chance was only throwing him back into situations that he just didn't have control of.
"Finn, please…stop." He stopped talking and looked at her with eyes of confusion, "I forgive you for calling me that day and acting the way you did, I knew that you were upset about the paparazzi pictures as soon as I saw that were calling. But you need to understand that you didn't jump to conclusions, you were right. Quinn and I have caught up, and we're together…and we're in love. I'm in love with her."
Finn continued to stare, continued to look at her with eyes of contempt, and his eyebrows furrowed deeply in confusion. Rachel stared at him, holding her breath, praying that his treatment was changing his reactions, if only a little bit, long enough for her to leave the closeness of his presence.
"Finn, I'm really sorry but I have to go…this isn't really a good time-"
"You're with Quinn now?" He said.
She knew the situation had lost any kind of control now. She glanced back again with worried eyes, seeing that Quinn was still sound asleep. She raked eyes over his appearance, watching as his jaw twitched and his face became slowly flushed.
"Yes Finn…I told you – I told you that I was in love with her."
He gave a laugh, not quite cynical and far from menacing. But it was filled with a certain level of insecurity. It was full of absolute and total insecurity.
"No, no, no…you were lying though, Rachel."
"I know I lied to you while we dated, Finn. I should have been more honest, I should have told you how much I loved Quinn…how long I had been in love with her, but I didn't want to hurt you."
"You're not gay, Rachel…you can't be gay…this isn't something that can be joked about…"
It was frustrating and scary, and she was having déjà vu from the past situation of relaying these particular truths to the man she once loved. "Quinn and I are together Finn, and I love her…I am gay." He was shaking his head with eyes closed, and if took the time to place his hands over his ears, he really would have looked like a toddler. "I don't want to lose you as a friend…despite everything, but if you can't accept my relationship – "
"Stop! Stop lying to me…stop fucking lying Rachel!" He roared slamming his hand against the side of the door, and Rachel flinched taking a step back instinctively, clutching the flowers in a vice grip, a terrified vice grip.
His eyes darted to her eyes watching the light and emotion in them before he spoke pitifully, "I-I'm sorry for yelling Rachel, I didn't mean to…"
"Finn, I think you need to leave." Rachel said in a small voice, and she had never been afraid of anything, she could never figure out what fear really meant. But standing here, watching the unstableness of someone she used to know so well, watching a situation unfold, she realized that she was absolutely mortified of what could happen.
She had been wrong about Finn, and Quinn had been right. And now glancing back at the staircase again, she took back that prayer of thanks for Quinn's slumber and she prayed silently that the woman would wake up, she prayed her lover would wake up.
She took her hand and pulled her robe a little tighter, now suddenly realizing how inappropriately dressed she was.
"Finn –"
"I'm not leaving 'til you tell me the truth, I'm not – I won't be lied to Rachel…now tell me you're kidding, I'm not stupid, you aren't with her…you can't be…this isn't true."
Warning signs were now blaring at Rachel, and she took another step back, reaching for the door, tightly gripping the edge of it. "I'm telling you the truth Finn, now please go."
"Not until you tell me the fucking truth!" He yelled again, and Rachel closed her eyes tightly, ready to shut the door before this could go any further.
"Finn, please stop…please don't do this to yourself, understand me…I'm telling you the truth, Quinn and I – "
"No! She's done something to you…I know it, Rachel…she's done something. She's always been a liar and now she's turned you into one too…" He continued to scream and Rachel shook her head glancing back for the umpteenth time.
"Finn –"
He stared at her, dragging his eyes down her appearance and then, it seemed the puzzle that he was definitely trying to piece together and wrap his mind around, made sense.
She stared at him with eyes of fear and apology.
"She's here isn't she?"
Rachel swallowed and on a mere whim, on an absolute impulse she reached to slam the door in his face.
But he was miraculously too fast.
She was transported back in time once more as the sadly familiar grip of his strong fingers encased her throat and before she could blink she could feel herself crashing against the wall next to the staircase, the table that was blocking it being thrown to the side and broken with his large hands.
She gasped for air, her breathing labored and her eyes wide with fear.
"You left me for her! You lied to me…you told me you wanted to be with me, and I was stupid enough to believe you…I let you trick me just like she did! You fucking bitch!"
She choked and coughed, "Finn-"
He pulled her off of the wall and slammed her back into it, his hands blocking the air from her lungs completely and she could easily see where this was going.
"Now you're fucking her, now you're letting her touch you…you're a dyke, you are fucking disgusting! You bitch…I want you to hurt, I want you to feel the way I felt…you filthy little bitch…I hate you!"
With every scream, with every insult, the pads of his fingers pressed tighter on her lungs, on her air supply and she reached for him, she felt herself lifted off the ground, felt her robe slipping open from the effect and she could feel herself getting light.
"Q-Q-"
"Don't try to scream for her now! She can't fucking save you, she probably doesn't want to because she doesn't really want you…you are just a part of her sick fucking game…she doesn't love you Rachel…she never will, she can't…nobody will ever love you like I do…nobody!"
He was choking her, and she was going to die, she just knew it…she could feel it.
It was all too much, she really couldn't breathe, and her head hurt, and everything was swirling around, and dissolving…she really didn't want to die this way, not naked and fearful. She didn't want to be that girl, that pathetic excuse for a woman. And she definitely didn't want the love of her life, upstairs asleep while it happened.
But she really couldn't breathe.
She cast one look up to him, with eyes white and wide and she opened her mouth to speak only to feel the pressure loosen from her neck and feel herself slump to the ground.
She crawled on her knees, gasping for air. Clutching her throat and coughing, falling on her stomach and trying to find the bodily energy to look around, only to see Quinn, hands around Finn's throat in a similar fashion to the way she had just been abused.
There was a ringing in her ears, there were things happening but she couldn't stop the shock from leaving her face at the effect of her lover, bashing a somehow now incredibly weak Finn Hudson into the glass of a mirror.
"You're never gonna hurt her again, you understand? I'll kill you…I'll kill you, you fucking bastard."
She let him go, only to raise her fist to slam against his jaw, effectively. The crack bounced off of the walls and she kneed him in the stomach, watching him fall to the floor.
But she wasn't done; she was literally trying to kill him.
She kicked him, and she kicked him and she kicked him with all of the rage in the world, she screamed and grunted in anger while she did it and she ignored the tears that flooded her eyes from the anger and anguish from the entire day in her system.
"You'll never see her again…you'll never touch her…you son of a bitch, stand up now! Fight me now!"
She relented her kicks to stand over him, and she stared down at his coughing figure.
"Get up Finn, get up…fight me…beat me! Come on…I'm just as helpless as she is, come on!"
She bent down and reached for him, hands around his throat once more, squeezing watching his bloodied face stare at her, just as Rachel had stared at him.
She couldn't explain the mentality, she couldn't tell you why…but she wanted to watch the life drain his body. She wanted to see him get as scared as her love had only seconds before, and so she squeezed him, not caring about the possible life sentence or death penalty she could face.
She wanted to fucking murder him, for touching Rachel.
For all the times he had ever, touched Rachel.
"Q-Quinn…"
She heard the soft voice; she heard it and she knew.
"Quinn, please don't…"
She sighed and she closed her eyes, letting tears fall, letting the soft desperate please of her lover sink into her, and then she felt weak hands behind her, reaching to grab onto her own, gripping as tight as she could with what energy was left, urging her to stop.
"Don't be like him…don't be like your dad…"
Quinn gasped and let go quickly, watching him fall to the ground coughing, sputtering, and sobbing.
And with a cry she turned to catch her lover just as she fell into her arms, red marks from Finn's hands around her throat and robe burst open from the force of his strength.
It was in that moment that Quinn realized how scared to lose Rachel she was, how scared her body became when she walked down the stairs and realized that her girlfriend, her lover, her life was being mangled, was being hurt in front of her eyes.
She clutched the weak girl in her hands and pulled her almost lifeless lips to her own in a soft tearful kiss.
"I'm…sorry Quinn…you were right, I'm sorry…" the brunette whispered in a futile voice and Quinn kissed her, kissed every inch of her face, kissed her hair.
"Don't apologize; it's not your fault. This is not your fault…this isn't anyone's fault…I was so scared…I thought…I thought I would never see you again, I thought I had lost you forever."
Rachel buried her face into her lover's neck, "I'll never leave…I told you that, I-I'll never leave you Quinn, ever…"
Quinn pulled her close and made the choice not to let go, held with all the fiber in her being, before she leaned back and stared into her chocolate eyes.
She realized that she didn't have time for this bullshit; she realized her love for Rachel was beyond the problems of their hometown; their love was far beyond the life that they once shared. Their love was meant for something enormous, it was meant for something greater. Something extreme, and unreal. And unconventional.
She couldn't do anything about the people that followed or the people that got left behind, or the people that didn't want any part of it. All she could do was love her. All she could do was give her the world, give her everything she could and hold nothing back. All she could do was be everything for all the fantastic reasons and leave the rest to god.
There wasn't enough time to worry about the trivial things, there just wasn't.
"Marry me."
Rachel looked up at her with lazy eyes, before realizing the question and managing to allow them to dilate. She looked at the blonde with her mouth open before sagging in her grip.
The brunette blinked at her, eyes red with weariness before they slid closed with an ease that was ultimately dangerous.
"Rach? Rachel!"
Reaching for a phone, as her lover slipped into unconsciousness, Quinn realized that their love, contrary to her earlier wonders and prayers, would never ever be easy.
A/N: So the Finn scene totally came to me while watching Of Mice and Men, in my English class. And Lennie reminded me of Finn. So when I watched the scene where he kills Curley's wife, I thought…perfect.
Almost nine thousand words this one is, tell me what you thought!
- Mimi